I love everything you write. A constructive suggestion, rather than just pure flattery (which I can offer if you need it, but hopefully you don't): Better word economy. It's something I need to work on too, but write so the adjectives you use are vibrant enough to stick out in a meaningful way. The rest of the adjectives will hopefully become obselete when you pump up the quality of your nouns.
I'm not sure that made sense. But watch:
When I think of her, with wonder and heartbreak, confusion and curiosity, she begins to materialize in some magical archetypal way in the front of my mind and in the back of my throat and in all of the things that I have ever seen and felt fondly about in every transparent and fleeting image. My eyes play tricks on me and I begin to imagine her behind every set of sunglasses every smiling curve every bobbing head of long (pick a word like, flowing, maybe... something more descriptive - don't waste one of your adjectives on a word like "long", even if her hair is long) blonde hair. Even now, after the
( ... )
Comments 1
A constructive suggestion, rather than just pure flattery (which I can offer if you need it, but hopefully you don't):
Better word economy. It's something I need to work on too, but write so the adjectives you use are vibrant enough to stick out in a meaningful way. The rest of the adjectives will hopefully become obselete when you pump up the quality of your nouns.
I'm not sure that made sense. But watch:
When I think of her,
with wonder and heartbreak,
confusion and curiosity,
she begins to materialize
in some magical archetypal way
in the front of my mind
and in the back of my throat
and in all of the things that I have ever seen
and felt fondly about
in every transparent
and fleeting image.
My eyes play tricks on me
and I begin to imagine her
behind every set of sunglasses
every smiling curve
every bobbing head of
long (pick a word like, flowing, maybe... something more descriptive - don't waste one of your adjectives on a word like "long", even if her hair is long)
blonde
hair.
Even now,
after the ( ... )
Reply
Leave a comment