Love to you all...
It's on this date in 1998 that my brother Stephen died...This was always a tough time for the family, especially Dad. For both of my parents, this has been a difficult time of year, on the threshhold of Christmas, a season of celebration and joy...Carol (and Nana) died in the end of October many years ago, as I said Stephen died in November, and Warren (as well as my Dad's parents)died in the month of December. I can remember my Dad used to insulate himself around this time of year, he was more or less unapproachable, or so I perceived as a child. We would walk around the house on eggshells. Keep things in check. Don't rock the boat. But as the years rolled by and time softened the grief, he mellowed a bit...Perhaps it was having all the grandchildren around...Sadness and death are always around, they're inescapable, but life does go on...Simple pleasures such as watching a Cardinal or a Nuthatch or a Tufted Titmouse feed hungrily at the birdfeeder can bring such a calming feeling. Pressures and worries seem to mount, no end in sight, but it's all temporary. Childbirth and the labor pains that go with it seem so life-shaking and painful beyond comprehension, yet it's temporary. This time tomorrow, things will be different...This time next week, all of the crises you had only days ago will be over...for better or for worse...life is always moving ahead...I have had major bouts of depression over the years, a sense of great despair and hopelessness that I could not see an end to...I resisted getting help. I resisted taking any kind of medication. But somewhere along the line I caved in...So yes, I've been taking medication for years and years. At one point I felt like a failure because I couldn't do it on my own...One of the potential manifestations of Wilson's Disease is depression caused by a chemical imbalance...I've lost 3 siblings to Wilson's Disease and another brother is struggling to hang on to and recover his life as he knew it. I want to be healthy, to grow old and offer help and love to those in need. We all have a purpose. I will not forget my siblings...I will not let myself fall prey to the self-sabotaging tendencies that lurk so insidiously on the sidelines...In spite of all the heartache and sadness that my Mom has endured, she is a role model, a champion, an earth angel to all those who know her. Some day her time will come, but I feel utter joy in having had her in my life. She has been the best and brightest symbol of light and love. And when my time comes to leave this mortal veil of tears, laugh and sing...and love...it's all temporary. But new life will spring forth. More birds will come to the feeder...and all those problems and worries will fall away...one by one. But while I am here, I send you all the most important message you will ever hear, LOVE.