Nice poem. There's a nice sense of unrealized possibilities throughout.
I wonder about the line length choices though. I'm all for varying line structure, and using line length for pacing, but in some cases here the lines are so long that (for me) the poetry and rhythm gets lost. You might want to play around with line lengths a little more and see what you think. It's totally my opinion and you should go with what you feel is right.
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I wonder about the line length choices though. I'm all for varying line structure, and using line length for pacing, but in some cases here the lines are so long that (for me) the poetry and rhythm gets lost. You might want to play around with line lengths a little more and see what you think. It's totally my opinion and you should go with what you feel is right.
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