Violent Dreams
I think the stress got to me or something. I've been having pretty bad nightmares for about a month. There were two last night that really got to me. The first one: I was staying the night at my ex's. In short he and I ended up being intimate, but after it was over he made it very clear that it was just sex and he did not want me back, that all he ever wanted me for was the sex. I was devastated b/c I knew I had just ruined everything with someone else. The other one was not as upsetting, but was much more....disturbing. It was just me in the bathroom of the house here in Raleigh. I was staring at the mirror, being sad, when I looked down at my hands. My wrists were over the sink, slit deeper than I've ever done it. There was an insane amount of blood pouring into the sink, but I wasn't concerned about that at all. I just kept thinking about how I had ruined over a year and a half of sobriety. So I just stood there thinking about that and how sad it was, bleeding and bleeding, doing nothing about it. Disturbing.