ON MY OFFICE DOOR, NEARLY

[childeproof]

O, whiny undergraduate who needs maps, persuasion and promises of home-cooking to get him/her to attend lectures, and who then shows up hyperventilating in January, having accidentally forgotten to do an entire semester's worth of reading -

THIS is the notice I have narrowly avoided pinning to my office door, scrawled in blood, with you in mind:

Comments

[andien]

Sadly with litigation clients their total lack of organisation does constitute my emergency......the only consolation is sending them a bill for it at the end.

[childeproof]

So your door probably has a nice shiny brass plate that says something much more diplomatic. And they probably don't blame their parents, either...

I despair...

[andien]

I asked our firm's accountant today how to time record (we record all time spent in a day in 6 minute units) attendance at a client's funeral, he said "marketing".

*slams head repeatedly against wall*

Oh and the clients blame everyone...if all else fails they blame me.

Re: I despair...

[childeproof]

I am torn between doing semi-horrified Beckettian laughs at the funeral time-recording (hang on, need to laugh again) and watching my mind boggle at the six-minute units.

SIX MINUTES????

Suddenly I feel my job is very time-sloppy, with seminars over-running if lively, and graduate students rampaging in and out of my office in untimed, six-minute-plus time slots...

[queenofalostart]

I love your ranty posts. They are just so fucking amusing.

PS IT IS NOT REASONABLE TO BLAME YOUR PARENTS (IN A DIFFERENT PART OF THE COUNTRY!) FOR YOUR INABILITY TO MAKE A 9 AM LECTURE BECAUSE THEY FORGOT YOUR DAILY WAKE-UP CALL.

Who ARE these kids? WTF!

[childeproof]

I believe they think that because I've been known to say 'wank' in lectures (the ones their parents did wake them up in time for), they can spill forth their mental unwashedness at me.

Dunno who they are - the Undergraduate of Today? When I were a lass, we just went around in paisley shirts and Doc Martens conceiving violent passions for our only good-looking lecturer, and trying not to get impregnated by our tutorial mates. Innocent times.

[bunnysquee]

KEATS'S 'TO TOLL ME BACK FROM THEE TO MY SOLE SELF' IS NOTHING TO DO WITH FISH, INCIDENTALLY.

*crying with laughter*

IT IS NOT REASONABLE TO BLAME YOUR PARENTS (IN A DIFFERENT PART OF THE COUNTRY!) FOR YOUR INABILITY TO MAKE A 9 AM LECTURE BECAUSE THEY FORGOT YOUR DAILY WAKE-UP CALL.

if it's any consolation, my mother takes it out on the entire family if we forget to tape whatever she wants to watch on tv if she has gone out, is gardening, is talking on the phone, is talking to us, or is sitting around doing nothing and has forgotten to turn on the tv. it is our fault. she has refused to learn how to work the vcr so she can blame us for not taping her shows.

[childeproof]

That's more or less my mother's philosophy, though she hasn't extended it to cover international situations, so it can't possibly be my fault she's missed 'Coronation Street' anymore, for which all possible deities be praised.

And I thought I'd left the country to, you know, travel and have a career and stuff.

[bunnysquee]

well, you're having a career, aren't you?

btw, you never mentioned if you had a jolly time in london - going to the theatre and mad parties, dribbling black snot ... and am i mistaken or were you buying a flat ... ?

[childeproof]

LOTS of theatre - Toby Stephens as a very blonde, sneery Hamlet, the Matthew Bourne Swan Lake revival (gorgeous men in feather leggings), Jerry Springer the Opera (surprisingly enjoyable, with the most fabulous Devil dancing in tight red trousers), The Producers (blah, apart from Nathan Lane), and a wonderfully mad show at the BAC involving football and much audience participation.

Also, much flat-buying stuff, though we're still mostly wandering around areas making considering noises, or taking a look and running away screaming. And much hibernatory couple-stuff involving Baked Alaska.

Unfortunately our London housemate has mutated into a delusional horror, with a mania in which she figures as the Victim while I am the Bully... Don't even ask - but thanks for asking at the same time. If you know what I mean...

[childeproof]

Soon the daffodils will be in bloom all over campus, adn I will stop being such a cynical old harridan. Possibly.

*is not sure whether to spplaud or hiss former dept chairman*

[msilverstar]

I suspect that teachers back to Plato have wanted these kinds of signs. Makes you long for the days when apprentices were suitably cowed, yeah?

[childeproof]

Exactly. Cowed apprentices sleeping wrapped in their cloaks in the doorway, warming their frozen fingers over midnight candles, that kind of thing.