Title: Impossible Solution
Characters: Chris/Zach
Genre: h/c
Rating: hard-R
Length: ~460 words
Summary: Chris has a need that Zach can't fulfill.
Warnings: bit of angst, but not without the fluff of comfort
AN: This feels like only a beginning to me, but I don't know where else to go with it. I'd really like to see someone continue it some day.
It's always about three in the morning when it happens. Chris thinks he doesn't know, but Zach knows. They don't mention it. They never mention it. There's nothing to be done about it. It doesn't happen very often, but its frequency is starting to push the definitions of 'rare.'
Zach, normally deep in sleep at this hour, awakes to the feel of Chris' hand across his stomach. No, not his stomach, lower. Directly above his bellybutton. Chris rubs and squeezes, his hand pushing into the slight concave shape of Zach's muscles.
Zach closes his eyes and tries not to think about it; tries not to think about the tortured look he knows is on Chris' face; tries not to think about how neither one of them will be getting any more sleep tonight; tries not to think about how, in a few hours, when it's a more acceptable time to be waking, Chris will fuck him, hard and desperate and raw; tries not to think about how many times before Chris has come inside him only to repeat this ritual a week or two later. He tries, and he fails.
Maybe Chris does know that he knows. They both know.
Zach sighs and turns over, wrapping his arms around Chris just as the other man bursts into tears. For all the trying and the pretending, they've refused to acknowledge this. This primal, normal need for Chris; and if Zach were to admit it, it's his need too. Impossible though it is, he wants it.
They fuck, slow and anguished, Chris barely stretching him and barely needing to before he slides snugly inside. It's painful to watch each other, knowing that: although, this act will bring them together; nothing will come from it. Chris comes inside him, as always. The orgasm good but barren for both of them.
Zach holds Chris as they lie together in the aftermath, kissing his cheeks and eyes, coaxing Chris to open up again. It's quiet in the early morning, and they don't speak. Nothing will come of this, but that doesn't mean they can't have it anyway.
"I'm sorry."
"It's my fault."
"No, Chris, no."
"I'm the one who wants what I can't have."
"We can have it, Chris. Your sister could-"
"It wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be ours."
"Chris, no matter where it came from, it would be ours."
"It's just..."
"I know. I'm sorry I can't do that Chris; I really wish I could, but I promise, we'll figure something out, and we'll make it work." Zach wraps his arms around Chris and holds him tight as the other man clutches at his chest. This isn't over; but maybe, now that they acknowledge it is here, they can do something for it.