I'm just a notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song.
Traditionally I do a round-up of all the fic I wrote in a year in the first few days of January. I guess this year it took me 23. Seems about right for the level of will I have to do anything at all these days. Anyway, here this is.
January
Slings and Arrows [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] Be Mine Valentine’s Comment Meme - 2,536
February
Reply All [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] Be Mine Valentine’s Comment Meme collaboration with stardustdean - 5,617
June
Lazarus Rising [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] spn_j2_bigbang - 61,265 (26,163 in 2020)
ART FOR This Long Silence [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen]
July
ART FOR Freedom [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] spn_j2_bigbang
October
A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] - 66,488 (6,366 in 2020)
November
Premonition [Supernatural] - 7,620
Unpublished But Written in 2020:
Golden Age [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] unfinished spn_masquerade fill - 3,677
Highway to Heaven [Supernatural; Sam/Dean] - 1,373
Raise the Black [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] - 2,555
Wild Oats [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] unfinished spn_masquerade fill - 704
Total Word Count: 56,611
Fandoms that I dabbled in this year, old and new: Supernatural and CW RPF.
My favorite story this year: Hate to start out with a bummer but…my answer to this would have been A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me, I worked really hard on it for years and finally got a chance to finish it in a way I was proud of this year. But the response to the final chapter was pretty disheartening and I haven’t managed to crawl out of the hole it left my writing self-esteem at the bottom of, so. I don’t know. I wish I could honestly still say that one and that what other people think doesn’t affect me, but I guess the honest answer would be Premonition at this point.
My least favorite story this year: In the stupidest way I have become extremely resentful of Slings and Arrows. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but it is at this point by a lot my most popular fic on AO3 and I wrote it as a cute little thing for a meme in a few hours. I wish people gave a crap about the stuff I put effort into.
Most successful story: Slings and Arrows
Story most underappreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I just wish people had stayed as enthusiastic about A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me in the end as they were in the beginning. I get that it’s my own fault. I didn’t update for over a year, so it’s no wonder people lost interest, and I guess I didn’t stick the landing. But. Whatever, I wish people had liked it.
Most fun story: I had such a great time collaborating with stardustdean on Reply All. I hadn’t had really productive collaborations with an artist in a while and I forgot how fun it was to yell ideas. This was my first time doing epistolary fic, something I’ve always wanted to try, and it was really hard but I’m so happy we did it.
Story with single sexiest moment: It’s cheating, I think, to say A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me because all the porn in that one was written prior to 2020, so I’ll say Lazarus Rising both by default because it’s the only damn porn I finished this year, but also I really do think the part where Jensen starts listing all the things he had wanted to do to Jared throughout the story is pretty hot!
Biggest story fail: Take your pick, lol. I guess maybe Golden Age, the spn_masquerade fill I started in the Spring and still didn’t finish in the Fall round. Couldn’t even get it up to write a single damn fill. Pathetic.
Hardest story to make: I gave Jensen’s mom cancer in A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me before my mom got diagnosed. I knew that she was going to die before the end of the story and not wanting to do that because of my own baggage became this huge, dramatic roadblock that stopped me from finishing. At least I got it done in the few months where we thought Mom was cancer free or I might have never finished. But then again knowing how much people hated the ending, I guess that wouldn’t have been so bad, either.
Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? This is the least I have written in a year since I discovered Supernatural fandom in 2009. I’ve written stories longer than the amount I wrote in this entire year (ironically, both of them posted this year). Feels bad, man.
What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? First off, if you had told me a year ago that I would love the Supernatural finale so much it would inspire me to write fic exploring it, I would have thought you were having fun with me. And since I’m not typically a gen writer, I certainly would not have expected to write that. But what started as a Twitter thread grew too long and suddenly there was Premonition.
Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? I felt like there were a lot of things about Premonition that were out of my wheelhouse. Not just that it was gen, but it was OPOV when I usually write the same 4 POVs. The story was very SamandDean-centric, so they were usually doing things as a unit, or as a “them,” but my narrator also used they/them pronouns and had no actual name, so I really had to put in some work to distinguish when they were referring to themself and when they were talking about the Boys. It was experimental and I had no idea until I sent it to betas whether there was anything worth salvaging in it at all, so I’m really really proud of how it turned out and that people seemed to connect to it.
Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: Gosh, I know it’s so boring to get the same story three answers in a row, but Premonition and the as-yet unfinished Highway to Heaven have both been great exercises in solidifying some of my headcanons about Sam and Dean after the finale.
Story with the sweetest moment: I have to say when Jensen gives Jared Oscar in the last chapter of A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me.
Story that made you cry: Um. Does crying over mean comments count? If not, I guess it would be Premonition, Hashtag Barn Scene feels.
Most eye roll-worthy title: For the third and final year I get to answer A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me. I love the reference but it is so long and therefore unmemorable.
Most intentionally telling: Well, the Mothman and I were definitely vibing on some of our thoughts re: SamandDean in Premonition.
Unintentionally?: I learned a lot about being a caregiver that ended up showing up in Lazarus Rising. Jared’s story didn’t change, but I do feel like I was able to write a much more detailed and honest look into what he went through.
Most overdue: When was Christmas again? *sweats and looks at my spn_j2_xmas assignment*
This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most: Writing-wise the closest thing I had to a theme this year was starting something and then choking as soon as it gets to the challenging part. So I’ll just say Golden Age, which was the first thing I started and didn’t finish in 2020, because I decided to call it a night right before the porn and just didn’t feel up to writing anything sexy again as long as I lived.
Favorite Opening Line(s):
The hunters arrive at 4:17 p.m. on May 2, 2024, just as expected. The Mothman is already waiting. Hunters don’t really catch them by surprise. No one does.
(Premonition)
Favorite Closing Line(s):
Instead of answering, Jensen puts a hand on each side of Jared’s face, jerking his head so that Jared has no choice but to stare directly into his eyes. Jared is too frazzled by Jensen’s surprise appearance to puzzle out all the emotion he sees in them. Fear, maybe, or something equally vulnerable-coupled with a searching glance, like Jensen is working just as hard trying to decipher him.
Then, very suddenly, a look of unwavering resolve. Jensen takes one long, stumbling step into the apartment as he pulls Jared in for their second kiss.
(A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me)
Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated:
1. I would have loved to have seen a scene from Lazarus Rising. Probably especially the scene where Jensen gives Jared the guitar lesson.
2. The last “shot” of A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me.
3. Would probably be cool to see someone’s take on my Mothman from Premonition!
4. I have an unfinished draft of Jared and Jensen as pirates (Raise the Black) that’s heavily inspired by Black Sails, so I guess…who doesn’t want to see J2 as pirates? XD
5. Another unfinished one, but since I posted so little finished fic this year that’s really all I have to offer, so I’ll say cowboy!Jensen from Wild Oats.
The things I've learned this year: I learned nothing this year. Only backsliding. I survived this year and that’s all I’ve got.
Fic-writing goals for 2021: I know that this is very likely the last year I have of anyone caring about my Supernatural or J2 fics. There are a few big stories that I have been meaning to write for a long time, and I just really hope I can get those ones out while there’s still anyone around to read them.
January
Slings and Arrows [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] Be Mine Valentine’s Comment Meme - 2,536
February
Reply All [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] Be Mine Valentine’s Comment Meme collaboration with stardustdean - 5,617
June
Lazarus Rising [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] spn_j2_bigbang - 61,265 (26,163 in 2020)
ART FOR This Long Silence [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen]
July
ART FOR Freedom [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] spn_j2_bigbang
October
A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] - 66,488 (6,366 in 2020)
November
Premonition [Supernatural] - 7,620
Unpublished But Written in 2020:
Golden Age [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] unfinished spn_masquerade fill - 3,677
Highway to Heaven [Supernatural; Sam/Dean] - 1,373
Raise the Black [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] - 2,555
Wild Oats [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] unfinished spn_masquerade fill - 704
Total Word Count: 56,611
Fandoms that I dabbled in this year, old and new: Supernatural and CW RPF.
My favorite story this year: Hate to start out with a bummer but…my answer to this would have been A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me, I worked really hard on it for years and finally got a chance to finish it in a way I was proud of this year. But the response to the final chapter was pretty disheartening and I haven’t managed to crawl out of the hole it left my writing self-esteem at the bottom of, so. I don’t know. I wish I could honestly still say that one and that what other people think doesn’t affect me, but I guess the honest answer would be Premonition at this point.
My least favorite story this year: In the stupidest way I have become extremely resentful of Slings and Arrows. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but it is at this point by a lot my most popular fic on AO3 and I wrote it as a cute little thing for a meme in a few hours. I wish people gave a crap about the stuff I put effort into.
Most successful story: Slings and Arrows
Story most underappreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I just wish people had stayed as enthusiastic about A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me in the end as they were in the beginning. I get that it’s my own fault. I didn’t update for over a year, so it’s no wonder people lost interest, and I guess I didn’t stick the landing. But. Whatever, I wish people had liked it.
Most fun story: I had such a great time collaborating with stardustdean on Reply All. I hadn’t had really productive collaborations with an artist in a while and I forgot how fun it was to yell ideas. This was my first time doing epistolary fic, something I’ve always wanted to try, and it was really hard but I’m so happy we did it.
Story with single sexiest moment: It’s cheating, I think, to say A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me because all the porn in that one was written prior to 2020, so I’ll say Lazarus Rising both by default because it’s the only damn porn I finished this year, but also I really do think the part where Jensen starts listing all the things he had wanted to do to Jared throughout the story is pretty hot!
Biggest story fail: Take your pick, lol. I guess maybe Golden Age, the spn_masquerade fill I started in the Spring and still didn’t finish in the Fall round. Couldn’t even get it up to write a single damn fill. Pathetic.
Hardest story to make: I gave Jensen’s mom cancer in A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me before my mom got diagnosed. I knew that she was going to die before the end of the story and not wanting to do that because of my own baggage became this huge, dramatic roadblock that stopped me from finishing. At least I got it done in the few months where we thought Mom was cancer free or I might have never finished. But then again knowing how much people hated the ending, I guess that wouldn’t have been so bad, either.
Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? This is the least I have written in a year since I discovered Supernatural fandom in 2009. I’ve written stories longer than the amount I wrote in this entire year (ironically, both of them posted this year). Feels bad, man.
What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? First off, if you had told me a year ago that I would love the Supernatural finale so much it would inspire me to write fic exploring it, I would have thought you were having fun with me. And since I’m not typically a gen writer, I certainly would not have expected to write that. But what started as a Twitter thread grew too long and suddenly there was Premonition.
Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? I felt like there were a lot of things about Premonition that were out of my wheelhouse. Not just that it was gen, but it was OPOV when I usually write the same 4 POVs. The story was very SamandDean-centric, so they were usually doing things as a unit, or as a “them,” but my narrator also used they/them pronouns and had no actual name, so I really had to put in some work to distinguish when they were referring to themself and when they were talking about the Boys. It was experimental and I had no idea until I sent it to betas whether there was anything worth salvaging in it at all, so I’m really really proud of how it turned out and that people seemed to connect to it.
Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: Gosh, I know it’s so boring to get the same story three answers in a row, but Premonition and the as-yet unfinished Highway to Heaven have both been great exercises in solidifying some of my headcanons about Sam and Dean after the finale.
Story with the sweetest moment: I have to say when Jensen gives Jared Oscar in the last chapter of A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me.
Story that made you cry: Um. Does crying over mean comments count? If not, I guess it would be Premonition, Hashtag Barn Scene feels.
Most eye roll-worthy title: For the third and final year I get to answer A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me. I love the reference but it is so long and therefore unmemorable.
Most intentionally telling: Well, the Mothman and I were definitely vibing on some of our thoughts re: SamandDean in Premonition.
Unintentionally?: I learned a lot about being a caregiver that ended up showing up in Lazarus Rising. Jared’s story didn’t change, but I do feel like I was able to write a much more detailed and honest look into what he went through.
Most overdue: When was Christmas again? *sweats and looks at my spn_j2_xmas assignment*
This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most: Writing-wise the closest thing I had to a theme this year was starting something and then choking as soon as it gets to the challenging part. So I’ll just say Golden Age, which was the first thing I started and didn’t finish in 2020, because I decided to call it a night right before the porn and just didn’t feel up to writing anything sexy again as long as I lived.
Favorite Opening Line(s):
The hunters arrive at 4:17 p.m. on May 2, 2024, just as expected. The Mothman is already waiting. Hunters don’t really catch them by surprise. No one does.
(Premonition)
Favorite Closing Line(s):
Instead of answering, Jensen puts a hand on each side of Jared’s face, jerking his head so that Jared has no choice but to stare directly into his eyes. Jared is too frazzled by Jensen’s surprise appearance to puzzle out all the emotion he sees in them. Fear, maybe, or something equally vulnerable-coupled with a searching glance, like Jensen is working just as hard trying to decipher him.
Then, very suddenly, a look of unwavering resolve. Jensen takes one long, stumbling step into the apartment as he pulls Jared in for their second kiss.
(A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me)
Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated:
1. I would have loved to have seen a scene from Lazarus Rising. Probably especially the scene where Jensen gives Jared the guitar lesson.
2. The last “shot” of A Dime If You Tell Me That You Love Me.
3. Would probably be cool to see someone’s take on my Mothman from Premonition!
4. I have an unfinished draft of Jared and Jensen as pirates (Raise the Black) that’s heavily inspired by Black Sails, so I guess…who doesn’t want to see J2 as pirates? XD
5. Another unfinished one, but since I posted so little finished fic this year that’s really all I have to offer, so I’ll say cowboy!Jensen from Wild Oats.
The things I've learned this year: I learned nothing this year. Only backsliding. I survived this year and that’s all I’ve got.
Fic-writing goals for 2021: I know that this is very likely the last year I have of anyone caring about my Supernatural or J2 fics. There are a few big stories that I have been meaning to write for a long time, and I just really hope I can get those ones out while there’s still anyone around to read them.