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[chensuu]

View From An Occupation



Part 3

AaA

Rodney knows that Sheppard is gone when a very irate Genii Commander summons him from his lab to Weir's office at half past three in the morning.

Kolya is shouting and flailing his arms when Rodney is shoved into the room and one whiff is all he needs to know that someone's been sneaking around Radek's hidden stash of premium Czech vodka.

"Yes? What?" Rodney sucks at lying and thank god he had the foresight to think of the possible unforeseen part of the plotline where the angry madman beats the brilliant scientist to death.

"Where did they go?" Kolya's tone is deadly. There are three other Genii in the room including Ladon and not a one of them are smiling.

"Who are you talking about?" Rodney winces when the Commander's fist strikes the desk with a thud that zooms straight to his pulse point.

"Sheppard is not in his cell. I think you know where he's gone."

"How the hell should I know?" Rodney tries his best sneer. "Weren't your guards watching him?"

The slap across his face stings like the devil but it doesn't knock him over. He stares hard at Kolya and waits for more information.

This is your show fuck brains.

"Sora is also missing..."

Another slap, harder this time, with more palm than fingers and this one forces him down to his knees. Rodney tastes blood in his mouth, licks it away with a violent swipe of his tongue but still says nothing.

"I think you know more than you're saying."

"Since I really haven't said anything that's probably a sure bet."

"You will tell me what I want to know."

"All right, fine, just give me a moment, will you?" He stands up in a huff and brushes dust off his pants. Elizabeth really should sweep these floors more often.

Kolya says, "You're actually going to tell me," in a tone packed full of disbelief.

"Well, I don't know for sure but I have a pretty good idea."

"Really doctor," the grin doesn't quite reach the Commander's eyes.

"Sora ordered Sheppard to fly the puddle jumper to the mainland."

Curious now, angry maybe, "She would never do that. Sora is loyal to the Genii people." Even as he utters the words Rodney can tell that Kolya is starting to doubt them. He pushes again, for the hell of it, because it's actually kind of fun to have the upper hand for once.

"She would if someone told her that the person who killed her father was alive on the mainland and not breaking bread with the Manarians."

"What did you say?"

"Teyla Emmagan, ring any bells?"

Rodney feels himself lifted off his feet and thrown clear across the room. He smashes through the interior glass wall closest to the Gateroom and lands in a pained heap on the other side and all he can think is, thank god he covered his eyes because the shards of glass sticking into his left cheek honestly hurt very badly.

"Shit..." he pulls at one of the pieces then another and feels the trickle of warm blood run down his face. "Nice, very nice, what's next? You gate me out into space? What the hell did I do anyway?"

"You didn't tell me that she was planning this."

"Like I said before I didn't know she was planning anything. I told Kavanagh not to tell her about Teyla, that nothing on the mainland could have survived the storm, but he obviously didn't listen to me."

"Can you track them?"

Rodney sighs and does his best to appear frustrated. "Track them? Are you with me here? We can't even track the amount of beans left in our storage containers. This place isn't working. No tracking, no communication, no nothing."

"But you assume Sheppard flew the machine."

"I didn't assume anything. Sheppard is the only one on Atlantis who can fly it."

Kolya nods, exhausted but determined and says, "Fix the tracking system and the sensors before you work on the Stargate. Make it your top priority. I want to know where they are and when Sheppard returns to this city."

"Fine...but it's not the Major's fault. As you're so fond of saying, 'the Genii are in control here.'"

"Get it done...and Doctor..." Kolya's soft voice echoes down the hallway after Rodney. "I'll kill you if you don't."

Rodney doesn't reply. He's got a few hours at best to finish up his part of the plan and then take cover and hide somewhere the Genii can't find him. He fervently hopes that Sheppard remembers to bring the LSD back with him and snaps his fingers in anticipation. If Sheppard forgets, which is highly unlikely, then Ford will make sure of it after he reads the instructions. Rodney smiles to himself imagining what Ford, Teyla and Beckett will think when they read what he wants them to do but he knows they'll do as he asks.

Or at least that's what he hopes.

Ford and Teyla and Beckett are his friends and they make a good team and he sort of kind of maybe misses them. How the hell's that for strange?

When he thinks of gating off world he gets a flutter in his stomach that none of the other lab rats will ever fully understand. Rodney loves science and discovery, it's always been his passion, and here, on Pegasus the two go hand in hand. So what if he has to dodge a few bullets and Wraith stun guns when he gets to live part of the action. He's experiencing amazing things, meeting new people, scoffing at shitty technology and salivating over new stuff. Gate travel is a huge part of what makes working for the SCG the coolest job around even if most losers in the scientific community don't even know it exists and Rodney's not going to give it up, he's not going to leave it unless they drag him away kicking and screaming.

He runs his fingers through his hair and yells, "Fuck!" when another shard of glass slices into his hand. Kolya is a bastard and obviously a bit of a lush, but he's crafty enough to figure out that something's up. The hard part is going to be keeping him guessing for just a little while longer. But first he has to figure out a way to make Kavanagh believe he fixes the sensors. If Rodney does it Ladon will be suspect but the other scientist is a sycophantic wet dream and Ladon has no real reason to doubt his loyalties.

He feels a brief twinge of guilt for mentioning Kavanagh's name during the interrogation but erases it the moment he thinks of Sheppard and all of Kavanagh's despicable taunts.

And in his defense, Rodney needs to be upright and breathing in order to save Atlantis. Kavanagh gave up his rights when he sold out to the Genii and if Kolya takes his personal strife out on the weasel then it's exactly what the bastard deserves.

He turns the corner back to his lab with a spring in his step and two Genii soldiers follow close on his heels. He'll worry about losing them later. Right now he has plenty of work yet to do.

AaA

John stretches as far as his bindings allow and yawns until his jaw throbs.

He's edgy now and afraid for Rodney. If Kolya figures out he and Sora are missing all hell is going to break loose. He notices Sora still staring out the window and Collins practically bouncing out of his seat with anticipation waiting for the jumper to land.

John's been flying in circles for a while now, the Genii really don't have a clue, trying to give Rodney some room to maneuver in the city, but time is up and the mainland is just over the horizon so he steadies himself, gets his bearings and plans his attack.

He gulps quietly and says, "Okay, time to start the land indicator. I'll need some help here unless you want to unhook me?" He dangles his attached hand in her face.

Sora shakes her head and leans forward to press a button just out of John's reach that really doesn't do much of anything. He takes a deep breath and makes his move.

Sora is fast and strong but John's got surprise and desperation on his side. He grabs Sora, bashes her face into the dialing device, once, twice, and knocks her weapon aside with a practiced grace. When Collins moves in, gun drawn, John removes the mace-like spray from the waistband of his BDU's and sprays the young Genii soldier straight in the eyes.

"Uhhhh...." His scream is bloodcurdling.

John feels Sora freeze in his grip.

Collins races to the back of the jumper bumping into the crates and the walls and, oh fuck, just about everything. It's absolutely horrifying to watch and John wishes he didn't have to use it. "Collins..." he tries, "Just relax."

"Oh my god...oh my god...please someone make it stop!!" Collins screams over and over pulling at his eyes and Sheppard feels a twinge of compassion for how much pain he's obviously in but the sympathy turns to dread when in the blink of an eye the Genii draws his weapon and starts to fire randomly, terror and inexperience blending into a catastrophic mélange.

Collins doesn't know where he's firing, or whom he's firing at and he doesn't care. He just shoots and shoots; his finger melded to the weapon, terror evident in every erratic movement. His actions are purely defensive, a reflex that he can't control. John understands it completely, he's seen it before on the battlefield, but if he doesn't end the showdown soon and stop the hail of bullets they're all going to end up dead.

"Stop firing Collins. Lower your weapon. Let me help...!" John can't take the pleading out of his voice but he hopes that Collins still responds to his orders. Next to him Sora quakes and whimpers. John ducks as a bullet sails past his ear and slams into the jumper front porthole. He picks up Sora's weapon, aims and fires.

Collins stares straight ahead, his eyelids scalded red, his eyes watering as a tiny black hole appears in his chest. He drops his weapon and sinks to his knees falling face first to the ground on the cold dirty floor.

Oh no, please, no...

John swallows, closes his eyes and mentally kicks himself in the head. He should have seen this coming. Collins is dead. Collins, who reminded him of Ford and was only following orders is dead by his hand and it makes John sick to realize he's single handedly taking out the entire Genii strike force one soldier at a time.

"You killed him." Sora's voice is flat.

John removes the keys from her belt and unlocks his wrist cuff. He forces Sora to her feet, walks past Collin's body, and binds her to the railing in the back of the jumper. "Yes I did."

She has tears in her eyes. It's like a knife in his gut. "He was just a boy!"

"He would have killed both of us." John busies himself covering the body with a tarp staring briefly into Collins eyes before covering his face. Why the hell are they always so freaking young? He takes a moment to regroup. This was so not supposed to happen.

"If you didn't spray him with that weapon he wouldn't have fired at us like that!" Sora screams but John's had just about enough. He turns around and grabs her by the shoulders.

"And if the Genii stayed out of our god-damned city he'd still be alive somewhere on your planet growing up, getting laid and waiting to get eaten by a Wraith!" John knows he's shouting but he's so weary of all the death and he hasn't honestly felt very good in ages and he feels like shit right about damn now. Killing Collins might just be his breaking point.

Sora sits still and stares at him with a mixture of surprise, contempt and resignation.

"We were only trying..." She closes her eyes and looks at the covered body and whispers. "...to take what was rightfully ours."

John flops into his seat and mentally brings up the mainland on the view screen. He and Rodney's entire plan is based on the assumption that Ford, Teyla and Beckett are still alive and well and waiting to be rescued.

John's last contact with Ford is conflicting and he's gone over it again and again in his head. His lieutenant reports that the wind on the mainland is very high and dangerous and lets him know that Beckett is attempting to put the puddle jumper on track to Atlantis anyway. John's about to object when suddenly he hears a smashing sound and Beckett shouting that they've been hit full blast by a piece of debris, probably a tree and the doctor announces he has no choice but to try and bring the damaged vehicle down. The news is disappointing but John has no choice but to order Ford and company to wait it out. If the jumper is as damaged as they believe it will never render them safely back to the city. Ford doesn't respond and John's left worried and wondering.

He prays they made it back to the mainland but John's not a fool. There's always the chance that the lieutenant decided not to wait, that with John and the entire city in danger Ford decided to take the risky chance and just go for it and continue on through the storm. Surely Teyla or Beckett would try to talk him out of doing something dangerous but Ford is young and eager and he might have thought he was making the right assessment. If they tried and somehow couldn't make it and where hit by the fierce tidal blast then...absolutely not, no. John's team is alive and waiting for him and he's not about to let them down.

There's no logic to it but he outright refuses to believe anything else, or develop any other contingency plans and though it makes Rodney crazy he ultimately agrees. It startles John to realize that even though he's only known each of them for a short while he'd miss the hell out of any one of his teammates if they were suddenly taken away from him.

He doesn't do friendships very well anymore and he's not too sure he ever did. John's been a loner since the day he realized that going to war meant having friends die and having friends die hurt way too damn much.

He remembers mourning Mitch and Dex with a cheap bottle of whiskey at 2 am in some bar outside Kabul and somehow at that time making a conscious decision to keep his friends at arms length. One shot, then another, raising a glass, toasting fond memories, cheers but no tears. He grimaces. Oh what a lovely way to live.

John always shies away from hugging someone when a safe smile and shoulder pat will do but there's something about the folks he meets on Atlantis that makes him want to try again. Make him realize that having close friends is a good thing, not bad and love and life should be cherished instead of feared.

And Rodney...god, Rodney, John shudders through the sting. He can't think about Rodney right now. The thought of life on Atlantis without McKay's steady yet annoying presence is unthinkable. They're so much a part of each other's lives. First as friends, then suddenly as lovers, he longs so much for the sound of Rodney's sarcastic voice and the sure touch of his hand that John nearly sobs out loud from the need. But hey, that's not going to help anybody now and the best thing he can do for Rodney is finish his part of the plan and get the hell back to the city.

Another wave of pain and Sheppard trembles hard and leans heavily against the console. He feels Sora's eyes on him from the rear hatch. Easy now, easy, dawn's breaking and he just has to land the jumper in one piece.

"What is going on?" Sora's voice sounds worried and well, bully for her, John's worried too.

He closes his eyes against a wave of nausea and clutches his belly until his nerves clench. The migraine John's been nursing in the back of his thoughts jumps up a notch and suddenly he's picking himself up off his knees from the floor of the jumper and saying a silent prayer of thanks to whatever gods are listening that he had enough common sense to put the craft on autopilot right after he passed out earlier. He checks the controls ruefully. Just a little course adjustment and presto, he's back on the right track. He isn't going to crash this time out either.

"Just relax...think positively."

He bites his bottom lip when his stomach whirls. The nausea sure is troubling. The whack to his forehead from Kolya's wooden stick did more damage than John previously thought if he's feeling this crappy. He groans and clutches his belly. Somehow he's not surprised since life in the Pegasus galaxy is developing a deadly consistency all its own.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm...fine."

Sure, except that the world is suddenly spinning and John is having trouble keeping up.

Okay...this is so not good.

He can't afford to lose consciousness when the future of Atlantis is riding on him making it to the planet's surface in one piece. Christ, he's got a galaxy to save...he doesn't need this shit now. John swallows hard and presses tenderly at his gut. It hurts, fuck it hurts so badly, but he has to ignore the pain for now and concentrate on getting his ass to the mainland.

AaA

"There is no way to fix the gate without another ZEDPM." Rodney glares at Kavanagh with contempt and can tell by the slight curl of the other man's lip that he's moved beyond anger to the realm of unbelievably pissed off. "And even if there were, you're not smart enough to figure it out."

"I'm not smart enough." Kavanagh repeats warily. He's sporting a black eye courtesy of his good buddy Commander Kolya and though Rodney feels a tad bit responsible for the injury he decides not to dwell on it for long and let it distract him from the business at hand.

"Hmmm, that's probably the only accurate thing you said on this expedition so far." Rodney gloats, waits, Kavanagh wants to let him have it and he's been waiting for this all day.

"You let Kolya know what I told Sora," Kavanagh's bristling now, ready to strike.

"Yes I did." Perfect delivery, using just the right amount of smug arrogance perfected through years of scathing comments leveled at lesser colleagues.

"And he punched my lights out!"

"You should know better than to pick the school bully as your best friend. Once they copy your homework they always revoke your membership to the cool club."

"Christ McKay. You don't have to be mad at me because your boyfriend jumped ship and left you all alone to face the music."

Rodney scoffs. "Kavanagh, a small mind always tries to make things personal." He turns back to the colorful array of torn wires and tries his best to remember how not to fix things correctly. Rodney needs the sensors up and operational, that's a big part of the plan, but not yet, not until John gets back with the puddle jumper, and then, like magic they'll come on line. And of course the idiot standing next to him will steal all the credit only this time he'll be doing exactly what Rodney wants. He looks at Kavanagh out of the corner of his eye. Thank heavens some people are still predictable.

"You think he's not coming back for you."

"Well, I certainly wouldn't if I were him."

"What the fuck are you planning McKay?"

Rodney turns, affronted. "Me? I'm just the scorned and abandoned boyfriend of the hottest near ancient to ever step foot in Atlantis from the Milky Way Galaxy. The only thing I'm planning is live out the remainder of my life in celibacy."

Kavanagh shakes his head and goes back to work. "Kolya should have had me fix the sensors. This is grunt work." He gestures to the systems that the Commander has assigned him.

"I don't know about that. The septic facilities are certainly high on my list of priorities."

"Look..." Kavanagh glances around. "I want in on whatever the hell it is you both are doing. Sheppard's coming back and we both know it."

And oh isn't this just the icing on the cake. "Why in the world would you say that?"

"The Major loves playing the hero."

"I'm hardly a damsel in distress."

"If Sheppard thinks he can save the city he'll do it. Even if he dies trying."

Now it's Rodney's turn to be irked. "Oh you think you know him that well?" He moves closer to Kavanagh and prepares to lie a bit more. "Want to know what I think?"

Despite winning a Sears drama award he's always sucked at lying, always seemed too eager or just plain scattered or unable to meet his interrogator's eyes. To this day Rodney's still amazed when he can actually pull off a legitimate fib although a lot depends on the stakes at hand.

"I think Sheppard's glad to be rid of me." Rodney touches an open wire and it causes the hairs on his arm to stand on end. "He's probably cozying up to Teyla or maybe even Sora right about now and laughing his ass off at all the schmucks he's left behind in the city."

"Sora?" Kavanagh laughs bitterly. "Not a chance in hell McKay." He turns his face back toward his laptop and for a few minutes they work in silence and then, "No. Sheppard will come back for Atlantis." He pauses and gives a shrug of his narrow shoulders. "And for god knows what reason. He'll come back for you."

Rodney turns and stares at the back of Kavanagh's head. Christ, have they really been that obvious? He feels a brief pang of fear for Sheppard if anyone should find out about their relationship before realizing that if Kavanagh believes it than many people already do so as well. "In what perfect world are you living?"

Kavanagh merely scoffs and goes back to work. Rodney watches the spectacled eyes dart back and forth over the screens and without meaning to he asks the question that's been bugging him for weeks, the question that nearly gags him every time he sets eyes upon the ungrateful toad.

"Why?"

"Why?" Kavanagh doesn't even turn around.

"Why did you agree to help the Genii?" Kavanagh can say anything here...maybe that Kolya threatened his life or forced him or promised him that Weir and the rest of his associates would be safe if he cooperated. He could say he was afraid. There are a multitude of responses that Rodney wants to hear and as usual Kavanagh disappoints him.

"Well, why not?" The scientist turns to McKay with a flourish. "Everyone treats me like shit here including you. No one appreciates my intelligence or what I bring to the team. You think you're smarter than I am."

"Please..." Rodney interrupts. "I'm smarter than everybody."

"And after that thing with Sheppard and the bug on his neck, the entire place thinks I'm a coward."

"Yeah, that," Rodney winces. He remembers hearing about the incident between Weir and the scientist when he returns to Atlantis. It's regrettable to be sure. No one deserves such a public dressing down. But to be fair the situation was very stressful for all concerned. Rodney still has nightmares about his panic attack while on the stuck jumper and not being able to function. And in these nightmares Sheppard always dies.

"The Genii give me respect. Something Weir knows nothing about." Kavanagh sounds like such an idiot.

"And they apparently give you black eyes as well."

"That wouldn't have happened if you hadn't told him about Teyla."

"Maybe you shouldn't have squealed to Sora in the first place." Rodney sighs. "You don't understand anything about loyalty. You stabbed us all in the back and then you even screw over your new Genii buddies by not telling them about Ford and Teyla."

"I told Sora!"

"Yes you did. Good job on that one. But the one person you didn't tell was Kolya and he won't forget this Kavanagh. He's not the forgiving type."

"He knows I can help him fix the city. And he wants the city nearly as much as he wants Sheppard."

"Oh for the love of god, I thought we moved beyond mere taunting."

"I'm not talking about screwing him McKay. The Major killed a lot of Genii and one of them was Kolya's child, his son." Kavanagh smirks. "And as you said yourself, he's not the forgiving type."

Touché...score one for Kavanagh.

It's no big secret that the Commander's son died when he splattered onto the gate shield and that the Major is the one who initiated the shut down.

Rodney considers. "So if you hate us so much and love the Genii, why do you want back in?"

Kavanagh shrugs. "They'll never be able to fully operate this city. They're too ignorant."

"So you want to see the full glory of Atlantis restored." It's impossible to keep the disbelief out of his voice.

"No. I just don't want to be eaten by the Wraith and between you and me if these guys stick around that's exactly what's going to happen when they land in the city."

Oh and did you also think that maybe if the Wraith land here, in addition to eating you, they can maybe figure out a way to gate through to Earth?

"I wouldn't worry about that Kavanagh. You'll probably give them indigestion."

"I'm serious!" Kavanagh's voice rises and he looks around to see the guards at the door but they don't seem to take any notice. "I don't want to die here!"

"We all have to die sometime."

"Jesus, can't you give me a chance!" Kavanagh's voice settles. "Please McKay."

Rodney considers his nemesis carefully before lying one more time. He draws out his response for maximum effect. "All right, fine. You want in? You're in. Now that you've probably come to your senses I can actually use your help."

"Anything, just tell me."

The sound of Kavanagh pleading should be thrilling but it's not. Instead Rodney is torn by the possibility that Kavanagh is telling the truth and the fact that he's about to be used like a glory whore. "Don't fix the sensors."

"Why? Is that part of the plan?"

"No, I just want to give you some busy work. Of course it's part of the plan."

"I thought something was up!" Kavanagh frowns. "But Kolya..."

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I know what Kolya wants. But life is about to disappoint him yet again."

"But..."

"I don't trust you enough to say anymore so don't ask me. I'm not going to fix them no matter what happens. I honestly don't think they can be fixed."

He can practically see Kavanagh salivating at the mouth.

"Why did you decide to trust me now?"

Rodney's laughter isn't faked and for the first time since this conversation started he actually tells one truth. "I don't trust you Kavanagh."

And then another few lies...

"The sensors aren't really mandatory to the plan but they'd sure make things a heck of a lot easier for Sheppard." Rodney shrugs. "Besides, like I said before. I don't think they can be fixed anyway so no harm, no foul."

"So you do have a plan."

"No but you were right about one thing. Sheppard's coming back to get me and if you stop acting like a horses ass I'll let you come with us." He pauses for effect. "Let the Genii hang themselves. Without either of us they'll never be able to facilitate repairs to Atlantis. And when they finally show common sense and leave, we'll shuttle back over and make things right."

"Okay, agreed, I'll do it." Kavanagh turns away and Rodney wonders if he's taken the bait. "I mean, I won't do it...fix the sensors I mean." He appears to think for a second. "Hey, why would I be working on the sensors anyway? Kolya told you to do that."

Because I'm going to disappear...

"Too many questions...."

"Christ McKay..."

"Good enough."

Rodney rigs the sensors the day he thinks up his crazy plan and there's nothing Kavanagh can really do to stop it. The sensors are on a timer that Rodney devices and only he knows the lockout code. With one flick of a switch Rodney initiates a program that guarantees the sensors will snap back on at a time of his choosing and not before with or without interference from the Genii. And last night, in the lab, he gives himself a backdoor just in case he has to do some fancy footwork to impress Kolya or save Sheppard's life. The backdoor will initiate a half-hour before start-up so if Kavanagh really is a fucking liar, and he's working against Rodney, he'll take credit for fixing them as soon as the backdoor clicks in and run and report his success to Kolya. He'll think he's doing his best for the Genii but in reality he'll be giving them a big fat kick in the ass and betraying himself in the process.

"If you let me down...so help me..." Rodney starts with dramatic flair.

"I won't. You'll see." Kavanagh is silent and Rodney's not reassured.

Hopefully the next time he sees the rat bastard the Genii will be out of the city.

He starts working on getting the pumping stations up and running so the remaining floodwater can be flushed out of the city and back to the ocean. Kolya dubbed this job a low priority but Rodney disagrees. A whirling noise tells him he's found the right pathway and Rodney breathes out in relief. It's good to be doing something productive to Atlantis for a change.

AaA

John lands the jumper just outside the Athosian settlement. Everything looks like such a mess. Trees blown over, bungalows destroyed. The grain they were gathering for the first harvest scattered across the still damp earth. He thinks that maybe Ford and crew took shelter here, or maybe they're still taking cover in the broken jumper.

He opens the rear hatch and glances back toward Sora. Their eyes meet and she frowns.

"How do you know she's still alive?"

He gestures to the LSD in his hand. "I don't know for certain. But the life signs detector is showing five people still breathing here, and hey, I'm an optimist." John's not sure who the fourth and fifth breathers are but he's not complaining. The more the merrier.

She scoffs and boy isn't that rude. "Five people, you intend to take the city back with five people?" Her laugh is cold. "We have over forty Genii in place."

John is nonplussed. "Well," he brings out his best drawl just for the occasion. "I'm not dead yet so I make six. Oh, and McKay, although he's kind of like half a person in the Rambo department. He's got all the brains so he kind of makes up for it that way."

"You're sick." Her eyes dare him to deny it.

John agrees quietly. "I probably have a concussion." In fact, sick is probably a pretty tame word for how crappy he's feeling right now, but John's also feeling determined and eager to take back the city and he sees that as a good sign. Beckett can patch him up later after all the fun and games are over.

"Are all your people so indomitable?" Sora doesn't seem impressed, just maybe a bit resigned to the fact that the Genii might not get to win this time.

"We're the best and the brightest." John makes sure her bindings are secure and leaves enough food and water for the rest of the day. "I shouldn't be long. With any luck my people heard the jumper come in and won't be far behind."

"You mean you're just leaving me here?" She eyes the outside terrain nervously and John grins.

"Sure. The jumper is closed and I have the only key to open the hatch. There aren't any dangerous animals on the mainland." He pauses, frowns. "Or at least we haven't encountered any yet."

"And when you find Teyla?" She's searching his face, just one shade of desperate, and John's very sorry not to be able to lay her fears to rest.

He nods toward the settlement voice suddenly cold, "When we leave, you're staying here."

"That's crazy! When you return Kolya will think you killed me like you did Collins."

John stews for a second and steps out the door. He's feeling less and less charitable toward Sora by the minute. "I'll make sure to tell him you're alive."

"He won't believe you. You've killed so many of us already." Sora gets in one hell of a dig. "Kolya's son was one of those who died trying to come through the gate."

"Right," John allows. "I did what I had to do and I'm sorry so many people died. But we didn't ask you to invade Atlantis. You made that decision all by yourselves." He takes a couple of bottles of water and a bunch of MRES and slams the rest back in the storage box. "Just sit tight until I get back."

She doesn't say anything when he leaves but John knows that she's thinking. He's spent a hell of a lot of time with his own thoughts lately and it's not the best feeling in the world to doubt your actions, to replay events, or to second guess yourself each step of the way. John rarely has time for doubts. He does the best he can the first time around and the world be damned if they disagree with him as long as his conscious is clear when he goes to sleep at night.

John doesn't regret the black mark on his record. He saved lives that day. Lives the military wrote off as finished, dead, or MIA. John doesn't leave people behind. It's the one true mantra he lives by.

He opens his bottle of water and takes a long swallow. Even though he's a soldier, John abhors taking a life, any life, good or bad, and no matter how Rodney jokes about the military, he's no GI Joe either. He'll kill in self-defense of his life, his country, and his people. And he'll die for all three as well. Anything else is excessive.

And that's why the Genii who stepped through the Stargate that day were different and John fucking hates that they all died. When they stepped into the event horizon they weren't a direct threat although they sure as hell would have become one if they were allowed to walk through. John accepts the fact that raising the shield was the only way to stop more soldiers from entering the city. Forty troops were already setting up shop in the Gateroom and he had to make a decision on the fly. So he cut off Ladon's oxygen, raised the gate shield and entered his command code without hesitation.

The resulting splatter of sixty men dying will remain with him for the rest of his life and John wants the memory, craves it like a drug. He needs to trust himself to be his own man, to be the leader he's chosen to be and not the commander the military would rather have in charge of the city. And if remembering that death doesn't come without the price of blood and sorrow is the way to do that then so be it. John makes the Genii dead number one on his regret list. He wishes they never tried to set foot on Atlantis.

As Rodney's so fond of saying, John's no Colonel Sumner.

Thank god.

He treads carefully over the beaten terrain, following his locating device, concentrating on finding his missing teammates. Each step brings a bit more of a problem, a bit more of an ache, and he has to stop and take a breather a lot earlier than he would usually like under similar circumstances.

John wipes his forehead and drinks a few quick gulps. Oh, fuck, he's so worn-out, so ready for a nap, he'd do just about anything to lie down and close his eyes right now and sleep...without dreaming...for at least ten hours straight, preferably with Rodney by his side. He shoves the thought away because it's both distracting and downright hopeless right now and besides, the mucky earth wouldn't be too comfortable as a bed. Still...he gazes longingly at the under bush for a second and wraps his arms across his chest. He's got to keep going, for Atlantis and for Rodney.

Whoosh!

He hears a noise in the bushes and spins around so quickly that it takes his aching head a split second longer to catch-up.

"Fuck..."

He walks forward, then tilts back, then a quick zigzag move to the right that sets him totally off balance and John has to seize the trunk of a nearby tree to keep from falling over.

"Uh..."

He doesn't want to pass out and end up being the one rescued so he takes a breather to compose himself until the dizziness passes and he's back on stable ground.

"Okay John, let's just get through this." He psyches himself up and sets off again.

One step, then two, and on the third step the ground rushes up to meet him and in the space of a few seconds John's hanging upside down dangling by his feet from the branches of a tall mainland tree that looks kind of like an oak but of course, not quite.

The dizziness rushes back in a flourish nearly blacking him out along with a side dish of intense nausea and oh god, John so didn't need this right now. He shudders and fights, but twisting his body back and forth only serves to tighten the noose around his ankles and cut off his circulation.

For a moment he's confused, then his mind supplies...Ford.

"Lieutenant Ford!" John's shouting but heck if he cares. If he doesn't get cut out of this contraption in the next few minutes he's going to puke up his turkey sandwich.

"Shit..." He moves sharply to the left and the tree branch shudders from his weight. If the goddamn branch breaks it's a long way down. John's been in perilous situations before and this doesn't even rival them for danger, but he's sure if his head snaps off from the upside down agony he'll feel a tad bit differently.

Somehow in all the commotion he manages to hold onto his LSD and thank god for small favors because Rodney would kill him if he lost it. John fumbles and reaches and takes a quick peek in time to see two life signs approaching from his rear at a steady gate. He tries to see behind him but no way is that possible in his present position and he shouts again because he's feeling kind of vulnerable and it's the only defense he's got.

"Damn it Ford!" John closes his eyes to stop the ground from spinning. His head feels just about ready to explode so it comes as a bit of relief when his vision blackens and he passes out.

The next thing he remembers is waking up with his head in Teyla's lap and her small capable hands pouring cool water on his face. It's nice, very nice, and he's so relieved to see her after all this time he thinks for a terrible moment that he just might start to cry.

Instead John smiles weakly, squeezes her leg and mumbles, "Hey...I found you guys!" before passing out again.

AaA

When John wakes up for the second time he's still lying on the ground although Teyla's no longer offering him comfort and though he's hurting quite a bit, boy oh boy was his earlier assessment completely wrong. The leaves and grass under his head are a heaven of padded glory compared to the metal cell floor he's been sleeping on for over three weeks.

"You're up sir, that's great!" Ford's cheery smile is contagious and John grins goofily in response but when he moves to stand up he somehow ends flopped on his ass once more. "Umm...Doctor Beckett thinks you should take it easy for a while. You have a concussion."

"And you're dehydrated and your left wrist is infected. Oh Lord and that back of yours. Good Lord Major, what the hell's been going on in the city?"

Ah, so Beckett stole a peek when he was unconscious.

"Okay..."

It's one hell of a story and John doesn't have much time to spare for details but he offers the best rendition he can and gives his teammates a replay of events from the moment he looses contact with Ford until the second he lands the jumper.

John explains how he fought the Genii and killed quite a few of them but he can't bring himself to admit just yet to firing up the gate shield. His voice roughens when he explains about Kavanagh and Beckett scowls enough for everyone so John knows he's not the only one who's ten shades of angry.

It's tough to talk about Elizabeth being pushed through the gate to the Genii homeworld and his voice breaks a bit when he admits that Kolya told him that she's probably dead by now, killed for all his past sins, though John's pretty sure she's much more valuable to them as a hostage.

"So the Stargate isn't working?" Ford frowns.

"Oh it works Lieutenant, but only in one direction." Three faces stare at him blankly and John continues with a sigh. "You can gate out but you can't gate back."

"So that means our people with the Manarians..." Teyla starts.

"…are probably going to outstay their welcome on the planet until Rodney can figure out a way to get them home to Atlantis." John continues.

"It's a good thing they brought their blankets." Ford's expression is grim but John nods at the reference.

"But for now the gate not working is a good thing because once we kick the Genii out of our city...they can't gate back in." He closes his eyes until a stomach cramp passes and pushes away Beckett's gesture of support. "Rodney will fix the shield first and then he'll repair the gate, we'll demand the Genii return Elizabeth or we blast the hell out of them, we get our people back from those bastards Manarians and..." He smiles grimly "…take the next two days off."

"Yes sir!" Ford grins,

"So you suspect the Manarians betrayed us?" Teyla asks in disbelief.

"I know they did."

"But they have been good trading partners to both our people and..."

John nips her protest in the bud, "Not anymore." And Teyla nods in resignation.

"So what happened next? Obviously you were apprehended..." Beckett's voice trails off for a second and his eyes look away.

He's being gentle but that's okay. John knows how bad he must look to them. He's beaten, pale and dirty and there's dried blood on his hair and forehead. Plus Kolya's whip leaves marks even when it doesn't break the skin and his wrists are bruised raw from being tied up and forced to kneel every day. It's a sure bet when all the hoopla is over, Beckett will have more questions of a personal nature concerning his Genii experience that John won't be able to dodge and he's not looking forward to that conversation in the least.

"Yeah, oh yeah..." John makes the story of his captivity and the whippings as brief as possible, because, hey, there really is no hiding how badly he's been treated. And he informs them that Rodney's been fixing the city, but not really, messing stuff up, doing his own thing.

"You must have really pissed them off Sir." Ford smiles this time and John smiles back.

"Well, I certainly gave them reason to be upset." He sighs and cards his fingers through his hair and takes a deep breath. He says, "There's something else you should know..." And then explains quietly about the Genii coming through the gate and dying before they reach Atlantis. He doesn't mention choices or regret but his vulnerability is there for his teammates to see, to read his face like an open book and know that it's an action he laments taking.

When he finishes Teyla touches his arm and John flinches because he doesn't want her sympathy. What's done is done and he's the one who has to live with the aftermath. To somehow find a way to pay in small doses for each life he's taken.

"We had a bit of trouble ourselves sir." Ford finally speaks, changing the subject and John is grateful to him on oh so many levels.

"Report away Lieutenant, what the hell happened?"

Ford's explanation is concise. The first delay occurs because they're waiting on the mainland for two young Athosians away on a hunting expedition - that explains the two additional life signs --and by the time they arrive back at camp the storm is in full swing. They wait it out for a while and decide to make a run for the city during a lull in the weather. Their attempt to fly back to the city is short lived when the jumper is struck in flight by a piece of debris and forced to land. Beckett's not an expert but he does the best he can and manages to destroy the craft while keeping everyone inside alive and in one piece. In John's book that's quite the successful landing.

"Good job Doc." John smiles at Beckett's relief.

"And where is Sora?" Teyla looks around for a moment before resting her eyes on John.

He knows she's a bit upset because Sora blames her for the death of Tyrus. Although it's a mixed blessing in a way because without her rage John would have never gotten to the mainland, Teyla still wishes to consider Sora her friend and she's not ready to give up on that relationship just yet.

"Still in the Jumper...she's not returning with us."

Teyla nods. "So what do we do now?"

"Well..." John drawls, "Did I mention to you guys that Rodney has a plan?" He takes a long swallow of water and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. It doesn't take long to explain exactly what he does know about the plan to take back the city, the parts he envisioned along with the parts they decided upon together, but the rest is of course a bit of a mystery.

"Why don't you know McKay's plan sir?" Ford waits confused and more than a bit wary. He's a good kid and John suspects he gets the gist of things.

"It's better that I don't know too much about it. Kolya will want answers when I get back and I don't want to give out any unnecessary Intel."

"But you won't be able to tell him anything when he asks you." Beckett offers and winces as realization dawns.

"That's the general idea, yeah."

"What does Dr. McKay require that we do?"

John reaches into the waistband of his pants and pulls out the wrinkled piece of paper. He smiles when he sees the words 'For Lieutenant Ford's eyes only' scrawled in Rodney's writing across the tightly folded sheet. He hands the note to Ford and stretches to loosen up his stiff muscles. "All right, let's get to it."

AaA

Rodney crouches low to the ground waiting for the Genii soldiers to pass by on the scaffolding overhead. He leans forward just an inch, only enough to keep them in his sight. The footsteps tap, tap, tap, across the metal grates in even footing and he keeps time with them, walking when they walk, stopping, only making noise to match their elusive racket and isn't it just wonderful how he's suddenly mimicking the pivotal scene from the Shawshank Redemption.

He's been absent for nearly four hours and to say Kolya is upset is something of a misnomer. The Commander is livid, ranting, drooling at the mouth. First Sheppard, now McKay, both of his captive Atlantean slaves running freely about the city and the mainland and oh he must feel like his world is fragmenting apart.

Tough shit...

John hasn't returned yet or Rodney would have heard something, rumblings, excitement, or shouting. Thankfully he thinks ahead to disable the speaker system, so Kolya can't vocally threaten him with the Major's life that way because he'll break in a heartbeat and give up his plan if he has to hear the outcome of Sheppard being physically tortured via the public address system.

He leans back against a metal pipe and jumps forward and oh fuck that's cold. Rodney's hiding in the nether regions of Atlantis, in the areas the sensors didn't pick up on even when they were up and working. The Tsunami strike flooded these areas with a vengeance of water, gunk and fish and muck...and even with most of the water now receded, it's still damp and uncomfortable with a lot of garbage left behind just waiting for the Great Atlantis Clean-Up Day. The conditions down here and in most of the lower levels suck. He scowls and curses the Genii for making Sheppard live like an animal.

The guards move on and Rodney changes direction. He walks for a few levels then darts into an abandoned lab and takes a brief look around. It seems safe with just a few tables, chairs and other recognizable items he's seen before in the city but for all their superior god-like quirks the ancients were quite a deceptive and dangerous lot and if the energy creature that Halling's son Jinto released to wreak havoc is indicative of other possessions they left behind Rodney's not taking any chances.

"Okay..."

Since he doesn't see any monsters or canisters or broken lab vials or signs that read 'do not touch' Rodney takes a break and pulls out a power bar. He has enough food and water to last for days hidden throughout the city and he memorizes the locations to be sure he doesn't starve or take a hypoglycemic seizure. The power bar goes down hard. Rodney isn't really hungry anyway. He's just nervous and worried sick about Sheppard.

Before they become intimate Sheppard knocks him repeatedly about improving his health and fitness routines and learning how to shoot. One day, out of the blue he offers to teach Rodney how to fly.

It's amazing and terrifying and for a moment he thinks he's going to vomit but then his stomach subsides and the lesson continues for two glorious hours. In that time he observes Sheppard and not just the physical pull of the man. Sure the side profile is rakish, what with the slightly upturned nose and full pouting bottom lip. In fact it's downright distracting and Rodney has to pull himself away from staring on several occasions or risk profuse embarrassment.

But it's Sheppard's absolute joy at being in the air that grabs Rodney by the throat and won't let him go. The sheer beauty that masks his face is addictive. The suns rays highlight his sharp features making him appear both enticingly off limits and endearingly vulnerable. He's an ancient deity carved in glass, an attractive poster boy for repressed desires and the minute, the god damned minute he turns and gazes into Rodney's eyes it's over. Rodney's been holding back since the expedition started, doing his best to suppress his libido for the good of mankind but somehow, now, seated next to Sheppard in the jumper it all seems a tad bit ridiculous. His cock stirs and immediately hardens and he groans inwardly at just how very much his timing sucks.

And then when Sheppard grins goofily and says in all innocence, "Wanna take the stick?" Rodney is overcome by feelings so overtly sexual and more than a shade hot and dirty he sniffs the air using his usual patent arrogant self-defense mechanism and announces he's not quite ready to take that next step just yet.

Sheppard's smile increases at his unintentional double entendre and he turns straight ahead and announces with a pilot's flare, "That's okay Rodney...I'll take it slow."

It's a glorious snapshot and one that Rodney swears he'll remember forever. Suddenly Sheppard isn't inaccessible, he's fucking available, and unless Rodney has suddenly become a borderline imbecile with zero sense of self-worth, the hottest man in Pegasus is nursing a massive crush-on him.

Rodney smiles at the memory, finishes off his power bar and slugs down half a bottle of water. If there's any justice left in this entire terrifying galaxy, then Sheppard will land safely on the mainland, meet up with Ford and company, issue Rodney's directive, hold on to his life signs detector and hop the jumper back to Atlantis.

Once he gets back all hell is going to break lose and Rodney wants to be as prepared as possible. He's not willing to let Sheppard suffer one moment longer than necessary in the time it takes to set things right. The thought of his lover being handled by Kolya, being tortured for information he can't possibly supply makes him sick to his stomach. And fuck...just what kind of a human being is Rodney anyway to conceive of such a brutal plan, a plan that messes up his pretty boyfriend and leaves him helpless to the whims of a madman.

The answer he knows is a desperate one.

Lives are hanging in the balance, people Rodney's acquainted with, those he hasn't met and even some idiots he wishes never went to grad school and he certainly doesn't see himself as a savior for anybody. But it sure would have been nice to come up with a fucking plan that didn't involve sacrificing Sheppard to Kolya. What the hell good is being a genius when you can't even save the man you love?

He pauses for a second before peeling the wrapper on another power bar. Rodney isn't sure which outcome is worse...Sheppard not forgiving him or Sheppard not blaming him at all.

AaA

"Sir, are you sure about this?" Ford's expression shows more doubt then a new recruit on a firing range and John's head starts to spin just from looking at him.

"How the hell should I know? McKay's the guy you should be asking and you'll see him soon...I'm guessing. Did he mention how you're supposed to find him?" He sighs and scratches his belly. "Forget it...I don't know anything about anything, remember?"

John's not fibbing. He doesn't have a clue as to what's in the folded message that's making the Lieutenants eyes bug out like saucers but it's probably a doozy and oh so very McKay. But the idea that he didn't even consider asking Rodney beforehand how Ford is supposed to meet up with him once they land in the jumper bay is a bit off putting. He frowns. That's probably a part of the plan he should have demanded to know. Or hell, maybe McKay thought of it already and he's worrying his ass off for nothing.

John hates being out of the loop. Hates putting people in danger, himself included, and deciding to stay ignorant of a potentially violent situation is taking its toll on his psyche. He's anxious and frustrated and disgustingly relieved that he masturbated in the filthy holding cell, even if it was borderline pathetic, because if not he'd surely be pulling out his hair by now.

"Yes sir. It's ah...gonna take a bit of time to gather all the stuff he wants us to get." Ford looks at Teyla and she nods in agreement. "Even with the five of us doing the collecting, we'll still need maybe an hour, an hour and a half?"

"My young Athosian friends have already started. They are sticking to the village and reported having great luck." Teyla smiles at him warmly. "Do not worry Major. It is a very interesting plan and I am sure it will work against the Genii." She touches his arm in parting.

John nods warily, thinking. Teyla's words are kind but using 'interesting' to describe the plan Rodney's thought up isn't exactly encouraging. "Hey, Ford?"

"Yes sir." The Lieutenant snaps to attention. "It's a good plan sir."

John smiles in faked exasperation. Ford's a great second in command. "I didn't even ask what you thought of it yet."

But I was going to...

Ford smiles. "Yes sir."

"We both know Rodney is a genius but he has been known to get a little overzealous in his thinking and if you want to tell me about some part of the plan you might be questioning then maybe now would be a good time to get it off your chest."

Ford's toothy smile disappears. He bites his bottom lip. "Are you making that an order?"

John considers the situation. He told Rodney yesterday that he trusts him and it's true, he does, he trusts Rodney more than anyone he's ever met in two galaxies. He trusts him with his life and maybe even with his heart. But if he breaks down now and orders Ford to tell him the specifics of the plan after agreeing with Rodney that the best way for them to succeed against the Genii is for him to stay in the dark then it's almost like he never uttered those words at all. It's a big leap of faith, and John's never been fine with reliance, but this time he thinks it may be worth it to take Rodney at his word and save Atlantis while at the same time giving what they have together a fighting chance.

"No Lieutenant, I'm not." John exhales and throws his hands up in acceptance. "Somehow I get the idea that this is only the first of many future crazy schemes we're going to try and pull off in the Pegasus Galaxy and I guess it's only fair to give McKay the benefit of the doubt this time around."

The smile returns, brighter this time. "Good, because McKay also wrote that he thinks there's a possibility you're probably smart enough to figure out what we're doing anyway once the shit starts to hit the fan." He paused for only a second before adding, "Sir."

"Oh, he did."

Ford walks toward the Athosian camp and then glances back, "And he said not to let you board the jumper without giving me the life signs monitor or we won't stand a chance in hell of getting the city back."

And isn't that just like Rodney to put the pressure on to the max under even the worst of circumstances.

"Here..." John takes the device out of his pocket and tosses it to Ford who catches it like a pro and jogs out of sight.

He leans back for a second against the wall of the shattered jumper, closes his eyes into the sunlight and out of nowhere the dream slams into him with brute force. He shudders across a frosty chill that grips him hard, refusing to let go, twisting his bones to near shatter points. All he knows is desperation and fear and he's nearly suffocated by an overwhelming urge to find Rodney. Where the hell is Rodney? His lover is in danger. The Genii have him. They're hurting him and there's nothing John can do because he can't see through the darkness, can't break away from the cold thrall of imminent death...

John sits up with a start and takes note of his surroundings. He's still on the mainland resting while his team prepares for the attack, and still in one piece despite vivid images of impending doom. He's thankful then, so crazily thankful that when a sudden, quick feeling of absolute amazing joy at being alive surrounds John he nearly shouts his emotions out loud.

He allows the sensation to pass over him, extending to the tips of his fingers, and then breathes in and out deeply to relax but fuck John's shivering so hard his teeth start to chatter even though it's probably eighty degrees in the freaking shade.

Beckett notices his reaction and starts forward but John waves him away. He wraps his arms across his chest and tries to stop shaking. He doesn't remember the entire nightmare or all of the nasty harsh images, but among the horrors one picture stands clear: Rodney tied up, bloody and ragged to an old wooden chair and Kolya poised, glaring, at his side rubbing the fragile skin at Rodney's throat with the same jagged knife he used weeks ago to slice gory decorations into his arm.

"You okay son?"

John winces. Beckett always has a way of making him feel like a wayward child. "Um...yeah, I'm fine."

Beckett's patronizing expression calls him a liar and he's not far off the mark. John still feels ill, he's still fatigued and sore and if that dream is any indication he's not going to get much sleep before the entire fiasco rears up back in the city.

"You're no such thing Major and we both know it."

"Maybe not but right now, at this moment, how I feel is insignificant."

"You're not doing yourself or anybody any favors if you run yourself ragged and hurt yourself more before you can even get back to the city."

"I said I'm fine." John wishes his words held more authority with the physician but Beckett's already starting to teeter away.

"You're not a doctor."

John tries his most charming smile. "I never said I was."

"No, but I am. And I'm telling you to get some rest. And I'd feel better if..."

He shakes his head for the zillionth time. Beckett wants to X-ray him, medicate him, IV him, pamper him and put John to bed in a hospital gown. "We leave in an hour."

"That's bloody crazy lad!" Beckett fumes. "You have a concussion."

"You said it wasn't a serious one." John allows.

"I said I didn't think it was serious but I won't know for sure until I get you back to Atlantis where I can check you out properly."

"And that's not going to happen for a while Doc. Besides, when Kolya gets his hands on me he's going to do worse." John cringes at the thought. How much fucking worse can he possibly feel? He sighs. In all probability that's a question he really shouldn't have asked.

"I hate the way you're resigned to that happening."

"It's part of the plan."

"Well it's daft plan."

John doesn't completely disagree. He needs to give Rodney time to put his arrangements into action and if letting Kolya knock him around a little bit is the only way to do it, then John's will have to find a way to survive. He swallows hard and faces Beckett eye to eye. "I don't want to be hurt. I' m no masochist but I am a realist. And if Rodney says he needs time then I have to be the one to give it to him."

"Why does it have to be you?"

"Who would you have me substitute...Ford or Teyla?"

Beckett stares aghast, "No, of course not."

"We have to trust that Rodney knows what he's doing."

"I do trust him but I'm wondering if he's thought this through all the way." Beckett seems to consider. "Or if you have."

John laughs, he can't help it. He's done nothing but think, plan and take beatings ever since the Genii stormed the city. He laughs again, louder this time, until tears are pouring from his eyes. It feels strange to laugh when he's not happy and he knows it's not fair to the doctor to act so whacked out but John's drained and jittery and sick to his stomach with dread and having Beckett confide that maybe they should make another plan, now, when the very idea is ludicrous, makes him frantic. It's a crazy situation they currently find themselves in, certainly nothing unusual there, but he really hates the 'not knowing' factor of this mission and Beckett's pessimism is definitely not helping.

John plays the scenarios over and over in his head, Kolya capturing him, Kolya not capturing him, knowing the plan and not knowing the plan and comes up empty every time. How the hell can he be expected to predict the results of something he's clueless about?

"It's not funny Major."

"No, you're right, it's not funny at all and I'm sorry." John agrees. "But, please Carson, let it go for now."

Beckett nods and doesn't say another word but John can tell he's upset by the way he hangs his head and makes a disapproving face.

"Well, I have to help Ford anyway. An hour isn't very much time now is it?"

John concedes that it isn't and sits back against the jumper with a yawn. He wonders about what Ford said, about Rodney writing in his note that John might figure the entire shebang out anyway and scowls. If that's the case then why not tell him everything from the start? There's still time to make it an order to Ford but John reconsiders before he takes another breath. He imagines Kolya's frustration building up punch by punch and can't hold back a smirk. He has to believe they're doing the right thing and even if he figures out the plan he still won't tell the Genii a single thing. John's been tortured before, in Afghanistan and he never talked there either.

Afghanistan...

He starts to shake and that's unusual because, well, it's still not cold, and he hasn't considered his past captivity in months, not since arriving in Atlantis, not even during his time playing prisoner for the Genii. But now it's at the forefront of his thoughts and he holds tight to his body to calm down and crush the nausea settling like lead in the pit of his stomach and stop his frenetic body from trembling apart.

Don't think about it John...just don't think about it...please...

John squeezes his eyes shut then opens them wide with a gasp, the vivid memories of his past overwhelming him almost to the point of no return. And it's bad, very bad, fucking out of this world bad and he aches for a second to be innocent again and free of the blood and guilt and slaughter.

He recalls being thirsty in the dirty Afghan prison cell most of all, parched and hopeless and willing to do just about anything for a glass of water, even warm or dirty water, a sip, a gulp a swallow, enough to wet the inside of his mouth so he can last another day and give his weary men hope of being rescued.

He can still smell the air, like sweat, piss or shit depending upon the wind and John remembers breathing in and out through his mouth, without thinking about it too much because he needs to keep what little disgusting food he's been fed in his belly and not add the stink of vomit to the already pungent mix of eclectic odors.

And John does some things there, as a prisoner he's not proud of... accepts offers from his captors to do things in order to save his life and the lives of other soldiers held prisoner with him and John makes offers of his own, to the guards in exchange for food, beverage or for the seldom offered but desperately required, medicine. Some of the bastards in charge take him up on his proposals while others beat him senseless just for the invite. Sometimes his men die and sometimes they live. And the more bloodied and beaten he becomes the quicker the guards stop offering. Sometimes they leave him alone, and other times, terrible, unbearable times, they simply just take.

Stuff happens to him there, some very appalling stuff, sick stuff, haunting stuff. Stuff he never talks about to anyone, including Rodney, stuff he refuses to allow himself to think about even now.

He questions whether Kolya will cross the line this time around and give him more bad memories when he returns with the jumper and more still, if Rodney has factored the very dark possibility of rape into his many potential outcomes of plans and equations.

Great, terrific, stop it right the fuck now John...

The shaking subsides and he leaps to his feet. John stares straight ahead until his heartbeat evens out and his thoughts blur away, buried once again somewhere deep inside. He blinks and sees nothing, then suddenly Ford is there offering him a bright smile that John returns with a tentative wave.

"All set sir."

John nods wearily. It's time to get the show on the road. He stretches until his back cracks and with a wince he realizes that Beckett was right. An hour is an awfully short amount of time in the scheme of things.

TBC...

CONTINUE to part 4!

=end=