Buttface McBallnuts? Assbraham Lincolon?
A LIST OF THINGS:
ONE!
For those of you who don't know, in addition to a gerbil, my family co-owns a dog with our close friends. They're older and go out and on vacation a lot, and when their cat died they wanted a dog but felt guilty getting one just to be out half the time. We've always wanted a dog but my mom has Post-Polio and she's the one who would be spending the most time with it, but couldn't exercise it. So seven and a half years ago we decided to joint-custody get a dog, who has since become the most spoiled princess on the planet. Meet my Ella Bella:
Ella, in case you can't tell from these pictures, is about fifteen pounds of pure fluffy sass. She is the wimpiest, most obliging dog on the planet (while still managing to somehow give the air of attitude about everything she does). And what she really loves to do, when people come over, is bark. It's not mean barking, she's just trying to let us know a person is here. But for some reason this scares people. Why, I don't know. Like I said, she's fifteen fucking pounds, plus she looks like a teddy bear, plus she's in a play bow with her tail frantically wagging back and forth, plus it's a shrill bark, not a growly bark, so I don't see why people seem to think she's going to bite their hands off. But they always take a step back and go "whoa, can I come up on the porch there?"
This morning, I actually woke up on time, which meant I was here when the milkman came (yes, we still get our milk delivered, we're so quaint and adorable) and Ella was over (is still over and lying next to me snoring) and was like WOOF WOOF STRANGE MAN HERE. IS HE GOING TO PET ME? OH I HOPE HE IS GOING TO PET ME. WOOF WOOF ARE YOU CATCHING THIS WOOF? I did not know this, because usually when this happens I am unconscious, but the milkman as a matter of principle keeps treats to give to dogs, so Ella got rewarded for her bad behavior/shameless slutty clinging to and circling his feet making happy snergle snergle noises and begging for her ass to be scratched. She then spent half the morning outside on the porch woofing sadly like WHERE ARE THE REST OF THE FRIENDLY MEN WHO COME BEARING COOKIES FOR ME????
Her life is so hard.
TWO!
Speaking of milk, I need to learn to accept, at some point, that I am not exactly lactose intolerant, but that my body is lactose averse. Basically, I can eat dairy, but it has to be cut with something else. Ice cream works in small servings, because there's so much other stuff in it that I'm fine. I can have things with cheese or milk or cream or yogurt in them. But I cannot have a straight glass of milk, or just yogurt without at least half cereal, or anything of that nature. This is mostly not a problem as I've hated dairy my entire life, except my mom's started getting these peach-flavored Greek yogurts (this brand, if you're curious. They're low in fat and have all sorts of flavors and are hella delicious) that are like OM NOM NOM GET IN MAH BELLEH. I decided to have one for breakfast with very little cereal in it because we only had a little left.
This was dumb. This was so fucking dumb. Not only for the lactose and I hate each other reason, but for the reason that my stomach has never functioned well before at least two in the afternoon. I've spent the entire day having super-sexy gas pains and blurping and communing with my toilet, and about four hours later it's finally wearing off enough for me to "do work". (Or, finish catching up on stuff on Hulu and watching screeners so I can get my work done ahead of schedule. Ugh. WHY DOES THIS JOB NOT PAY WHEN IT'S SO DELIGHTFUL.)
THREE!
SPEAKING OF TELEVISION BEING DELIGHTFUL, I LOVE THAT IT HAS RETURNED. I know I kid myself into thinking I can totally survive during the off-season, but this is a lie. I CANNOT DEAL WITH THE OFF-SEASON. IT MAKES ME WEEP. One of the best days of the year for me is legit the day the Entertainment Weekly Fall Television issue arrives in my mail and I get to, sit down, and work out my schedule. In case you were curious, it looks like this:
(Merlin isn't on there because I download it at whatever o'clock it's available on Saturdays.)
See! And he little broken up lines indicate something I have to DVR either because I'm at class or there's a conflict! I can't decide if my making this makes me dorky or awesome. I'm sticking with awesome.
Also, as you can see, Running Wilde was the first casualty this season. Sorry, Will Arnett. I love you very, very much, but that show was not for me. It was like... okay, so everyone should know by now that I love(d) Pushing Daisies with a fierceness in my soul that shall never, ever die, but it was super duper twee. I accept that. I'm super duper twee. Running Wilde was like, half a twee as Pushing Daisies, but it felt to twee. Like it wants to be precious but somehow also retain the Arrested Development snark (it's made by a lot of the same people) and instead of making the twee delightful, it makes it awkward and uncomfortable. Also I kind of thought that as much as I love me some Will Arnett, he can't carry an entire show, and I wasn't so fond of everyone else. Sigh. Next up, Undercovers! Not going to lie when I say I have little to no interest in this show, but I really, really, really feel strongly about supporting a show where the two leads aren't white for a change, and my liberal douchery is enough to make me brave my J.J. Abrams hate (insofar as television is concerned, anyway. He should just stick to making movies) and try it.
FOUR!
I've decided that I want an arc of Cougar Town where Bobby gets a new lady who sticks around and is amazingly awesome and Jules freaks out a little but then learns to love new lady friend, and their family group expands, and it's amazing, and can we please have this arc? Please?
Also, I want people in my life who play Pennycan and Movie Mashup with me. But since Pennycan is not available online, I suggest a round of Movie Mashup! For you lame people who don't watch Cougar Town, basically the idea is you take two movies whose names you can mash together, and then you try to describe them and see if people can figure out the mashed together movie title. Examples from the show:
Clue: A killer whale gives out golden tickets to see who gets to visit his candy factory.
Answer: Free Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Clue: A fat cartoon cat gets to play catch with his dead father.
Answer: Garfield of Dreams
Clue: A crimefighting dog deals with racism.
Answer: Scooby Do(o) the Right Thing
AWESOME RIGHT? PLEASE PLAY THIS GAME WITH ME IN THE COMMENTS, YOU GUYS. I'VE THOUGHT UP SO MANY.
FIVE!
Last night while I was chatting with ninja_orange we were going through our favorite Merlin fanvids. While there are WAY TOO MANY for me to actually embed them all, this is a new one that's so delightful it makes me want to, like, crap my pants from joy.
MERLIN'S GO THE MAGIC, MAGIC, MAGIC, A-WOOOO, YEAH. ARTHUR'S TOO SEXY FOR THIS SONG.
SIX!
Am I the only person who's kind of in love with Silly Bands?(I refuse to spell them with the z. I have some dignity.) Because I am. They're so cute and colorful! My sister's boyfriend bought her the Pet Pack and a special Disney Princess pack. He was super impressed that both of us could correctly identify the princess just from her outline but hello, that's a totally valuable and marketable life skill right there.
Anyway, the pack came with two of each shape, so I begged Robin and bothered her until she gave me the extra purple doggy one, which i now wear all the time BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME. I'm not the only one who thinks it's awesome, right?
It also gave me this totally dumb idea where Arthur has the red dragon Silly Band and Merlin has the unicorn one and they're boyfriends. OR, Arthur is trying to collecthe unicorn one and in the process of attempting to get Merlin to trade him for it, they fall in love. Or if Inception's more your cup of tea, you just know Ariadne and Eames (and maybe Yusuf) are totally in love with these ever since Cobb's kids introduced them to Silly Bands. I bet they go crazy over them and Eames gave Arthur his favorite T-Rex Silly Band. BECAUSE HE LOVES HIM. SOMEONE NEEDS TO WRITE SILLY BAND FIC, IS MY POINT.
...sadly, this is not the dumbest idea I've had all week. Hell, it's not even the dumbest idea I've had today.
SEVEN!
Wow, this turned into such a longer post than I intended. I blame this on the fact that I'm waiting for the Slingbox for work. (A Slingbox is like a DVD player that can be accessed online with the proper passcode. We have one so that even though we're all around the country, we don't have to send the screener DVDs we get or illegally make copies for multiple people - we just e-mail the bossman what we want to watch, he sticks it in, and we stream it. It's pretty sweet, except only one person can watch at a time, which leads to lines and constantly refreshing to see if the person is DONE YET JESUS.) I've found that while I wait for my turn at the Slingbox, I get verbal diarrhea the likes of which you wouldn't believe. Like my brain feels that maybe, if I just keep talking, my co-worker will be done faster! Right! This is totally legit!
Also, I'm avoiding doing the dishes.
ONE!
For those of you who don't know, in addition to a gerbil, my family co-owns a dog with our close friends. They're older and go out and on vacation a lot, and when their cat died they wanted a dog but felt guilty getting one just to be out half the time. We've always wanted a dog but my mom has Post-Polio and she's the one who would be spending the most time with it, but couldn't exercise it. So seven and a half years ago we decided to joint-custody get a dog, who has since become the most spoiled princess on the planet. Meet my Ella Bella:
Ella, in case you can't tell from these pictures, is about fifteen pounds of pure fluffy sass. She is the wimpiest, most obliging dog on the planet (while still managing to somehow give the air of attitude about everything she does). And what she really loves to do, when people come over, is bark. It's not mean barking, she's just trying to let us know a person is here. But for some reason this scares people. Why, I don't know. Like I said, she's fifteen fucking pounds, plus she looks like a teddy bear, plus she's in a play bow with her tail frantically wagging back and forth, plus it's a shrill bark, not a growly bark, so I don't see why people seem to think she's going to bite their hands off. But they always take a step back and go "whoa, can I come up on the porch there?"
This morning, I actually woke up on time, which meant I was here when the milkman came (yes, we still get our milk delivered, we're so quaint and adorable) and Ella was over (is still over and lying next to me snoring) and was like WOOF WOOF STRANGE MAN HERE. IS HE GOING TO PET ME? OH I HOPE HE IS GOING TO PET ME. WOOF WOOF ARE YOU CATCHING THIS WOOF? I did not know this, because usually when this happens I am unconscious, but the milkman as a matter of principle keeps treats to give to dogs, so Ella got rewarded for her bad behavior/shameless slutty clinging to and circling his feet making happy snergle snergle noises and begging for her ass to be scratched. She then spent half the morning outside on the porch woofing sadly like WHERE ARE THE REST OF THE FRIENDLY MEN WHO COME BEARING COOKIES FOR ME????
Her life is so hard.
TWO!
Speaking of milk, I need to learn to accept, at some point, that I am not exactly lactose intolerant, but that my body is lactose averse. Basically, I can eat dairy, but it has to be cut with something else. Ice cream works in small servings, because there's so much other stuff in it that I'm fine. I can have things with cheese or milk or cream or yogurt in them. But I cannot have a straight glass of milk, or just yogurt without at least half cereal, or anything of that nature. This is mostly not a problem as I've hated dairy my entire life, except my mom's started getting these peach-flavored Greek yogurts (this brand, if you're curious. They're low in fat and have all sorts of flavors and are hella delicious) that are like OM NOM NOM GET IN MAH BELLEH. I decided to have one for breakfast with very little cereal in it because we only had a little left.
This was dumb. This was so fucking dumb. Not only for the lactose and I hate each other reason, but for the reason that my stomach has never functioned well before at least two in the afternoon. I've spent the entire day having super-sexy gas pains and blurping and communing with my toilet, and about four hours later it's finally wearing off enough for me to "do work". (Or, finish catching up on stuff on Hulu and watching screeners so I can get my work done ahead of schedule. Ugh. WHY DOES THIS JOB NOT PAY WHEN IT'S SO DELIGHTFUL.)
THREE!
SPEAKING OF TELEVISION BEING DELIGHTFUL, I LOVE THAT IT HAS RETURNED. I know I kid myself into thinking I can totally survive during the off-season, but this is a lie. I CANNOT DEAL WITH THE OFF-SEASON. IT MAKES ME WEEP. One of the best days of the year for me is legit the day the Entertainment Weekly Fall Television issue arrives in my mail and I get to, sit down, and work out my schedule. In case you were curious, it looks like this:
(Merlin isn't on there because I download it at whatever o'clock it's available on Saturdays.)
See! And he little broken up lines indicate something I have to DVR either because I'm at class or there's a conflict! I can't decide if my making this makes me dorky or awesome. I'm sticking with awesome.
Also, as you can see, Running Wilde was the first casualty this season. Sorry, Will Arnett. I love you very, very much, but that show was not for me. It was like... okay, so everyone should know by now that I love(d) Pushing Daisies with a fierceness in my soul that shall never, ever die, but it was super duper twee. I accept that. I'm super duper twee. Running Wilde was like, half a twee as Pushing Daisies, but it felt to twee. Like it wants to be precious but somehow also retain the Arrested Development snark (it's made by a lot of the same people) and instead of making the twee delightful, it makes it awkward and uncomfortable. Also I kind of thought that as much as I love me some Will Arnett, he can't carry an entire show, and I wasn't so fond of everyone else. Sigh. Next up, Undercovers! Not going to lie when I say I have little to no interest in this show, but I really, really, really feel strongly about supporting a show where the two leads aren't white for a change, and my liberal douchery is enough to make me brave my J.J. Abrams hate (insofar as television is concerned, anyway. He should just stick to making movies) and try it.
FOUR!
I've decided that I want an arc of Cougar Town where Bobby gets a new lady who sticks around and is amazingly awesome and Jules freaks out a little but then learns to love new lady friend, and their family group expands, and it's amazing, and can we please have this arc? Please?
Also, I want people in my life who play Pennycan and Movie Mashup with me. But since Pennycan is not available online, I suggest a round of Movie Mashup! For you lame people who don't watch Cougar Town, basically the idea is you take two movies whose names you can mash together, and then you try to describe them and see if people can figure out the mashed together movie title. Examples from the show:
Clue: A killer whale gives out golden tickets to see who gets to visit his candy factory.
Answer: Free Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Clue: A fat cartoon cat gets to play catch with his dead father.
Answer: Garfield of Dreams
Clue: A crimefighting dog deals with racism.
Answer: Scooby Do(o) the Right Thing
AWESOME RIGHT? PLEASE PLAY THIS GAME WITH ME IN THE COMMENTS, YOU GUYS. I'VE THOUGHT UP SO MANY.
FIVE!
Last night while I was chatting with ninja_orange we were going through our favorite Merlin fanvids. While there are WAY TOO MANY for me to actually embed them all, this is a new one that's so delightful it makes me want to, like, crap my pants from joy.
Click to viewMERLIN'S GO THE MAGIC, MAGIC, MAGIC, A-WOOOO, YEAH. ARTHUR'S TOO SEXY FOR THIS SONG.
SIX!
Am I the only person who's kind of in love with Silly Bands?(I refuse to spell them with the z. I have some dignity.) Because I am. They're so cute and colorful! My sister's boyfriend bought her the Pet Pack and a special Disney Princess pack. He was super impressed that both of us could correctly identify the princess just from her outline but hello, that's a totally valuable and marketable life skill right there.
Anyway, the pack came with two of each shape, so I begged Robin and bothered her until she gave me the extra purple doggy one, which i now wear all the time BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME. I'm not the only one who thinks it's awesome, right?
It also gave me this totally dumb idea where Arthur has the red dragon Silly Band and Merlin has the unicorn one and they're boyfriends. OR, Arthur is trying to collecthe unicorn one and in the process of attempting to get Merlin to trade him for it, they fall in love. Or if Inception's more your cup of tea, you just know Ariadne and Eames (and maybe Yusuf) are totally in love with these ever since Cobb's kids introduced them to Silly Bands. I bet they go crazy over them and Eames gave Arthur his favorite T-Rex Silly Band. BECAUSE HE LOVES HIM. SOMEONE NEEDS TO WRITE SILLY BAND FIC, IS MY POINT.
...sadly, this is not the dumbest idea I've had all week. Hell, it's not even the dumbest idea I've had today.
SEVEN!
Wow, this turned into such a longer post than I intended. I blame this on the fact that I'm waiting for the Slingbox for work. (A Slingbox is like a DVD player that can be accessed online with the proper passcode. We have one so that even though we're all around the country, we don't have to send the screener DVDs we get or illegally make copies for multiple people - we just e-mail the bossman what we want to watch, he sticks it in, and we stream it. It's pretty sweet, except only one person can watch at a time, which leads to lines and constantly refreshing to see if the person is DONE YET JESUS.) I've found that while I wait for my turn at the Slingbox, I get verbal diarrhea the likes of which you wouldn't believe. Like my brain feels that maybe, if I just keep talking, my co-worker will be done faster! Right! This is totally legit!
Also, I'm avoiding doing the dishes.