Short Story to Read?

[chibi_pixie]

For those friends interested, I wrote a fairly long (20 page) short story for my creative writing class and would like some feedback. I specifically want to know what confuses you, what scenes need to be fleshed out, what scenes are pointless, what questions are raised about the characters that never get answered, is the ending satisfactory or do

Comments

[bonemarch]

Toss it my way I'll give it a gander.

[platinumetude]

Is this the one you showed me part of a while back?