driveby ficdump: first piece of Asuka's bribefic
'cause it's about 3x too long to fit into a comment even unfinished...
Hazard alert: Kyuubi's got a foul mouth. Likely to be rated R for that alone, even before I get into the more, er, interesting part of the fic...
After what Naruto euphemistically referred to as That Day, and what Sasuke refused to refer to at all, and what Kakashi (with far, far too much smug glee visible in even just the uncovered quarter of his face) referred to as "the boys' little romp in the park" -- after that, there were several more ground rules put in place for the Kyuubi's days 'out.'
First was clothing. He could be naked on the Uchiha grounds, or he could wear clothes when he went elsewhere. (Fortunately, the Kyuubi wasn't enough of a chop-logic to ask about the baths. There were clearly other things a fox would prefer do with its free time than go and be voluntarily drenched and half-boiled at once.)
Second was human interaction. Even on the Uchiha grounds, if their friends came to visit, he was to be naked elsewhere in the Uchiha grounds until their friends were gone. The grounds were certainly big enough to prowl in, and there was no reason to wander around naked in front of people other than malicious, vindictive amusement at watching someone like Hinata squirm. Vindictive, malicious, and amused certainly applied to the Kyuubi in spades. However, they made him settle for their terms by offering a bribe he wasn't about to turn down.
If someone who was clearly not a friend -- someone in an Akatsuki cloak, or wearing the mark of Hidden Sound, for example -- showed up in the Uchiha grounds, Kyuubi could have them. With no questions asked.
The Kyuubi spent quite a number of nights prowling the rooftops, one happily vicious night watchman who was best paid in the absolutely free currency of doing his job. He'd caught a couple of Sound prowlers, over the months, and ...enjoyed them. Rather messily.
It was, Sasuke said to Sakura, rather like putting up with owning an unhousebroken cat in a building full of mice.
...A cat the size of a small mountain range.
...With a very, very loose definition of 'mice.'
But still, all it took was some running and some squeaking (well, and the occasional bloody death gurgle) to keep their pet purring rather than clawing up the drapes; and he was performing a service by discouraging the Sound and Akatsuki...
Sasuke sounded like he was desperately trying to convince himself of this even more than Sakura, and she hoped the look on her face wasn't too horrified and incredulous as she tried to nod. Both of them were trying to look at each other, but their gaze kept wandering toward where Kyuubi was building a nest of sorts in the middle of the living room. --With the good tablecloths.
Sakura had tried to scold him for it, and had gotten a warning rumble that had her scuttling back into the kitchen, ash-pale and with her heart pounding much too hard in her throat, and Sasuke had put her into a chair without even blinking, and brought her water, and now they were both watching the Kyuubi tear the stuffing out of the sofa and scatter it around the 'nest' and pad in circles to settle the fluff-drifts.
He -- it -- yawned, showing far more sharp pointy teeth than Naruto's head should have contained somehow, and lifted a foot to scratch behind Naruto's ear with careless, inhuman grace.
Sakura's mouth had gone dry. She took another sip of her water hastily, and managed, "Flexible..."
Sasuke nodded a little, staring just as much as she was. Which wasn't much of a comfort, but on the other hand, she could hardly blame him either.
...Not when she was swollen like an overripe melon, barely able to scrape together enough energy to support the demands of her greedy pregnancy, always struggling on the edge of spending the remainder of her term bedridden -- weak and helpless and needy and feminine and everything that Sasuke had ever despised --and when the Kyuubi was sitting there naked and radiating power and raw animal sexuality just by breathing...
She couldn't blame him for staring at all, really. But it still hurt.
It took some effort not to make frantic excuses and go hide. She'd been doing that more than she liked to admit, sometimes -- when she was feeling particularly grotesque and weak, when she was feeling particularly unlike the spirited, headstrong firebrand whose personality Sasuke clearly preferred to her stammering, insecure, painfully self-conscious side.
Naruto called it her Inner Sakura-chan and her Inner Hinata-chan, and he was rooting for Inner Sakura-chan to win. Not that he had anything against Hinata-chan, he was quick to assure her, but Sakura-chan was the one he loved, and the one he needed to see happy. Sasuke had made his preferences clear in far fewer words, but the silent gestures spoke more sharply than Naruto's good-natured bluster.
And her Inner Hinata was showing more and more as she became more and more aware of the gap between what her boys had fallen in love with and what she had become since then: needy, weak, fragile, overemotional, heavily misshapen with a child that might not be Sasuke's desperately-needed bloodline heir -- both physically and mentally repulsive to someone as attracted to strength and to perfection as Sasuke was...
Sasuke was looking at her now, his brows crooked together darkly. "Are you sure you can handle him?"
"I'm fine!" Sakura squeaked, and scrubbed at her face in case any of the tears had been trying to escape. "And he won't hurt me because of the baby, he knows better -- I can do this, I swear. Go on. Go."
"Sakura--"
"I'm fine," she said fiercely, willing herself to believe it enough that he would believe it too. "You're only going to be gone what, a few hours? I'll be fine with him to guard me, and he'll be fine with someone he can't plow through to guard him. And it's better keeping you two out of each others' way anyhow -- much easier on the repair bills!" She was chattering and she knew it, but couldn't seem to stop herself today. "Go on. I'm -- I'm not that useless, Sasuke-kun, not even now--"
"I wasn't-- I didn't--" Sasuke looked unsettled by the evidence of another set of her emotions that he wasn't prepared to deal with. Inwardly, Sakura cringed, and scrambled for some way to patch over her mistake.
"The sooner you go, the sooner you'll be back, right?" she asked far too brightly, clinging to her composure with ragged claws.
Sasuke blew straight up, gusting his bangs out of his face, and gave both of them and the room in general a frustrated glare. "I'll be back soon. I promise."
She nodded a little, not trusting her voice.
Sasuke hesitated, and then bent toward her swiftly, awkwardly, like a little bird testing its wings and unsteady with a landing. He kissed her brow, and then her cheek, and the backs of his fingertips barely, barely brushed against the curve of her huge belly -- because he was afraid to hurt her or because he was revolted by her girth, she never could tell for certain which -- and then he was gone in a cloud of dust, which was at least easier to explain in the long-abandoned Uchiha house than a swirl of fallen leaves indoors.
Rumbling to himself, the Kyuubi gutted another sofa cushion and shoved the fluff-dripping innards into the nest he was constructing in the middle of the sunbeam from the largest window in the house.
...At least sofa cushions didn't bleed. There wouldn't be blood stains -- or worse stains -- to try to get out of the admittedly sad remnants of what had once been rather nice carpet, before claws and Kyuubi's monthly outings and various other incidents had intervened...
It still didn't help. Sakura heaved herself out of the chair Sasuke had found for her, and waddled into the living room, and planted herself firmly on the last intact sofa cushion. And she growled right back at the Kyuubi when it glowered at her.
The Kyuubi tipped its head this way and that for a moment, then grinned toothily to itself and padded over to the closet and started hauling out all the winter bedding.
"NO," she said fiercely, and startled even herself. "Bad fox. Demon. Thing. --Anyway. Put those back right now."
Practice for two-year-olds, she reminded herself, trying not to hyperventilate as the Kyuubi fixed a bloody-eyed stare at her. Can't show weakness or they get away with mur-... they... take advantage...
"You're not pack-mama yet, bitch," the Kyuubi reminded her with a rumble. "And you talk to kits like that. Not to me. Not when you stink of terror."
"We need those," she said, trying not to let her chin drop. "We don't have fur. Winter's coming. We need those to stay warm. The-- the kit-- will need those..."
"Stupid naked fragile things," the thing grumped, stalking back to its nest of shreds and padding around in it, clearly dissatisfied with its level of cushioning from the floor. "Like blind squirming baby rats, so easy to crush there's almost no point..."
"You didn't object when you were rutting with us," Sakura pointed out, and wondered a bit madly how on earth her perverse mind had decided to bring out Inner Sakura to deal with the one that wanted meek submission and Inner Hinata to deal with the one who wanted a fiery challenge. "Or when you were using Sasuke in the park. Or poor Hinata..."
"Who's that?" the Kyuubi rumbled. "It's hard enough dealing with the thought of two naked furless mewling bitches. Not about to add a third one to the pack. I'm putting up with necessity, not into fucking other species for its own sake."
"I'm not talking about adding a third," Sakura said, hoping her face wasn't going to burst into flames from embarrassment. "I'm talking about Hinata. The poor girl whose lap you decided was practically molestable."
"Are you still holding a grudge from that, mama-bitch?" The Kyuubi let out a bark of almost-laughter. "The bleached thing was sitting in my sunbeam. She even had hands for ear scritches. Two of 'em. It was good."
"You nearly frightened her to death."
"Not my fault you lot are such weak, furless, squirming runts."
"You started a f-... a fight with Sasuke-kun in front of witnesses."
"The broody bitch went and blocked off my sunbeam. Like hell was I going to let that go by unchallenged. Next thing I know, the bitch might get some kind of delusions he'd ever be alpha. He's sick in the head as it is."
"He is not!" Sakura hissed furiously. "He's -- he's intelligent, very private, he's been so badly hurt but he's not sick--"
"You're telling me it's normal for you lot to want to have the shit beaten out of you, get shoved bloody into the mud, fucked within an inch of your life, and still have to be re-tamed every damn time I think I might finally have convinced the bitch that his ass is mine?" The Kyuubi shook its head swiftly, like a little animal sneezing, trying to shake an itch out of its head. "And you think I'm sick? I know which end of pain to be on. The giving end is always better than the getting end."
Then the Kyuubi half-sneezed again, his face crinkling into a horribly unfamiliar grin. "Fortunately for me, his type of sickness wants the getting end, so it works out." He dropped his head into the nest and closed his eyes, rumbling with an almost-purr in the sunbeam.
"What about me?" Sakura challenged. "I certainly don't ask for pain. Am I sick too? Or am I not sick enough for you? Not willing to fight and scream so you can almost rape me? Not enough of a struggling victim? Or are you just planning on ignoring me whenever you don't need to get me with child again?"
The Kyuubi slitted open one scarlet eye, bright and hot as molten iron.
"Feeling left out, little flower-bitch? Do you want pounced on and fucked into the mud too?"
"Ah-- ahh--"
Silently, Sakura cursed Inner Sakura with everything she was worth. DO NOT PROVOKE THE IMMORTAL DEMON, she shouted at herself a minute too late. He thinks you are ONE step removed from crunchy naked rats. You couldn't run fast enough even if you weren't the size of a beached whale right now. And he thinks pain and screaming is a turn-on. DO NOT provoke the --
His butt wiggled in the air, like a kitten getting ready to pounce.
--oh SHIT--
More either Thursday or next week 'cause the rest of my life is scheduled solid 'til then...
ETA: Continued over here...
Hazard alert: Kyuubi's got a foul mouth. Likely to be rated R for that alone, even before I get into the more, er, interesting part of the fic...
After what Naruto euphemistically referred to as That Day, and what Sasuke refused to refer to at all, and what Kakashi (with far, far too much smug glee visible in even just the uncovered quarter of his face) referred to as "the boys' little romp in the park" -- after that, there were several more ground rules put in place for the Kyuubi's days 'out.'
First was clothing. He could be naked on the Uchiha grounds, or he could wear clothes when he went elsewhere. (Fortunately, the Kyuubi wasn't enough of a chop-logic to ask about the baths. There were clearly other things a fox would prefer do with its free time than go and be voluntarily drenched and half-boiled at once.)
Second was human interaction. Even on the Uchiha grounds, if their friends came to visit, he was to be naked elsewhere in the Uchiha grounds until their friends were gone. The grounds were certainly big enough to prowl in, and there was no reason to wander around naked in front of people other than malicious, vindictive amusement at watching someone like Hinata squirm. Vindictive, malicious, and amused certainly applied to the Kyuubi in spades. However, they made him settle for their terms by offering a bribe he wasn't about to turn down.
If someone who was clearly not a friend -- someone in an Akatsuki cloak, or wearing the mark of Hidden Sound, for example -- showed up in the Uchiha grounds, Kyuubi could have them. With no questions asked.
The Kyuubi spent quite a number of nights prowling the rooftops, one happily vicious night watchman who was best paid in the absolutely free currency of doing his job. He'd caught a couple of Sound prowlers, over the months, and ...enjoyed them. Rather messily.
It was, Sasuke said to Sakura, rather like putting up with owning an unhousebroken cat in a building full of mice.
...A cat the size of a small mountain range.
...With a very, very loose definition of 'mice.'
But still, all it took was some running and some squeaking (well, and the occasional bloody death gurgle) to keep their pet purring rather than clawing up the drapes; and he was performing a service by discouraging the Sound and Akatsuki...
Sasuke sounded like he was desperately trying to convince himself of this even more than Sakura, and she hoped the look on her face wasn't too horrified and incredulous as she tried to nod. Both of them were trying to look at each other, but their gaze kept wandering toward where Kyuubi was building a nest of sorts in the middle of the living room. --With the good tablecloths.
Sakura had tried to scold him for it, and had gotten a warning rumble that had her scuttling back into the kitchen, ash-pale and with her heart pounding much too hard in her throat, and Sasuke had put her into a chair without even blinking, and brought her water, and now they were both watching the Kyuubi tear the stuffing out of the sofa and scatter it around the 'nest' and pad in circles to settle the fluff-drifts.
He -- it -- yawned, showing far more sharp pointy teeth than Naruto's head should have contained somehow, and lifted a foot to scratch behind Naruto's ear with careless, inhuman grace.
Sakura's mouth had gone dry. She took another sip of her water hastily, and managed, "Flexible..."
Sasuke nodded a little, staring just as much as she was. Which wasn't much of a comfort, but on the other hand, she could hardly blame him either.
...Not when she was swollen like an overripe melon, barely able to scrape together enough energy to support the demands of her greedy pregnancy, always struggling on the edge of spending the remainder of her term bedridden -- weak and helpless and needy and feminine and everything that Sasuke had ever despised --and when the Kyuubi was sitting there naked and radiating power and raw animal sexuality just by breathing...
She couldn't blame him for staring at all, really. But it still hurt.
It took some effort not to make frantic excuses and go hide. She'd been doing that more than she liked to admit, sometimes -- when she was feeling particularly grotesque and weak, when she was feeling particularly unlike the spirited, headstrong firebrand whose personality Sasuke clearly preferred to her stammering, insecure, painfully self-conscious side.
Naruto called it her Inner Sakura-chan and her Inner Hinata-chan, and he was rooting for Inner Sakura-chan to win. Not that he had anything against Hinata-chan, he was quick to assure her, but Sakura-chan was the one he loved, and the one he needed to see happy. Sasuke had made his preferences clear in far fewer words, but the silent gestures spoke more sharply than Naruto's good-natured bluster.
And her Inner Hinata was showing more and more as she became more and more aware of the gap between what her boys had fallen in love with and what she had become since then: needy, weak, fragile, overemotional, heavily misshapen with a child that might not be Sasuke's desperately-needed bloodline heir -- both physically and mentally repulsive to someone as attracted to strength and to perfection as Sasuke was...
Sasuke was looking at her now, his brows crooked together darkly. "Are you sure you can handle him?"
"I'm fine!" Sakura squeaked, and scrubbed at her face in case any of the tears had been trying to escape. "And he won't hurt me because of the baby, he knows better -- I can do this, I swear. Go on. Go."
"Sakura--"
"I'm fine," she said fiercely, willing herself to believe it enough that he would believe it too. "You're only going to be gone what, a few hours? I'll be fine with him to guard me, and he'll be fine with someone he can't plow through to guard him. And it's better keeping you two out of each others' way anyhow -- much easier on the repair bills!" She was chattering and she knew it, but couldn't seem to stop herself today. "Go on. I'm -- I'm not that useless, Sasuke-kun, not even now--"
"I wasn't-- I didn't--" Sasuke looked unsettled by the evidence of another set of her emotions that he wasn't prepared to deal with. Inwardly, Sakura cringed, and scrambled for some way to patch over her mistake.
"The sooner you go, the sooner you'll be back, right?" she asked far too brightly, clinging to her composure with ragged claws.
Sasuke blew straight up, gusting his bangs out of his face, and gave both of them and the room in general a frustrated glare. "I'll be back soon. I promise."
She nodded a little, not trusting her voice.
Sasuke hesitated, and then bent toward her swiftly, awkwardly, like a little bird testing its wings and unsteady with a landing. He kissed her brow, and then her cheek, and the backs of his fingertips barely, barely brushed against the curve of her huge belly -- because he was afraid to hurt her or because he was revolted by her girth, she never could tell for certain which -- and then he was gone in a cloud of dust, which was at least easier to explain in the long-abandoned Uchiha house than a swirl of fallen leaves indoors.
Rumbling to himself, the Kyuubi gutted another sofa cushion and shoved the fluff-dripping innards into the nest he was constructing in the middle of the sunbeam from the largest window in the house.
...At least sofa cushions didn't bleed. There wouldn't be blood stains -- or worse stains -- to try to get out of the admittedly sad remnants of what had once been rather nice carpet, before claws and Kyuubi's monthly outings and various other incidents had intervened...
It still didn't help. Sakura heaved herself out of the chair Sasuke had found for her, and waddled into the living room, and planted herself firmly on the last intact sofa cushion. And she growled right back at the Kyuubi when it glowered at her.
The Kyuubi tipped its head this way and that for a moment, then grinned toothily to itself and padded over to the closet and started hauling out all the winter bedding.
"NO," she said fiercely, and startled even herself. "Bad fox. Demon. Thing. --Anyway. Put those back right now."
Practice for two-year-olds, she reminded herself, trying not to hyperventilate as the Kyuubi fixed a bloody-eyed stare at her. Can't show weakness or they get away with mur-... they... take advantage...
"You're not pack-mama yet, bitch," the Kyuubi reminded her with a rumble. "And you talk to kits like that. Not to me. Not when you stink of terror."
"We need those," she said, trying not to let her chin drop. "We don't have fur. Winter's coming. We need those to stay warm. The-- the kit-- will need those..."
"Stupid naked fragile things," the thing grumped, stalking back to its nest of shreds and padding around in it, clearly dissatisfied with its level of cushioning from the floor. "Like blind squirming baby rats, so easy to crush there's almost no point..."
"You didn't object when you were rutting with us," Sakura pointed out, and wondered a bit madly how on earth her perverse mind had decided to bring out Inner Sakura to deal with the one that wanted meek submission and Inner Hinata to deal with the one who wanted a fiery challenge. "Or when you were using Sasuke in the park. Or poor Hinata..."
"Who's that?" the Kyuubi rumbled. "It's hard enough dealing with the thought of two naked furless mewling bitches. Not about to add a third one to the pack. I'm putting up with necessity, not into fucking other species for its own sake."
"I'm not talking about adding a third," Sakura said, hoping her face wasn't going to burst into flames from embarrassment. "I'm talking about Hinata. The poor girl whose lap you decided was practically molestable."
"Are you still holding a grudge from that, mama-bitch?" The Kyuubi let out a bark of almost-laughter. "The bleached thing was sitting in my sunbeam. She even had hands for ear scritches. Two of 'em. It was good."
"You nearly frightened her to death."
"Not my fault you lot are such weak, furless, squirming runts."
"You started a f-... a fight with Sasuke-kun in front of witnesses."
"The broody bitch went and blocked off my sunbeam. Like hell was I going to let that go by unchallenged. Next thing I know, the bitch might get some kind of delusions he'd ever be alpha. He's sick in the head as it is."
"He is not!" Sakura hissed furiously. "He's -- he's intelligent, very private, he's been so badly hurt but he's not sick--"
"You're telling me it's normal for you lot to want to have the shit beaten out of you, get shoved bloody into the mud, fucked within an inch of your life, and still have to be re-tamed every damn time I think I might finally have convinced the bitch that his ass is mine?" The Kyuubi shook its head swiftly, like a little animal sneezing, trying to shake an itch out of its head. "And you think I'm sick? I know which end of pain to be on. The giving end is always better than the getting end."
Then the Kyuubi half-sneezed again, his face crinkling into a horribly unfamiliar grin. "Fortunately for me, his type of sickness wants the getting end, so it works out." He dropped his head into the nest and closed his eyes, rumbling with an almost-purr in the sunbeam.
"What about me?" Sakura challenged. "I certainly don't ask for pain. Am I sick too? Or am I not sick enough for you? Not willing to fight and scream so you can almost rape me? Not enough of a struggling victim? Or are you just planning on ignoring me whenever you don't need to get me with child again?"
The Kyuubi slitted open one scarlet eye, bright and hot as molten iron.
"Feeling left out, little flower-bitch? Do you want pounced on and fucked into the mud too?"
"Ah-- ahh--"
Silently, Sakura cursed Inner Sakura with everything she was worth. DO NOT PROVOKE THE IMMORTAL DEMON, she shouted at herself a minute too late. He thinks you are ONE step removed from crunchy naked rats. You couldn't run fast enough even if you weren't the size of a beached whale right now. And he thinks pain and screaming is a turn-on. DO NOT provoke the --
His butt wiggled in the air, like a kitten getting ready to pounce.
--oh SHIT--
More either Thursday or next week 'cause the rest of my life is scheduled solid 'til then...
ETA: Continued over here...