Count Electric Sheep 'til You Dream of Me
Basically EXO are a team of interspecies, intergalactic spies/crime fighters/detectives, take your pick I haven’t decided yet.
Also available on AFF
It’s not easy for twelve young men to live together under any circumstances. Be it in a small, one room apartment or a high rise suite, there will never be enough space to house that much testosterone. It’s only natural for them to fight every now and then. But the worst fights always seem to be the ones that don’t actually involve much yelling.
Jongdae, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Tao, and Kris are all sitting at the table. Chanyeol is nursing his third cup of coffee and Baekhyun is reading the newspaper, looking out for anything suspicious. Jongdae and Tao are watching Kris clean his mechanical arm. The arm is made of hundreds of thousands of metal pieces, but it’s not a metal found on Earth. It doesn’t rust in water, but it’s very sensitive to dust, so Kris has to clean it almost every day. Maybe more, depending on how often he forces his hand to change functions. He’s gone through the routine so often that it takes him only about an hour to give each part a good cleaning. When he’s done he fuses the pieces together to form a hand, and then quickly rearranges again so that a frying pan sticks out of the sleeve of his shirt.
“Perfect,” Kris says to himself, reforming his hand.
His hand isn’t the only thing that’s mechanical-his left eye has also been replaced. It doesn’t require the same cleaning as his hand, and it looks much more natural, but if someone stands close enough they would be able to see that the eye is not real-it’s especially noticeable in the sunlight.
Jongdae pipes up. “So, were you born with only one hand?”
Kris frowns. “Why? Does it matter?”
Jongdae shrugs. “Just curious.”
Kris huffs. “I was born with two hands. And they both functioned well enough.”
Chanyeol blinks and his eyes focus for the first time since he woke up. Jongdae gapes at Kris.
“So, how’d…” Jongdae waves at Kris’ hand. “That happen?”
Kris’ lip curls in distaste. “This is considered perfectly normal in my culture. All people choose to replace one arm with something more functional.”
Jongdae’s eyes narrow. “If everyone does it, it doesn’t seem like much of a choice. So what, you just chopped off a perfectly good arm?”
“I never said it was perfect,” Kris says coldly. “Not in any sense of the word. It functioned, but it was a useless appendage, I could barely hold a writing implement with it. And for your information it was not chopped off, a team of highly skilled surgeons removed it and attached this better model.”
Jongdae looks faintly green, so does Chanyeol. Baekhyun has finally looked up from the newspaper.
“That’s mildly disturbing,” Jongdae mutters.
Kris glares at him. “The people of your culture make changes to their bodies all the time. How is that any less disturbing?”
Chanyeol pipes up. “How old were you?”
Kris barely glances at him. “Twelve.”
Jongdae shakes his head. “In our culture, that’s a little young to be chopping off healthy limbs.”
Kris’ hands become fists. “It was not chopped off,” he says in a clipped tone. “It was a routine procedure that has been done millions of times over. Having it done made me a more productive member of society. Do I need to remind you of all the times I have saved a member of this group by using this hand?”
But Jongdae is never one to leave an argument alone. “You were a child! You weren’t a productive member of society to begin with! Did you even have choice?”
“Of course I did!” Kris explodes. “My people would never force the procedure on any unwilling citizen!”
“You were too young,” Jongdae counters. “Your brain hadn’t even developed yet, I don’t care how fast you say your people can absorb knowledge, that’s too young.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Kris growls. “Every procedure I’ve ever had has been to make my body more productive to society, not to make me aesthetically perfect. It’s a shame your society can’t say the same.”
Jongdae shakes his head. “You’ve been brainwashed.”
It’s the final straw. Kris stands up from the table so fast he knocks the chair over. “And you’re a watery meat sack that’s slowly decaying from age. In a few years you’ll be worth nothing to society, replaced by a newer model. At least I won’t succumb to that fate.”
Then he stalks out of the kitchen and a few seconds later the front door slams shut.
Tao sighs and shakes his head. “Jongdae, did you have to needle him?”
Jongdae scoffs. “Oh please, am I the only one who thinks he sounds like he came out of dystopian sci-fi novel?”
Tao glares. “You still could have handled that better.”
Kris doesn’t come home until around dusk. But it’s winter, so that means about 4:30 PM. He’s not used to the cold environment, so he doesn’t usually stay out past dark any way. Dinner isn’t quite ready, which means most of the others are off on their own. Only Kyungsoo is in the kitchen to witness the awkward apology that Jongdae and Kris share, and he tells Tao about it in a text message.
To : Zitao (4:35 PM)
Kris looked like he swallowed a lemon and Jongdae wasn’t much better but I think they won’t chop each other’s heads off.
To : Kyungsoo-ge (4:35 PM)
That’s good enough
To : Zitao (4:36 PM)
What’d they fight about?
To : Kyungsoo-ge (4:37 PM)
The usual
Somebody sets Kris off at least once a week. Tao knows that he doesn’t mean to get so mad, he’s just very protective of his home planet. In a way Tao really admires that about him, he’s a real patriot. But it’s often hard for others to reconcile the differences between Kris’ culture and their own, even the ones like Kai, who aren’t exactly from this society either.
Suho calls everyone down for dinner over the intercom system, shouting for Chanyeol to fish Kai out of the bathtub if he would be so kind. Tao nearly runs into the two of them in the hallway, Chanyeol barely able to navigate around Kai’s large, soaking wet body. He ends up helping Chanyeol carry Kai down the stairs, though it’s mostly out of pity for poor Kai, who looks absolutely terrified as he clings to Chanyeol’s shoulders. His merman’s tail has already started to shift back to human legs and the tentacles that line his hips are slowly receding, but if Chanyeol dropped him he’d probably roll down the stairs and break something. Kai still looks shaken up when he’s at the table, but he calms down considerable when Kyungsoo sits next to him and kisses his cheek. Yixing and Minseok are already at the table, leaning on each other like they usually are. Lu Han walks in and eyes them with envy before taking a seat on Kai’s other side. Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Kris come in with large platters full of food and set them on the table. Sehun scampers in just as Suho comes out of the kitchen, his wings fluffed up in agitation, holding a large pot of soup.
“You guys don’t want to know what I had to go through to get this,” he growls before setting it on the table. They can all smell the meat inside-beef, and pretty darn good stuff.
“You’re the best,” Sehun says reverently. Suho’s mouth twitches into a smile and he ruffles the youngest boy’s hair.
Kris is very subdued during dinner, and he doesn’t eat as much as he normally does. He doesn’t participate in the conversation either, not even when somehow the conversation ends up being about teasing Kyungsoo and Kai about their new relationship. Kris had said from the beginning that Kai had feelings for Kyungsoo, and normally he would take the opportunity to gloat about it, but instead he stares gloomily at his soup and stirs it around the bowl a few times before shoving it at Sehun. After dinner, Kris volunteers to clean up and Tao offers to help him. Everyone else leaves quickly after that.
For the most part they clean up in silence. Kris forms his hand into a steely brush and works on scrubbing caked on leftovers off the pots and pans. Tao loads up the dishwasher and puts the little bit of leftovers they have into the fridge. Ever since Sehun came to live with them, there haven’t been many leftovers to be had. They’re not sure what Sehun’s past is, they just know that he’s an expert marksman and he was skinny as a rail when the agency brought him to the apartment.
Tao clears his throat. “Have you gotten a read on Sehun?” He asks, just to have something to talk about.
Kris smiles a little. “He has a massive crush on Suho.”
Tao feels a stab of jealousy and Kris laughs, flicking soapy water his way. “Calm down,” he says as Tao sputters. “He’s not going to take your place as Mama’s baby.”
Tao knows that, but it’s not always easy to watch Sehun snuggle under Suho’s wings after dinner, practically purring like a smug little kitten. That used to be Tao’s spot.
“Yeah well, besides that,” He grumbles.
Kris turns off the water and splays the metal parts of his hand apart, inspecting for crumbs. He takes a moment before he responds. “You’re deflecting,” he finally says.
Tao sighs and leans his head against the fridge. He can never hide from Kris.
“Let’s go upstairs?” Kris suggests.
Tao grunts in response and leads the way.
The apartment is very spacious, two floors with eight bedrooms, four of which have their own bathroom. It also has a reading room and a game room in addition to their large living room, and a room that’s become the computer room, though that’s more Jongdae’s realm than anyone else’s. Even with all the space, it’s hard to get a moment alone, and the twelve of them often clash. Tao is used to Kris’ moodiness after a fight, but this seems different from usual. It’s not the first time it’s happened, and Tao knows it means that Kris isn’t mad at Jongdae, he’s upset with himself.
Tao and Kris’ room is bordered by Suho’s room on the right and Kyungsoo and Kai’s room on the left. The rooms are kind of soundproof, but only up to a certain decibel. But with the majority of their housemates in the living room, Tao isn’t worried about being overheard. As soon as Kris shuts that door, Tao perches on the bed and pats the space next to him. He wait for Kris to sit before he speaks.
“How are you feeling?”
Kris sighs. “Homesick.”
Tao reaches for his hands, and Kris moves the mechanical one under his leg. Tao doesn’t even try to conceal how much that hurts, and he takes Kris’ other hand in both of his own.
“Aren’t we past all this?” Tao asks quietly, cradling Kris’ hand. “How long has it been?”
“I have never understood rhetorical questions,” Kris says drily. “What are you accusing me of?”
“Not trusting me when I say that I love you,” Tao says.
Kris flinches. “Of course I trust you.”
“Give me your hand,” Tao says.
Kris doesn’t move.
“Jongdae didn’t mean anything against you, earlier,” Tao says, “So if that’s what’s got you worked up, you shouldn’t think about it too much.”
“But I do,” Kris says softly. “I think about it all the time. I don’t fit in on this planet.”
Tao swallows past a lump in his throat. He knows that Kris is trying so hard, but it’s difficult for him. Kai is only different when he’s in water, Suho’s wings are more obvious but even they can be folded close to his back and hidden under a jacket. Kris can’t hide what he is, even if he tries it’s obvious that it makes him uncomfortable. He can’t stand gloves and sunglasses, because where he comes from his mechanical parts don’t make him different, they help him blend in, and they’re something he’s very proud of. He doesn’t like being ashamed of himself. Tao knows this all too well.
Kris refused to touch Tao with his left hand, and it was getting a little ridiculous. Tao finally cornered him in their room one night after they got back from an assignment.
“What’s wrong?” Tao demanded, keeping a firm grip on Kris’ left arm. “Do you think so little of me that you expect me to scream if you touch me?”
Kris wouldn’t look at him. “No.”
“Then what is it?” Tao asked, desperation creeping into his voice. “Did I say something? Did I hurt you?”
“No,” Kris whispered. “It’s not…you didn’t do anything, I just…” he sighed and looked at the floor, refusing to meet Tao’s eyes. “I’ve never been…ashamed of who I am before. Now I’m starting to wish that I was more like you.”
Tao reaches for Kris’ left arm and tugs. Kris lays his hand on his lap, and Tao takes it. He holds Kris’ hand to his mouth and kisses each finger, never looking away from Kris’ face. The metal is warm and soft, not exactly like skin but unlike any metal Tao’s ever encountered before. Kris stares at Tao in awe as Tao kisses his fingers again, and again.
“I think you’re wonderful as you are,” Tao says against Kris’ palm. Kris twitches and Tao allows him to pull away.
“When I thought about the person I would fall in love with,” Kris says, “I never thought that we would be so different yet so alike. But I also never thought I would end up living in a place that would consider me a freak. You’re an exception to the rule, and while I love you dearly…sometimes I need more.”
“I know,” Tao says. “But I don’t want you to hide that part of yourself from me.”
Kris looks at him thoughtfully and sighs. “Well, you haven’t run screaming yet.”
Tao grins and holds out his hand. Kris places his mechanical hand in Tao’s, his palm facing up. Tao pushes Kris’ sleeve up to his elbow, where metal abruptly became skin. He traces the seam with his fingertips before tracing gently down the metal, barely touching at all. Kris shivers and his fingers curl.
“Did it hurt?” Tao asks before he can stop himself. He’s never asked Kris about the procedure before.
Kris hesitates. “Sort of…but not in the way I expected it to.” He pauses again. “Do you want me to tell you about it?”
“Only if you don’t mind,” Tao says quickly.
“I don’t mind.”
They scoot up the mattress and lean against the headboard, and when they’ve settled again Tao takes hold of Kris’ hand once more. Kris squeezes Tao’s hand as he starts to talk.
“It’s so normal on my planet. Every day you see someone with the hand, they use it as a key, a music player, a cooking tool, a writing utensil, anything we need. A child with two ordinary hands is totally dependent on the technology around them to survive, and that technology is not always guaranteed to work. I couldn’t wait for the procedure that would make me like my parents and teachers. Twelve is when we’re allowed to have it, and before the procedure can be done you have to go for a thorough examination, physical and mental. You have to understand the power of the tool that you’re gaining, and you have to be able to understand the responsibility. Once I passed those tests, I met with a doctor who explained what was going to happen.”
Kris hesitates again and glances at Tao. “They showed me…diagrams, and videos of what they would need to do in order to remove my arm. It was complicated, but they assured me that they knew what they were doing. If anything went wrong, it would be in the mechanical hand, my arm and…what would be left of it, that would be fine. They knew how to remove a limb, replacing it was the hard part. They had to hook it up to my nervous system after all.
“I wasn’t worried about all that, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t going to feel anything. Children tend to tell stories, someone’s cousin’s friend’s gossipy aunt knew someone who woke up during the procedure, or who felt everything even though they were knocked out. Of course it wasn’t true, that had never happened, but as a kid I believed it. The doctor assured me that I wouldn’t feel anything at all but I was still worried. I worried up to the day of the operation. I spent the night before in the medical center so the doctors could prepare my body for the procedure. It would take something like four hours to remove my arm, and then another sixteen to attach the replacement.”
Tao gasps in spite of himself. “How…wouldn’t that be too dangerous?”
Kris shakes his head. “It’s hard to explain since I have nothing to compare the technology to, but it’s like…they shut your body down in such a way that you survive, you breathe and your heart beats, but it’s all very slow. It’s like, you’re frozen in time while everyone else moves at a normal pace. It also reduces the risk that you bleed out during the operation. Am I making you uncomfortable?”
Tao shakes his head. “No, I’m okay.”
“You’re not going to have nightmares from this conversation?” Kris asks skeptically.
Tao punches his arm. “Have a little faith.”
“Okay, okay,” Kris says with a grin. “Anyway, the morning of the procedure there’s an hour set aside where parents get to come in and spend some time with their kid, as a way to reassure them and all that. It’s shown that seeing parents before a major procedure and waking up with them in the room helps the child adjust to the shock of waking up after a 20 hour surgery. I don’t know if it’s the same here, but it works for my people. I knew my parents were coming but I was a wreck. I hadn’t slept well and I was so worried about things that could go wrong. I wanted to show my parents that I was growing up and I was mature enough to handle the operation, so I tried to hold myself together, but I failed. I cried for nearly twenty minutes before they showed up, and I was still crying when they walked into the room. They had…I hadn’t cried in front of them since I was a baby.”
“What did they do?” Tao asks.
Kris grins fondly. “My father held me on his lap and hugged me until I calmed down enough to speak. They asked me why I was so scared…I didn’t want to tell them at first, so they called the doctor and asked him to speak to me. When he came in I just blurted out, ‘Are you sure it won’t hurt?’ I was so embarrassed to be asking that, I had been told over and over that it wouldn’t hurt but I still needed to be told again. But the doctor was very understanding, as were my parents. They said it was only natural to be scared of pain. They kept telling me that I might feel discomfort, especially around where my skin ended and the metal began, and I might feel strange pulses or vibrations in my new arm for a while but it wasn’t going to incapacitate me. Finally they asked if I wanted to reschedule the procedure. My father even told me that he rescheduled his twice because he was so nervous, but I said I wanted to get it over with. They trusted that I knew what I was saying and said they would go ahead with it.
“I remember everything about that day. They brought me to a special room where they washed my body and dressed me in special clothes that would protect me from bacteria, and then they took me to another room where I fell asleep. It wasn’t the operating room, I never saw that place. This room was…very calming. It didn’t feel like a hospital. Aside from the clothes I was wearing, it was like I wasn’t even going to have this major operation. Once I laid down they asked me to talk to them, about anything. I said that I was nervous, but also kind of excited. I told them about how I wanted to be an athlete one day, and the sports that I liked. I felt them put a needle in my arm and shortly after that I started to feel tired, and a little cold. The last thing I remember is asking for a blanket, and then I woke up in the recovery room with my parents sitting next to me.”
Tao knows he looks shocked. “Wow. And…did it hurt?”
“It was uncomfortable,” Kris says. “See, when I was a kid I had once burned my finger on a hot pan. It was pretty bad, and it was the worst pain I had ever felt. I was thinking that my arm would feel like that. Stabbing, hot pain and a bone-deep ache up and down my arm. I was totally wrong. I felt kind of raw, especially, like they said, around where skin and metal merged. But they gave me some very strong pain medication for the first few days and by the time I was off it, the pain had gone away so all I ever felt was discomfort.”
“Wow,” Tao says again. “Damn. I wish we had that kind of stuff on our planet.”
Kris grins. “Maybe someday you can. Your technology is catching up to ours, you know.”
Tao hums thoughtfully. “What about…the other procedures?”
“They didn’t hurt either,” Kris says. “The eye took more getting used to but the other stuff, if not for the memory of going into surgery I wouldn’t even know that it happened.”
Tao scans Kris’ body. Of the other 11 people in the house, only he knows how many procedures Kris has undergone in his life. He was twenty when he arrived on earth, and including his arm and eye he’s had nine procedures to improve the function of his body. His leg bones have been replaced, as have his ribs and several internal organs. Kris can run faster than any human, his body can take in and hold more air, so he is able to hold his breath for long periods of time. He is immune to most poisons, and something had been done which makes his immune system so strong that he hasn’t gotten so much as a cough in years. Kris won’t talk about all the operations and what exactly that they have done, and half of what Tao knows had been blurted out by Kris in his more emotional moments.
When Tao looks up again, Kris still looks slightly put out. “I wonder if I over did it,” he admits. “Maybe Jongdae has a point. Maybe people aren’t meant to alter their bodies so much.”
Tao sighs. He knows why Kris started thinking this way. “You can’t compare yourself to me. I’m healthy, it’s true, but who knows how things might have turned out if you had done anything differently. I grew up on this planet, half the procedures you had were to prepare you for this world.”
Kris still doesn’t look convinced. “Tao…when I realized that I loved you, my first thought was that your body would decay in a few years. All I could think about was getting you back to my world and making you like me.” Kris’ voice breaks and he won’t meet Tao’s eyes. “I practiced what to say in my head, I planned exactly what to say that could convince you to…to change who you were. And finally I realized that you didn’t need all that, that you were fine on your own. And I wondered…what that made me. Not only am I half artificial, I’m so selfish that I would try to alter who you were. I fell in love with you and your…supposedly imperfect self. I had been taught that what I did was for the good of my world and society, but you do everything I can and I still wanted to convince you to change.”
Tao finds that he’s somehow not surprised to hear this. He remembers catching Kris’ gaze and seeing something frantic in his eyes. He puts himself in Kris shoes, coming from a world where people lived long lives thanks to the alterations they made to their bodies.
“Of course you wanted that,” Tao says. “You wanted me to be safe. You have your own definition of what that means. Do you still feel that way?”
Kris shifts on the bed, inching away. “Sometimes,” he mumbles. “But I realize that I can’t force you. I always knew that but…I decided that all those speeches I practiced in my head about the positives of the procedures, I wouldn’t bring them up. It should be purely your choice, you don’t need my brainwashed propaganda.”
Tao frowns. “You’re not brainwashed,” He says firmly. “Jongdae’s an ass, don’t mind him.”
Kris sighs. “Seriously, that’s what you want to scold me for?”
Tao sits back and runs a hand through his hair. “You didn’t do anything,” he says after a while. “You didn’t kidnap me, take me back to your planet, and take me to a hospital. You didn’t try to convince me of anything, and you owned up to your thoughts.”
“Only months after the fact.”
“Hey,” Tao says sharply, “Listen for a minute, okay?”
Kris nods.
“I’m not mad at you,” Tao says, gentler. “You basically convinced yourself that you were on the wrong track. I can’t punish you for being afraid. You were afraid of losing me, you just wanted to keep me safe. And in your mind, that meant making me like you. But that hasn’t happened, and you haven’t tried to talk me into it. If anything, that just tells me that you truly do love me.”
Kris finally meets his eyes. “You are far more understanding than most people would be.”
Tao shrugs. “I’m in no position to judge your culture. I don’t know what I would do if I was in your position, and since nothing has come of your thoughts, there’s no harm.” He smiles. “Do you feel a little better now?”
Kris thinks it over. “Yes, marginally. I still feel homesick. And…a little inferior. It’s not something I’m used to.”
The casual way he says it makes Tao’s heart break. “You’re not inferior.”
“But I’m not the perfect being I imagined I was.”
“So, what?” Tao asks. “You’re either perfect or you’re inferior?”
Kris doesn’t say anything, but Tao can read the answer on his face. Yes.
“Is that just your opinion, or is something making you feel that way?” Tao asks.
“Well I altered myself so that I could be perfect. If I’m not perfect then what am I? I’d rather be inferior than a monster.”
Tao feels like he just got struck by lightning. “Monster?” He echoes weakly.
“Any animal or human grotesquely deviating from the normal shape, behavior, or character,” Kris says. He holds up his metal hand. “This makes me a monster.”
Tao stares at him, dumbstruck. “You could not be more wrong,” he says. He throws his leg over Kris’ lap and leans down, so close he almost has to go cross eyed to keep eye contact. He places on hand on Kris’ shoulder, and cradles Kris’ face with the other, thumb resting just below his mechanical eye.
“If you’re a monster, then what does that say about me for falling in love with you?”
It’s a dirty trick, Kris would never say anything bad about Tao. Sure enough his eyes widen and he shakes his head. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
Tao kisses him then, leaning down so that Kris has to crane his head back. Tao trails his hand from Kris’ shoulder down to his ribs, pressing gently. He can barely feel a difference between his bones and Kris’ mechanical structure. Kris whines quietly and grabs Tao’s wrist, but doesn’t attempt to pull him away.
Tao pulls back after a few minutes, moving away just enough so he can look at Kris. Kris stares back at him, wide eyed and slightly panicked still.
Tao focuses on Kris’ eyes. From far away, nobody can tell the difference, but from this close Tao can see the layers that make up Kris’ mechanical eye. It allows Kris to see in the dark, as well as focus on far away objects. Tao doesn’t see how it makes him a monster.
“I didn’t fall in love with you because of your body,” Tao says after a moment. “I fell in love with you because of your personality and your spirit.”
Kris slowly relaxes, the tension leaving his face, and Tao continues. “Listen, I know you’re having a hard time here, and I don’t blame you. This is a whole different world after all, and we’re still in the early stages of our relationship. So if you need to hear me say something, just tell me what it is. I’ll say it every day, every hour, for as long as it takes for you to believe it.”
He hopes Kris can feel the sincerity in his words, he hopes that the love he feels is obvious. He thinks it’s working, because Kris is tearing up.
“What do you want me to say?” Tao asks, brushing his thumbs under Kris’ eyes. “You’re not a monster, you’ll always be beautiful to me, I respect your culture, I love you, any of those?”
Kris bites his lip, looking thoughtful. “There is something I want from you, but it’s too early for me to ask for it.”
Tao knows he looks confused.
“I have a feeling you’ll say it to me one day,” Kris says, “And I would rather that it happened on your terms.”
Tao sighs but he understands. “Okay, but in the meantime is there something I can do?”
Kris looks a little embarrassed. “My name,” he mumbles. “My real one.”
“You know that my native language is nothing like anything on your planet, right?” Kris asked one afternoon as he traced spiraling patterns on Tao’s stomach.
Tao hummed, making himself focus. “Yeah, you told me.”
Kris nodded and propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at Tao with a fond grin. “I’m surprised you haven’t commented on my name.”
That made Tao wake up a little bit. He grabbed Kris’ wrist and tugged his hand out from under his shirt so he couldn’t be distracted any more. “I figured it wasn’t really my place to ask.”
“I want you to ask.”
“Okay,” Tao laughed. “What’s your real name?”
Kris said something, and Tao stared at him blankly. “What?”
Kris repeated it, slower. Tao knew he could never make his tongue form those syllables.
“It sounds beautiful,” he said.
“Not really,” Kris said. “It literally means ‘ordinary person’. In your language, it would translate to Yifan.”
“Yifan,” Tao repeated.
Kris actually blushed. “It sounds better when you say it.”
Tao grins at him. “There’s no need to be embarrassed about it Yifan.”
Kris is about to retort, but then the use of his name registers. “That’s unfair,” he says weakly. “How do you make it sounds so…so…”
He’s at a loss for words. That hardly ever happens. Tao bends down and kisses him again. Kris gasps and clutches at Tao’s shirt, pulling him closer. After a moment Kris grabs Tao’s hips and flips him onto his back. Tao’s stomach swoops and he yelps as his back hits the mattress, but it morphs into a giggle as Kris kisses his neck.
Tao threads his fingers into Kris’ hair and pulls him closer. Kris’ teeth scrape his neck and Tao moans. Kris plays with the hem of Tao’s shirt, and Tao feels his heart races as he wonders if Kris is going to take it off. he’s about to do it himself when Kris pulls back and Tao sees that his eyes are shining with tears.
“Are you okay?” Tao asks.
Kris kisses him in response. He’s so gentle, and Tao relaxes back against the bed, taking deep breaths through his nose. Kris has done this before-in some ways, it’s even more sensual than any other kiss Tao has ever been given.
Kris’ tongue glides over Tao’s lower lip, and Tao inhales sharply, but Kris goes no further. He kisses Tao over, and over, and over, until Tao can hardly breathe anymore. He grabs fistfuls of Kris’ shirt, fingers clenching and loosening rhythmically. His chest is heaving and he grips Kris’ hips with his thighs, unsure if he wants to keep kissing or roll Kris onto his back and ride him. It’s the most frustrating thing in the world, yet Tao can’t get enough of it. just when he thinks he’ll burst from want or lack of oxygen, Kris pulls back.
“Tao,” he breathes, “I love you so much.”
Tao’s breath catches in his throat and he hiccups. “I love you too,” he says, feeling choked. “More than I’ll ever be able to say.”
Kris grins and kisses Tao again, once, before pulling away. “You don’t have to say it, I can feel it.” He hesitates. “I never told you this, but I remember the exact moment I realized I was in love with you.”
Tao raises his eyebrows. “Yeah? When was it?”
Kris’ cheeks are slightly pink. “When I realized that I never remembered my dreams unless they involved you.”
Tao is speechless. Kris’ mechanical hand lightly traces Tao’s cheek and jaw before pressing lightly against his lips. Tao feels Kris’ gaze, warm as the noon sun. He smirks and turns his head, biting lightly at Kris’ fingertips.
“What were those dreams about?” He asks, voice smooth as silk. Kris pulls back quickly.
“Is this the best time for that?” Kris asks.
Tao sits up and tugs his shirt off, he can feel his hair standing on end and knows that with his kiss-swollen lips he already looks ravished. “There is hardly ever a time where I don’t want you,” he purrs, moving to straddle Kris’ thighs. “But if you prefer we could go to sleep, or maybe go back to the living room and listen to Chanyeol tease us about the hickey you gave me.”
Kris lays his hands on Tao’s thighs, looking thoughtful. “I’m not especially tired, and I’m not sure either one of us in presentable condition.”
Tao hums, hooking his arms around Kris’ neck. “So, do you want me?”
Kris throws Tao’s words back at him. “There is hardly ever a time where I don’t want you.”
Tao jerks awake and squints at the clock. It’s almost midnight, and he can hear someone in the hallway. Kris arm tightens around his waist and pulls him closer.
“Chanyeol dropped something,” He mumbles sleepily. “It’s alright, go back to sleep.”
Tao relaxes and snuggles back into Kris’ chest, but he can’t fall asleep.
“I’m cold,” he says after a minute, “Let me up.”
But instead Kris sits up and puts a firm hand on Tao’s shoulder. “I’ll get it,” he says. Tao sighs but stays in bed, watching Kris walk over to the dresser and rummage for clothes.
“I can feel you staring,” Kris says, his back still turned.
But Tao knows that Kris can also feel that his gaze is not sexual.
Kris comes back to their bed and pulls off the blanket. Tao shivers but before he can even move Kris is dressing him in a pair of warm sweat pants. Tao sighs again and lifts his hips so Kris can dress him more easily. Then Kris gives him a pair of socks, the soft, fuzzy kind that Tao loves so much on nights like this. He finishes with a well-worn t-shirt, one of Tao’s favorites, and then he dresses himself before lying down again. This time Tao lays his head on Kris’ chest, pressing his face into his neck.
“I love when you do that,” Tao says quietly. “Nobody’s ever done that for me before.”
Kris pulls Tao until he’s lying almost totally on top of him. Tao’s legs are nestled between Kris’, his head almost on top of Kris’ heart. The first time they slept like this Tao was afraid he would crush Kris’ lungs, but now he knew they didn’t need to worry about that.
“Yifan?”
“Hmm?”
“What were your dreams really about?”
Kris chuckles and pets Tao’s hair. “Sometimes they were totally ordinary. Sometimes we were just talking, and I could never remember the conversation but I could remember your smile. Sometimes we fought. Sometimes we were making love. But mostly it went something just like this.”
Tao smiles. “That’s so romantic.”
“I know. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
Tao is drifting off to sleep, but he’s awake enough to press a kiss to Kris’ neck and whisper, “Me too.”
This is too good to give up. Maybe I’ll write more. Maybe.
Title inspired by the title of Philip K. Dick's novel "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" I was supposed to read it in my senior year of high school, never made it past page 20.
