An Idea...Sort of.

[chibitsunade]

Suddenly I had a idea two days ago about the daughter of Roy and Riza, after a talk with my fellow Royai fans. Eventually she kept annoyiong me and it turned into this lovely narration. Thanks to Nil-chan, Jelly_belly and Keoni and all the others, who actually would seem to want to read it.

This piece of crapwork came out after 2 hours of bad

Comments

^_^

[meruberri]

I like it but I'm not going to lie to you it needs some work. Mostly in the way it flows, it's a bit choppy. But sweet. I think it's really sweet that Roy would name his son Edward.

P.S. I'm No_One

Re: ^_^

[chibitsunade]

>.< I know it's horrible. The more I read over it the more edits I realise I have to do. This was really a test subject for something to come. I was more worried about if the OC had been to Mary Sueish.

I know my grammar is horrible. >.

[teh_jellyness]

Sup? Thats really nice, Tsunade! Btw Im Jelly_Belly.

[chibitsunade]

Thankies as always.

[teh_jellyness]

Nya! Tsunade-chan! Where's your icon from? A doujin? Or fanart? or what? Ee, it's pretty!

[chibitsunade]

It's from a fan art. The artist/website escapes me at the moment.

[keoni_chan]

Aaaww! I think it's really sweet! I'm glad you decided to write another one. (now was that the plot-bunny just hopping by? :P)
Don't worry about your OC. I think she's really sweet and totally not annoying! I wonder what their children look like :D
A few words of advice(hope you don't mind ^^): Maybe you could make your sentenses longer, it would help making it more fluent. And also, instead of saying what they said, actually make them say it. (does that make any sense?) It makes the story come alive.
And again, I really love your story! Uber-kawaii-ness!
- Keoni-

[chibitsunade]

Yes, no...more like little Sara-chan decided to annoy me till I wrote about her.

Actually at the moment I know Maes and Sara are blonde with black/brown eyes. (Everyone always makes their boys look like Roy. I though it'd be time for a change.) I'm not sure about Edward and the little one, whom I can't figure if I should make it girl or boy. The naming gets so hard. >.< I think it might be Trisha if it's a girl. Roy would say something cheese about how she brought the Elrics into this world. I don't think Riza would be to apposed to it I mean the boys did try to bring her back that says enough as it is.

I'll take you ideas into concederation when I write the next one. Which is forming in my mind this very minute, written with more speach. This one was supposed to be more of "Dear Diary" story I neglected to mention. Sorry my fault. >.<

Thanks again!