LJ Idol - Topic 2 - Deconstruction

[chewbob]

I have had a really shitty month.

Emotions suck, don't they? I mean, really. Even when all your logic is like, "Hey, this is no big thing, you've gotten over worse, things will be okay and you won't feel this way forever," your heart is in the background crying like a little bitch and wailing, "Oh YEAH? How do YOU know? You have no idea how I

Comments

[chewbob]

Thank you!

[wyliekat]

What you're describing above, that feeling of remaking yourself to suit the ideal of someone else - that reminded me quite powerfully of my relationship with my ex-husband. You evoke the feeling very, very well. Nicely done.

[chewbob]

Thank you. I always tell myself I won't redefine myself for someone else, but I always do it anyway. I think it's inevitable, and a matter of finding the person who doesn't demand you shift your center, but who can work with you to make both of you stronger together.

[wyliekat]

You're exactly right. There's a reason why relationships are often compared to the kinds of trees that grow and twine together. It's inevitable that it will happen - you just hope to create a harmonious whole, rather than a situation where one tree is rigid and the other has contorted around it.

[deana_in_texas]

This was a really interesting read for me. It really evoked a lot of emotions, both good and bad. I just have two comments, I guess

[chewbob]

I definitely understand relationships are compromise. I didn't resent any of the changes I made, but I noticed after a while that he would bring up issues he had with me and I would work on making the necessary changes, but when I brought up issues to him, I would get, "That's just who I am" in response. Not all the time, but enough to where I started to feel like I was putting a lot into something I may not get much out of, and I had to decide if I was okay with it. It took a good chunk of time and soul searching to decide that I wasn't.

I have heard of love languages, but I haven't done much research into it. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what his was, actually, but I'm really not sure. In the end I think it's just that we had a connection, but didn't work well enough as a couple to make that connection something stronger, even though we wanted it to be. A lot of rough patches and false starts, no real relationship. Definitely a life lesson.

[team_jessie]

I feel like I've been through this break up with you! This was wonderfully described, and I got a real sense of the breaking down and building back up.

[chewbob]

Thank you! I appreciate that.

[solstice_singer]

Touch is a beautiful and necessary thing. It's one of the best ways I know to communicate love, and, as you said, not even in a sexual way.

Very nice post.

[chewbob]

Thank you! I know not everyone communicates that way, but I am hard-wired for it.