Nessa broke up with me. Of course. But obviously she's not ready for me. She can't handle my emotions. Which is dumb... because she made it all about me. Why couldn't it have been everything else in her life? That's why I say she didn't love me enough to stay with me. She chose to make me the expendable thing. She loves her computer and her ( Read more... )

I just read one of the most disturbing, well-written plays ever. It raped my mind and then bludgeoned it, hugged it and caressed it, and then stabbed it in the genitals and shit on it as it died. That's how good it was. But it is SO visceral and sadistic and, one might venture to say, stark-raving mad and shit-tastically testicliscious. Now, ( Read more... )

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who never seems to know if they want to be with you or not? I know what I want and I am confident in that. Nessa says that she's 18 and she still has a lot of changing to do, and because all her other relationships have ended because of change, she says to me tonight, "You're probably going to lose ( Read more... )

Whenever someone says "God is the answer." I tend to think a few things. One thought would be... the answer to what? Because one could ask the question, "What could we eliminate from the world to decrease violence?" or "What is one of the leading causes of genocide?" And God would be a very good answer for both of those... though one could argue " ( Read more... )

Goal 1: I will remember that everything is not about me.

Goal 2: I will be more secure in myself and my place in the world.

Over the past weeks, I have noticed a tendency in myself to be so attached to Nessa that little things bother me intensely. Things like when she says she cares more about her cat than me, or that she doesn't want to marry me ( Read more... )

So I'm watching Jason and the Argonauts, the one made for tv, released in 2000.  This one.  The Minean Bull that Jason has to harness is a robot! I thought that was a fantastic choice.  It was very rusty as well, and they also made all its roaring noises sound rusty.  I was just very excited by that.  Might there have been some leftover dinosaurs ( Read more... )

"She seemed dressed in all of me, s t r e t c h e d across my shame
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and c o v e r e d me
I'd do anything to have her to myself
Just to have her for myself
Now I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad

She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The ( Read more... )

I feel horrible right now. I don't know why really. I don't know what I can do about it. Why do I have to feel like shit? Why can't I stay at a stable level? Why do my feelings have to be dependant on someone else? The smallest worry makes me feel like it's the end of the world. I guess it doesn't help that it seems like she is the world to me ( Read more... )

New York makes me tired and depressed. Being in school is good, but it wears me down, and then I get depressed. Reading powerful, post-modern plays is usually depressing. I need to go to an art supply store and get some things. I hate the shape of a heart, and I wonder who came up with that ridiculous design. I should eat, but I'm not hungry ( Read more... )

So... what to say. I'm in my second week back in classes. For the second time when I was checking out a library book yesterday, the lady was like, "Have you registered for classes?" And I said... "Yeah." For some reason, the system didn't know I was in classes, so should I be able to check out books? So she said if it happened again I should ( Read more... )