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[chensuu]

View From An Occupation



Part 2

John wraps his arms across his knees and leans back against the wall of the prison cell furthermost away from the door. When the guards come to get him in the morning he wants to make them walk across the floor to get him. It's a small victory, but hey, at this stage of the game it's the only one he's got.

He knows he should be starving and exhausted and desperate to sleep for a week but his earlier encounter with Kolya instead wires him to a level of high anxiety and it's amazingly difficult to get his pulse back on track. He can't stop his hands from shaking and he's breathing way too hard for someone at normal rest but John has never been one to just sit back and wait for things to happen and it's downright frustrating for him to have to do so now.

He squeezes his eyes shut and thinks of Rodney. If the scientist feels even half the adrenalin rush John's feeling in all probability he's taking his pulse at least twenty times an hour. Maybe he's eating or worrying himself into a frenzy of insurmountable proportions. Or maybe he's sleeping in bed on the very same sheets they shared only hours before the storm hit.

"Umm..."

With all the expendable energy rushing around his dormant body imagining Rodney in bed probably isn't a very good idea.

"Shit."

He feels a steady zing in his gut then a quick rush of blood to his cock and sweet mother of god this is certainly not one of his brighter ideas.

John forces himself to get to his feet and takes a small jog around the cell. He's running on pure adrenalin, the same kind of rush he gets at flying zero gees, and he's not even sure if their plan has even been put into effect yet.

He jogs back and forth, up and down, covering every spare inch of the damp confining space when suddenly his feet give out and he staggers and crashes to the ground in a sickly heap and can't remember how the hell it is he even got there. He starts to feel ill and for a moment he's frightened. What if something happens to him before he can fly the jumper? What if something Kolya did to him was more than just a superficial beating to his back and stomach, what if there are internal injuries to consider?

It's a punishing thought to have so much riding upon his shoulders. Christ, he never wanted command anyway and if Colonel Sumner were alive, Major John Sheppard would be staying with the Manarians right now and trying his best to figure out what the heck was going on instead of locked up in some creepy dark cell playing messiah. He shudders briefly. Yeah, and he'd probably also think Atlantis was destroyed by the tsunami killing McKay in the process and John's not sure he could have lived with that type of misunderstanding.

It's so hard sometimes to be the hero that everyone expects him to be especially when what he usually wants is to be left alone. He has vivid memories of his father carrying on about the burden of command and sending people to their deaths, but it never really felt real to him, never felt feasible, until he watched Colonel Sumner die slowly first at the hands of the Wraith Queen, then quickly by the lead of his own bullet.

At that moment he had recognized that he was now in charge of keeping the people of the Atlantis expedition safe from harm. And the fact that this mission includes possible death by soul sucking aliens and whatever else is lurking in the Pegasus galaxy hasn't released John from that burden. He remembers an earlier choice to take things one day at a time and for a while that plan had suited him just fine, but soon after, he'd been confronted with dark energy clouds, misty memories and thousand year storms, and suddenly the rule just didn't seem to apply anymore. People lived and died by the decisions he made, continues to make and that leaves no room for a cavalier attitude.

With a slight wince John tries to stand again and fails, this time falling flat on his face with his legs sprawled out behind him and his cheek to the metal floor and just for the hell of it he decides to just stay there.

"Good one John..."

With his eyes closed the nausea is less threatening and after a few minutes it subsides to a dull gurgle well out of range of puking level. He unexpectedly starts to feel sleepy and closes his eyes to wait for lights out. One beat, two, nothing, not a freaking blink of sleep.

"Dammit..." He murmurs and rubs his forehead. If it wasn't for the nagging headache itching at the back of his temples that really hasn't left him since Kolya started pounding him, John might actually say he feels okay.

Well, almost...

He yawns hard, with his jaw fully extended, and oh my god it hurts like hell. He breathes in and out deeply and keeps his eyes shut but still the sleep won't come. It's making him crazy. Even though John's worn out he can't switch off all the fears and confusions wandering around his brain. His mind is a very distressing place and right now it's worrying about Rodney.

The look on his open face when Kavanagh mentions sucking Kolya's cock throws John for a loop. In that moment he understands Rodney's deepest fears for him and for what he believes the Genii might be doing to his lover. While John spends his mornings being whipped and evenings being beaten, Rodney's probably freaking out twenty-four seven and wondering if Kolya or his men have been "enjoying" John in other ways maybe not acceptable for public display.

John hates to see himself in the role of victim, especially for Rodney. It's devastating because he wants to be strong and in control, be someone Rodney can depend upon to keep them both safe --to keep everybody safe.

Rodney, sweet Jesus, oh please...

For gods sake what he and Rodney are planning to do is crazy at best, and probably won't even work worth a damn, and if Ford...no....he refuses to go in that direction. His team is alive and well on the mainland. For John to believe otherwise is unthinkable.

He wonders if Sora has approached Rodney yet and demanded Teyla's blood. Or if Kavanagh's even told her Teyla might be alive. John doesn't want to think what a mess they'll be in if Kavanagh has an attack of conscious and decides to relinquish his position of chief ass kisser by not spilling the beans and thus leaving them without a star to play the role of unwitting fool for which he's so aptly qualified.

John despises people without loyalty and that's a big part of the reason he hates Kavanagh. He also hates the way he torments Rodney with his words and actions and the way he doesn't even give a damn that he's turned his back on everyone he's been working with for months when faced with the first little bit of adversity. He's a coward and a fool and not even fit to walk in Rodney's shadow.

Rodney, who despite all his failings and annoying qualities, of which John allows there are so very many, has somehow become the person he cares for more than anyone else in the entire universe. Being gay is not new to John, it's something he's lived with his entire life so it's not surprising that he finds himself in a relationship with a man, but the fact that the man in question is Rodney McKay, resident genius, is more than a little overwhelming. It's so strange for him to contemplate that they have more than just a working relationship that most days John doesn't try to deal with the possible problems he's creating for himself but merely enjoys the rewards of having Rodney for a lover. John's been on borrowed time from day one of this expedition, all of them have really, but that never stopped him from making the first move after nearly loosing Rodney to an energy sucking monster nearly two months before.

Rodney's who a genius in all things, and beautiful inside and... Inside...John shudders, sits up quickly and closes his eyes tight. Inside...Rodney...what if...inside him...Rodney...stop, stop, stop...

"Please..." He says it aloud because he has to and because his brain and body don't seem to care much that he's hurting. He rubs his eyes and wills his body to calm the fuck down.

"No..." John hurts everywhere and he's so unbelievably hungry. God, what he wouldn't do for an MRE right about now. His stomach growls and he starts to shake.

He sneezes once, then again, and buries his face into the thin fabric of his pants. It's so fucking freezing in the cell and damp too because of the water level situation. John sighs. Really swell conditions for developing a nasty case of pneumonia.

Yet despite everything he can't fight the arousal. He's so lonely, and tired and anxious and he wants Rodney dammit...wants Rodney, right now in this cell on all fours sucking his cock and making him scream and gasp and come. He wants to touch the cum dripping like icicles from his obscenely long lashes after he's swallowed all of John and kiss him just hard enough to taste himself in Rodney's mouth.

His cock jerks and John bites back a moan. He wants to lie back on the bed and spread his legs wide, and enjoy Rodney gaping openmouthed at the sight of John fingering himself, breaching himself, prepping himself for Rodney's swollen cock....

John shudders then whimpers and then...oh yes...yes...yes...

He's not sure when his hand moves below his pants but it's there now and what the fuck does it matter anyway? He grips the length experimentally and closes his eyes. It's been a really long time since he last did this since it's no surprise that the Genii are a very poor aphrodisiac but John knows exactly how he likes his hand jobs and he doesn't have the courage to deny himself this small pleasure, this slight reprieve from the pain and anxiety of the past few weeks. After a lifetime of hiding his preferences he's certainly had his share of practice so he sighs once, rough, and gets down to business.

John squeezes gently at the base, just a bit to prolong the surprise then tugs roughly from bottom to tip, firm caresses that he can feel all the way down to his extended toes. He quivers and his belly does a slight roll of happiness. It's so freaking good, better than good actually, amazing because, god; he needs this release so badly. Maybe this is why he can't sleep. Maybe he needs to burn off another kind of energy, a more intimate kind.

The first few strokes against his flesh are smooth and short, a small bit of torture to add to the day's tally, but they get better, far better, and longer too and then unbelievably hot when he adds some more spit to the mix and yes, because when he concentrates hard enough he can swear he's staring into a pair of warm blue eyes gently mocking him and thrusting into an open mouth that's hot and eager and everything John's ever wanted in his entire life.

If that mouth could take a breather John knows what Rodney would say.

"You are such a freak Sheppard. You better hope the Genii don't figure out how to work the security cameras."

Rodney's mental image is right on target. Surely John is some kind of absolute sicko to get hard at the thought of being with Rodney now, under threat of eminent death. The blood hammering through his cock thinks differently, it bolsters him on, stroke after stroke and he fights back a whimper when another steady pull nearly brings him to the edge.

"Oh fuck..."

He bites the inside of his mouth to keep from screaming and rolls his hips back and forth, thrusting instinctively, pretending Rodney's thumbs are digging hard into his pelvis to keep him firmly in place.

He's been thoroughly fucked by Rodney only once, but he's tasted his cock, and filled Rodney's mouth with his own enough times to know that he's an irredeemably greedy, insatiable bastard when it comes to sex with this man and god, he's never felt like that before in his life.

"Uh...uh...uh..."

It's nasty and good, and dirty...and god, so incredible and oh fuck, John must really be hard up to need sex so desperately that he'll handle his cock like a pro while hungry and in pain on the filthy floor of a damp smelly Atlantean dungeon. .

Desire rips through him like a tidal wave and John wishes he could enjoy the pleasure he's allowing himself more fully without feeling grubby for doing this to himself without Rodney but he'll take what he can get and right now he's so far gone it doesn't matter.

Rodney...Rodney...

It's so beautiful it hurts, this passion, this crazy out of his mind feeling for another human being that makes even the most bizarre situation seem normal and necessary.

His mind whirls and darkens; his body vibrates with panicked need. John tries to think of ugly things, bad things, like Wraith darts and hive ships to slow him down. But all he seems to dwell on are Rodney's blue eyes, crooked mouth, appealing belly and perky hard nipples on even the warmest of days. He strokes again, and trembles, this time so violently he knocks his head back against the wall and, ouch, his cock is so stiff, so determined, and there's no turning back for John now.

He thrusts forward, imagines Rodney inside him, filling him, stuffing him so full that he swears he can see the outline of the wide cock buried deep within him through the pale soft skin of his belly. He rubs his knuckles roughly across his stomach, marking his hips, hurting himself biting back a shriek. The sensation is overpowering and oh sweet Jesus he's so close, so close to coming...

Please...

John starts to pull harder, longer, willing himself to orgasm. Rodney's still in his thoughts, still taking everything he has to give, fucking him brutally, desperately, owning John's heart and body and mind. His hand is slick as he quickens the pace willing Rodney from his brain because he doesn't belong in this horrid place, but the images refuse to fade. His hand moves of its own volition, up and down, faster and faster, tugging at his sore yielding skin. His balls jump and he thrusts again fucking his fist until finally, god finally...

"Rodney, Rodney, please, yes..."

His body convulses at last and his vision darkens. Pleasure soars through him in jerky spurts forcing John to fall to his side nearly fetal, with his hand still glued to his slowly fading cock. He pulls helplessly, mindlessly, over and over, sobbing for mercy and forgiveness until he has nothing left to give.

It's a messy situation for him to be in, with cum coating his chest and shirt, and his hair damp with sweat. He lies there for a while and lingers, exhausted, waiting for his heart beat to slow down and for his body to regroup and stop shaking.

Later, when he licks the salty tang from his lips he feels a pang of instant regret.

Rodney's nowhere at all to be seen and John feels like he's just fucked his best friend and lover goodbye.

AaA

"Why are you so happy?" Kavanagh is eyeing him guardedly. "What are you doing in here anyway?"

Rodney twists his face around and frowns.

Great, perfect, exactly what the fuck I didn't need right now, an asshole in my face.

"I'm doing what I've been doing all week you moron. Something, I might add, Kolya seems to think me the only one capable of doing. And that, of course, is fixing the Stargate so it works in both directions instead of one." Rodney turns away fuming and muttering curses under his breath.

He's so close to figuring it all out but without covert assistance from any other advanced scientific minds to speak of, it's turning into a real hell of a behemoth. At first Rodney thinks the fried systems are underwater, and of course he's partially right, but when the level recedes to reachable proportions he nearly pisses himself with excitement. The structures he needs to access are now above the water line. If he can somehow fix the gate so the Atlanteans can return home while at the same time leaving the shield broken so the Genii can't zap them when they try...Rodney sighs, rubs his temple, bites his bottom lip.

Sheppard's told him a hundred times not to worry about fixing things that aren't part of their plan to get the Genii out of the city. But the Stargate! My god if he fixes the gate...

"McKay..." Kavanagh sounds irritated.

"Why are you still here?" Rodney fidgets, waiting.

"It's late."

"Yes it is." When Kavanagh doesn't move he continues, "What, you came to give me the time?"

"The rules are you have to be out of the lab by a midnight if you're working without Genii assistance..."

"Do you count?" Kavanagh bristles. Lovely, Rodney thinks, I may have just struck a nerve. "Oh please, seriously. You mean to tell me that Kolya will be upset if he finds out I'm working too hard?"

"There are no guards here McKay. Don't make me report you again." Kavanagh moves closer, standing in Rodney's space. "Sheppard will only have to pay the price on all fours later tonight."

"Get your taunting cap off Kavanagh. I'm not buying it." Rodney turns away and bites the inside of his cheek wishing he felt more confident. Sora rushing to him demanding answers is both good news and bad news depending on how he decides to take it. Good, because well, hells bells, now she'll probably demand that Sheppard fly her to the mainland. And bad because when Kolya gets Sheppard back his anger's gonna be way off the charts and that means as far as sexual favors go who the fuck knows what he'll start doing and letting the guards do to Sheppard. Rodney swallows. Kavanagh may not be far off the mark.

"The Majors a whore and everyone knows it." One beat, then two, "No matter what kind of lies he's telling you to make you feel better."

"Shut up." Holding on to the belief that Kavanagh is lying doesn't help much right now. Rodney wants to tear him limb from limb.

"I've talked to one of the guards. He says Sheppard's really hot when he begs for it."

Rodney turns around to meet Kavanagh's smirk face to face.

"Last night he had two cocks inside him and that still wasn't enough."

"You're a filthy son of a bitch." Rodney advances but is stopped from throwing a punch that would probably crack his fist by a familiar acerbic voice.

"This has to end now. We should all be working together to get the city working again not fighting with each other like little boys." Kolya turns to Kavanagh. "Your words are as vile and disgusting as you are. Don't make me regret my decision to bring you safely back to Atlantis Doctor."

Kavanagh sputters and lowers his eyes, careful to put just the right amount of shame, guilt and suck-ass into his obsequious performance. Just as the silence is starting to become deafening he utters, "McKay isn't supposed to be here."

"No, he isn't." The Commander agrees, eyeing him suspiciously.

In the blink of an eye he reaches out and seizes Rodney's arm and oh my sweet Jesus fuck it still hurts, even after three weeks, and Rodney abhors that he gasps so loudly when the Commander squeezes tight and starts to roll the skin on the ragged and still blood red wound.

"You I don't trust."

"Me? What? Why?" Rodney stammers.

Careful, careful...

"But you are amusing. I have to admit Doctor McKay I have never met anyone quite like you." Kolya compresses his arm again but this time Rodney has the forethought to bit his lip in pain. "You're an arrogant man. But I still need you for now."

"Great, terrific, you've touched me deep down inside."

"But Kavanagh is right about one thing. It is late and you know the rules. I'm going to ask you once. What are you doing here?"

"I should think that's obvious." He pulls his arm away and waits out the agony. His eyes meet the Commander's. It's now or never time. If Kolya suspects something he's gonna let Rodney know in the next few minutes. "I'm working on getting the gate fixed. Or did you forget your own mandates?"

Kolya's smile is chilling. "I didn't forget my orders Dr. McKay. I just need to make sure that you haven't forgotten who holds the cards here."

"For gods sake what's wrong with you people? You ask for the impossible and then complain when I try to deliver it to you in record time. You want me out of here? Fine, I'm tired." He snaps his fingers and is pleased when Kavanagh jumps. Some habits are very hard to break. "No, scratch that. I'm exhausted. I'd love to get some sleep." He pauses for just a second, picks up some papers from the desk. "Do you want the guards to walk me to my door?"

The Commander shakes his head. "I think you should stay here. Work all night if you have to. I want some sort of results by tomorrow morning. Be good and I just may give you breakfast." He continues after a moment and Rodney feels his blood freeze. "But remember Doctor..." He eyes the bandage around Rodney's arm. "You're not the only one I can hurt."

"Yes. I'm well aware of that." Rodney knows he should just shut up but he can't. It's so hard to keep silent when Kolya is holding Sheppard over him, letting Rodney know that yeah, sure, maybe Kavanagh's words are disgusting. But he never said they weren't true. "But you should be aware of something."

"I'm waiting."

"You do need me. You need me very badly if you want to fix Atlantis. Maybe I am conceited but you know I'm right. And Kavanagh knows it too. And if you kill Sheppard, if you do any of the shit that this idiot was suggesting I will be less than cooperative and I will make sure this city sinks into the god-damned ocean before another Genii steps through that gate."

Kolya's face is deceptive. He slams Rodney hard against the desk until he's doubled over with his face plastered against the keyboard of his laptop and his torn arm is wretched behind his back in a strong knowing grip. He hears the snap of his bone breaking before the pain hits and he shudders when his skin turns cold.

"I trust you can fix the city without your little finger, even if you have to work twice as hard to get it done."

Rodney closes his eyes and breathes in and out. Oh god, it hurts and oh fuck this is only a tiny measure of what the Commander puts Sheppard through. He cringes and doesn't even try to pull away. Kolya will release him when he's damn good and ready.

"Understand this Doctor. I don't appreciate threats. You and Sheppard are slaves of the Genii people. You live only through my command. And I can inflict whatever pain I want to on both you and..." The pause is perfectly timed. "...the Major."

Kolya releases him and Rodney stays still for a moment waiting for the inevitable punch line. "And though it hasn't gotten as depraved as he describes..." Rodney doesn't look but knows he's gesturing toward Kavanagh. "I'm not making any promises. Is that understood?"

"Yes. Fine, I'll behave and fix the city. You'll keep your lurid fantasies away from Sheppard. Is that good enough for you?"

"That's very good Doctor. I'm on my way to see Sheppard now." Kolya's smile is all teeth. He tosses back, "I'll give him your regards," as he leaves.

Rodney closes his eyes, waits, listens. When he's sure that Kolya has gone he steadies himself and stares at his finger. He watches Kavanagh approach out of the corner of his eye but decides to ignore him. When it looks like his nemesis is about to speak Rodney cuts him off with a "Stop."

"Listen..."

"No. Shut up. Not one word from you. Not one stupid fucking word." Rodney faces Kavanagh seething, so livid he's sure his face must be on fire. "You made your bed and now you have to lay in it."

"Your arm is bleeding." The scientist offers but Rodney's not buying.

"Yeah and my finger's broken, so what?" He's always been the type of person to hold a grudge and he's not making this time the exception to the rule. "Kolya does worse to Sheppard before breakfast every single day just for the entertainment value and I know you enjoy it."

"I don't!" Kavanagh is scurrying for an answer. "I don't hate Major Sheppard. It's just...there's nothing I can do now."

Rodney considers. This is new and so very un-Kavanagh-like. "What do you mean?"

"I want to help you get the city back. I know you and Sheppard are planning something."

"You're crazy. There is no way to get the city back. And even if there was a chance in hell to do it you destroyed our last possible opportunity when you told Sora about Teyla and Ford still being alive on the mainland."

"That's not what I intended at all."

"Please, what do you take me for?" Rodney's not an idiot. He knows a liar when he sees one. But on the off chance that Kavanagh's had a change of heart Rodney thinks, maybe, though it isn't part of the plan he still might turn out to be useful. It's not really up to them anyway. Let Kavanagh plead his case with Elizabeth when she returns to the city. "Kolya won't kill me or Sheppard either. We're both too important. Hmmm, it seems to me that you're finally beginning to see just how insignificant to the Genii you really are."

"God, you're an arrogant bastard."

"Sticks and stones Kavanagh." Rodney gestures around the lab. "Now, please...there's work I need to finish up on here if I don't want to risk going into hypoglycemic shock before noon tomorrow."

The door to the lab slides shut and Rodney collapses onto the nearest workbench. In a moment he'll go to the infirmary and wrap up his finger. He sighs. In the meantime he still has a load of work to do.

AaA

"I need you to take me to the mainland." Sora pauses. "Tomorrow night after the Commander is finished with you."

She says the last phrase with contempt and Sheppard knows Sora's just another one of the Genii who thinks he's putting out for their leader. "Excuse me?"

Sora walks around the cell before turning to face him. "Don't pretend ignorance Major Sheppard. Teyla Emmagan is alive and well. Your efforts to hide her along with a few other Atlanteans on the mainland have been discovered. I know all about it."

"Oh you do." John crosses his arms and tries to regulate his breathing. Sora coming here to chat means that the plan he and Rodney concocted maybe isn't so impossible to deliver upon after all. They may have only one chance in a million, but it's their chance. Sometimes you just have to go against the odds.

"And I want her here on Atlantis." Sora sounds irritated yet nervous like maybe she wants John to dispute Kavanagh's claims. Or maybe she is having second thoughts about planning this revenge, remembering that once upon a time in Pegasus she and Teyla used to be very good friends.

He smiles thinly. He certainly can't let that happen. Teyla would not approve, John knows this like a punch to the gut, but still, their only option to retake the city lies with Sora wanting Teyla badly enough that she'll risk the wrath of Kolya to get her. "Let me guess, an eye for an eye?"

"That sounds accurate."

"I won't do it." He's tired, his body feels like lead, and she's looking at him with disdain, probably thinks he's unable to put up much of a fight. John bites his bottom lip. She'd be very, very, wrong.

"I think you will."

John nods. Here's where the bargaining comes in. "Why?"

"Because Dr. McKay is staying on Atlantis and I don't think you'll risk his life."

"You think I care more about him than Teyla?" It's a question John has stopped asking himself because the answer terrifies him to the core of his being. He cares more for Rodney McKay than the city herself.

Sora's smile is cold. "Yes, of course you do Major Sheppard. You must think me a fool."

"Well, you have been spending too much time listening to Kolya's bedtime stories." He leans back against the wall, twists his mouth around a few times, waits.

Sora shakes her curls. "If you don't take me I'll have someone kill McKay and make it look like an accident."

Yeah, right, because the Genii rarely make empty threats. "Then you can kiss Atlantis goodbye." John tries for confidence. "Kavanagh can barely make the toilets around here flush."

"I don't think you're willing to forfeit his life. Still, it doesn't matter. Right now I don't care about this city. I don't care if it sinks into the ocean. I hate it here and I hate your people." He notes the change in her voice, softer maybe, more introspective but then suddenly rising in pitch. "I hate you for killing so many of us like cattle and I hate myself even more because I know that if I were in your shoes I would have done the same exact thing."

Whoa...

"Listen..."

"The time for listening is over. You will take me to the mainland by jumper tomorrow night and bring Teyla back here. It will be just the two of us plus another Genii soldier who has sworn me loyalty. If you try anything you will die."

I sure wasn't planning on dying...

"It looks like you're not giving me much of a choice." John hopes his happiness doesn't spill through. My god, he's actually starting to get excited by the prospect of getting the hell out of Atlantis. It's been ages since he's seen the ocean or been inside of a puddle jumper.

"Not if you want Dr. McKay to live." Sora is gloating. John detests the look of superiority painted on her pretty face.

"Well, then I suppose we're going to the mainland...but do me one favor? If Kolya finds out please tell him it was your idea. He's still kind of pissed at me for the whole trying to save my home from invasion thing and I don't think he's gonna look upon this too kindly."

John nearly laughs aloud at her answering expression. They both know Kolya will kill them in the blink of an eye if he knew what they were planning to do let all reason be damned. The Genii are suckers when it comes to loyalty.

"Commander Kolya is..." Sora begins.

"...a great man. Yes I know the rhetoric." John swallows hard when his stomach grumbles. "Think you can get me something to eat tomorrow...a turkey sandwich maybe? I wouldn't want to pass out from hunger while I'm flying."

Flying...flying...

"Behave yourself and we shall see." Sora nods once and leaves John alone with his thoughts.

He closes his eyes to the silence and finally sleeps, imagining sea spray on his face.

AaA

"And so it goes..." Rodney begins because, well, someone has to, and anyway. Sheppard's never been much of a talker under even happy circumstances.

"Yeah Rodney..."

He wants to touch Sheppard desperately. He feels drugged, out of his mind with both need and worry, and his fingers tingle with the memory of carding through his lover's soft dark hair. It's silly really. They've slept together once, only once, one rousing night of flat out penetrative sex, on a bed with each other, with moaning and moisture and all the good stuff being intimate with another body brings, and yet to Rodney's mindset they've already spent a lifetime together. When he combines all the flirting and fighting and running for their lives, Christ, it's like they're celebrating their fifth anniversary.

"He did this to you..." Sheppard says looking pointedly at Rodney's poorly wrapped finger.

"This? No, I did this arm wrestling with Ladon for the last chocolate pudding." Sheppard frowns so he relents a little bit. "Kolya certainly isn't ashamed of showing a bit of temper when threatened."

"Threatened? Sheppard's voice goes up an octave. "For gods sake Rodney why the hell were you threatening him?"

"He made some innuendos about you...."

"Christ Rodney that was stupid." By the slight twitch of his eye Rodney can tell that he's really pissed. "Kolya could have killed you." He sighs and rubs his eyes. The twitch doesn't stop. He looks more exhausted than ever and they haven't even hit the hard part yet.

"He won't kill me..." When Sheppard's frown deepens Rodney shakes his head. "Now it's my turn to say it, 'I'm fine.'"

"Rodney..." Sheppard eyes are sad, and so far away. "I really need you to stay that way." He twists around, moves closer, waits.

Rodney doesn't reply but gives in to the impulse to stroke Sheppard's hair. His chest tightens as the strands fall through his fingers. "Always robbing Peter to pay Paul...how come we never seem to end up as Paul?"

"If we were Paul, Peter would try to kill us and take whatever it is we were paying him." Sheppard offers and Rodney has to smile.

"Well of course." He stares at Sheppard's weary expression, the sleep rumpled hair, and stubble that Kolya will probably have him shave away before morning, and the way his arms wrap protectively around his lean body. He wants to shout, 'You're beautiful! You're so fucking beautiful and this place they're keeping you in is a death trap and you deserve better than me because I can't figure out a better way to save you and get this city back and we're both probably gonna die anyway.'

What he says is: "Is it wrong that I can imagine you naked right now?"

"Yeah, sort of," Sheppard smiles "But I'll let you get away with it." He looks around the cell and considers. "How the hell did you get in to see me anyway?"

"Sora let me in." His voice wavers.

It's not a complete lie Rodney reasons. Sora misses her home world and her people and she longs for the superior history the Genii should have had without Wraith interference. She's angry and exhausted and fed up with Kolya's poorly structured leadership. Plus she's a lot softer than she pretends when it comes to Teyla. She's a lose cog in the Genii machine and Kolya doesn't even have a clue.

But one thing she's not is stupid.

Rodney squeezes his eyes shut and rubs his temples. There's a hell of a mighty headache waiting just beyond the horizon and he's not sure he can keep it at bay long enough to get through whatever the hell lies ahead.

Earlier in the day he begs Sora to let him see Sheppard and promises her that he'll convince the Major to be a good boy in the jumper and not kill anymore Genii. He plays the coward card and pleads for his life and luckily for him Kavanagh is there and since he allows that Rodney is a spineless "fag" moron his last minute appeal to Sora is a success because even though he's pretty sure she doesn't know what all the words mean, Kavanagh's dismissive posturing is more than enough.

Of course he knows the Major won't behave. He plans to overpower Sora and the other Genii soldier, find Teyla, Ford and Beckett and slip them the information from Rodney on how to prepare for the assault and return back to Atlantis while leaving his original two passengers behind - hopefully tied to some rash infesting tree.

It's so gosh darn simple Rodney wonders why he was ever worried.

He knows his life's been threatened by Sora and that Sheppard's worrying himself up about it but if all goes according to plan he'll survive just fine. If not...nope, no way, uh-uh...he is so not going there this late in the game plan.

"I said you'd behave in the jumper."

"And she believed you?"

"Who knows? She probably just thinks I want to make out with you." Rodney perks up. "Hey, you know, she'd be right!"

"Listen Rodney," Sheppard's voice sounds rough. "Are you gonna tell me the rest of the plan?"

Long delicate fingers stroke across the line of his jaw and Rodney swallows so hard it hurts just a bit.

"Do you want to know it?"

It's a tougher question than it would seem. On the surface Rodney believes that Sheppard should know everything, every last bit of the plan, but then again, there's Kolya, and if the Major's going to be the sacrificial lamb when the jumper returns, it might be better if he knows as little as possible.

Sheppard frowns but continues touching although his fingers are a bit more hesitant, more insecure. Rodney knows the same thoughts are going through his head. How much is too much. "A part of me does."

Rodney considers. He hates the idea of Sheppard helpless at Kolya's furious hands when he doesn't bring back Sora but there's always the slight possibility that the Commander is pissed off enough at his second in command for leaving Atlantis in the first place that he's not in much of a hurry to get her back. Of course he'll still want to know what they're up to and when Rodney sets his plan in motion...the Genii are going to totally freak out.

He says, "Do you trust me?" and is vaguely surprised more than a little bit awed when Sheppard replies without hesitation, "Yes, of course I do McKay."

And there's the nature of their relationship in a nutshell. Love and trust without any messy commitments. Is he in love with Sheppard? Oh yes, definitely. Does Sheppard feel the same way? Rodney really, really hopes so.

It's confusing as hell not to feel overly confident about this one aspect of his existence especially when he's enjoying it so much. Rodney's always been the first person to sing his own praises to whomever the hell will listen, and as a personal policy he likes to bombard the eardrums of those who won't, but for every great success he's had in life there's also been a fair share of failures.

But Sheppard...god...Sheppard is unique, a conundrum, and from the start Rodney knows he won't be able to resist. At first he's jealous of the Major with the magic gene, the pretty boy with the inspiring connection to the city. Sheppard's perfect. He can access the chair. Use the drones. Make the city light up beneath his fingertips. Once again, Rodney McKay is screwed over by genetics. Sure he's got the brains, but what about the hair, huh? And what about the god damn ancient gene?

Sheppard is much too laid back for a soldier and he's even more annoyingly sarcastic than Rodney. Of course on the plus side he's got one hell of a smile and the prettiest face on a man that Rodney's ever seen. His Gaydar immediately does a high five and Rodney slaps it down along with his raging libido. It can't be right. Sheppard is military all the way, so don't ask, don't tell, and don't touch the new commanding officer. Since he seems to have everything anyway Rodney decides not to like him.

But then suddenly all hell breaks loose when Sumner dies, the Wraith wake up, and the Athosians come to visit. Just when Rodney's pretty much thinking his life has slipped into the nether regions of hell, on the day after having his body zapped by a dark energy creature Sheppard leans forward without preamble and kisses him lightly on the lips on an Atlantean balcony.

"Rodney?" Sheppard is eyeing him warily.

Regardless of what type of relationship they have, they haven't had nearly enough time to explore it fully by any means and Rodney wants much more from Sheppard. He wants to be able to kiss him every day for the rest of his life and sleep entwined around his long body inhaling the warm vapors of his breath and waking up to his sleepy ruffled gaze. He needs to touch him and see him smile his goofy grin, and hear him talk football with the marines. And most of all, Rodney wants to watch his lover flirt shamelessly with everyone he meets, male, female alien, whatever, all the while knowing exactly to whom he belongs. It's a proprietary feeling but Rodney's more than okay with that. Actually, he quite likes it.

"I'm not going to tell you everything." He decides at that exact moment.

Sheppard nods resignedly, still not sure. "Okay..."

"Kolya will try to force you to tell him what we're doing because by god he's gonna know we're doing something."

"I know that Rodney." Sheppard acknowledges. "I said I'd give you all the time I can."

"You'll give me even more time if you're clueless."

Ouch. Oh yeah, he knows exactly what that means.

"Right..."

Sheppard is staring at him now and Rodney forces himself not to turn away. The hazel gaze is intense, unwavering and somewhat uncertain. And fuck if Sheppard doesn't have a right to be tentative. Rodney wonders how he'd react if Sheppard devised a plan to save the city where a major part of his role included letting the evil Genii villain torture the life out him for as long as humanly possible.

"God, I'm sorry. It's a stupid plan anyway. Give me some time...I'll think of another...I'll..." Rodney recognizes his blabbering as desperation but there is no other way out of this Ancient storm induced mess.

Kolya will apprehend Sheppard while Ford, Teyla and Beckett join up with him and take their cargo off the jumper. The Commander will believe Sheppard came back to get him, to rescue his boyfriend if Kavanagh has any say, until someone, Ladon maybe, alerts him to examine the sensors and Kolya realizes he's basically screwed. He'll play hardball for a while but the Major can't tell what he doesn't know and so Kolya will either get the hell out of Dodge or fight to the death. As much as Rodney would like to shoot the bastard himself he hopes the Genii flee without any more bloodshed. Oh, yeah, and if it wouldn't be too much trouble, he'd really, really like Kolya to keep Sheppard alive because if Sheppard dies...

"Oh for god's sake what's wrong with me anyway?" He rages. "I thought I had brains. I thought thinking was my strong suit. What, suddenly I'm an idiot? Well, maybe idiot is too strong a word but surely you can see where I'm going with this." He wants to implore Sheppard to order him to think of something else, to at least give it a try, anything else dammit, but Sheppard is silent. Maybe if he begs, or at least says 'please' but the point is mute. Plans are hard to come by lately and they both know he's given it his best shot. "I'm sure I can think of something else...some way to get the city back that doesn't involve you being burned over hot coals." Rodney stammers.

Sheppard's expression softens. "I don't think we have coal furnaces on Atlantis."

"Oh that's very funny, ha, ha, ha!"

"Come on McKay."

"Our plan is doomed to failure."

"Well, I only know the half of it." Sheppard smiles a bit.

"So what, you die and then it's my fault for not telling you the rest of the story? Or maybe I tell you the entire plan and Kolya kills you and that's my fault too?"

"I'm not going to die Rodney." Sheppard moves closer until he's right in Rodney's face. "I'll be fine."

"Christ John, you don't know that for certain."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it's a good plan." His smile is faint. "We always come up with good plans."

"Are you kidding? We've only been here a couple of months and we nearly died a zillion times."

"Ah, but we didn't die."

"Yes, well, your half of the plan is good. You should have planned the entire thing." Rodney sighs. "Look...I want you to be okay," he pauses, "I desperately need you to be okay. Is that better? I will blame myself forever and feel guilt and sadness until the day I die if you don't make it out of this so I can fuck you again."

"Ah, that's a really sweet thing to say." Sheppard manages a full grin this time but it fades too fast for his liking. "I'm not afraid Rodney."

And he doesn't look afraid in the least. Sheppard is pale and anxious and bursting with intensity but there's a calmness within him that's foreign to Rodney because he's never acknowledged it in himself. It's a soldier's expression, the composed face of a man who's seen battle, a man who's fought to the death and won hard victories and paid a devastating price. He hopes that when this is all over and he looks in the mirror that face is not his own.

"Good, then I'll just be terrified enough for the both of us."

Rodney grabs Sheppard's hand and is relieved to find it isn't shaking. He holds tight for a moment, folding their fingers together, closing his eyes momentarily when his lover squeezes back. For a while neither speaks, and it's so good this way, so secure and easy in the silence and yet maybe he thinks suddenly, not so good, more final, like death, or maybe one last goodbye. He pulls away then but Sheppard tugs him back, squashes him to his chest and just holds him.

Rodney feels the soft flutter of wispy eyelashes caress his cheek and he notices the dark spec of a beauty mark under Sheppard's eye as they're pulling apart. It's vague and illusive like its owner and when Rodney blinks it's gone, until he grabs Sheppard's chin and kisses him, moving close enough to see the lines of fatigue and worry across his freckled brow. He sees the beauty mark again and for whatever the hell reason, it encourages him.

"Rodney...I..."

"Yeah," He concedes and takes advantage of the moment to kiss Sheppard once more, a long deep lingering kiss, "Me too."

AaA

John stares at the Puddle jumper in silence. It's been nearly a month since he last sat behind the controls and his fingers are just itching to get moving. He remembers his first time at the reins, alone in the darkened jumper bay their first day in Atlantis and he remembers his last, skimming across the ocean staring at the approaching storm with Teyla by his side.

He sniffs the air and waits.

At first he thinks the entire jumper bay smells like mold, but no, it's actually more like dead shellfish. When he was very young his grandfather surprised him with a trip to see the Atlantic Ocean. They spend a wonderful week together near the Delaware Bay soaking up the sun and letting the sand run through their toes. He remembers lazy mornings sipping orange juice and eating pancakes while his grandfather reads the paper. And of course long walks in late afternoon, holding his grandfather's fingers with one hand and tweaking his nostrils closed with the other. No matter what method he employs, it's impossible for John not to inhale the putrid stench of King crabs baking themselves into oblivion on the fiery sand, or forget the shaky image of their helpless pinchers vibrating jerkily in death throws in the mid-afternoon sun. When he returns home his father tells him his mother died on Saturday.

Ah, the memories of youth.

"Are you ready?" Sora's whispery voice at his ear makes him jump.

John holds up his handcuffs and bristles. "As soon as you remove these we can take off."

For a moment it seems as if she's weakening, perhaps doubting her plan, marking it as vindictive and inane or maybe just plain stupid, but she finally acquiesces and gestures to the guard with a frown that distorts her normally sullen features even more, taps her weapon and says, "Don't try anything foolish."

The guard frees his right hand and cuffs his other wrist to the side of the front seat. He has just enough room to touch the screens he needs to successfully pilot the jumper. And hopefully enough to do a little bit more.

"I don't think we can get more foolish than what we're planning, do you?" John offers just to see her cringe and although he's careful not to force her hand, it's so much darn fun to see Sora uncertain that he has to remind himself he actually needs to get off Atlantis for their plan to succeed. "How do we keep Kolya from finding out too soon?"

"Doctor McKay is handling that end of things."

Good old Rodney...

"Okay," John doesn't doubt her but he's curious why Rodney didn't mention it to him.

"You didn't know?" She's gloating again. Right at this moment John can't stand her and he hates that in that brief exchange of dialogue he gave something important away.

She continues. "If all goes well Commander Kolya will find out we were missing after we return. And he'll be as happy as I am to have Teyla as a prisoner of the Genii people."

Maybe Sora thinks saying it enough times will make it true. Or maybe she's just so obsessed with Teyla she's willing to overlook the possibility of her own death. Either way, John knows that Kolya will beat the shit out of both of them when they return and he'll be more interested in keeping John alive than Sora.

"Oki-dokey, whatever you say."

John practically springs up in his seat and runs through start-up. Technically he really doesn't have to do much but access the controls and think her 'up' and 'out' but since the Genii don't know shit about Ancient tech it gives him some time to mentally check through his part of the plan.

Using his free hand, he casually feels inside the waist of his pants for the concealed weapon Rodney was able to slip to him when Sora let him visit. It's tiny, just an inch or so long and big enough to hide a squirt or two of something very much like mace but with longer lasting side effects. He winces at the memory of poor Miko finding out the hard way two weeks into her stay in the city when she thinks she's walking into a spritz of Eau de Ancient perfume and nearly scalds her eyes out instead.

"Well?" Sora's tone is anxious. John knows exactly how she feels.

In a perfect world he takes out both Sora and the guard before touching down on the mainland, then finds Ford and his team and flies them back to Atlantis.

Of course nothing's perfect when you're a prisoner and two hours earlier a drunken Kolya beats him furiously until his stomach cramps and Sora actually has to spill water on his face to wake him up. He wonders if she isn't disappointed to find him without his pants pulled down around his ankles.

Still, the consequence is the same. John is jumpy and worn out and in more than just a little pain. His lower back throbs, a nagging, slouching, in your face type of pain that lingers in the background until he moves once inch in the wrong direction and then, sweet mother of god, such agony. Kolya usually knows just where to strike him for maximum hurt and minimum damage but this time it's different. The Commander is plastered, which by itself isn't unusual, but the difference is he's already drunk by the time he visits John in his cell when the usual plan of action calls for drinking himself silly while John's kneeling and bleeding at his feet. As a result the Commander isn't as careful with the sticks and fists as he usually is and John is pretty sure he's injured worse than the norm. He closes his eyes to dull the constant pounding in his head. Kolya sure did a number on him this time. He touches the dried blood and shudders. In a couple of hours he'll really start to experience it.

"Hey..."

Another country heard from. The Genii soldier looks to be around Ford's age but his expression is grim and determined where Ford's is usually casual and relaxed. "What the heck are all these boxes for back here?"

>i>Ah, those.

John doesn't have a clue actually, but he's pretty sure they're all part of Rodney's crazy scheme. He smiles his best smile and says, "We use them for collecting samples of rocks and plant life on the planets we visit. We're kind of naturalists that way."

"But why do you need so many?" The guard persists and John decides it's in his best interest to keep him occupied and if possible put him off guard.

"You think this is a lot. You should see the size of the boxes that the other jumpers carry." He pauses for effect. "And the things they bring back."

The guard's eyes widen as he looks around. "This is an amazing machine. If the Genii had a bunch of these we'd beat the Wraith for sure."

"Well, I don't know about that. The Ancestors didn't so well with the ones we have."

"How is it that you can operate this machinery? Are you one of the Ancestors?"

John sighs and revises his immediate impression. This kid is a lot more like Ford than he originally thought and it's going to be a shame to knock the shit out of him or sting him with the mace. He's not sure how much the Genii know about the 'gene' but it's a good bet not very much so he smiles again and says, "I just have the knack."

"Collins, don't speak with the prisoner." Sora takes the seat to right and holds her weapon at the ready. "Don't trust anything he says."

"Hey!" John protests. "We were just talking."

"Don't talk. Fly the ship."

"Despite what McKay may have told you, I can do both." He smiles happily while calculating his time to the mainland and starts to put his plan into action. When he rotates quickly to the left his head spins like a tilt-a-whirl and his knuckles turn white gripping the front console for support. John swallows past the nausea. A concussion certainly isn't part of the plan.

"What is wrong with you?"

John's hand is trembling; fuck it's easy to see how messed up he's feeling. He clenches his teeth and breathes deeply. "I can't reach the land indicator button."

Good one John, let's see if they buy it.

"I won't know we're approaching the mainland unless the land indicator button is on." He searches Sora's face, sees the mistrust, and decides to wait it out. The flight should only take thirty minutes; John's going to drag it out a bit more. "If it's not engaged we might just fly right around it. It's dark out." He sighs dramatically and pays for it when his vision grays momentarily. Oh that is so not good. "I'm also gonna need help with the LSD." Both Genii faces are blank. "Life signs detector? So we can find Teyla and go back to Atlantis in time to see Kolya royally pissed off?"

"I will help you." Sora moves closer, keeps her gun ready, and John does nothing to impede her.

"Just press there and the LSD will pop up." John thinks really hard while she presses and the jumper responds to his nudge by giving up the detector just as Sora is pushing some random place on the jumper hull. "There we go. Nearly set."

"Ah..." he says carefully. "I'll need to show you how to use this later." Sora thrusts the LSD back at him and John takes it with a sigh.

According to Rodney he shouldn't let this piece of Ancient equipment out of his sight for any great length of time. In fact he downright insists on it. John recalls the scientist's strong blunt fingers maneuvering down his cheekbone and in between his lips and a cautious voice telling him in no uncertain terms that when he returns to Atlantis this item better be in his back pocket. He thinks of the crates in the rear of the jumper and the message concealed in the waistband of his pants to give Ford and Teyla and exhales until he thinks his lungs might burst.

"And the land indicator..."

"Not yet. We've still got plenty of time. Push the light too soon and indicator will send us to one of the islands out here instead of the mainland. And they're pretty big for islands so if we landed on one, we wouldn't know the difference."

"This is a vast planet."

"Oh yeah, we haven't had the time or resources to explore everything yet."

They settle into companionable silence and that suits John fine. He hates lying even when it's necessary. He closes his eyes for a moment just to rest them and wakes up with a jolt when the jumper starts to dip towards the ocean.

"What are you doing?" Sora is beside him, shaking him until he regroups and settles his hands on the controls. The Jumper skims across the water and gracefully glides back over the vast blue expanse. No harm done. Everything is a-okay.

"What? Nothing, I'm sorry. It's just the wind currents." He lies smoothly but inside, John's really freaking out, really Christ almighty freaking out. He passed out at the controls. He didn't put the jumper on autopilot and he nearly crashed the damn thing by technically falling asleep at the wheel.

>i>Way to go John...great way to start saving the city…

"You're injured." Sora's voice is flat.

What, no, you think?

"I'm just tired." John swallows, meets her expression head on. "That won't happen again." He uses his best military voice, the one that leaves no room for discussion and she nods and reaches inside her pack and pulls out a sandwich. John stares for a second, really stares and reaches out to take the piece offering with a guilty thud in his stomach.

"I didn't know what turkey was..." Sora offers and turns her face briefly to the window.

"It's fine." John is shocked and touched and just a little off kilter. He takes a bite of the sandwich and nearly moans his pleasure, stopping himself just in time but not before catching Collins amused glance. "Thanks."

He takes another bite and its good, better than anything he's eaten in weeks, and he finishes so fast it's actually kind of embarrassing. Now if only he can keep it down.

"Are we almost there yet?" Collins asks eagerly from his position in the back seat, and John is suddenly reminded of all the family road trips across country he's never taken.

"Yeah, we are," he concedes with a knowing frown. "Almost..."

TBC...

CONTINUE to part 3!

=end=