[Super Junior] unraveling with every word, PG, Romance/AU, QMi
unraveling with every word
Super Junior (M), Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi, PG, 10,845 words
AU. When Kyuhyun begins exchanging postcards with a student in China, he never expects to end up falling in love with his best friend.
I.
He writes: I had lunch with my sister yesterday and wonders if Zhou Mi will care. His pen hovers over the postcard, hesitant, before committing that final centimeter with a press of blue ink. He's told Zhou Mi more frivolous things before; in fact, Zhou Mi's last postcard was full of cheerful, irreverent ramblings about nothing, his handwriting growing more and more cramped near the end until he barely had room to sign his name. If Kyuhyun's postcard this time is a bit random, Zhou Mi has no room to complain.
Kyuhyun smiles and adds, She says she's seeing someone seriously and there's a possibility of marriage. It's strange, to think about her that way, all grown up. Getting married. Kyuhyun can't imagine what it's like to be so in love with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with them. He tells Zhou Mi so, says that the rest of my life is long time, and stops to stare out the window.
It's dreary outside, overcast and damp, though not outright raining. He's sitting in his tiny dorm room waiting for dinnertime, too tired to game but against the idea of doing homework on a Friday afternoon on principle. He twirls his pen and wonders if it's raining where Zhou Mi is. Zhou Mi talks about the weather where he is sometimes because he talks about everything - really, Kyuhyun thinks at times, they should just give in and transfer their pen pal correspondence to email. It's so much more efficient, his logic tells him. But his eyes flit to the pile of postcards lying in an open shoebox on the floor by his desk. He's accumulated of lot in just two months - pictures of temples, flowers, modern art, traditional wood carvings, tiny shops with peeling paint and flickering neon lights - and he's not sure email will be the same.
The postcard Kyuhyun's writing on the back of has a picture of Dongdaemun at night. He mentioned it in his last card to Zhou Mi, how Sungmin dragged him out one night a few weeks ago on a mission to shop. Zhou Mi's postcard came back with a proliferation of exclamation points: he is, evidently, a fan of shopping. Kyuhyun thinks it's hilarious, if a little weird, but Sungmin is kind of the same way, so maybe it's Kyuhyun who's the strange one. He wonders if Zhou Mi will like the postcard, if he'll wish he were in Seoul to lose himself in the endless lights and shops.
Kyuhyun scratches the back of his left calf with a socked toe and writes, Whoever I end marrying won't be the kind of person who drags me shopping in Dongdaemun though. That rules out Sungmin.
He finishes off the card with a simple, painstakingly-written "想让烤鸭飞进嘴里的人肯定要等很久，很久。" copied from his laptop screen. He's been learning a few simple phrases in Chinese but he's constantly thankful that Zhou Mi is more or less fluent in Korean - which makes sense, of course, since he's apparently taking it in university and this whole pen pal program is supposed to help improve his language skills. Zhou Mi still tends towards being too formal in his writing but Kyuhyun's been correcting him and he's better lately. At least he signs off with a familiar "be well!" now.
Kyuhyun, on the other hand, double-checks every Chinese word Zhou Mi teaches him with an online translator. He also sends off what he thinks are funny sayings back to Zhou Mi, hoping the translator has kept the gist of what he's trying to say. It would suck to find out, for instance, that when he meant to tease Zhou Mi about his fear of bugs, he is actually making fun of his mom. But Kyuhyun's checked this one out a few times and it looks legitimate, so he signs his name sloppily, fishes around in his drawer for a stamp, and leaves the postcard on his desk to be mailed later.
His clock tells him it's four fifty-three and that means his roommate should be back in approximately ten minutes. That means Kyuhyun has approximately ten minutes to play his Yiruma before Sungmin gets back and blasts his boppy j-pop as he changes from his work clothes and then drags Kyuhyun out for food.
Kyuhyun puts on Till I Find You and tries to picture the kind of person he might one day marry. He doesn't get very far before Sungmin flings the door open with a cheerful "You'll never guess what happened!"
--
Zhou Mi's post card, a week later:
Kyuhyun!!
You should come visit Beijing so I can take you to eat delicious roasted duck! It's so, so delicious. Everyone comes to Beijing should eat it. Come visit me and I will take you to eat it! In return, I will visit you and you can take me shopping at Dongdaemun, hehe. You can't just show me a picture and not take me there. I'm sure your future wife will be so wonderful you will want to do anything for her, including going to Dongdaemun. Isn't that what love is? Love is wanting that person to be happy, no matter what. To give her things or do things that will make her smile. If your sister has found that person, she is so lucky!! I'm still looking... I'm sure you'll find the right person too, Kyuhyun.
This is a picture of Beijing roast duck. SO GOOD!! Come visit me...!! :)
Zhou Mi
His characters are practically falling off the edge again and Kyuhyun finds himself laughing as he reads it. He flips it over to stare at the picture of roast duck and has to admit, as he licks his lips, that it does look good.
He leaves the postcard on his bookshelf on top off his statistics textbook. It won't go in the shoebox until he's responded to it and Kyuhyun has to put some thought into what kind of postcard he's going to send back.
II.
When Kyuhyun falls in love, he doesn't mean to.
It happens like this:
He's at a flower shop three streets away from his university because his sister's just gotten engaged and he can't make dinner. He has a legitimate excuse because he's engaged to sing at this café and he can't back out now. It's still strange to him that he took this up on Zhou Mi's suggestion ("if you don't want to just be the computer geek, if you want to sing - you should make your own opportunities, Kyuhyun"), but it's been going on for a month now and Kyuhyun can't deny the thrill of singing in front of an audience. It's not the same as singing in church: there, they know him. They know his family. They're obligated to like him. Strangers aren't, but they do, and it makes Kyuhyun's pulse race a bit.
So the thing is, he has to sing tonight, and he can't make dinner with the family, so he has to send his sister flowers in apology before she kills him. He doesn't understand women, really, because it's not like he hasn't met her boyfriend - now fiancé - before, not like he doesn't like the guy. All the same, Kyuhyun is going to send flowers to appease Ahra, and it's in the flower shop that he literally stumbles into her.
She's almost as tall as he is, long hair and long legs, and it's on instinct that he grabs her arm to keep her from falling into the lilies. She's pink when she regains her footing, bowing in apology almost immediately, breathless.
"It's okay, no, it's my fault. I'm sorry." He bows too, just missing her head as it comes back up, and then they're laughing a little bit. Her smile is wide and bright and Kyuhyun really doesn't believe in this love at first sight thing Zhou Mi seems to but he can't stop looking at her, smiling like a fool.
He ends up talking to her and getting her advice on what kind of apology bouquet he should send to his sister. She's not in a rush to leave afterwards so he suggests, haltingly, because he's never done this before, that maybe they can get some coffee. He tells her he's singing at this café later that night and her eyes widen. The curl of smugness in his belly when she looks impressed, admiring, is something he can't suppress. She says softly she'd like to come listen to him, if that's all right with him.
She comes back with a friend and light jacket to ward off the chill of the night. He sits and talks with her for ten minutes before it's his turn to sing and by the time he's in front of the microphone stand, Kyuhyun's got butterflies in his stomach like he's never had before. He's sure his voice wavers a few times as he sings but no one seems to notice; Jae-eun, at least, doesn't seem to mind. She's watching him the entire time, not even whispering to her friend, and Kyuhyun goes home that night with her number in his mobile and a little bit in love.
He writes Zhou Mi almost immediately even though he only sent out his last postcard three days ago.
He wonders what things will be like between him and Jae-eun by the time Zhou Mi's postcard response arrives.
--
It's two and a half weeks before he hears back. Zhou Mi's apparently been incredibly busy wrapping up his last semester. His postcard is abnormally brief, though he seems as cheerful and enthusiastic usual. Great news, Kyuhyun! I believe in you! I can't believe you sang for her, that's so romantic~~
Kyuhyun smiles affectionately as he props up the picture of sunny pink, orange, and yellow flowers on his bookshelf.
They're gladiolus. 剑兰, Zhou Mi tells him in a tiny postscript. 'Love at first sight' flowers.
III.
Sungmin's girlfriend Sunny is apparently in one of Jae-eun's classes. "Do you want me to make her life hell?" she asks, sounding so eager that Sungmin pulls a face behind her. "I can do that, you know. It's no less than what she deserves. I heard what she did to you!"
Kyuhyun knows exactly who she heard it from too and glares at Sungmin. His roommate should know better than to talk so much, especially around his girlfriend. Still, Sunny means well. But Kyuhyun is past the point where he wants petty revenge. Mostly. Ask him two weeks ago and he probably would've taken Sunny up on her offer but, as it is, he really has moved on. He's taken out a lot of his anger on the pitiable fools on the gaming network and now he's okay. He has other things on his mind.
"No, really, it's fine. I'd rather just pretend she didn't exist." It's a new semester and Kyuhyun has new classes to think about, and the business card of that talent agent burning a hole in his wallet. Kyuhyun hasn't told anyone about that, hardly able to bring himself to believe in the stiff cardstock and elegant calligraphy spelling out the company name. It's one of the biggest entertainment enterprises in Korea; that they could be interested in Kyuhyun blows his mind.
Sunny sits back with a sigh and kicks her stockinged feet. She's on Sungmin's bed and they're breaking all sorts of rules having her here in their all-male dorm, but Sungmin's all about taking risks and Kyuhyun doesn't really care. If they get caught, they'll get a disciplinary note at most - it's not like he's going to get kicked out. Especially not with his grades.
Kyuhyun's at his desk, ignoring the murmurs of Sungmin and Sunny behind him as he clicks away on his laptop. His mind goes back to Jae-eun, briefly, and he wishes Sunny hadn't brought her up. His first real attempt at a relationship ended as messily as they come: it turned out Jae-eun was two years older than him, which was fine at first. Until she decided, without telling him, that dating guys her age was more her thing. He found out when she backed out of a date and he ran into her later, kissing another guy. In public, no less. Kyuhyun remembers the sick feeling in his stomach then and he really doesn't need or appreciate the memory. What he needs is some air.
He pushes his chair back and stands up. Sungmin and Sunny are sprawled out on the bed now, watching some idol performance on Sungmin's laptop.
"I could dance better than that," Sungmin mutters with a pout and Sunny chuckles and pats his hand.
Kyuhyun walks past them and says innocently, "Yes, you should see his rendition of 'I'm late for class' every morning. Brilliant choreography."
"Kyuhyun," Sungmin says as Sunny laughs outright.
Kyuhyun grins and ducks out the door, slippers slapping the bare linoleum floors as he heads for the stairs. He might as well check his mail as long as he's out and about. It's due time for one of Zhou Mi's postcards - at least if he hasn't gotten busy and caught up in something again. It's happened on and off over the summer and Kyuhyun found that he really hated waiting for postcards when they weren't regular. He's actually slapped his email address onto one of his postcards, annoyed, hoping it would at least facilitate a quicker return from Zhou Mi. But Zhou Mi stuck with cards and Kyuhyun's glad he did. It's been almost a year that they've been exchanging postcards and his shoebox is nearly spilling over, but there's something comforting about the tangibility of their words: a physical record of their time and their messages.
There's a flyer for something or other and a postcard in the mail slot for his and Sungmin's room. Kyuhyun tosses the flyer into the trash and glances at the postcard - a sea of puffy white clouds in a stretch of endless blue sky, obviously taken from a plane. He doesn't remembering talking about flying and flips the card over, eyes running over Zhou Mi's now-familiar handwriting.
Kyuhyun,
Maybe I should've told you sooner but I wasn't sure until just recently. Now all the plans are set. I'm going to Korea! For graduate study at Seoul University. By the time you get this I will probably already be in Seoul but I won't contact you. If you want to meet, here is my email address. But we don't have to meet if you don't want to... I hope this is good news? I'm really really nervous but also really really excited. I hope my Korean is good enough.
Be well, Kyuhyun!
Zhou Mi
--
What do you say when your intercountry pen pal suddenly moves next door, figuratively?
Kyuhyun stares at his email client until his vision goes blurry and he has to rub his eyes. He rests his head in his hands, breathing in slow and steady, listening to the gentle hum of his laptop's fan, close and audible under the tinny beat of the new hit single of the latest idol girl group.
Sungmin's hands are digging into his shoulders unexpectedly and Kyuhyun jerks, startled, before he sinks back into the massage. His eyes slip closed, head lolling forward.
"Just send the damned email," Sungmin tells him. "You've already told him your life story thrice over, how much worse can meeting him in person be? If you don't click then, whatever, you stay pen pals or something. You'll save on postage is all."
Kyuhyun huffs out a short laugh. "Thank god, my biggest concern is taken care of."
Sungmin works out a knot and Kyuhyun groans. "Do as your hyung tells you, Kyuhyunnie," Sungmin says sweetly. "If you're really afraid he's crazy, I'll come with you, okay?" There's steel under the sweetness and Kyuhyun bows his head forward in defeat and to give Sungmin better access. Sungmin accepts his surrender with the gentle pressure of his thumbs.
IV.
The note reads: 原谅我! Appt with professor, I'll bring dinner over around 6:30. --Mi
Kyuhyun snags it from the door and crumples up the obnoxiously pink paper, rolling his eyes. It's a testament to how often Kyuhyun is over at Zhou Mi's apartment that Zhou Mi will leave notes for him when he's out. Sungmin's suggested more than once, sometimes playfully and sometimes with exasperation, that Kyuhyun should just move all his junk out of the tiny dorm room they share and into Zhou Mi's apartment. Kyuhyun tends to ignore him, won't admit that he's thought about it, but he's still clinging to the pretense of normalcy in his university life. Everyone skips class to game, so Kyuhyun skips class to game. Everyone lives in the dorms, so Kyuhyun lives in dorms.
Not everyone has a Chinese pen pal turned international student turned best friend, but Kyuhyun figures he's allowed that one exception. Zhou Mi breaks all the rules. He is too perpetually cheerful, his legs are absurdly skinny and long, he has a bizarre infatuation with facial products... The list goes on. Kyuhyun dumps his books onto the kitchen table and shifts around the sketches and prints so he has clear table space to do some work. He's got about two hours until dinner and he's singing tonight, so he needs to finish up some things before then.
The one-bedroom apartment is sunny and warm - it's late May and the air still has a bite to it outdoors, but indoors Kyuhyun strips his jacket off until he's wearing only his thin Starcraft t-shirt. He sweeps the crumpled pink note into the trash and then stands there a moment, hands on his hips, lost in thought. He's singing tonight - a Chinese song Zhou Mi introduced him to a while back: 原谅我 , hence Zhou Mi's little joke. Forgive me. A ballad, as is Kyuhyun's forte; the track he sang for the SM Enterprises agents last month was a ballad, one of Sung Shikyung's.
They're still interested. Just last week they had him meet with a representative, talked to him about contracts and vocal training, about studio recordings and debut CDs. Kyuhyun, who's majoring in math and likes it - he does, even if he skips class - can't really wrap his head around the full breadth of what it all means. He asked for time, to think about it, to discuss with his parents, and the rep smiled and nodded. "Of course," he said. "I'd be happy to speak with your parents as well."
Kyuhyun can't picture himself being famous like the idols Sungmin and Sunny like to listen to and mock sometimes, dancing along to the radio, eyes riveted to the shine and sparkle on the television. Zhou Mi, since he first heard Kyuhyun sing, swears up and down that Kyuhyun can outsing all of them, but Zhou Mi's as biased as the day is long.
"It's true," he admits shamelessly. "I've known Kyuhyun much longer than I've heard those people sing."
"You've known me two months," Kyuhyun retorts, but it's not true. It's only two months since they've met face-to-face, two months since they've traded in postcards for laughter in real time and the occasional hastily-penned note. Kyuhyun never gave much thought to whether he would get along with Zhou Mi in person when he never expected the opportunity to find out: an international pen pal was just that. But since Zhou Mi's arrival in Seoul... Kyuhyun has accumulated a new best friend and even if he misses the postcards (picking out just the one to make Zhou Mi smile or pout in jealousy or get all exclamation-point abusing over), he has to admit it's been more than a fair trade.
Kyuhyun inches his pen over the blank notebook before him, scratching nonsensical little black marks back and forth. He should say yes. He should sign on the dotted line and go all out. But would that require dropping out of university? Would he have to live in company dorms? Would he still get to see Sungmin and Zhou Mi and his other friends? Maybe it's not worth it. He can continue singing for fun, still live his life without uprooting himself...
It was easier asking Zhou Mi for advice when all Kyuhyun had to wait for was the right words. It's more unnerving to have to face down the sparkle in Zhou Mi's eyes, the flash of curiosity or the worried downturn of his mouth. Putting down his notebook, Kyuhyun makes a quick decision and is back on the streets five minutes later, hunting for a postcard.
--
The postcard features a disordered spill of sheet music, black eighth and quarter notes carefully inked onto staved paper. Music in disarray.
On the back, Kyuhyun writes:
Should I do it?
He tucks it halfway under a book on Zhou Mi's kitchen table before he leaves for the night, backing away from the warmth of Zhou Mi's goodbye hug with queasy uneasiness in his gut.
--
The postcard in his mailbox the next afternoon shows up after Sungmin's already checked mail for that day. The picture shows long, straight path stretching into a horizon of storm clouds. There's no stamp.
It's the shortest card Kyuhyun's ever received from Zhou Mi.
不怕慢，只怕站.
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
You know I'll always support you, Kyuhyun.
--Mi
--
Ahra says, when he tells them that he's going to sign the contract, "Make sure you have a clause that allows you to sing at my wedding, okay?" Her voice is warm and affectionate. She's getting married in a month and a half and Kyuhyun is going to be officially part of SM Enterprises by then.
"I'll charge you," he says and only ducks, laughing, when she makes to grab at him.
V.
Zhou Mi still thinks he should have brought a girl as a date, but Kyuhyun knows he'll have more fun with him, and his family takes to Zhou Mi immediately, like he predicted. Kyuhyun steals Zhou Mi's champagne glass when Zhou Mi is occupied with dabbing at his eyes at the reception dinner speeches.
"Crybaby," he whispers.
"It's touching," Zhou Mi protests. "Just because you have no soul!"
It is touching and Kyuhyun may have teared up during the ceremony and when he hugged Ahra afterwards. The look on his parents' faces... But that was hours ago and Zhou Mi is still leaking, eyes red, handkerchief out and at work. Kyuhyun has decided it's a far better use of his time to get tipsy on the seemingly endless bottles of champagne.
In about ten minutes, he's due on the platform to sing. He wonders if he can sing while tipsy.
It turns out that he can.
His entire family - even his father and his new brother-in-law - is crying at his performance of Will You Marry Me. Zhou Mi's handkerchief is practically glued to his eyes the entire time.
As the words flow out of his mouth, as he looks out over his family and his best friend, the wedding party, Kyuhyun suddenly flashes back to the words he wrote to Zhou Mi over a year ago. I can't imagine what it's like to be so in love with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with them.
His fingers clench involuntarily on the microphone. His lips shape the last few words.
It's not so true anymore.
--
The thing is Kyuhyun isn't precisely in love. Not like that. Not the way his parents are or the way Ahra and her new husband are. It's just that he can now actually entertain the idea of spending a lifetime with someone. He's not averse to the idea of someone always by his side, someone who gets his jokes about half the time and the other half of the time stares at him cluelessly, waiting for an explanation - and by then, the joke's dead and it's not funny and then they'll laugh anyway at how they've killed the atmosphere. He's attracted by the idea of someone who knows what he likes and indulging him, of having someone he can roll his eyes fondly at and still do little things like buy them milk tea for breakfast just to see them light up. He sort of wants someone who will give him direction when he's lost, who'll surprise him and change his life for the better, and Kyuhyun doesn't really want to think about it too hard because there's been someone in his life who has been - is - all that. Kyuhyun can't deal with the implications right now. Not when he's missing more classes than ever to go to vocal lessons and dance lessons and recordings that stretch into the night.
He's tired and stressed and he barely sees Sungmin anymore, and he lives with him.
Zhou Mi he sees when he drags himself to the apartment to collapse on Zhou Mi's couch because it's closer than his dorm room. Somehow, three months into his signing with SM Enterprises, Zhou Mi's manhandled him from the couch to the bed so Kyuhyun's muscles aren't as sore and displeased in the morning.
Kyuhyun wakes up in the morning to a blurry mosaic of colors: sunsets and green hills, Seoul Tower and Dongdaemun at night, shops and subways and every postcard he's ever sent to Zhou Mi a collage on his bedroom walls.
Another pink note taped to the bathroom door, where Kyuhyun has a spare toothbrush:
Left for class. You left your homework here yesterday so remember to take it with you! Happy Wednesday! --Mi
VI.
Summer break means Sungmin and Sunny are on a trip with Donghae and Jessica. Yesung and Ryeowook are still around, passing the too-bright, too-hot days in the air-conditioned spaces of Yesung's parents' restaurant. Heechul's trying to convince Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun to go to the beach with him and Han Geng, but Kyuhyun's still tied up at the company, still singing and groveling like a good trainee is supposed to.
"You can go," he tells Zhou Mi with a gentle shove. "You haven't seen much of Korea since you got here, other than Seoul."
"Seoul's great!" Zhou Mi's response is instantaneous, as if he has to defend the city where Kyuhyun was born and spent his life. Kyuhyun shakes his head.
"Yeah, but there's more than just Seoul. Heechul-hyung is going to annoy us about it forever, so you might as well go and have a good time."
So Zhou Mi packs his bags and squeezes Kyuhyun tight two days later before running to Han Geng's car and piling himself into the back seats, long legs folded up. Kyuhyun laughs at the sight and waves them off. He's expecting a week of quiet solitude to give him back the inner balance he's sure he had at some point. All those times he sat and killed off countless opponents in Starcraft, for instance. All those times he sat and quietly mocked Sungmin or Yesung under his breath, for another.
Zhou Mi's given Kyuhyun the key to his apartment ostensibly so Kyuhyun can see to his plants and such. They both know Kyuhyun's going to live there for the week, a break from home and from the dorms, to have space for himself to recuperate after long hours at the company. He lies on the bed the night Zhou Mi leaves and breathes in deep. The sheets smell like flowery detergent and Zhou Mi's equally flowery moisturizer. Kyuhyun's heart thumps loudly in his chest, echoing in his ears.
Turning his head, he presses his face into the pillow and wishes he could drown out the thoughts in his head, the flurry of emotions and images that wash over him.
Fifteen fruitless minutes later, he's at Zhou Mi's desk with his own laptop open. He pulls up Yiruma and sets him on random. Stretched back out on the bed in the dark, Kyuhyun listens to the tinkling piano notes of River Flows In You. He sees Zhou Mi's face in his mind, mouth stretched wide in a smile; brow furrowed as he focuses on his new design piece; eyes dark and hazy as he drifts off on Kyuhyun's shoulder in front of the tiny TV. Kyuhyun falls asleep to Dream a Little Dream of Me.
--
He doesn't expect the postcard three days into the one-week trip, but maybe he should've.
The prototypical sunny beach with blue sky and blue waves crashing along the shore on the front. On the back, a bright Wish you were here! :)
But then it's followed, in typical Zhou Mi form, by ramblings about Han Geng's Mandarin (it's got an accent Zhou Mi can't place), Heechul's control of the radio (it's mostly been j-rock and poppy girl groups, which is kind of a weird mix), the first smell and taste of the salty sea breeze, and how everyone outside Seoul can tell immediately that Zhou Mi's a foreigner but are all "super super nice" and welcoming. It's only the first day, says the postcard, but Zhou Mi is having so much fun and Kyuhyun better be taking care of himself back in Seoul!
As usual, "觅" is crammed into the last available space.
Kyuhyun tapes it up on Zhou Mi's bedroom wall instead of taking it back to the shoebox in his dorm. It's just more convenient this way, since he's here all the time.
--
The second postcard arrives two days after Zhou Mi returns sun-browned and toting a camera full of pictures. After a week of no Zhou Mi in his personal space, Kyuhyun thinks it should be harder than it is to fall back into the rhythm of Zhou Mi's mouth right by his ear, Zhou Mi's arm around his waist, Zhou Mi's body heat warming Kyuhyun with tingles from head to toe.
But it is this easy and Kyuhyun hangs up the second postcard next to the first one. He lets Zhou Mi show him 347 pictures before he breaks in and says he has to do his vocal exercises for the night. Zhou Mi unpacks as Kyuhyun sings and Kyuhyun ends up spending the night because Zhou Mi insists it's too late for him to head back to the dorms: the subways are closed and Kyuhyun shouldn't spend money for a taxi when he can stay the night. He curls into the bed with Zhou Mi on the other side of the bed, a gentle dip to the mattress that wasn't there in the past week, a steady lullaby of in-and-out breaths.
VII.
He takes Zhou Mi with him to celebrate Chuseok because someone needs to feed him over the holidays. Plus, his mother fussed at him over the phone until he promised - Kyuhyun's family really does love Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi, whose eyes go all soft when he says quietly, "Really? They want you to bring me home for-- Oh Kyuhyun." It's like watching daybreak steal over his features, eyes wondrous and smile melting into shape.
Kyuhyun's breath rearranges itself in his chest but he ducks his head, trying to hide his face as he sorts it out. Zhou Mi's arms come around him, squeezing tight in silent gratitude. There is something to be said for the way they can now communicate without words, when words used to be all that connected them.
VIII.
"Is that Eric from Shinhwa?" Zhou Mi shrieks as quietly as he can to Kyuhyun. He clutches at Kyuhyun's arm, eyes wide. "Oh my god! Is the rest of Shinhwa here? I can't believe this!"
Kyuhyun tolerates Zhou Mi's death grip and says calmly, "I should've brought Sungmin."
Zhou Mi gives him a hurt look. "Sungmin would flirt with everyone here, you know it."
Kyuhyun concedes that this is likely true. "Donghae, then. He's normal."
But Zhou Mi's attention has wandered again, tracking Eric Mun across the crowded restaurant. SM Enterprises' annual end-of-year party has taken up the whole of decent-sized restaurant and Kyuhyun's a little surprised that trainees are allowed to mingle among the successful idols. He's run across a few of the girls from the girl groups Sungmin and Heechul like so much (he can only remember Taeyeon, because Heechul won't shut up about her, and Sulli, because in her heels she's taller than him and that's rare) and various trainees he only recognizes by face. Zhou Mi beams at them and they all seem taken aback by him - it's a combination of the height and the smile, Kyuhyun figures, smirking privately to himself. All the same, everyone has been polite - friendly, even - and it's safe to say that Zhou Mi is having fun.
"Is BoA here? I love BoA. Everyone in China loves BoA." Zhou Mi cranes his neck and Kyuhyun carefully slides the cup of tea away from him so it's no longer in danger of being upset. "Actually, that's a lie, half of China hates her but that's okay. I love her!"
Kyuhyun has no idea if BoA is there and really doesn't care. He snaps his chopsticks over a choice piece of barbecued beef that Zhou Mi's been ignoring on his plate. As he chews, savoring the taste, Zhou Mi continues to chatter sotto voce. He really never shuts up, Kyuhyun observes fondly. They'll mingle more at some point but, for now, Kyuhyun is perfectly satisfied staying at the table to finish off the last of the food, even if Zhou Mi seems done. Kyuhyun is still hungry. Being a university student means always being short on cash.
Zhou Mi settles back down beside him, casting him a grin as he reaches for the barley tea Kyuhyun moved away earlier. "Are you going to drink? You'll have to drink later, you know. All the toasting with your sunbae!" He sounds extraordinarily pleased about it and Kyuhyun makes a face. Ever since Zhou Mi discovered that Kyuhyun can hold his alcohol well, to the point of actually matching Zhou Mi's incredible metabolism, Zhou Mi's been looking for excuses to get him actually drunk. They haven't yet hit that point but Zhou Mi continues to insist that it's some kind of rite of passage for life, to get thoroughly trashed at least once.
"My second year in university," Zhou Mi says cheerfully of his first time. "It was awful. I wanted to kill myself the entire next day."
"I'm touched you want to share this amazing experience."
They do end up drinking, doing the obligatory rounds with his sunbae as Zhou Mi predicted. The soju slides easily down Kyuhyun's throat, warm and smooth, shot after shot with laughter and cheers ringing in his ears. He's turned away from so many sunbae, cupping his glass as he tips his head back, that they all start blending together in a haze. It's possible he's had too much to drink. He's not as bad off as some of the others though, even when he finds himself leaning into Zhou Mi's shoulder. The world hasn't tipped on its axis even if the room is swimming slightly, fuzzy at the edges. Kyuhyun's still got control over most of his faculties. Probably.
The press of Zhou Mi against him is deliberate, he thinks. It's lowered inhibitions is all. It's no big deal. At least he isn't being persuaded to clamber atop a chair and dance like that one kid is. Kyuhyun squints at him because he's familiar, probably another trainee, but he's not a singer and Kyuhyun's never learned his name.
"Do you want some water?" Zhou Mi queries, voice close nand intimate with Kyuhyun's ear. He doesn't sound tipsy at all, just more affectionate than usual. It's quite a feat.
"Mmm," Kyuhyun says and finds, some indeterminable amount of time later, a glass of cold water being pushed into his hands.
Zhou Mi's wearing a white dress shirt that molds to his lean frame. It's got a stiff collar and tiny pearly white buttons marching down his chest. Kyuhyun's fingers itch to brush over them, maybe slide them through the buttonhole. He blinks and feels warm all over. But that's the alcohol.
Kyuhyun's fingers are perhaps given a little more freedom than they would be usually and they find their way through Zhou Mi's belt loops. Zhou Mi looks down and quirks a brow. Kyuhyun looks down too, almost surprised to find two of his fingers threaded through the loop. It's not a bad place for them, he decides, since it lets him tug Zhou Mi around. He does it enough figuratively; he might as well make it literal.
"I want to go home," he says bluntly, because he's never been one for tact. Even less so when the alcohol loosens his tongue.
So they go.
Kyuhyun has the presence of mind to find his manager and bow low while bidding goodbye. He nods and bows as appropriate on his way out of the restaurant as he passes a blur of people. It's only when he's outside, breathing in the bitter cold, that he pauses. The dizziness fades with every nip of December air. Beside him, Zhou Mi tucks his hands into his pockets and shivers, full-bodied. Then he frees one hand, hops on the curb, and waves an arm at a passing taxi.
"L-let's go!" Zhou Mi's teeth are chattering because he's nothing but skin and bones.
The air stings at Kyuhyun's skin and makes him wrap his scarf tighter, pulling it over his nose as he climbs into the back seat of the taxi and settles in next to Zhou Mi.
Kyuhyun's not drunk, but he might be a bit tipsy. There's a warm, comfortable buzz in the back of his head and it weighs down his eyelids until he allows them to sink closed. At the same time, he sags against Zhou Mi - to keep the skinny idiot warm - and dozes until they arrive back at their apartment.
They dart inside and huddle together a moment, waiting until they regain feeling in their extremities. Zhou Mi's eyes glint bright in the dark, reflecting streetlight through the window. Kyuhyun feels his breath stutter in his throat.
The new year is only two nights away.
New year, new beginnings. It's a temptation Kyuhyun's not sure he can resist with the excuse of alcohol in his bloodstream.
Kyuhyun licks his lips and thinks about how Zhou Mi's mouth might taste against his, maybe a little like the faint flavor of soju still lingering on Kyuhyun's own tongue.
Then Zhou Mi's stepping away and shrugging out of his coat, moving into the apartment to flip on the lights. Kyuhyun stands in the entryway, staring after him, tasting nothing but his own heartbeat in his mouth. The lights flood his vision and he winces, then bends his head and concentrates on toeing out of his shoes to slide socked feet across the cold floor.
--
The tiny bathroom is foggy with steam when Kyuhyun finishes his shower, billowing in waves around him as he pulls Zhou Mi's spare towel around his body. When he straightens from toweling at his sopping hair, he catches sight of the mirror. The characters "遗憾" are written across the foggy surface.
Kyuhyun didn't hear Zhou Mi come into the bathroom while he was showering; there was no gust of cool air to signal the door being opened as Zhou Mi slipped in and back out. It means the faded character in the mirror was written earlier, before Kyuhyun's shower.
He traces the strokes with his eyes and recognizes the characters after a moment's study. He's been learning new Chinese vocabulary as he rehearses love song after love song in the studio. Words like "love" and "sorrow" and "promises". The typical things found in love songs. This one means regret.
Kyuhyun mouths the word, hearing Zhou Mi's inflection in his mind. It makes no sense that Zhou Mi would trace it into his mirror, standing bare-chested and toweled in the steam.
--
Zhou Mi's eyes are sad when Kyuhyun asks him about it, curiosity masked under his sarcastic tone. "Do you regret a lot of things in your bathroom?" he asks as he pads into the bedroom in his shirt and pajama pants. "Killed some men in there? Knocked over your new bottle of moisturizer?"
"Ha ha," Zhou Mi says dryly and his lips twitch in an attempt at a smile. He doesn't elaborate, only sighs into his pillow as Kyuhyun slides into bed from the other side.
Long minutes later, in the dark, Kyuhyun whispers, "Thanks for coming to the party with me."
Zhou Mi doesn't respond. Kyuhyun has no idea if he heard.
He dreams of regrets, nebulous and indefinite, of long fingers tracing mirrored surfaces and lips rough with cold and alcohol. He wakes up to an ache in his chest.
IX.
Zhou Mi spends New Year's day writing letters to his parents. He's already called them but, he explains, his parents like having something tangible to hold and to read. And to cry over, he adds wryly with a fond smile. Kyuhyun's heard him talk about his mother with the sweetest look and he wonders how much Zhou Mi must miss them. It's been nearly ten months since Zhou Mi's come to Seoul, leaving behind family and friends and country.
"I guess I got my fondness for letters and postcards from them," Zhou Mi says. He's at his kitchen table, papers spread before him and a cup of tea by his hand. "There's just something about writing things down that you just can't get from typing, you know? You really get a feel for the characters."
Kyuhyun's laptop is getting hot on his lap and he shifts it. He loses a ship in consequence and ends up scowling at the screen. "Sure," he says, because Zhou Mi does this sometimes, just rambles earnestly. He is just as wordy in person as he is in the cramped greetings on Kyuhyun's postcards. Kyuhyun narrowly avoids losing another ship to the fleet of attacking Zerg and curses under his breath. It's his fault for trying to game casually from the couch instead of setting his laptop on a proper surface and using his wireless mouse. He's going to get slaughtered.
"What, ugh, what the hell--" Kyuhyun gives up the fight as a lost cause because touchpads are the bane of a gamer's existence. He closes his laptop, disgruntled, and moves it off his thighs so he can stretch.
His spine curves back with a series of pops. Kyuhyun lets out a satisfied sigh and gets to his feet, making his way to Zhou Mi's side. He peers over his shoulder at the half-written letter, line after line of characters scrawled in black ink. Zhou Mi's handwriting seems a lot less precise than how Kyuhyun usually sees it - but Zhou Mi's more familiar with the shape of these words and it only stands to reason. Neither is he printing carefully to ensure that Kyuhyun can make out the characters, testing out his shallow familiarity with Chinese.
Kyuhyun picks out a few familiar shapes, a "妈" and a "我". Then his lips curve as he leans down.
"Is this my name?" His finger draws a line under two characters that look a little more familiar than others. "Why are you talking about me, Zhou Mi?"
Zhou Mi beams at him. "You recognized it!" Then he looks a little bashful, lashes sweeping down and back up as he meets Kyuhyun's eyes almost reluctantly. "I talk about you a lot. I mean, we do a lot of stuff together, you know? My mom likes hearing about you."
Kyuhyun finds that he's too busy smiling to offer a witty retort. He leans heavily against Zhou Mi's shoulder with his hip and says instead, "Tell me what you talk about."
--
Evidently, Zhou Mi talks a lot about their attempts to cook because it makes his mother laugh. They've improved, honestly, but Kyuhyun will still take food from outside of the apartment in a grateful heartbeat. They've mastered bibimbap and ramyun and even kimbap - though it takes them ages and Kyuhyun's usually not that patient - but anything requiring a more delicate hand at seasoning is usually a lost cause.
Zhou Mi talks about Kyuhyun's informal Chinese lessons and how Kyuhyun is slowly, at the pace of a glacier, perhaps, picking up new vocabulary. He talks about how they almost died once because their taxi driver didn't believe in stopping at red lights. He talks about Kyuhyun's sarcasm and comments whenever Zhou Mi loses his mind enough to ask Kyuhyun his opinion on Zhou Mi's latest design project. (Kyuhyun doesn't really understand the whole concept but he knows Zhou Mi is good at it. It's just more fun to mock him.) He talks about Sungmin and Sunny and Heechul and Donghae too, but mostly he talks about Kyuhyun.
--
Kyuhyun's back in the dorm three days later, picking through the few things he still has lying around and getting ready for class. As he goes through his books, he realizes he's got some loose paper from Zhou Mi's tucked in between the pages of his Theoretical Math textbook. A quick rifle through the pages of Chinese characters tells him it's a letter, and because the handwriting isn't familiar, it must be from Zhou Mi's parents.
His intention is to bring it back to the apartment when he returns there after class. It's not his fault his eyes catch sight of his name again and he ends up wondering what Zhou Mi's mother (or father) has to say about him.
Kyuhyun's tempted to copy down the sentence in his awkward handwriting then go find the characters online and translate them. The thought dies as quickly as it flares and he's shaking his head and shoving the loose paper under a book on his desk.
If he wants to know, he should ask Zhou Mi. Kyuhyun's thinking it's past time he asked Zhou Mi many things, like if he ever wonders--
Kyuhyun cuts off the thought, checks that his calculator's in his bag, and then he's out of the room. The door slams and locks automatically behind him.
X.
The song is called "하늘을 가리려한다" and Kyuhyun is fairly ambivalent about it. He's happy he's sung it well, technically, but he's not in love with the song and it frankly shows in the demo he's replaying on his iPod. He's not emotionally engaged in it, which is ironic considering it tells a story of someone who is futilely trying to hide their love away, like trying to cover the entire sky with only the palm of one hand.
Kyuhyun slumps against the plastic subway seat, thumb sweeping idly down the side of his iPod case. It's been over two, three months since he's found out that Zhou Mi is gay. He should've said something three months ago. He should've kissed him after that new year's party. Or at the more recent lunar new year party.
It doesn't matter his regrets, because he's passed all his chances by. Kyuhyun doesn't even know what holds him back anymore, only that it's fear that he can't name and pin down and conquer. It's why he agreed to this song when his manager asked him to choose from a selection of five for his demo.
Over a year with SM Enterprises still means it's far too early for Kyuhyun to think about debut, but evidently his manager works magic or something close to it - even though Kyuhyun isn't going to debut soon, they still want to start recording official tracks. For that future album, his manager tells him with a grin. They want to have some finished songs on hand. They want to see him doing some professional studio work. They want to see him interact and respond and Kyuhyun is terrified he's fucking it all up because - this song? This demo? It's the first and it's terrible. He knows it. His heart isn't only not engaged, it's moved half a country away.
"We'll try again," he gets told wearily. "Take a week off, focus on school, relaxing, whatever. Just come back next week ready to take this on again, okay? We want your best work, Kyuhyun. We expect it. Nothing less."
Kyuhyun nodded tersely and boarded the subway line back tense. Listening to the demo on repeat probably isn't helping ease the anxiety, but he needs to figure out how he can fix this. How do you suddenly turn on emotions, drag them from wherever they've been hiding and shove them into the light?
He's spent god knows how long now shoving his emotions to the back of his mind, suppressing them. This is ridiculous.
His baseball cap keeps the sun out of eyes as he gets off the subway eight stops and a line change later. He crosses a busy street and onto his campus.
His university's undergone some changes in the past three years. Kyuhyun can hardly believe it's his last year; it's like life has unfurled slowly without him noticing. All of a sudden the cherry blossoms are blooming and trees are budding and he's got less than a year left. He's going to have to start thinking about what to do after he's done.
Kyuhyun passes by a girl toting a giant canvas, maneuvering carefully through students in her heels, bag slung over her shoulder. He moves out of her way and thinks of Zhou Mi and his own giant canvases of things Kyuhyun still doesn't understand but can appreciate, sort of, on some aesthetic level. It's been over a year that he's met Zhou Mi face-to-face now, and over a year and a half since they first began exchanging postcards. Who could have predicted then that those brief exchanges would somehow grow and morph into this?
Zhou Mi's in the studio, which means Kyuhyun won't see him for the next few hours until he reemerges, covered in glitter and glue and god knows what else. It's for the best. Kyuhyun has to meet with professor this afternoon; he won't have time to find Zhou Mi and sit in unhappy silence until Zhou Mi pries his anxieties out of him. It's the way they work: Kyuhyun will sulk and Zhou Mi will make him talk, and then Kyuhyun will pour out the things on his mind and Zhou Mi will give him considered, reasonable suggestions.
At this point, Zhou Mi probably knows everything about Kyuhyun's insecurities and fears - except the biggest one. That one's still a secret. And a few hours doing their own things on this sunny afternoon won't change a thing.
--
Except that it does.
Because Kyuhyun gets to the apartment late - he runs into Han Geng just outside the student union and they spend time chatting - and Zhou Mi apparently got out of the studio early because when Kyuhyun opens the door, Zhou Mi's at the stove. He's still covered in glitter and paint dust, a smudge of white paint on the cuff of his gray shirt, and he's stirring something on the pot.
He's singing, happily belting it out. Kyuhyun stops with the door half-open, his hand on the handle. It's never occurred to him before that he's never heard Zhou Mi singing. Not like this. He'll sing softly under his breath to songs Kyuhyun plays on his laptop at times and Kyuhyun's heard him hum when he loses himself in his work - but he's never heard him sing.
The song is only vaguely familiar, the melody teasing at the edges of Kyuhyun's memory. The words are in Mandarin, a smooth flow of tonal sounds in perfect pitch.
It's everything that Kyuhyun's missing in his demo recording: true feeling. Emotion hanging heavily on each note, like a towel that's been soaked through, dripping with the weight.
Kyuhyun listens to Zhou Mi sing, still half-hidden by the door, and something tightens painfully in his chest.
He doesn't need to understand the lyrics to know what that it's a love song.
Zhou Mi is in love.
Kyuhyun slips inside under the cover of Zhou Mi's voice, shutting the door silently and stepping out of his shoes. The song breaks as his bag thumps onto the floor and Zhou Mi's turning his head, smiling at him like it's reflex, too pleased to be surprised. Kyuhyun doesn't know if he's imagining the slight air of embarrassment at being caught singing.
"Hi Kyuhyun," Zhou Mi says cheerfully. "How was your day?"
The water in the pot bubbles behind Zhou Mi as Kyuhyun walks into his personal space and looks up at him; the sound is muted by the dull roar of Kyuhyun's pulse. It's not like he never acts impulsively but not like this, never on this-- Kyuhyun's chest aches again, catches him and pulls him back, tangling him in a web of maybes and what ifs. His lips still a breath away from Zhou Mi's, so close he can practically taste them.
He has to be sure.
"Kyuhyun?"
Kyuhyun clenches his fist and closes his eyes. He doesn't move back but-- "I want you to help me pick another song."
Zhou Mi moves and the air of the movement brushes past Kyuhyun's face. He opens his eyes when Zhou Mi's hands settle on his arms, and he meets Zhou Mi's dark, uncertain gaze. "Kyuhyun?"
"For my demo," Kyuhyun says. "This one isn't working."
"Right now?"
"Please."
Zhou Mi reaches down and turns off the gas on the stove. The bubbling slowly dies away as they back out of the kitchen. The ramen is going to go cold sitting there, soaking up too much water. Kyuhyun doesn't care. He sits down next to Zhou Mi on the couch and fishes out his iPod, handing the earphones over as he thumbs over the scrollpad to click play.
--
Half an hour later, Zhou Mi's agreed that "하늘을 가리려한다" isn't working for Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun's sung, rough and a cappella, the other four songs that were possibilities for his official demo.
Zhou Mi's smile is warm if a little self-deprecating when he leans back into the couch after the last one. "Maybe it's just because of our history," he says, "but I like 내일 보낸 엽서. You sing it really well, Kyuhyun." The title is slightly accented but all Kyuhyun can focus on is the flush of warmth that sweeps through him, tinged with triumph.
He was right.
His answering smile is easy, without any of the tightness that kept him stiff since he first walked in the door thirty minutes ago. "It's funny," he says and his hand finds Zhou Mi's knee, his eyes meet Zhou Mi's questioning gaze. "I've always thought that song's kind of about us."
He lets that sink in.
And when realization is sweeping across Zhou Mi's face, Kyuhyun leans in and kisses him.
--
Postcards from Tomorrow is a story of sending postcards to the past, telling the singer to let go and learn to fall in love, because the future is worth it. Kyuhyun knows without a doubt that this song he can sing with the requisite emotion.
XI.
When Kyuhyun falls in love, he does it through words.
It starts with postcards, snippets of a life told through cramped handwriting and carefully chosen pictures. It transforms into scrawled notes on pink paper, language as warm and affectionate as the abbreviated names tacked on in the end. It continues through letters home and whispered comments, little details that tell the world before they tell each other. It reveals itself at last in a song being sung in a kitchen, the sweet refrain of Melody that Kyuhyun makes Zhou Mi teach him, and in Kyuhyun's first successful recording of Postcards from Tomorrow.
--
But when Kyuhyun loves Zhou Mi, he does it without words.
(Instead, he lends his coat to Zhou Mi when shivers wrack his thin frame and goes out for ice cream even when he's no longer hungry; he empties out his shoebox of postcards and helps Zhou Mi make a collage on their bedroom wall; forgoes the last hour of gaming to watch a romantic comedy that he mocks under his breath just to hear Zhou Mi laugh. He looks into flights for two back to China and buys Zhou Mi cucumber-melon scented hand lotion for his birthday; thinks of Zhou Mi when he sings in the studio, his manager's beaming face nothing but a blur to the smile in his mind. He puts up with Sungmin's teasing and Sunny's dreamy sighs; rests his head on Zhou Mi's shoulder; kisses his hip tenderly in the darkness; and licks unspoken promises into his mouth.)
In May, Zhou Mi says, "This year, let's go somewhere together for your summer holiday."
Kyuhyun makes a mark on his calendar and a mental note.
Three months ahead of time, he's secured a promise from his manager that he'll get at least a week off in August. Kyuhyun tells Zhou Mi the night he finds out, murmuring sleepily into his shoulder. Zhou Mi accidentally knees him in the shin in his excitement and apologizes frantically as Kyuhyun grumbles. He falls asleep, lips still curved in a smile.
--
A week later, Kyuhyun tucks two plane tickets into his dorm desk drawer with his passport and other important documents. He makes Sungmin promise to keep an eye on it. He'll tell Zhou Mi in a month or two.
XII.
"I hate Beijing," Kyuhyun says for the third time that hour, shading his eyes from the glare of the scorching August sun. "Why haven't people invented a way to control the weather yet?"
Zhou Mi just laughs at him. "They did! Kind of. They can make it rain, you know? It's this rocket thing they shoot into the clouds and it makes them rain." He scrunches his nose when Kyuhyun stares blankly at him and self-consciously lowers his gesturing hands. "I'm serious!" Then he's grabbed Kyuhyun's arm and is tugging him down the street toward the newsstand on the corner.
"I hate Beijing a little less," Kyuhyun concedes five minutes later when he's slurping at a green bean popsicle, tongue darting out to catch the droplets melting rapidly in the heat and racing down his hand.
Zhou Mi's grin is nearly as blinding as the sun, wide and bright beneath his gigantic - girly, Kyuhyun notes - sunglasses. "So, do you want go shopping? All the department stores are air-conditioned."
Kyuhyun takes a bite of his popsicle and blinks back the brain freeze. "God, no." Zhou Mi's grin has taken on a mischievous edge. Kyuhyun's always known that Heechul was a bad influence.
"Well, how about Yuan Ming Yuan? The Summer Palace. There's a lot of shade and water there, it's beautiful. We can take a walk there and relax! What do you think, Kyuhyun?"
When the other option is apparently spending hours with Zhou Mi on a shopping spree, it really isn't a choice at all. Kyuhyun rolls his eyes, because Zhou Mi is as obvious in his machinations as ever. "Fine," he grumbles, putting on a show of being put out. But Zhou Mi knows him better than that.
"Great!" he practically sings. "Let's go to the subway. Then we have to take a bus. C'mon!"
--
As Kyuhyun stands in the long line outside the Summer Palace for tickets, lost behind a massive tour group all wearing bright orange visors, Zhou Mi wanders away in the crowd towards the little shops selling overpriced drinks and tacky tourist souvenirs.
"Be right back!" he said.
When he returns, he's got one bottle of ice cold green tea tucked into his bag, one bottle of ice cold red tea for Kyuhyun, and a handful of postcards.
"I thought we could send some to Sungmin and Heechul and people. You know."
Kyuhyun takes the tea and tucks it into his own bag. Then he flips through the postcards: statues and pagodas and weeping willows surrounding a serene pond. No originality at all. He raises an eyebrow at Zhou Mi.
"What? It's not like they even appreciate the art that goes into postcards." Zhou Mi's wicked grin makes Kyuhyun want to kiss him but he just laughs and shakes his head.
"Fine."
--
Three days later, in Wuhan, Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun take a walk after a heavy but delicious dinner lovingly prepared by Zhou Mi's mother. They pass a shop that sells postcards and Kyuhyun pulls Zhou Mi into it, where they spend a good forty minutes browsing the selection for cards.
They leave with five: one gets sent to Ahra and her husband; one gets sent to Donghae, who just proposed to Jessica; one gets sent to Henry, Zhou Mi's new pen pal who is some young Canadian-Taiwanese student studying in Korea (they were introduced by Zhou Mi's old professor in China and Kyuhyun says, only half-jokingly, "Don't fall in love with him," only to have Zhou Mi kiss him too breathless to say anything else); and one goes to Jonghyun, a fellow trainee at SM Enterprises and probably Kyuhyun's closest friend there.
The last one they keep for their wall collage.
--
They spend the plane ride back to Seoul talking about Kyuhyun's new recordings. He has four tracks finished now and his magic-working manager is looking to get him a debut before the end of the next year. He wants Kyuhyun to do one or two cover songs ("it's the new thing," he's told) and Kyuhyun asks for Zhou Mi's advice, partly because he wants it and partly to keep Zhou Mi's mind off leaving his parents again.
"Seven Years of Love," Zhou Mi suggests. "Dalpaengi. I guess no Chinese songs?"
Kyuhyun thinks about it, twirling his pen. "I'll ask manager-hyung," he says.
--
The postcard from Wuhan has a picture of a dish of duck neck. "It's so delicious," Zhou Mi insisted, unrelenting until Kyuhyun promised to try it. It was good. He admitted it reluctantly. Zhou Mi didn't quit beaming smugly the rest of the stay in Hubei, the cocky bastard.
Kyuhyun writes on the back of the postcard, before he puts it up on the wall: 想让烤鸭飞进嘴里的人肯定要等很久，很久。
It's a saying he learned from Zhou Mi back in the beginning, two years ago.
The man who waits for roast duck to fly into mouth must wait very, very long time.
"It means you must take action," Zhou Mi explained. "You cannot sit and wait for good things to happen. You must take charge, make changes, and then you will see the results."
Kyuhyun waited a long time.
Now, though, he gets to back up into the circle of Zhou Mi's arms as they look together at their wall of postcards and memories.
It's far better, he thinks as Zhou Mi kisses his ear and then his jaw, than roast duck. Or duck neck.
He dislodges Zhou Mi with his laughter, turns around and meets the confused expression with a grin. Kyuhyun grabs hold of Zhou Mi's bony hips and pulls him close, kissing him full on the mouth. "I was just thinking that you're better than roast duck."
Zhou Mi nips at his lip. "Thank you, I think?"
"You're very welcome," Kyuhyun says gravely. Zhou Mi kisses him again.
XIII.
They're kissing again six months later and Kyuhyun's mouthing his thanks into Zhou Mi's skin, hands tight in his hair. Zhou Mi tastes of chocolate frosting and well-aged red wine, an earlier present from Sungmin.
"Happy birthday," says Zhou Mi, warm and flushed and well-kissed.
Kyuhyun laughs, shaky and uncertain with what to do with this much sheer joy. Zhou Mi is designing his debut album cover, recommended by his professor to a friend who works with SM Enterprises.
"If it's not awesome enough, I'll blame my lack of success on you," Kyuhyun says.
Zhou Mi only pulls Kyuhyun's leg across his lap and leans in for another kiss, pressing them back into the couch. "You will be awesome," he says firmly. Kyuhyun rewards his conviction with a teasing flicker of his tongue, watching Zhou Mi's eyes go dark. His breath stutters as he exhales, says, "You will be amazing, Kyuhyun. You're going to be so famous and everyone will love you."
Kyuhyun suspects his album cover will be plastered with postcards. Then again, Zhou Mi could surprise him. He doesn't really care, because he knows it will be perfect. It will reflect their journey of words and how, somewhere along the way, he found the person he can spend the rest of his life with.
His thumb brushes Zhou Mi's ear, grazing the stud there, as he cups the back of Zhou Mi's head. His voice is husky when he leans in, eyes crossing as he nudges their noses together. "I don't need them to," he says simply.
--
Started: 2010.02.21
Finished: 2010.02.27
Notes: Title from I'm Ready by Jack's Mannequin. For anyone who cares, yes! I am still writing Minho/Donghae. It just got suddenly interrupted by this. :)
ETA: I'm not up for making a fanmix, but this is the soundtrack (essentially) of the fic, if you want to hear the songs mentioned.
Yiruma - Till I Find You
Yiruma - River Flows in You
Yiruma - Dream a Little Dream of Me
Cho Kyuhyun - 原谅我 (originally by Jam Hsiao)
Cho Kyuhyun - 7년시간의 사랑 (Seven Years of Love)
Cho Kyuhyun - 달팽이 (Snail) (unsure of original singer)
Lee Seung Gi - 결혼해 줄래 (Will You Marry Me)
David Tao - Melody
Sadly, not real songs:
하늘을 가리려한다 (Trying to Hide the Sky)
내일 보낸 엽서 (Postcards from Tomorrow)
Associated songs (i.e., ones I was listening to or thinking of while writing this):
Jack's Mannequin - I'm Ready
Colbie Caillat - Fallin' For You
Yiruma - Kiss the Rain
Super Junior (M), Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi, PG, 10,845 words
AU. When Kyuhyun begins exchanging postcards with a student in China, he never expects to end up falling in love with his best friend.
I.
He writes: I had lunch with my sister yesterday and wonders if Zhou Mi will care. His pen hovers over the postcard, hesitant, before committing that final centimeter with a press of blue ink. He's told Zhou Mi more frivolous things before; in fact, Zhou Mi's last postcard was full of cheerful, irreverent ramblings about nothing, his handwriting growing more and more cramped near the end until he barely had room to sign his name. If Kyuhyun's postcard this time is a bit random, Zhou Mi has no room to complain.
Kyuhyun smiles and adds, She says she's seeing someone seriously and there's a possibility of marriage. It's strange, to think about her that way, all grown up. Getting married. Kyuhyun can't imagine what it's like to be so in love with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with them. He tells Zhou Mi so, says that the rest of my life is long time, and stops to stare out the window.
It's dreary outside, overcast and damp, though not outright raining. He's sitting in his tiny dorm room waiting for dinnertime, too tired to game but against the idea of doing homework on a Friday afternoon on principle. He twirls his pen and wonders if it's raining where Zhou Mi is. Zhou Mi talks about the weather where he is sometimes because he talks about everything - really, Kyuhyun thinks at times, they should just give in and transfer their pen pal correspondence to email. It's so much more efficient, his logic tells him. But his eyes flit to the pile of postcards lying in an open shoebox on the floor by his desk. He's accumulated of lot in just two months - pictures of temples, flowers, modern art, traditional wood carvings, tiny shops with peeling paint and flickering neon lights - and he's not sure email will be the same.
The postcard Kyuhyun's writing on the back of has a picture of Dongdaemun at night. He mentioned it in his last card to Zhou Mi, how Sungmin dragged him out one night a few weeks ago on a mission to shop. Zhou Mi's postcard came back with a proliferation of exclamation points: he is, evidently, a fan of shopping. Kyuhyun thinks it's hilarious, if a little weird, but Sungmin is kind of the same way, so maybe it's Kyuhyun who's the strange one. He wonders if Zhou Mi will like the postcard, if he'll wish he were in Seoul to lose himself in the endless lights and shops.
Kyuhyun scratches the back of his left calf with a socked toe and writes, Whoever I end marrying won't be the kind of person who drags me shopping in Dongdaemun though. That rules out Sungmin.
He finishes off the card with a simple, painstakingly-written "想让烤鸭飞进嘴里的人肯定要等很久，很久。" copied from his laptop screen. He's been learning a few simple phrases in Chinese but he's constantly thankful that Zhou Mi is more or less fluent in Korean - which makes sense, of course, since he's apparently taking it in university and this whole pen pal program is supposed to help improve his language skills. Zhou Mi still tends towards being too formal in his writing but Kyuhyun's been correcting him and he's better lately. At least he signs off with a familiar "be well!" now.
Kyuhyun, on the other hand, double-checks every Chinese word Zhou Mi teaches him with an online translator. He also sends off what he thinks are funny sayings back to Zhou Mi, hoping the translator has kept the gist of what he's trying to say. It would suck to find out, for instance, that when he meant to tease Zhou Mi about his fear of bugs, he is actually making fun of his mom. But Kyuhyun's checked this one out a few times and it looks legitimate, so he signs his name sloppily, fishes around in his drawer for a stamp, and leaves the postcard on his desk to be mailed later.
His clock tells him it's four fifty-three and that means his roommate should be back in approximately ten minutes. That means Kyuhyun has approximately ten minutes to play his Yiruma before Sungmin gets back and blasts his boppy j-pop as he changes from his work clothes and then drags Kyuhyun out for food.
Kyuhyun puts on Till I Find You and tries to picture the kind of person he might one day marry. He doesn't get very far before Sungmin flings the door open with a cheerful "You'll never guess what happened!"
--
Zhou Mi's post card, a week later:
Kyuhyun!!
You should come visit Beijing so I can take you to eat delicious roasted duck! It's so, so delicious. Everyone comes to Beijing should eat it. Come visit me and I will take you to eat it! In return, I will visit you and you can take me shopping at Dongdaemun, hehe. You can't just show me a picture and not take me there. I'm sure your future wife will be so wonderful you will want to do anything for her, including going to Dongdaemun. Isn't that what love is? Love is wanting that person to be happy, no matter what. To give her things or do things that will make her smile. If your sister has found that person, she is so lucky!! I'm still looking... I'm sure you'll find the right person too, Kyuhyun.
This is a picture of Beijing roast duck. SO GOOD!! Come visit me...!! :)
Zhou Mi
His characters are practically falling off the edge again and Kyuhyun finds himself laughing as he reads it. He flips it over to stare at the picture of roast duck and has to admit, as he licks his lips, that it does look good.
He leaves the postcard on his bookshelf on top off his statistics textbook. It won't go in the shoebox until he's responded to it and Kyuhyun has to put some thought into what kind of postcard he's going to send back.
II.
When Kyuhyun falls in love, he doesn't mean to.
It happens like this:
He's at a flower shop three streets away from his university because his sister's just gotten engaged and he can't make dinner. He has a legitimate excuse because he's engaged to sing at this café and he can't back out now. It's still strange to him that he took this up on Zhou Mi's suggestion ("if you don't want to just be the computer geek, if you want to sing - you should make your own opportunities, Kyuhyun"), but it's been going on for a month now and Kyuhyun can't deny the thrill of singing in front of an audience. It's not the same as singing in church: there, they know him. They know his family. They're obligated to like him. Strangers aren't, but they do, and it makes Kyuhyun's pulse race a bit.
So the thing is, he has to sing tonight, and he can't make dinner with the family, so he has to send his sister flowers in apology before she kills him. He doesn't understand women, really, because it's not like he hasn't met her boyfriend - now fiancé - before, not like he doesn't like the guy. All the same, Kyuhyun is going to send flowers to appease Ahra, and it's in the flower shop that he literally stumbles into her.
She's almost as tall as he is, long hair and long legs, and it's on instinct that he grabs her arm to keep her from falling into the lilies. She's pink when she regains her footing, bowing in apology almost immediately, breathless.
"It's okay, no, it's my fault. I'm sorry." He bows too, just missing her head as it comes back up, and then they're laughing a little bit. Her smile is wide and bright and Kyuhyun really doesn't believe in this love at first sight thing Zhou Mi seems to but he can't stop looking at her, smiling like a fool.
He ends up talking to her and getting her advice on what kind of apology bouquet he should send to his sister. She's not in a rush to leave afterwards so he suggests, haltingly, because he's never done this before, that maybe they can get some coffee. He tells her he's singing at this café later that night and her eyes widen. The curl of smugness in his belly when she looks impressed, admiring, is something he can't suppress. She says softly she'd like to come listen to him, if that's all right with him.
She comes back with a friend and light jacket to ward off the chill of the night. He sits and talks with her for ten minutes before it's his turn to sing and by the time he's in front of the microphone stand, Kyuhyun's got butterflies in his stomach like he's never had before. He's sure his voice wavers a few times as he sings but no one seems to notice; Jae-eun, at least, doesn't seem to mind. She's watching him the entire time, not even whispering to her friend, and Kyuhyun goes home that night with her number in his mobile and a little bit in love.
He writes Zhou Mi almost immediately even though he only sent out his last postcard three days ago.
He wonders what things will be like between him and Jae-eun by the time Zhou Mi's postcard response arrives.
--
It's two and a half weeks before he hears back. Zhou Mi's apparently been incredibly busy wrapping up his last semester. His postcard is abnormally brief, though he seems as cheerful and enthusiastic usual. Great news, Kyuhyun! I believe in you! I can't believe you sang for her, that's so romantic~~
Kyuhyun smiles affectionately as he props up the picture of sunny pink, orange, and yellow flowers on his bookshelf.
They're gladiolus. 剑兰, Zhou Mi tells him in a tiny postscript. 'Love at first sight' flowers.
III.
Sungmin's girlfriend Sunny is apparently in one of Jae-eun's classes. "Do you want me to make her life hell?" she asks, sounding so eager that Sungmin pulls a face behind her. "I can do that, you know. It's no less than what she deserves. I heard what she did to you!"
Kyuhyun knows exactly who she heard it from too and glares at Sungmin. His roommate should know better than to talk so much, especially around his girlfriend. Still, Sunny means well. But Kyuhyun is past the point where he wants petty revenge. Mostly. Ask him two weeks ago and he probably would've taken Sunny up on her offer but, as it is, he really has moved on. He's taken out a lot of his anger on the pitiable fools on the gaming network and now he's okay. He has other things on his mind.
"No, really, it's fine. I'd rather just pretend she didn't exist." It's a new semester and Kyuhyun has new classes to think about, and the business card of that talent agent burning a hole in his wallet. Kyuhyun hasn't told anyone about that, hardly able to bring himself to believe in the stiff cardstock and elegant calligraphy spelling out the company name. It's one of the biggest entertainment enterprises in Korea; that they could be interested in Kyuhyun blows his mind.
Sunny sits back with a sigh and kicks her stockinged feet. She's on Sungmin's bed and they're breaking all sorts of rules having her here in their all-male dorm, but Sungmin's all about taking risks and Kyuhyun doesn't really care. If they get caught, they'll get a disciplinary note at most - it's not like he's going to get kicked out. Especially not with his grades.
Kyuhyun's at his desk, ignoring the murmurs of Sungmin and Sunny behind him as he clicks away on his laptop. His mind goes back to Jae-eun, briefly, and he wishes Sunny hadn't brought her up. His first real attempt at a relationship ended as messily as they come: it turned out Jae-eun was two years older than him, which was fine at first. Until she decided, without telling him, that dating guys her age was more her thing. He found out when she backed out of a date and he ran into her later, kissing another guy. In public, no less. Kyuhyun remembers the sick feeling in his stomach then and he really doesn't need or appreciate the memory. What he needs is some air.
He pushes his chair back and stands up. Sungmin and Sunny are sprawled out on the bed now, watching some idol performance on Sungmin's laptop.
"I could dance better than that," Sungmin mutters with a pout and Sunny chuckles and pats his hand.
Kyuhyun walks past them and says innocently, "Yes, you should see his rendition of 'I'm late for class' every morning. Brilliant choreography."
"Kyuhyun," Sungmin says as Sunny laughs outright.
Kyuhyun grins and ducks out the door, slippers slapping the bare linoleum floors as he heads for the stairs. He might as well check his mail as long as he's out and about. It's due time for one of Zhou Mi's postcards - at least if he hasn't gotten busy and caught up in something again. It's happened on and off over the summer and Kyuhyun found that he really hated waiting for postcards when they weren't regular. He's actually slapped his email address onto one of his postcards, annoyed, hoping it would at least facilitate a quicker return from Zhou Mi. But Zhou Mi stuck with cards and Kyuhyun's glad he did. It's been almost a year that they've been exchanging postcards and his shoebox is nearly spilling over, but there's something comforting about the tangibility of their words: a physical record of their time and their messages.
There's a flyer for something or other and a postcard in the mail slot for his and Sungmin's room. Kyuhyun tosses the flyer into the trash and glances at the postcard - a sea of puffy white clouds in a stretch of endless blue sky, obviously taken from a plane. He doesn't remembering talking about flying and flips the card over, eyes running over Zhou Mi's now-familiar handwriting.
Kyuhyun,
Maybe I should've told you sooner but I wasn't sure until just recently. Now all the plans are set. I'm going to Korea! For graduate study at Seoul University. By the time you get this I will probably already be in Seoul but I won't contact you. If you want to meet, here is my email address. But we don't have to meet if you don't want to... I hope this is good news? I'm really really nervous but also really really excited. I hope my Korean is good enough.
Be well, Kyuhyun!
Zhou Mi
--
What do you say when your intercountry pen pal suddenly moves next door, figuratively?
Kyuhyun stares at his email client until his vision goes blurry and he has to rub his eyes. He rests his head in his hands, breathing in slow and steady, listening to the gentle hum of his laptop's fan, close and audible under the tinny beat of the new hit single of the latest idol girl group.
Sungmin's hands are digging into his shoulders unexpectedly and Kyuhyun jerks, startled, before he sinks back into the massage. His eyes slip closed, head lolling forward.
"Just send the damned email," Sungmin tells him. "You've already told him your life story thrice over, how much worse can meeting him in person be? If you don't click then, whatever, you stay pen pals or something. You'll save on postage is all."
Kyuhyun huffs out a short laugh. "Thank god, my biggest concern is taken care of."
Sungmin works out a knot and Kyuhyun groans. "Do as your hyung tells you, Kyuhyunnie," Sungmin says sweetly. "If you're really afraid he's crazy, I'll come with you, okay?" There's steel under the sweetness and Kyuhyun bows his head forward in defeat and to give Sungmin better access. Sungmin accepts his surrender with the gentle pressure of his thumbs.
IV.
The note reads: 原谅我! Appt with professor, I'll bring dinner over around 6:30. --Mi
Kyuhyun snags it from the door and crumples up the obnoxiously pink paper, rolling his eyes. It's a testament to how often Kyuhyun is over at Zhou Mi's apartment that Zhou Mi will leave notes for him when he's out. Sungmin's suggested more than once, sometimes playfully and sometimes with exasperation, that Kyuhyun should just move all his junk out of the tiny dorm room they share and into Zhou Mi's apartment. Kyuhyun tends to ignore him, won't admit that he's thought about it, but he's still clinging to the pretense of normalcy in his university life. Everyone skips class to game, so Kyuhyun skips class to game. Everyone lives in the dorms, so Kyuhyun lives in dorms.
Not everyone has a Chinese pen pal turned international student turned best friend, but Kyuhyun figures he's allowed that one exception. Zhou Mi breaks all the rules. He is too perpetually cheerful, his legs are absurdly skinny and long, he has a bizarre infatuation with facial products... The list goes on. Kyuhyun dumps his books onto the kitchen table and shifts around the sketches and prints so he has clear table space to do some work. He's got about two hours until dinner and he's singing tonight, so he needs to finish up some things before then.
The one-bedroom apartment is sunny and warm - it's late May and the air still has a bite to it outdoors, but indoors Kyuhyun strips his jacket off until he's wearing only his thin Starcraft t-shirt. He sweeps the crumpled pink note into the trash and then stands there a moment, hands on his hips, lost in thought. He's singing tonight - a Chinese song Zhou Mi introduced him to a while back: 原谅我 , hence Zhou Mi's little joke. Forgive me. A ballad, as is Kyuhyun's forte; the track he sang for the SM Enterprises agents last month was a ballad, one of Sung Shikyung's.
They're still interested. Just last week they had him meet with a representative, talked to him about contracts and vocal training, about studio recordings and debut CDs. Kyuhyun, who's majoring in math and likes it - he does, even if he skips class - can't really wrap his head around the full breadth of what it all means. He asked for time, to think about it, to discuss with his parents, and the rep smiled and nodded. "Of course," he said. "I'd be happy to speak with your parents as well."
Kyuhyun can't picture himself being famous like the idols Sungmin and Sunny like to listen to and mock sometimes, dancing along to the radio, eyes riveted to the shine and sparkle on the television. Zhou Mi, since he first heard Kyuhyun sing, swears up and down that Kyuhyun can outsing all of them, but Zhou Mi's as biased as the day is long.
"It's true," he admits shamelessly. "I've known Kyuhyun much longer than I've heard those people sing."
"You've known me two months," Kyuhyun retorts, but it's not true. It's only two months since they've met face-to-face, two months since they've traded in postcards for laughter in real time and the occasional hastily-penned note. Kyuhyun never gave much thought to whether he would get along with Zhou Mi in person when he never expected the opportunity to find out: an international pen pal was just that. But since Zhou Mi's arrival in Seoul... Kyuhyun has accumulated a new best friend and even if he misses the postcards (picking out just the one to make Zhou Mi smile or pout in jealousy or get all exclamation-point abusing over), he has to admit it's been more than a fair trade.
Kyuhyun inches his pen over the blank notebook before him, scratching nonsensical little black marks back and forth. He should say yes. He should sign on the dotted line and go all out. But would that require dropping out of university? Would he have to live in company dorms? Would he still get to see Sungmin and Zhou Mi and his other friends? Maybe it's not worth it. He can continue singing for fun, still live his life without uprooting himself...
It was easier asking Zhou Mi for advice when all Kyuhyun had to wait for was the right words. It's more unnerving to have to face down the sparkle in Zhou Mi's eyes, the flash of curiosity or the worried downturn of his mouth. Putting down his notebook, Kyuhyun makes a quick decision and is back on the streets five minutes later, hunting for a postcard.
--
The postcard features a disordered spill of sheet music, black eighth and quarter notes carefully inked onto staved paper. Music in disarray.
On the back, Kyuhyun writes:
Should I do it?
He tucks it halfway under a book on Zhou Mi's kitchen table before he leaves for the night, backing away from the warmth of Zhou Mi's goodbye hug with queasy uneasiness in his gut.
--
The postcard in his mailbox the next afternoon shows up after Sungmin's already checked mail for that day. The picture shows long, straight path stretching into a horizon of storm clouds. There's no stamp.
It's the shortest card Kyuhyun's ever received from Zhou Mi.
不怕慢，只怕站.
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
You know I'll always support you, Kyuhyun.
--Mi
--
Ahra says, when he tells them that he's going to sign the contract, "Make sure you have a clause that allows you to sing at my wedding, okay?" Her voice is warm and affectionate. She's getting married in a month and a half and Kyuhyun is going to be officially part of SM Enterprises by then.
"I'll charge you," he says and only ducks, laughing, when she makes to grab at him.
V.
Zhou Mi still thinks he should have brought a girl as a date, but Kyuhyun knows he'll have more fun with him, and his family takes to Zhou Mi immediately, like he predicted. Kyuhyun steals Zhou Mi's champagne glass when Zhou Mi is occupied with dabbing at his eyes at the reception dinner speeches.
"Crybaby," he whispers.
"It's touching," Zhou Mi protests. "Just because you have no soul!"
It is touching and Kyuhyun may have teared up during the ceremony and when he hugged Ahra afterwards. The look on his parents' faces... But that was hours ago and Zhou Mi is still leaking, eyes red, handkerchief out and at work. Kyuhyun has decided it's a far better use of his time to get tipsy on the seemingly endless bottles of champagne.
In about ten minutes, he's due on the platform to sing. He wonders if he can sing while tipsy.
It turns out that he can.
His entire family - even his father and his new brother-in-law - is crying at his performance of Will You Marry Me. Zhou Mi's handkerchief is practically glued to his eyes the entire time.
As the words flow out of his mouth, as he looks out over his family and his best friend, the wedding party, Kyuhyun suddenly flashes back to the words he wrote to Zhou Mi over a year ago. I can't imagine what it's like to be so in love with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with them.
His fingers clench involuntarily on the microphone. His lips shape the last few words.
It's not so true anymore.
--
The thing is Kyuhyun isn't precisely in love. Not like that. Not the way his parents are or the way Ahra and her new husband are. It's just that he can now actually entertain the idea of spending a lifetime with someone. He's not averse to the idea of someone always by his side, someone who gets his jokes about half the time and the other half of the time stares at him cluelessly, waiting for an explanation - and by then, the joke's dead and it's not funny and then they'll laugh anyway at how they've killed the atmosphere. He's attracted by the idea of someone who knows what he likes and indulging him, of having someone he can roll his eyes fondly at and still do little things like buy them milk tea for breakfast just to see them light up. He sort of wants someone who will give him direction when he's lost, who'll surprise him and change his life for the better, and Kyuhyun doesn't really want to think about it too hard because there's been someone in his life who has been - is - all that. Kyuhyun can't deal with the implications right now. Not when he's missing more classes than ever to go to vocal lessons and dance lessons and recordings that stretch into the night.
He's tired and stressed and he barely sees Sungmin anymore, and he lives with him.
Zhou Mi he sees when he drags himself to the apartment to collapse on Zhou Mi's couch because it's closer than his dorm room. Somehow, three months into his signing with SM Enterprises, Zhou Mi's manhandled him from the couch to the bed so Kyuhyun's muscles aren't as sore and displeased in the morning.
Kyuhyun wakes up in the morning to a blurry mosaic of colors: sunsets and green hills, Seoul Tower and Dongdaemun at night, shops and subways and every postcard he's ever sent to Zhou Mi a collage on his bedroom walls.
Another pink note taped to the bathroom door, where Kyuhyun has a spare toothbrush:
Left for class. You left your homework here yesterday so remember to take it with you! Happy Wednesday! --Mi
VI.
Summer break means Sungmin and Sunny are on a trip with Donghae and Jessica. Yesung and Ryeowook are still around, passing the too-bright, too-hot days in the air-conditioned spaces of Yesung's parents' restaurant. Heechul's trying to convince Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun to go to the beach with him and Han Geng, but Kyuhyun's still tied up at the company, still singing and groveling like a good trainee is supposed to.
"You can go," he tells Zhou Mi with a gentle shove. "You haven't seen much of Korea since you got here, other than Seoul."
"Seoul's great!" Zhou Mi's response is instantaneous, as if he has to defend the city where Kyuhyun was born and spent his life. Kyuhyun shakes his head.
"Yeah, but there's more than just Seoul. Heechul-hyung is going to annoy us about it forever, so you might as well go and have a good time."
So Zhou Mi packs his bags and squeezes Kyuhyun tight two days later before running to Han Geng's car and piling himself into the back seats, long legs folded up. Kyuhyun laughs at the sight and waves them off. He's expecting a week of quiet solitude to give him back the inner balance he's sure he had at some point. All those times he sat and killed off countless opponents in Starcraft, for instance. All those times he sat and quietly mocked Sungmin or Yesung under his breath, for another.
Zhou Mi's given Kyuhyun the key to his apartment ostensibly so Kyuhyun can see to his plants and such. They both know Kyuhyun's going to live there for the week, a break from home and from the dorms, to have space for himself to recuperate after long hours at the company. He lies on the bed the night Zhou Mi leaves and breathes in deep. The sheets smell like flowery detergent and Zhou Mi's equally flowery moisturizer. Kyuhyun's heart thumps loudly in his chest, echoing in his ears.
Turning his head, he presses his face into the pillow and wishes he could drown out the thoughts in his head, the flurry of emotions and images that wash over him.
Fifteen fruitless minutes later, he's at Zhou Mi's desk with his own laptop open. He pulls up Yiruma and sets him on random. Stretched back out on the bed in the dark, Kyuhyun listens to the tinkling piano notes of River Flows In You. He sees Zhou Mi's face in his mind, mouth stretched wide in a smile; brow furrowed as he focuses on his new design piece; eyes dark and hazy as he drifts off on Kyuhyun's shoulder in front of the tiny TV. Kyuhyun falls asleep to Dream a Little Dream of Me.
--
He doesn't expect the postcard three days into the one-week trip, but maybe he should've.
The prototypical sunny beach with blue sky and blue waves crashing along the shore on the front. On the back, a bright Wish you were here! :)
But then it's followed, in typical Zhou Mi form, by ramblings about Han Geng's Mandarin (it's got an accent Zhou Mi can't place), Heechul's control of the radio (it's mostly been j-rock and poppy girl groups, which is kind of a weird mix), the first smell and taste of the salty sea breeze, and how everyone outside Seoul can tell immediately that Zhou Mi's a foreigner but are all "super super nice" and welcoming. It's only the first day, says the postcard, but Zhou Mi is having so much fun and Kyuhyun better be taking care of himself back in Seoul!
As usual, "觅" is crammed into the last available space.
Kyuhyun tapes it up on Zhou Mi's bedroom wall instead of taking it back to the shoebox in his dorm. It's just more convenient this way, since he's here all the time.
--
The second postcard arrives two days after Zhou Mi returns sun-browned and toting a camera full of pictures. After a week of no Zhou Mi in his personal space, Kyuhyun thinks it should be harder than it is to fall back into the rhythm of Zhou Mi's mouth right by his ear, Zhou Mi's arm around his waist, Zhou Mi's body heat warming Kyuhyun with tingles from head to toe.
But it is this easy and Kyuhyun hangs up the second postcard next to the first one. He lets Zhou Mi show him 347 pictures before he breaks in and says he has to do his vocal exercises for the night. Zhou Mi unpacks as Kyuhyun sings and Kyuhyun ends up spending the night because Zhou Mi insists it's too late for him to head back to the dorms: the subways are closed and Kyuhyun shouldn't spend money for a taxi when he can stay the night. He curls into the bed with Zhou Mi on the other side of the bed, a gentle dip to the mattress that wasn't there in the past week, a steady lullaby of in-and-out breaths.
VII.
He takes Zhou Mi with him to celebrate Chuseok because someone needs to feed him over the holidays. Plus, his mother fussed at him over the phone until he promised - Kyuhyun's family really does love Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi, whose eyes go all soft when he says quietly, "Really? They want you to bring me home for-- Oh Kyuhyun." It's like watching daybreak steal over his features, eyes wondrous and smile melting into shape.
Kyuhyun's breath rearranges itself in his chest but he ducks his head, trying to hide his face as he sorts it out. Zhou Mi's arms come around him, squeezing tight in silent gratitude. There is something to be said for the way they can now communicate without words, when words used to be all that connected them.
VIII.
"Is that Eric from Shinhwa?" Zhou Mi shrieks as quietly as he can to Kyuhyun. He clutches at Kyuhyun's arm, eyes wide. "Oh my god! Is the rest of Shinhwa here? I can't believe this!"
Kyuhyun tolerates Zhou Mi's death grip and says calmly, "I should've brought Sungmin."
Zhou Mi gives him a hurt look. "Sungmin would flirt with everyone here, you know it."
Kyuhyun concedes that this is likely true. "Donghae, then. He's normal."
But Zhou Mi's attention has wandered again, tracking Eric Mun across the crowded restaurant. SM Enterprises' annual end-of-year party has taken up the whole of decent-sized restaurant and Kyuhyun's a little surprised that trainees are allowed to mingle among the successful idols. He's run across a few of the girls from the girl groups Sungmin and Heechul like so much (he can only remember Taeyeon, because Heechul won't shut up about her, and Sulli, because in her heels she's taller than him and that's rare) and various trainees he only recognizes by face. Zhou Mi beams at them and they all seem taken aback by him - it's a combination of the height and the smile, Kyuhyun figures, smirking privately to himself. All the same, everyone has been polite - friendly, even - and it's safe to say that Zhou Mi is having fun.
"Is BoA here? I love BoA. Everyone in China loves BoA." Zhou Mi cranes his neck and Kyuhyun carefully slides the cup of tea away from him so it's no longer in danger of being upset. "Actually, that's a lie, half of China hates her but that's okay. I love her!"
Kyuhyun has no idea if BoA is there and really doesn't care. He snaps his chopsticks over a choice piece of barbecued beef that Zhou Mi's been ignoring on his plate. As he chews, savoring the taste, Zhou Mi continues to chatter sotto voce. He really never shuts up, Kyuhyun observes fondly. They'll mingle more at some point but, for now, Kyuhyun is perfectly satisfied staying at the table to finish off the last of the food, even if Zhou Mi seems done. Kyuhyun is still hungry. Being a university student means always being short on cash.
Zhou Mi settles back down beside him, casting him a grin as he reaches for the barley tea Kyuhyun moved away earlier. "Are you going to drink? You'll have to drink later, you know. All the toasting with your sunbae!" He sounds extraordinarily pleased about it and Kyuhyun makes a face. Ever since Zhou Mi discovered that Kyuhyun can hold his alcohol well, to the point of actually matching Zhou Mi's incredible metabolism, Zhou Mi's been looking for excuses to get him actually drunk. They haven't yet hit that point but Zhou Mi continues to insist that it's some kind of rite of passage for life, to get thoroughly trashed at least once.
"My second year in university," Zhou Mi says cheerfully of his first time. "It was awful. I wanted to kill myself the entire next day."
"I'm touched you want to share this amazing experience."
They do end up drinking, doing the obligatory rounds with his sunbae as Zhou Mi predicted. The soju slides easily down Kyuhyun's throat, warm and smooth, shot after shot with laughter and cheers ringing in his ears. He's turned away from so many sunbae, cupping his glass as he tips his head back, that they all start blending together in a haze. It's possible he's had too much to drink. He's not as bad off as some of the others though, even when he finds himself leaning into Zhou Mi's shoulder. The world hasn't tipped on its axis even if the room is swimming slightly, fuzzy at the edges. Kyuhyun's still got control over most of his faculties. Probably.
The press of Zhou Mi against him is deliberate, he thinks. It's lowered inhibitions is all. It's no big deal. At least he isn't being persuaded to clamber atop a chair and dance like that one kid is. Kyuhyun squints at him because he's familiar, probably another trainee, but he's not a singer and Kyuhyun's never learned his name.
"Do you want some water?" Zhou Mi queries, voice close nand intimate with Kyuhyun's ear. He doesn't sound tipsy at all, just more affectionate than usual. It's quite a feat.
"Mmm," Kyuhyun says and finds, some indeterminable amount of time later, a glass of cold water being pushed into his hands.
Zhou Mi's wearing a white dress shirt that molds to his lean frame. It's got a stiff collar and tiny pearly white buttons marching down his chest. Kyuhyun's fingers itch to brush over them, maybe slide them through the buttonhole. He blinks and feels warm all over. But that's the alcohol.
Kyuhyun's fingers are perhaps given a little more freedom than they would be usually and they find their way through Zhou Mi's belt loops. Zhou Mi looks down and quirks a brow. Kyuhyun looks down too, almost surprised to find two of his fingers threaded through the loop. It's not a bad place for them, he decides, since it lets him tug Zhou Mi around. He does it enough figuratively; he might as well make it literal.
"I want to go home," he says bluntly, because he's never been one for tact. Even less so when the alcohol loosens his tongue.
So they go.
Kyuhyun has the presence of mind to find his manager and bow low while bidding goodbye. He nods and bows as appropriate on his way out of the restaurant as he passes a blur of people. It's only when he's outside, breathing in the bitter cold, that he pauses. The dizziness fades with every nip of December air. Beside him, Zhou Mi tucks his hands into his pockets and shivers, full-bodied. Then he frees one hand, hops on the curb, and waves an arm at a passing taxi.
"L-let's go!" Zhou Mi's teeth are chattering because he's nothing but skin and bones.
The air stings at Kyuhyun's skin and makes him wrap his scarf tighter, pulling it over his nose as he climbs into the back seat of the taxi and settles in next to Zhou Mi.
Kyuhyun's not drunk, but he might be a bit tipsy. There's a warm, comfortable buzz in the back of his head and it weighs down his eyelids until he allows them to sink closed. At the same time, he sags against Zhou Mi - to keep the skinny idiot warm - and dozes until they arrive back at their apartment.
They dart inside and huddle together a moment, waiting until they regain feeling in their extremities. Zhou Mi's eyes glint bright in the dark, reflecting streetlight through the window. Kyuhyun feels his breath stutter in his throat.
The new year is only two nights away.
New year, new beginnings. It's a temptation Kyuhyun's not sure he can resist with the excuse of alcohol in his bloodstream.
Kyuhyun licks his lips and thinks about how Zhou Mi's mouth might taste against his, maybe a little like the faint flavor of soju still lingering on Kyuhyun's own tongue.
Then Zhou Mi's stepping away and shrugging out of his coat, moving into the apartment to flip on the lights. Kyuhyun stands in the entryway, staring after him, tasting nothing but his own heartbeat in his mouth. The lights flood his vision and he winces, then bends his head and concentrates on toeing out of his shoes to slide socked feet across the cold floor.
--
The tiny bathroom is foggy with steam when Kyuhyun finishes his shower, billowing in waves around him as he pulls Zhou Mi's spare towel around his body. When he straightens from toweling at his sopping hair, he catches sight of the mirror. The characters "遗憾" are written across the foggy surface.
Kyuhyun didn't hear Zhou Mi come into the bathroom while he was showering; there was no gust of cool air to signal the door being opened as Zhou Mi slipped in and back out. It means the faded character in the mirror was written earlier, before Kyuhyun's shower.
He traces the strokes with his eyes and recognizes the characters after a moment's study. He's been learning new Chinese vocabulary as he rehearses love song after love song in the studio. Words like "love" and "sorrow" and "promises". The typical things found in love songs. This one means regret.
Kyuhyun mouths the word, hearing Zhou Mi's inflection in his mind. It makes no sense that Zhou Mi would trace it into his mirror, standing bare-chested and toweled in the steam.
--
Zhou Mi's eyes are sad when Kyuhyun asks him about it, curiosity masked under his sarcastic tone. "Do you regret a lot of things in your bathroom?" he asks as he pads into the bedroom in his shirt and pajama pants. "Killed some men in there? Knocked over your new bottle of moisturizer?"
"Ha ha," Zhou Mi says dryly and his lips twitch in an attempt at a smile. He doesn't elaborate, only sighs into his pillow as Kyuhyun slides into bed from the other side.
Long minutes later, in the dark, Kyuhyun whispers, "Thanks for coming to the party with me."
Zhou Mi doesn't respond. Kyuhyun has no idea if he heard.
He dreams of regrets, nebulous and indefinite, of long fingers tracing mirrored surfaces and lips rough with cold and alcohol. He wakes up to an ache in his chest.
IX.
Zhou Mi spends New Year's day writing letters to his parents. He's already called them but, he explains, his parents like having something tangible to hold and to read. And to cry over, he adds wryly with a fond smile. Kyuhyun's heard him talk about his mother with the sweetest look and he wonders how much Zhou Mi must miss them. It's been nearly ten months since Zhou Mi's come to Seoul, leaving behind family and friends and country.
"I guess I got my fondness for letters and postcards from them," Zhou Mi says. He's at his kitchen table, papers spread before him and a cup of tea by his hand. "There's just something about writing things down that you just can't get from typing, you know? You really get a feel for the characters."
Kyuhyun's laptop is getting hot on his lap and he shifts it. He loses a ship in consequence and ends up scowling at the screen. "Sure," he says, because Zhou Mi does this sometimes, just rambles earnestly. He is just as wordy in person as he is in the cramped greetings on Kyuhyun's postcards. Kyuhyun narrowly avoids losing another ship to the fleet of attacking Zerg and curses under his breath. It's his fault for trying to game casually from the couch instead of setting his laptop on a proper surface and using his wireless mouse. He's going to get slaughtered.
"What, ugh, what the hell--" Kyuhyun gives up the fight as a lost cause because touchpads are the bane of a gamer's existence. He closes his laptop, disgruntled, and moves it off his thighs so he can stretch.
His spine curves back with a series of pops. Kyuhyun lets out a satisfied sigh and gets to his feet, making his way to Zhou Mi's side. He peers over his shoulder at the half-written letter, line after line of characters scrawled in black ink. Zhou Mi's handwriting seems a lot less precise than how Kyuhyun usually sees it - but Zhou Mi's more familiar with the shape of these words and it only stands to reason. Neither is he printing carefully to ensure that Kyuhyun can make out the characters, testing out his shallow familiarity with Chinese.
Kyuhyun picks out a few familiar shapes, a "妈" and a "我". Then his lips curve as he leans down.
"Is this my name?" His finger draws a line under two characters that look a little more familiar than others. "Why are you talking about me, Zhou Mi?"
Zhou Mi beams at him. "You recognized it!" Then he looks a little bashful, lashes sweeping down and back up as he meets Kyuhyun's eyes almost reluctantly. "I talk about you a lot. I mean, we do a lot of stuff together, you know? My mom likes hearing about you."
Kyuhyun finds that he's too busy smiling to offer a witty retort. He leans heavily against Zhou Mi's shoulder with his hip and says instead, "Tell me what you talk about."
--
Evidently, Zhou Mi talks a lot about their attempts to cook because it makes his mother laugh. They've improved, honestly, but Kyuhyun will still take food from outside of the apartment in a grateful heartbeat. They've mastered bibimbap and ramyun and even kimbap - though it takes them ages and Kyuhyun's usually not that patient - but anything requiring a more delicate hand at seasoning is usually a lost cause.
Zhou Mi talks about Kyuhyun's informal Chinese lessons and how Kyuhyun is slowly, at the pace of a glacier, perhaps, picking up new vocabulary. He talks about how they almost died once because their taxi driver didn't believe in stopping at red lights. He talks about Kyuhyun's sarcasm and comments whenever Zhou Mi loses his mind enough to ask Kyuhyun his opinion on Zhou Mi's latest design project. (Kyuhyun doesn't really understand the whole concept but he knows Zhou Mi is good at it. It's just more fun to mock him.) He talks about Sungmin and Sunny and Heechul and Donghae too, but mostly he talks about Kyuhyun.
--
Kyuhyun's back in the dorm three days later, picking through the few things he still has lying around and getting ready for class. As he goes through his books, he realizes he's got some loose paper from Zhou Mi's tucked in between the pages of his Theoretical Math textbook. A quick rifle through the pages of Chinese characters tells him it's a letter, and because the handwriting isn't familiar, it must be from Zhou Mi's parents.
His intention is to bring it back to the apartment when he returns there after class. It's not his fault his eyes catch sight of his name again and he ends up wondering what Zhou Mi's mother (or father) has to say about him.
Kyuhyun's tempted to copy down the sentence in his awkward handwriting then go find the characters online and translate them. The thought dies as quickly as it flares and he's shaking his head and shoving the loose paper under a book on his desk.
If he wants to know, he should ask Zhou Mi. Kyuhyun's thinking it's past time he asked Zhou Mi many things, like if he ever wonders--
Kyuhyun cuts off the thought, checks that his calculator's in his bag, and then he's out of the room. The door slams and locks automatically behind him.
X.
The song is called "하늘을 가리려한다" and Kyuhyun is fairly ambivalent about it. He's happy he's sung it well, technically, but he's not in love with the song and it frankly shows in the demo he's replaying on his iPod. He's not emotionally engaged in it, which is ironic considering it tells a story of someone who is futilely trying to hide their love away, like trying to cover the entire sky with only the palm of one hand.
Kyuhyun slumps against the plastic subway seat, thumb sweeping idly down the side of his iPod case. It's been over two, three months since he's found out that Zhou Mi is gay. He should've said something three months ago. He should've kissed him after that new year's party. Or at the more recent lunar new year party.
It doesn't matter his regrets, because he's passed all his chances by. Kyuhyun doesn't even know what holds him back anymore, only that it's fear that he can't name and pin down and conquer. It's why he agreed to this song when his manager asked him to choose from a selection of five for his demo.
Over a year with SM Enterprises still means it's far too early for Kyuhyun to think about debut, but evidently his manager works magic or something close to it - even though Kyuhyun isn't going to debut soon, they still want to start recording official tracks. For that future album, his manager tells him with a grin. They want to have some finished songs on hand. They want to see him doing some professional studio work. They want to see him interact and respond and Kyuhyun is terrified he's fucking it all up because - this song? This demo? It's the first and it's terrible. He knows it. His heart isn't only not engaged, it's moved half a country away.
"We'll try again," he gets told wearily. "Take a week off, focus on school, relaxing, whatever. Just come back next week ready to take this on again, okay? We want your best work, Kyuhyun. We expect it. Nothing less."
Kyuhyun nodded tersely and boarded the subway line back tense. Listening to the demo on repeat probably isn't helping ease the anxiety, but he needs to figure out how he can fix this. How do you suddenly turn on emotions, drag them from wherever they've been hiding and shove them into the light?
He's spent god knows how long now shoving his emotions to the back of his mind, suppressing them. This is ridiculous.
His baseball cap keeps the sun out of eyes as he gets off the subway eight stops and a line change later. He crosses a busy street and onto his campus.
His university's undergone some changes in the past three years. Kyuhyun can hardly believe it's his last year; it's like life has unfurled slowly without him noticing. All of a sudden the cherry blossoms are blooming and trees are budding and he's got less than a year left. He's going to have to start thinking about what to do after he's done.
Kyuhyun passes by a girl toting a giant canvas, maneuvering carefully through students in her heels, bag slung over her shoulder. He moves out of her way and thinks of Zhou Mi and his own giant canvases of things Kyuhyun still doesn't understand but can appreciate, sort of, on some aesthetic level. It's been over a year that he's met Zhou Mi face-to-face now, and over a year and a half since they first began exchanging postcards. Who could have predicted then that those brief exchanges would somehow grow and morph into this?
Zhou Mi's in the studio, which means Kyuhyun won't see him for the next few hours until he reemerges, covered in glitter and glue and god knows what else. It's for the best. Kyuhyun has to meet with professor this afternoon; he won't have time to find Zhou Mi and sit in unhappy silence until Zhou Mi pries his anxieties out of him. It's the way they work: Kyuhyun will sulk and Zhou Mi will make him talk, and then Kyuhyun will pour out the things on his mind and Zhou Mi will give him considered, reasonable suggestions.
At this point, Zhou Mi probably knows everything about Kyuhyun's insecurities and fears - except the biggest one. That one's still a secret. And a few hours doing their own things on this sunny afternoon won't change a thing.
--
Except that it does.
Because Kyuhyun gets to the apartment late - he runs into Han Geng just outside the student union and they spend time chatting - and Zhou Mi apparently got out of the studio early because when Kyuhyun opens the door, Zhou Mi's at the stove. He's still covered in glitter and paint dust, a smudge of white paint on the cuff of his gray shirt, and he's stirring something on the pot.
He's singing, happily belting it out. Kyuhyun stops with the door half-open, his hand on the handle. It's never occurred to him before that he's never heard Zhou Mi singing. Not like this. He'll sing softly under his breath to songs Kyuhyun plays on his laptop at times and Kyuhyun's heard him hum when he loses himself in his work - but he's never heard him sing.
The song is only vaguely familiar, the melody teasing at the edges of Kyuhyun's memory. The words are in Mandarin, a smooth flow of tonal sounds in perfect pitch.
It's everything that Kyuhyun's missing in his demo recording: true feeling. Emotion hanging heavily on each note, like a towel that's been soaked through, dripping with the weight.
Kyuhyun listens to Zhou Mi sing, still half-hidden by the door, and something tightens painfully in his chest.
He doesn't need to understand the lyrics to know what that it's a love song.
Zhou Mi is in love.
Kyuhyun slips inside under the cover of Zhou Mi's voice, shutting the door silently and stepping out of his shoes. The song breaks as his bag thumps onto the floor and Zhou Mi's turning his head, smiling at him like it's reflex, too pleased to be surprised. Kyuhyun doesn't know if he's imagining the slight air of embarrassment at being caught singing.
"Hi Kyuhyun," Zhou Mi says cheerfully. "How was your day?"
The water in the pot bubbles behind Zhou Mi as Kyuhyun walks into his personal space and looks up at him; the sound is muted by the dull roar of Kyuhyun's pulse. It's not like he never acts impulsively but not like this, never on this-- Kyuhyun's chest aches again, catches him and pulls him back, tangling him in a web of maybes and what ifs. His lips still a breath away from Zhou Mi's, so close he can practically taste them.
He has to be sure.
"Kyuhyun?"
Kyuhyun clenches his fist and closes his eyes. He doesn't move back but-- "I want you to help me pick another song."
Zhou Mi moves and the air of the movement brushes past Kyuhyun's face. He opens his eyes when Zhou Mi's hands settle on his arms, and he meets Zhou Mi's dark, uncertain gaze. "Kyuhyun?"
"For my demo," Kyuhyun says. "This one isn't working."
"Right now?"
"Please."
Zhou Mi reaches down and turns off the gas on the stove. The bubbling slowly dies away as they back out of the kitchen. The ramen is going to go cold sitting there, soaking up too much water. Kyuhyun doesn't care. He sits down next to Zhou Mi on the couch and fishes out his iPod, handing the earphones over as he thumbs over the scrollpad to click play.
--
Half an hour later, Zhou Mi's agreed that "하늘을 가리려한다" isn't working for Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun's sung, rough and a cappella, the other four songs that were possibilities for his official demo.
Zhou Mi's smile is warm if a little self-deprecating when he leans back into the couch after the last one. "Maybe it's just because of our history," he says, "but I like 내일 보낸 엽서. You sing it really well, Kyuhyun." The title is slightly accented but all Kyuhyun can focus on is the flush of warmth that sweeps through him, tinged with triumph.
He was right.
His answering smile is easy, without any of the tightness that kept him stiff since he first walked in the door thirty minutes ago. "It's funny," he says and his hand finds Zhou Mi's knee, his eyes meet Zhou Mi's questioning gaze. "I've always thought that song's kind of about us."
He lets that sink in.
And when realization is sweeping across Zhou Mi's face, Kyuhyun leans in and kisses him.
--
Postcards from Tomorrow is a story of sending postcards to the past, telling the singer to let go and learn to fall in love, because the future is worth it. Kyuhyun knows without a doubt that this song he can sing with the requisite emotion.
XI.
When Kyuhyun falls in love, he does it through words.
It starts with postcards, snippets of a life told through cramped handwriting and carefully chosen pictures. It transforms into scrawled notes on pink paper, language as warm and affectionate as the abbreviated names tacked on in the end. It continues through letters home and whispered comments, little details that tell the world before they tell each other. It reveals itself at last in a song being sung in a kitchen, the sweet refrain of Melody that Kyuhyun makes Zhou Mi teach him, and in Kyuhyun's first successful recording of Postcards from Tomorrow.
--
But when Kyuhyun loves Zhou Mi, he does it without words.
(Instead, he lends his coat to Zhou Mi when shivers wrack his thin frame and goes out for ice cream even when he's no longer hungry; he empties out his shoebox of postcards and helps Zhou Mi make a collage on their bedroom wall; forgoes the last hour of gaming to watch a romantic comedy that he mocks under his breath just to hear Zhou Mi laugh. He looks into flights for two back to China and buys Zhou Mi cucumber-melon scented hand lotion for his birthday; thinks of Zhou Mi when he sings in the studio, his manager's beaming face nothing but a blur to the smile in his mind. He puts up with Sungmin's teasing and Sunny's dreamy sighs; rests his head on Zhou Mi's shoulder; kisses his hip tenderly in the darkness; and licks unspoken promises into his mouth.)
In May, Zhou Mi says, "This year, let's go somewhere together for your summer holiday."
Kyuhyun makes a mark on his calendar and a mental note.
Three months ahead of time, he's secured a promise from his manager that he'll get at least a week off in August. Kyuhyun tells Zhou Mi the night he finds out, murmuring sleepily into his shoulder. Zhou Mi accidentally knees him in the shin in his excitement and apologizes frantically as Kyuhyun grumbles. He falls asleep, lips still curved in a smile.
--
A week later, Kyuhyun tucks two plane tickets into his dorm desk drawer with his passport and other important documents. He makes Sungmin promise to keep an eye on it. He'll tell Zhou Mi in a month or two.
XII.
"I hate Beijing," Kyuhyun says for the third time that hour, shading his eyes from the glare of the scorching August sun. "Why haven't people invented a way to control the weather yet?"
Zhou Mi just laughs at him. "They did! Kind of. They can make it rain, you know? It's this rocket thing they shoot into the clouds and it makes them rain." He scrunches his nose when Kyuhyun stares blankly at him and self-consciously lowers his gesturing hands. "I'm serious!" Then he's grabbed Kyuhyun's arm and is tugging him down the street toward the newsstand on the corner.
"I hate Beijing a little less," Kyuhyun concedes five minutes later when he's slurping at a green bean popsicle, tongue darting out to catch the droplets melting rapidly in the heat and racing down his hand.
Zhou Mi's grin is nearly as blinding as the sun, wide and bright beneath his gigantic - girly, Kyuhyun notes - sunglasses. "So, do you want go shopping? All the department stores are air-conditioned."
Kyuhyun takes a bite of his popsicle and blinks back the brain freeze. "God, no." Zhou Mi's grin has taken on a mischievous edge. Kyuhyun's always known that Heechul was a bad influence.
"Well, how about Yuan Ming Yuan? The Summer Palace. There's a lot of shade and water there, it's beautiful. We can take a walk there and relax! What do you think, Kyuhyun?"
When the other option is apparently spending hours with Zhou Mi on a shopping spree, it really isn't a choice at all. Kyuhyun rolls his eyes, because Zhou Mi is as obvious in his machinations as ever. "Fine," he grumbles, putting on a show of being put out. But Zhou Mi knows him better than that.
"Great!" he practically sings. "Let's go to the subway. Then we have to take a bus. C'mon!"
--
As Kyuhyun stands in the long line outside the Summer Palace for tickets, lost behind a massive tour group all wearing bright orange visors, Zhou Mi wanders away in the crowd towards the little shops selling overpriced drinks and tacky tourist souvenirs.
"Be right back!" he said.
When he returns, he's got one bottle of ice cold green tea tucked into his bag, one bottle of ice cold red tea for Kyuhyun, and a handful of postcards.
"I thought we could send some to Sungmin and Heechul and people. You know."
Kyuhyun takes the tea and tucks it into his own bag. Then he flips through the postcards: statues and pagodas and weeping willows surrounding a serene pond. No originality at all. He raises an eyebrow at Zhou Mi.
"What? It's not like they even appreciate the art that goes into postcards." Zhou Mi's wicked grin makes Kyuhyun want to kiss him but he just laughs and shakes his head.
"Fine."
--
Three days later, in Wuhan, Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun take a walk after a heavy but delicious dinner lovingly prepared by Zhou Mi's mother. They pass a shop that sells postcards and Kyuhyun pulls Zhou Mi into it, where they spend a good forty minutes browsing the selection for cards.
They leave with five: one gets sent to Ahra and her husband; one gets sent to Donghae, who just proposed to Jessica; one gets sent to Henry, Zhou Mi's new pen pal who is some young Canadian-Taiwanese student studying in Korea (they were introduced by Zhou Mi's old professor in China and Kyuhyun says, only half-jokingly, "Don't fall in love with him," only to have Zhou Mi kiss him too breathless to say anything else); and one goes to Jonghyun, a fellow trainee at SM Enterprises and probably Kyuhyun's closest friend there.
The last one they keep for their wall collage.
--
They spend the plane ride back to Seoul talking about Kyuhyun's new recordings. He has four tracks finished now and his magic-working manager is looking to get him a debut before the end of the next year. He wants Kyuhyun to do one or two cover songs ("it's the new thing," he's told) and Kyuhyun asks for Zhou Mi's advice, partly because he wants it and partly to keep Zhou Mi's mind off leaving his parents again.
"Seven Years of Love," Zhou Mi suggests. "Dalpaengi. I guess no Chinese songs?"
Kyuhyun thinks about it, twirling his pen. "I'll ask manager-hyung," he says.
--
The postcard from Wuhan has a picture of a dish of duck neck. "It's so delicious," Zhou Mi insisted, unrelenting until Kyuhyun promised to try it. It was good. He admitted it reluctantly. Zhou Mi didn't quit beaming smugly the rest of the stay in Hubei, the cocky bastard.
Kyuhyun writes on the back of the postcard, before he puts it up on the wall: 想让烤鸭飞进嘴里的人肯定要等很久，很久。
It's a saying he learned from Zhou Mi back in the beginning, two years ago.
The man who waits for roast duck to fly into mouth must wait very, very long time.
"It means you must take action," Zhou Mi explained. "You cannot sit and wait for good things to happen. You must take charge, make changes, and then you will see the results."
Kyuhyun waited a long time.
Now, though, he gets to back up into the circle of Zhou Mi's arms as they look together at their wall of postcards and memories.
It's far better, he thinks as Zhou Mi kisses his ear and then his jaw, than roast duck. Or duck neck.
He dislodges Zhou Mi with his laughter, turns around and meets the confused expression with a grin. Kyuhyun grabs hold of Zhou Mi's bony hips and pulls him close, kissing him full on the mouth. "I was just thinking that you're better than roast duck."
Zhou Mi nips at his lip. "Thank you, I think?"
"You're very welcome," Kyuhyun says gravely. Zhou Mi kisses him again.
XIII.
They're kissing again six months later and Kyuhyun's mouthing his thanks into Zhou Mi's skin, hands tight in his hair. Zhou Mi tastes of chocolate frosting and well-aged red wine, an earlier present from Sungmin.
"Happy birthday," says Zhou Mi, warm and flushed and well-kissed.
Kyuhyun laughs, shaky and uncertain with what to do with this much sheer joy. Zhou Mi is designing his debut album cover, recommended by his professor to a friend who works with SM Enterprises.
"If it's not awesome enough, I'll blame my lack of success on you," Kyuhyun says.
Zhou Mi only pulls Kyuhyun's leg across his lap and leans in for another kiss, pressing them back into the couch. "You will be awesome," he says firmly. Kyuhyun rewards his conviction with a teasing flicker of his tongue, watching Zhou Mi's eyes go dark. His breath stutters as he exhales, says, "You will be amazing, Kyuhyun. You're going to be so famous and everyone will love you."
Kyuhyun suspects his album cover will be plastered with postcards. Then again, Zhou Mi could surprise him. He doesn't really care, because he knows it will be perfect. It will reflect their journey of words and how, somewhere along the way, he found the person he can spend the rest of his life with.
His thumb brushes Zhou Mi's ear, grazing the stud there, as he cups the back of Zhou Mi's head. His voice is husky when he leans in, eyes crossing as he nudges their noses together. "I don't need them to," he says simply.
--
Started: 2010.02.21
Finished: 2010.02.27
Notes: Title from I'm Ready by Jack's Mannequin. For anyone who cares, yes! I am still writing Minho/Donghae. It just got suddenly interrupted by this. :)
ETA: I'm not up for making a fanmix, but this is the soundtrack (essentially) of the fic, if you want to hear the songs mentioned.
Yiruma - Till I Find You
Yiruma - River Flows in You
Yiruma - Dream a Little Dream of Me
Cho Kyuhyun - 原谅我 (originally by Jam Hsiao)
Cho Kyuhyun - 7년시간의 사랑 (Seven Years of Love)
Cho Kyuhyun - 달팽이 (Snail) (unsure of original singer)
Lee Seung Gi - 결혼해 줄래 (Will You Marry Me)
David Tao - Melody
Sadly, not real songs:
하늘을 가리려한다 (Trying to Hide the Sky)
내일 보낸 엽서 (Postcards from Tomorrow)
Associated songs (i.e., ones I was listening to or thinking of while writing this):
Jack's Mannequin - I'm Ready
Colbie Caillat - Fallin' For You
Yiruma - Kiss the Rain