crossover drabbles.
Just a few silly drabbles I wrote for this meme. There's a sort of Serena-is-gorgeous running theme, but all the drabbles are stand-alone. And crossoverish. And extremely pointless.
Twilight/Harry Potter -- Hermione, Carlisle, Bella, Lavender.
--
The first thing Hermione finds out when she starts working at the Ministry is that there is a fair quantity of topics missing from both Hogwarts and Magical Law training. The list opens with about five different types of shapeshifters, and ends with sentient magic carpets.
Item number eight is marble-skinned vampires. To be fair, it would be troublesome to deal with creatures who place above human beings on the food chain, so they have an agreement: vampires are not allowed to drink magical blood, and wizards are not allowed to interfere with vampires' activities.
Of course, there is always the odd one.
"I'm Dr Cullen. Carlisle Cullen", the blond one says, and Hermione can't help the fluttering of her eyelashes. His skin glows.
Ron coughs beside her, and she shakes the hand Carlisle Cullen offers.
"Yes, of course. Hermione Granger", she manages to say. "This is Ron Weasley, my fiancé." She breathes in and steps away from the door. "Do come in."
There's a bit of a commotion regarding this case, and Hermione's not sure where a lawyer-in-training and a vampiric doctor come in, but she's nothing if not rigorous. She wonders if she should have brought along an entourage, too. Carlisle sounded quite sane on the phone.
They spend about thirty minutes discussing policy, in which Hermione blinks knowingly at least twenty times -with every ray of light reflecting on his skin- before either of Carlisle's companions speak up.
"Excuse me", the girl says, and all of a sudden Hermione feels a tad self-conscious about her hair. "I thought we were here to talk about Miss, uh, Black, was it?"
"Brown. Miss Brown. I thought it would be best to cover the case first."
"We were briefed over the phone, Miss Granger."
"I like to make sure everyone's on the same page, Miss Hale."
"We are", Rosalie states. "It's why we brought Nessie."
*
Nessie turns out to be a child conceived by a vampire, and a girl who should have known better.
"How did this happen?" Hermione asks stupidly. Rosalie raises an eyebrow at her and opens her mouth. "Please spare me the logistics."
"We don't know", Carlisle says. "She was conceived during Bella's honeymoon with my son." Who is not his son, Hermione reminds herself. Bella smiles awkwardly at her from the armchair. She has a sweet, largely forgettable face, except for the lack of colour and imperfect features. Not unlike Lavender, really, which Hermione finds rather ironic.
"While she was human", she repeats.
"Yes."
Hermione's having trouble making sense of this.
"She's fine, though," Bella says, and Nessie nods in agreement. "She's alive and healthy, she learns fast. . .she's just physically overgrown."
"No shit", Ron remarks, and Hermione glares at him.
Bella's smile gets even more awkward.
*
Lavender arrives an hour later. She looks flushed, and Ron's eyes fly to his shoes, as per.
"Sorry. Got caught up in traffic", she says as she sits down.
"You could've come by Floo", Hermione reminds her, and Lavender sighs and offers a frustrated smile.
"I tried. The network considers me undesirable."
Basically, Lavender got poisoned by a vampire. Just a little bit.
"Anyhow", Carlisle says, "it's been two days. If she's not dead yet, I don't think she's going to be. Our poison is slow, but starts acting immediately, and Miss Brown has visible blood on her cheeks."
There's a giggle from the armchair, and Hermione looks up to an image that makes her shudder.
"That's nice that you two get along", Rosalie says coldly in their direction. Bella flinches like she's been caught passing notes in class.
At the end, Lavender decides she's not going to press charges. Hermione has never been able to make sense of that.
Still, Carlisle eventually becomes Rose's godfather, so not everything that comes out of the meeting is bad.
--
Gossip Girl/Skins -- Blair, Serena, Cassie.
--
Blair Waldorf does not belong in a place like this.
"Come on," Serena whines, pouting a little. "Vanessa says the cheeseburgers are heavenly."
"I don't eat cheeseburgers," Blair deadpans as the waitress approaches their table. Blair is pretty sure she's mimicking a ballet step, but she doesn't say anything.
"Hi," Serena says, smiling brightly. It's kind of mesmerizing. "I'm Serena, this is Blair, and we'd like a cheeseburger."
The waitress looks confused. "A cheeseburger for both of you? Just the one?" She also has a British accent, Blair notes. She shivers for a second, and then tells herself she's being stupid. You can't assume the entire population of a country is sleeping with their stepmother. "Or one for each?"
"Two for her," Blair clarifies, "I'll have a cup of coffee," and clarifies everything about that.
"You should have ordered three," Serena says when the waitress leaves. "Since you're eating one."
"You should know better than to introduce yourself to waitresses, and yet." She gestures vaguely at her.
Serena shakes her head. "It's called being nice. You should try it sometime."
"Why would I be nice to a waitress in Brooklyn?"
When the waitress comes back, she smiles at Serena like there's something wrong with her head. It would explain why she works at a diner, Blair thinks.
"Ooh, extra cheese," Serena says happily, and digs in.
"I saw you on the paper last week," the waitress says suddenly, kind of absently. Blair looks up and stares, but the waitress keeps talking, like this is what you do when a customer is nice to you. "Yeah. I went to the loo and Em had just mopped so there was a sheet of paper on the floor and it had your name on it."
"Oh," Serena replies around her mouthful.
"The photograph was lovely," the waitress says dreamily, and practically floats away.
"See?" Serena says. "People are comfortable talking to you when you're nice to them." Blair sniffs the air. "What?"
"You reek of Brooklyn," she says, and Serena just chuckles when Blair grabs a burger from her plate.
--
The Office/Gossip Girl -- Andy Bernard, Serena. There's a lot of reasons I don't write The Office, and I think this showcases all of them pretty well.
--
The first time he sees her, he thinks that the fact that a goddess like that has graced his life is pretty much enough reason to praise the Lord, and he's pretty much ready to drop to his knees and start praying. The fact that a goddess like that sees him drool is. . .not so great, but hey, you're not supposed to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Unless it has a mouth as beautiful as the goddess's, he assumes.
"Andy Bernard," he introduces himself, and the goddess grins and shakes his hand as they sit down. They're in a small coffeehouse in Manhattan, property of someone who actually comes out to say hello and addresses the goddess -- Serena -- by name. Andy decides that the reason he's been sent to meet her is that he doesn't live here.
If he did, there'd be weekly duels at the office to decide who gets to see her.
"So you're publishing your own magazine, huh?" Andy says excitedly. It's not like he has to fake it; he'd buy her magazine. He'd probably buy a thousand of them, come to that, if she keeps smiling like that. "So what's it gonna be like? Teen Cosmo? Sevengirl?"
Serena beams. "It's actually this project my boyfriend came up with," she explains. "He writes these lovely short stories, and it's a shame that not so many magazines will publish stuff by people in high school. There are so many talented people just struggling for a chance to get their name out there."
"Right," he says, and it's not often that Andy finds himself tongue-tied, but she's so beautiful.
"So," she goes on, either not noticing or ignoring that he looks like a blowfish, "can we look at that budget now?"
It takes Andy five seconds to blink and process what she's saying.
This might be what Michael meant when he called to announce, "You're gonna love it", and hung up.
*
A year later, when she's made herself impossibly richer and her magazine has gone national, she actually drives to Scranton to thank him personally.
"It's been such a success," she says, shaking his hand with both of hers. He can vaguely distinguish Pam trying not to laugh. "And so many people were there for me at the beginning, being supportive, so I felt I owed them a 'Hey, I remember you'." She beams. Her hair reaches her hips when she leans back to get it out of her face.
She moves her entire body to accommodate a lock of hair. It's like a fucking shampoo commercial.
Andy's brain goes a little numb. He'd faint, but he's distracted from the thought when Michael does.
--
Gossip Girl/The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Nate, Dan, Bridget Vreeland.
--
To say Dan isn't into soccer is like saying Serena's smile could light up a whole room. (It could light up all of New York, Dan believes. Who needs Christmas lights when they have Serena van der Woodsen?) Still, one does favors for friends, and Dan is the only friend Nate has, besides Serena, who doesn't think attending an amateur female soccer game is lowly.
He's not about to be his wingman, but he can make him feel a little less like a fish out of water, and it's not like seeing two teams of girls run around is a painful prospect.
"Okay," Nate says, subtly pointing at a petite brunette from their seats. "That's Viola."
Dan squints. "A little tomboyish, isn't she?"
"And Vanessa isn't?" Nate replies with a smile.
"You probably shouldn't be mentioning Vanessa when you're watching soccer for another girl," Dan points out. "I'm just saying."
"It's a platonic crush, Humphrey."
Dan raises an eyebrow.
Just then, he spots a mane of blond hair at the other extreme of the bleachers, running towards -- her teammates, Dan supposes, if the uniform's anything to go by.
"Wow," Nate says, and when Dan looks at him, he realizes they're staring at the same person.
"She takes care of her hair better than I expected from a soccer player," Dan says.
"No," Nate clarifies, "well, yeah, but she looks a lot like Serena."
Dan squints.
"She has the exact same eyes."
Dan doesn't see it. "Serena's much prettier."
Nate punches him in the arm. "You're just saying that 'cause you're in love with her."
Dan raises his other eyebrow.
He keeps her eyes on the girl during the entire game and, by the end of it, he's positive she and Serena couldn't look any less alike.
--
Twilight/Gossip Girl -- Blair, Edward.
--
It starts when Penelope goes missing.
"I always thought she would be involved in a crime," Blair says to Serena. As an afterthought, she adds, "I didn't think she would be the victim, but it's not entirely a surprise."
Serena shakes her head, but she's smiling. "You're cruel."
"I'm honest," Blair replies. She eyes Serena's yoghurt. "Are you eating that?"
Serena shrugs noncommittally.
Blair throws it in the trash.
*
The new kids at school have good features, but no sense of style at all.
"Is she wearing a parka?" Blair asks Hazel. Hazel turns around.
"Ew," she grimaces.
*
One day, Blair notices something unusual. She walks up to one of them, the first one she can find. He's pale-skinned like the others, too much hair, and is carrying five thick textbooks like they're light as an empty handbag.
"You," she says. He shifts slowly to face her, and a smile plays on the corner of his lips, amused. Blair ignores this.
"Do you need anything?"
"Are you wearing golden contacts?"
He seems taken aback by this. Then, he chuckles. "Yes."
"Why?"
He leaves one of the books in his locker. "So girls like you have a reason to come up to talk to me," he finally answers.
Blair glares and leaves.
*
It ends when Penelope comes back.
"Oh my God, you're wearing golden contacts too?" Blair asks.
Penelope shrugs and announces that she's moving to Alaska. Blair raises an eyebrow.
"It's practically a castle," Penelope explains. "That's why I didn't come to school last week. So much to explore."
"Right," Blair acknowledges.
"I'll be back for college."
That sounds just about right.
--
Twilight/Harry Potter -- Hermione, Carlisle, Bella, Lavender.
--
The first thing Hermione finds out when she starts working at the Ministry is that there is a fair quantity of topics missing from both Hogwarts and Magical Law training. The list opens with about five different types of shapeshifters, and ends with sentient magic carpets.
Item number eight is marble-skinned vampires. To be fair, it would be troublesome to deal with creatures who place above human beings on the food chain, so they have an agreement: vampires are not allowed to drink magical blood, and wizards are not allowed to interfere with vampires' activities.
Of course, there is always the odd one.
"I'm Dr Cullen. Carlisle Cullen", the blond one says, and Hermione can't help the fluttering of her eyelashes. His skin glows.
Ron coughs beside her, and she shakes the hand Carlisle Cullen offers.
"Yes, of course. Hermione Granger", she manages to say. "This is Ron Weasley, my fiancé." She breathes in and steps away from the door. "Do come in."
There's a bit of a commotion regarding this case, and Hermione's not sure where a lawyer-in-training and a vampiric doctor come in, but she's nothing if not rigorous. She wonders if she should have brought along an entourage, too. Carlisle sounded quite sane on the phone.
They spend about thirty minutes discussing policy, in which Hermione blinks knowingly at least twenty times -with every ray of light reflecting on his skin- before either of Carlisle's companions speak up.
"Excuse me", the girl says, and all of a sudden Hermione feels a tad self-conscious about her hair. "I thought we were here to talk about Miss, uh, Black, was it?"
"Brown. Miss Brown. I thought it would be best to cover the case first."
"We were briefed over the phone, Miss Granger."
"I like to make sure everyone's on the same page, Miss Hale."
"We are", Rosalie states. "It's why we brought Nessie."
*
Nessie turns out to be a child conceived by a vampire, and a girl who should have known better.
"How did this happen?" Hermione asks stupidly. Rosalie raises an eyebrow at her and opens her mouth. "Please spare me the logistics."
"We don't know", Carlisle says. "She was conceived during Bella's honeymoon with my son." Who is not his son, Hermione reminds herself. Bella smiles awkwardly at her from the armchair. She has a sweet, largely forgettable face, except for the lack of colour and imperfect features. Not unlike Lavender, really, which Hermione finds rather ironic.
"While she was human", she repeats.
"Yes."
Hermione's having trouble making sense of this.
"She's fine, though," Bella says, and Nessie nods in agreement. "She's alive and healthy, she learns fast. . .she's just physically overgrown."
"No shit", Ron remarks, and Hermione glares at him.
Bella's smile gets even more awkward.
*
Lavender arrives an hour later. She looks flushed, and Ron's eyes fly to his shoes, as per.
"Sorry. Got caught up in traffic", she says as she sits down.
"You could've come by Floo", Hermione reminds her, and Lavender sighs and offers a frustrated smile.
"I tried. The network considers me undesirable."
Basically, Lavender got poisoned by a vampire. Just a little bit.
"Anyhow", Carlisle says, "it's been two days. If she's not dead yet, I don't think she's going to be. Our poison is slow, but starts acting immediately, and Miss Brown has visible blood on her cheeks."
There's a giggle from the armchair, and Hermione looks up to an image that makes her shudder.
"That's nice that you two get along", Rosalie says coldly in their direction. Bella flinches like she's been caught passing notes in class.
At the end, Lavender decides she's not going to press charges. Hermione has never been able to make sense of that.
Still, Carlisle eventually becomes Rose's godfather, so not everything that comes out of the meeting is bad.
--
Gossip Girl/Skins -- Blair, Serena, Cassie.
--
Blair Waldorf does not belong in a place like this.
"Come on," Serena whines, pouting a little. "Vanessa says the cheeseburgers are heavenly."
"I don't eat cheeseburgers," Blair deadpans as the waitress approaches their table. Blair is pretty sure she's mimicking a ballet step, but she doesn't say anything.
"Hi," Serena says, smiling brightly. It's kind of mesmerizing. "I'm Serena, this is Blair, and we'd like a cheeseburger."
The waitress looks confused. "A cheeseburger for both of you? Just the one?" She also has a British accent, Blair notes. She shivers for a second, and then tells herself she's being stupid. You can't assume the entire population of a country is sleeping with their stepmother. "Or one for each?"
"Two for her," Blair clarifies, "I'll have a cup of coffee," and clarifies everything about that.
"You should have ordered three," Serena says when the waitress leaves. "Since you're eating one."
"You should know better than to introduce yourself to waitresses, and yet." She gestures vaguely at her.
Serena shakes her head. "It's called being nice. You should try it sometime."
"Why would I be nice to a waitress in Brooklyn?"
When the waitress comes back, she smiles at Serena like there's something wrong with her head. It would explain why she works at a diner, Blair thinks.
"Ooh, extra cheese," Serena says happily, and digs in.
"I saw you on the paper last week," the waitress says suddenly, kind of absently. Blair looks up and stares, but the waitress keeps talking, like this is what you do when a customer is nice to you. "Yeah. I went to the loo and Em had just mopped so there was a sheet of paper on the floor and it had your name on it."
"Oh," Serena replies around her mouthful.
"The photograph was lovely," the waitress says dreamily, and practically floats away.
"See?" Serena says. "People are comfortable talking to you when you're nice to them." Blair sniffs the air. "What?"
"You reek of Brooklyn," she says, and Serena just chuckles when Blair grabs a burger from her plate.
--
The Office/Gossip Girl -- Andy Bernard, Serena. There's a lot of reasons I don't write The Office, and I think this showcases all of them pretty well.
--
The first time he sees her, he thinks that the fact that a goddess like that has graced his life is pretty much enough reason to praise the Lord, and he's pretty much ready to drop to his knees and start praying. The fact that a goddess like that sees him drool is. . .not so great, but hey, you're not supposed to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Unless it has a mouth as beautiful as the goddess's, he assumes.
"Andy Bernard," he introduces himself, and the goddess grins and shakes his hand as they sit down. They're in a small coffeehouse in Manhattan, property of someone who actually comes out to say hello and addresses the goddess -- Serena -- by name. Andy decides that the reason he's been sent to meet her is that he doesn't live here.
If he did, there'd be weekly duels at the office to decide who gets to see her.
"So you're publishing your own magazine, huh?" Andy says excitedly. It's not like he has to fake it; he'd buy her magazine. He'd probably buy a thousand of them, come to that, if she keeps smiling like that. "So what's it gonna be like? Teen Cosmo? Sevengirl?"
Serena beams. "It's actually this project my boyfriend came up with," she explains. "He writes these lovely short stories, and it's a shame that not so many magazines will publish stuff by people in high school. There are so many talented people just struggling for a chance to get their name out there."
"Right," he says, and it's not often that Andy finds himself tongue-tied, but she's so beautiful.
"So," she goes on, either not noticing or ignoring that he looks like a blowfish, "can we look at that budget now?"
It takes Andy five seconds to blink and process what she's saying.
This might be what Michael meant when he called to announce, "You're gonna love it", and hung up.
*
A year later, when she's made herself impossibly richer and her magazine has gone national, she actually drives to Scranton to thank him personally.
"It's been such a success," she says, shaking his hand with both of hers. He can vaguely distinguish Pam trying not to laugh. "And so many people were there for me at the beginning, being supportive, so I felt I owed them a 'Hey, I remember you'." She beams. Her hair reaches her hips when she leans back to get it out of her face.
She moves her entire body to accommodate a lock of hair. It's like a fucking shampoo commercial.
Andy's brain goes a little numb. He'd faint, but he's distracted from the thought when Michael does.
--
Gossip Girl/The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Nate, Dan, Bridget Vreeland.
--
To say Dan isn't into soccer is like saying Serena's smile could light up a whole room. (It could light up all of New York, Dan believes. Who needs Christmas lights when they have Serena van der Woodsen?) Still, one does favors for friends, and Dan is the only friend Nate has, besides Serena, who doesn't think attending an amateur female soccer game is lowly.
He's not about to be his wingman, but he can make him feel a little less like a fish out of water, and it's not like seeing two teams of girls run around is a painful prospect.
"Okay," Nate says, subtly pointing at a petite brunette from their seats. "That's Viola."
Dan squints. "A little tomboyish, isn't she?"
"And Vanessa isn't?" Nate replies with a smile.
"You probably shouldn't be mentioning Vanessa when you're watching soccer for another girl," Dan points out. "I'm just saying."
"It's a platonic crush, Humphrey."
Dan raises an eyebrow.
Just then, he spots a mane of blond hair at the other extreme of the bleachers, running towards -- her teammates, Dan supposes, if the uniform's anything to go by.
"Wow," Nate says, and when Dan looks at him, he realizes they're staring at the same person.
"She takes care of her hair better than I expected from a soccer player," Dan says.
"No," Nate clarifies, "well, yeah, but she looks a lot like Serena."
Dan squints.
"She has the exact same eyes."
Dan doesn't see it. "Serena's much prettier."
Nate punches him in the arm. "You're just saying that 'cause you're in love with her."
Dan raises his other eyebrow.
He keeps her eyes on the girl during the entire game and, by the end of it, he's positive she and Serena couldn't look any less alike.
--
Twilight/Gossip Girl -- Blair, Edward.
--
It starts when Penelope goes missing.
"I always thought she would be involved in a crime," Blair says to Serena. As an afterthought, she adds, "I didn't think she would be the victim, but it's not entirely a surprise."
Serena shakes her head, but she's smiling. "You're cruel."
"I'm honest," Blair replies. She eyes Serena's yoghurt. "Are you eating that?"
Serena shrugs noncommittally.
Blair throws it in the trash.
*
The new kids at school have good features, but no sense of style at all.
"Is she wearing a parka?" Blair asks Hazel. Hazel turns around.
"Ew," she grimaces.
*
One day, Blair notices something unusual. She walks up to one of them, the first one she can find. He's pale-skinned like the others, too much hair, and is carrying five thick textbooks like they're light as an empty handbag.
"You," she says. He shifts slowly to face her, and a smile plays on the corner of his lips, amused. Blair ignores this.
"Do you need anything?"
"Are you wearing golden contacts?"
He seems taken aback by this. Then, he chuckles. "Yes."
"Why?"
He leaves one of the books in his locker. "So girls like you have a reason to come up to talk to me," he finally answers.
Blair glares and leaves.
*
It ends when Penelope comes back.
"Oh my God, you're wearing golden contacts too?" Blair asks.
Penelope shrugs and announces that she's moving to Alaska. Blair raises an eyebrow.
"It's practically a castle," Penelope explains. "That's why I didn't come to school last week. So much to explore."
"Right," Blair acknowledges.
"I'll be back for college."
That sounds just about right.
--