when are you going to love you as much as i do?
I guess there's just a part of me that likes to bring you down
Just to keep you around
so I had a bad day.
I am pissed because I forgot to bring my camera to max's, and I wanted to take more pictures while i was there
kelsey made me cry last night
because i was sick of her yelling at me
and max and I had just finished argueing
and to tell yout he truth
I was feeling bad because I dont get to see max nearly as much as I'd like to.
I mean I guess I see him more than I had expected,
but I didnt realise that it would still be this hard.
but every aspect of the relationship is amazing.
and I love it
i love that boy <3
I had a bad day at school today, I left after lunch.
I hate school
I at mcdonalds three times in twenty four hours
I am disgusting.
I am eating so much I hope i have a heart attack
I am scared about something, but I'm not going to bring it up right now, because I think I may just being paranoid.
I hope i am just being paranoid.
I don't know
bluh
its sad that I saw max yesterday, and to tell you the truth I could say right now that I miss him. i guess I took for granted all the time I got to see him in school.
I want him to come back to AAW so bad.
I could cry.
but I won't
not right now at least.
I don't know, I am having an up and down day.
kelsey was sad to day.
that sucked.
she also suggested that maybe the reason ms. pilecci and ms. lucas were actually correcting me and paying attention to me in class was because they were considering me for company.
which would be cool.
ms. pilecci made me mad today, we were doing arabesques, and I did the wrong arm everytime and afterwards she made me do it with her like you would if you were partnering. she was like, emma, you'll hit your partner in the face. I wanted to scream I DONT PARTNER,
then I wanted to scream AND I WOULD LIKE TO HIT YOU IN THE FACE.
its weird.. sometimes I feel like I don't belong at that school at all. like I am not welcome.... like for the people who were there since their freshman year, I feel like I don't have the right to be there.
I don't know.
I still love it.
but not as much as I love you
I suck at life today
katie quade wrote me an awesome note
simon drove me to dance.
he honked the horn ( i believe max had him do it for the soul purpose of scaring the hell out of me. and believe me it worked.)
I don't like loud noises
I want to live in the country. just outside of a big city.
in a big old colonial house
with a garden
and a huge bathroom.
and I want it to be brick.
I want to live by the ocean
so I can lay on the sand all day.
I don't want to work.
and I don't want it to be anywhere but the eastcoast.
and if not the coast by a lake.
but anywhere but michigan
somewhere with winter.
but not too much winter.
some where where I can hide away in a see of people
or in the shade of a weeping willow in my own back yard.
I want to visit the west coast just to see the redwood forests.
and then I want to leave.
I want to be an actress. that everyone knows.
I am sick of people not knowing who I am.
I wish I was pretty, and smart.
I wish I could pass math
I want to grow up and be in love, and have a house of my own.
and be away from my house now.
I don't want to have to worry about money.
money doesn't matter.
I want things to feel this amazing for a long time.
and I don't want to want to die right now.
but most of all I want a big brick house, on the east coast with a big back yard and roses in the garden, a weeping willow and a good book, a big bathroom, not too far from the ocean, with all the quiet skies of the country, thats not too far from the city, Where I can go see plays, and shows, and where I can be surrounded by people who love me. and people I love, I want a puppy, and two cats, and hard wood floors.. I want people to know who I am. I want to inspire something or someone. I want to dance and act on a stage in front of hundreds or thousands of people, and I want them to applaud. I am sick of the awkward teen years.
I am sick of people coming in and out of my life.
I want it to stop.
I want the good feelings to last forever.
and I wish that i wasn't so bad at expressing emotion
god I hate my self...
want to know what the hardest part of visiting someone is?
having to say bye.
grr.
And I know that you hope for
Longer good-byes
Embracing for forever
And falling in your eyes
In your eyes
In my eyes
Pouring over photographs
I'm living in your letters
Breathe
Deeply from this envelope
It smells like you
And I can't be
Without that scent
It's filling me
With all you mean to me
To me
Continually failing these trials
But you stand by me nonetheless
And you won't let me sink
Though I'm begging you
I'm begging you
Phone calls from further away
And messages on my machine
But I don't ever tell you this distance
Seems terrible
And there's no need to test my heart,
With useless space
These roads go on forever
There'll always be a place
For you
In my heart
So I'll hit the pavement
It's gotta be better than waiting
And pushing you far away
Cause I'm scared.
So I'll take my chances
And head on my way up there
love
emma
*so when I make a post i always highlight and press copy especially if it is a long post so If it for some reason deletes, I can just paste it.I went to press copy on this one. and I accidentally pressed cut. I thought I was going to puke, BUT then I remember why they invented the undo button. thank you bill gates.*
Just to keep you around
so I had a bad day.
I am pissed because I forgot to bring my camera to max's, and I wanted to take more pictures while i was there
kelsey made me cry last night
because i was sick of her yelling at me
and max and I had just finished argueing
and to tell yout he truth
I was feeling bad because I dont get to see max nearly as much as I'd like to.
I mean I guess I see him more than I had expected,
but I didnt realise that it would still be this hard.
but every aspect of the relationship is amazing.
and I love it
i love that boy <3
I had a bad day at school today, I left after lunch.
I hate school
I at mcdonalds three times in twenty four hours
I am disgusting.
I am eating so much I hope i have a heart attack
I am scared about something, but I'm not going to bring it up right now, because I think I may just being paranoid.
I hope i am just being paranoid.
I don't know
bluh
its sad that I saw max yesterday, and to tell you the truth I could say right now that I miss him. i guess I took for granted all the time I got to see him in school.
I want him to come back to AAW so bad.
I could cry.
but I won't
not right now at least.
I don't know, I am having an up and down day.
kelsey was sad to day.
that sucked.
she also suggested that maybe the reason ms. pilecci and ms. lucas were actually correcting me and paying attention to me in class was because they were considering me for company.
which would be cool.
ms. pilecci made me mad today, we were doing arabesques, and I did the wrong arm everytime and afterwards she made me do it with her like you would if you were partnering. she was like, emma, you'll hit your partner in the face. I wanted to scream I DONT PARTNER,
then I wanted to scream AND I WOULD LIKE TO HIT YOU IN THE FACE.
its weird.. sometimes I feel like I don't belong at that school at all. like I am not welcome.... like for the people who were there since their freshman year, I feel like I don't have the right to be there.
I don't know.
I still love it.
but not as much as I love you
I suck at life today
katie quade wrote me an awesome note
simon drove me to dance.
he honked the horn ( i believe max had him do it for the soul purpose of scaring the hell out of me. and believe me it worked.)
I don't like loud noises
I want to live in the country. just outside of a big city.
in a big old colonial house
with a garden
and a huge bathroom.
and I want it to be brick.
I want to live by the ocean
so I can lay on the sand all day.
I don't want to work.
and I don't want it to be anywhere but the eastcoast.
and if not the coast by a lake.
but anywhere but michigan
somewhere with winter.
but not too much winter.
some where where I can hide away in a see of people
or in the shade of a weeping willow in my own back yard.
I want to visit the west coast just to see the redwood forests.
and then I want to leave.
I want to be an actress. that everyone knows.
I am sick of people not knowing who I am.
I wish I was pretty, and smart.
I wish I could pass math
I want to grow up and be in love, and have a house of my own.
and be away from my house now.
I don't want to have to worry about money.
money doesn't matter.
I want things to feel this amazing for a long time.
and I don't want to want to die right now.
but most of all I want a big brick house, on the east coast with a big back yard and roses in the garden, a weeping willow and a good book, a big bathroom, not too far from the ocean, with all the quiet skies of the country, thats not too far from the city, Where I can go see plays, and shows, and where I can be surrounded by people who love me. and people I love, I want a puppy, and two cats, and hard wood floors.. I want people to know who I am. I want to inspire something or someone. I want to dance and act on a stage in front of hundreds or thousands of people, and I want them to applaud. I am sick of the awkward teen years.
I am sick of people coming in and out of my life.
I want it to stop.
I want the good feelings to last forever.
and I wish that i wasn't so bad at expressing emotion
god I hate my self...
want to know what the hardest part of visiting someone is?
having to say bye.
grr.
And I know that you hope for
Longer good-byes
Embracing for forever
And falling in your eyes
In your eyes
In my eyes
Pouring over photographs
I'm living in your letters
Breathe
Deeply from this envelope
It smells like you
And I can't be
Without that scent
It's filling me
With all you mean to me
To me
Continually failing these trials
But you stand by me nonetheless
And you won't let me sink
Though I'm begging you
I'm begging you
Phone calls from further away
And messages on my machine
But I don't ever tell you this distance
Seems terrible
And there's no need to test my heart,
With useless space
These roads go on forever
There'll always be a place
For you
In my heart
So I'll hit the pavement
It's gotta be better than waiting
And pushing you far away
Cause I'm scared.
So I'll take my chances
And head on my way up there
love
emma
*so when I make a post i always highlight and press copy especially if it is a long post so If it for some reason deletes, I can just paste it.I went to press copy on this one. and I accidentally pressed cut. I thought I was going to puke, BUT then I remember why they invented the undo button. thank you bill gates.*