Melancholy bullshit...
I've hit a point where I don't know what's going on in my life. I feel like I have no direction, no goals to achieve. I go to work, I come home, I exist until bed, wake up the next morning, and repeat.
I don't care enough about my apartment to even make an effort to keep it clean. Which makes me feel like a crappy wife, but I just mope about it. I don't actually take any steps to fix it. I just keep on piling up the dishes, throwing dirty clothes on the floor, and ignoring the clutter as if it will just all go away...
I'm addicted to Warcraft more that I want to admit. I'd rather sit at home on the computer instead of going...well...anywhere. I could easily be a hermit and be okay with it 90% of the time. No offense to my friends mind, I love you guys. I've just not been feeling very social, and I tend to want to avoid letting my friends see the ugly side of me.
I feel like my intellegence is dropping. I've lost the ability to elaborate, to write, to draw, to discuss...to dream. Everything I seem to want is too big of a goal, and I just sigh, cry, and give up on it.
Work cut hours. I have mondays off, at the expense of having to work an extra hour every other day. I get up at 4:30am to get ready for work, and I get home nearly 12 hours later. I don't want to live like this, but what choice do I have? It pays the bills...kinda. I can barely make my student loan payments, on top of all the other bills. And Zach somehow lost a grace period on one of his loans, so we're also paying that one too. I'm so damn tired of worrying about money. I know everyone does it, I just want to get to the point where we don't run out of money one to five days after I've been paid, then struggle to get to the next pay check, just to watch it disappear too.
Of course, not getting out of the house is tied to the no money thing. But that's just a side effect I suppose.
I've been a shitty friend for..well..a long time now I suppose. I love my friends, and I don't mean to treat them badly. I get so wrapped up in moody melancholy bullshit that I lose sight of everything else.
Guys, I'm sorry. I'm trying to unravel all this crap in my head. If I've hurt anyone in any way - I'm sincerely sorry. I hope you won't give up on me - I'm trying to remember who I am, and I'm trying to get back to being that person.
I don't care enough about my apartment to even make an effort to keep it clean. Which makes me feel like a crappy wife, but I just mope about it. I don't actually take any steps to fix it. I just keep on piling up the dishes, throwing dirty clothes on the floor, and ignoring the clutter as if it will just all go away...
I'm addicted to Warcraft more that I want to admit. I'd rather sit at home on the computer instead of going...well...anywhere. I could easily be a hermit and be okay with it 90% of the time. No offense to my friends mind, I love you guys. I've just not been feeling very social, and I tend to want to avoid letting my friends see the ugly side of me.
I feel like my intellegence is dropping. I've lost the ability to elaborate, to write, to draw, to discuss...to dream. Everything I seem to want is too big of a goal, and I just sigh, cry, and give up on it.
Work cut hours. I have mondays off, at the expense of having to work an extra hour every other day. I get up at 4:30am to get ready for work, and I get home nearly 12 hours later. I don't want to live like this, but what choice do I have? It pays the bills...kinda. I can barely make my student loan payments, on top of all the other bills. And Zach somehow lost a grace period on one of his loans, so we're also paying that one too. I'm so damn tired of worrying about money. I know everyone does it, I just want to get to the point where we don't run out of money one to five days after I've been paid, then struggle to get to the next pay check, just to watch it disappear too.
Of course, not getting out of the house is tied to the no money thing. But that's just a side effect I suppose.
I've been a shitty friend for..well..a long time now I suppose. I love my friends, and I don't mean to treat them badly. I get so wrapped up in moody melancholy bullshit that I lose sight of everything else.
Guys, I'm sorry. I'm trying to unravel all this crap in my head. If I've hurt anyone in any way - I'm sincerely sorry. I hope you won't give up on me - I'm trying to remember who I am, and I'm trying to get back to being that person.