[SJ] Unexpected Beatitudes, PG, MiWon
I ship it. No, really, how could Siwon resist this? He can't.
Unexpected Beatitudes
Super Junior (M), Siwon/Zhou Mi, PG, 1575 words
In some cases, even the seeds among the brambles and the rocks will flourish.
Contains: religious themes, references to unrequited feelings
The start of their relationship is not an auspicious one. Well, there are actually two different relationships and two different beginnings, so I suppose it depends on which one you mean. Either one, actually. Both relationship were seeds that sprang from the brambles and the rock: the first was heralded with fan backlash and an anti campaign, hateful and hurtful words that continue to be hurled to this day. Siwon's not a fan of that beginning. The second blossomed amidst some kind of abandonment on both their sides - loss in one way or another of the person they thought closest to them.
Siwon's not a big fan of that beginning either, but he admits he does enjoy its fruits. And he doesn't know if he has the right to complain, when at least he has the distance from Hankyung to breathe and to heal. Zhou Mi has to see Kyuhyun every day.
But the good outweighs the bad in both cases: Only 13 aside, Siwon is incredibly proud of and passionate about Super Junior M. In a way, the group feels like his seed to tend and water and cherish until it blooms into his pride and joy. As for the second relationship, Siwon has Zhou Mi. Regardless of the pains of having unrequited feelings destroyed, Siwon still gets Zhou Mi. It's more than he dreamed he'd come out of that disastrous fiasco with.
This is why Siwon believes there is a greater purpose and plan, one he will never hope to understand. God moves in mysterious ways and Siwon is, now more than ever, prepared to trust in Him.
People like to put Siwon on a pedestal; he's tall and good-looking, charming and well-off. He's polite and well-spoken and everything you'd want in a boyfriend, a husband, or a son-in-law. Siwon thinks people can be too effusive in their praise - he knows better than anyone that he's far from perfect - but neither is he falsely modest. He knows he was blessed with a great deal.
But Siwon can't help but look at Zhou Mi and be amazed. It's not envy, but rather sheer admiration. For someone to have such aplomb in the face of senseless hatred, to work so hard and to accomplish so much, pushing everyone around him hard because he believes in them, but pushing himself hardest of all. To do it all with a smile, a graceful arch of his neck - grace is something Siwon feels he lacks. Athleticism, he has, but not the same sort of carriage Zhou Mi bears with his narrow shoulders and twisting wrists, hands gesturing in time with his fluid words. It's another thing Siwon is impressed by: how quickly Zhou Mi picks up languages and how well he speaks in them. How long has Siwon been learning Mandarin? Yet he knows he could never translate, never compare his level to the level of Zhou Mi's Korean. And this all to say nothing of that voice. It often leaves Siwon speechless.
"You're amazing," he tells Zhou Mi sometimes, completely sincere. Zhou Mi will flush and laugh and bat at him playfully, demurring. He jokes because if he lets himself stop to dwell on it too long, he will cry. Siwon knows this, so he shoves at Zhou Mi's thin, rangy frame, then pours water down his shirt. Wraps an arm around his waist, shouts his name at the fans, thanks him for all his hard work, and does everything in his power to make Zhou Mi laugh and feel like he belongs.
The first time they kiss is the second time they begin a relationship under inauspicious conditions.
Siwon doesn't care. Not when his lips are gentle against the frowning corners of Zhou Mi's mouth and his fingers are rubbing soothing circles along the tense muscles of Zhou Mi's shoulders. Not when his own heart is aching and sore from loving too much, and losing too fast. So many regrets for the things he never managed to say to Hankyung. Such similar regrets he sees reflecting in Zhou Mi's eyes when he looks at Kyuhyun laughing with Sungmin.
It's meant to be a quiet reassurance, a mutual comfort, at first. Nothing more. It doesn't matter if things have changed - if Hankyung's left and Kyuhyun has too, in his own way - because there is still a place for Zhou Mi among them. He still has a place in SJM, and in their friendships, and in their hearts.
Siwon doesn't expect more. But God is generous to the faithful and kind to the kind. The jagged edges left in his heart seem to heal, imperfect and scarred, but leaving him able to breathe again. There's a return of some sort of serenity to the small part of him he keeps locked in the back of his head when he's around the others. Zhou Mi's touches start to mean more and linger longer, from those long fingers and bony wrists to those knobby knees that knock against Siwon's as he crawls over him at night. They drink together and talk together, whiling the nights away. Sloppy sweet kisses. Zhou Mi's head on his shoulder, hair a tousled mess. Zhou Mi's lips around his name, a hiss of pleasure. Zhou Mi's eyes alight again when he smiles, rather than darkened with unspoken regrets.
He still spends time with Kyuhyun. In fact, he spends more time with Kyuhyun than before, because it doesn't hurt the way it used to, or so Siwon surmises. He watches them with hope in his heart, that Zhou Mi is learning again how to laugh around Kyuhyun, around Sungmin, without that sharp ache eating him up inside. Without the little lines around his eyes tightening every time Kyuhyun turns to smile at Sungmin and Sungmin meets his eyes, always already waiting.
Siwon drapes an arm around Zhou Mi's shoulder or nudges him with his hip, smiling or asking questions. It doesn't matter what he says; he just needs to be there. Sometimes a distraction, sometimes a reminder. Over time, Zhou Mi begins to look for him first, mouth turning up at the corners. That smile, always, undoing Siwon in unexpected ways from within.
Over time, things change.
"You've been spending a lot of time with Zhou Mi lately," Donghae comments once while they're alone. Siwon looks at him with some surprise.
"I like him," Siwon replies honestly. He shrugs. "I like spending time with him."
Donghae drifts sideways a bit, until he's a warm weight leaning into Siwon. "You seem happy," he says, and Siwon can't decipher if the "you" is inclusive of Zhou Mi as well. Donghae can be thoughtful and cryptic at the strangest times. Siwon takes his words as support though, fortifying the strength of his own feelings. He pets Donghae's hair absently and gets a hum in return.
If the others aside from Donghae notice, they say nothing. Siwon suspects Ryeowook knows, simply because he is Ryeowook. He remains unchanged though, as sweet and supportive of each member as he has always been. He feeds them and spoils them and never demands the subject be raised. He knows that the other members know he is willing and able to listen, should they choose to talk. Siwon knows it. For now, he remains quiet.
Neither he nor Zhou Mi have the right words, even between them. They talk about everything else under the sun, but on the relationship between them, they both remain silent. Siwon is not sure they need to talk about it, though. They both know where they came. They both know how this is changing. If they both held back words before, suffering wordlessly, now they are accepting the blessings of silence. They have other ways of communicating.
"You're nothing but a big bully. Whoever though Choi Siwon was a gentleman was clearly wrong!" Zhou Mi laughs when they are backstage and he is shaking water out of his hair. Siwon is grinning, no less drenched, his t-shirt soaked through and sticking to his skin. He plasters himself to Zhou Mi, who yelps as he gets even wetter.
"You're the gentleman," he jokes. "Gentleman Mimi." He laughs at the nickname and the scrunched up expression on Zhou Mi's face, arm tightening a bit around his waist.
"Get off me!" Zhou Mi pushes him futilely. He flails an arm at the passing Kyuhyun, who is rubbing a towel over his face. "Kyuhyun, help!"
Kyuhyun only laughs and continues walking. Zhou Mi pouts. But his eyes are still dancing and his mood is still light-hearted.
Siwon's heart swells almost helplessly, straining against the scars left there with a pleasant ache. It feels a bit like something is blooming in his chest, the tiny seed from so long ago, in its inauspicious origins. He shakes his head and plants a loud kiss on Zhou Mi's cheek, a playful act and a genuine expression of joy. Zhou Mi shakes with laughter in his arms as Siwon finally loosens his hold and backs off slowly.
Zhou Mi's eyes meet his, bright. If there are any words in his eyes, they are for Siwon alone.
So he pokes his tongue out at Zhou Mi, hooks an affectionate arm around his neck, and drags him, damp and complaining, into the changing room.
Inauspicious starts mean nothing to Siwon, who has twice over been blessed with a world of riches for the trouble.
--
Started/Finished: 2011.03.26 | Notes: Title and fic indirectly reference the Beatitudes from the Gospels, though don't refer to any of them in particular. The summary and the theme of the seeds comes from the Parable of the Sower.
Unexpected Beatitudes
Super Junior (M), Siwon/Zhou Mi, PG, 1575 words
In some cases, even the seeds among the brambles and the rocks will flourish.
Contains: religious themes, references to unrequited feelings
The start of their relationship is not an auspicious one. Well, there are actually two different relationships and two different beginnings, so I suppose it depends on which one you mean. Either one, actually. Both relationship were seeds that sprang from the brambles and the rock: the first was heralded with fan backlash and an anti campaign, hateful and hurtful words that continue to be hurled to this day. Siwon's not a fan of that beginning. The second blossomed amidst some kind of abandonment on both their sides - loss in one way or another of the person they thought closest to them.
Siwon's not a big fan of that beginning either, but he admits he does enjoy its fruits. And he doesn't know if he has the right to complain, when at least he has the distance from Hankyung to breathe and to heal. Zhou Mi has to see Kyuhyun every day.
But the good outweighs the bad in both cases: Only 13 aside, Siwon is incredibly proud of and passionate about Super Junior M. In a way, the group feels like his seed to tend and water and cherish until it blooms into his pride and joy. As for the second relationship, Siwon has Zhou Mi. Regardless of the pains of having unrequited feelings destroyed, Siwon still gets Zhou Mi. It's more than he dreamed he'd come out of that disastrous fiasco with.
This is why Siwon believes there is a greater purpose and plan, one he will never hope to understand. God moves in mysterious ways and Siwon is, now more than ever, prepared to trust in Him.
People like to put Siwon on a pedestal; he's tall and good-looking, charming and well-off. He's polite and well-spoken and everything you'd want in a boyfriend, a husband, or a son-in-law. Siwon thinks people can be too effusive in their praise - he knows better than anyone that he's far from perfect - but neither is he falsely modest. He knows he was blessed with a great deal.
But Siwon can't help but look at Zhou Mi and be amazed. It's not envy, but rather sheer admiration. For someone to have such aplomb in the face of senseless hatred, to work so hard and to accomplish so much, pushing everyone around him hard because he believes in them, but pushing himself hardest of all. To do it all with a smile, a graceful arch of his neck - grace is something Siwon feels he lacks. Athleticism, he has, but not the same sort of carriage Zhou Mi bears with his narrow shoulders and twisting wrists, hands gesturing in time with his fluid words. It's another thing Siwon is impressed by: how quickly Zhou Mi picks up languages and how well he speaks in them. How long has Siwon been learning Mandarin? Yet he knows he could never translate, never compare his level to the level of Zhou Mi's Korean. And this all to say nothing of that voice. It often leaves Siwon speechless.
"You're amazing," he tells Zhou Mi sometimes, completely sincere. Zhou Mi will flush and laugh and bat at him playfully, demurring. He jokes because if he lets himself stop to dwell on it too long, he will cry. Siwon knows this, so he shoves at Zhou Mi's thin, rangy frame, then pours water down his shirt. Wraps an arm around his waist, shouts his name at the fans, thanks him for all his hard work, and does everything in his power to make Zhou Mi laugh and feel like he belongs.
The first time they kiss is the second time they begin a relationship under inauspicious conditions.
Siwon doesn't care. Not when his lips are gentle against the frowning corners of Zhou Mi's mouth and his fingers are rubbing soothing circles along the tense muscles of Zhou Mi's shoulders. Not when his own heart is aching and sore from loving too much, and losing too fast. So many regrets for the things he never managed to say to Hankyung. Such similar regrets he sees reflecting in Zhou Mi's eyes when he looks at Kyuhyun laughing with Sungmin.
It's meant to be a quiet reassurance, a mutual comfort, at first. Nothing more. It doesn't matter if things have changed - if Hankyung's left and Kyuhyun has too, in his own way - because there is still a place for Zhou Mi among them. He still has a place in SJM, and in their friendships, and in their hearts.
Siwon doesn't expect more. But God is generous to the faithful and kind to the kind. The jagged edges left in his heart seem to heal, imperfect and scarred, but leaving him able to breathe again. There's a return of some sort of serenity to the small part of him he keeps locked in the back of his head when he's around the others. Zhou Mi's touches start to mean more and linger longer, from those long fingers and bony wrists to those knobby knees that knock against Siwon's as he crawls over him at night. They drink together and talk together, whiling the nights away. Sloppy sweet kisses. Zhou Mi's head on his shoulder, hair a tousled mess. Zhou Mi's lips around his name, a hiss of pleasure. Zhou Mi's eyes alight again when he smiles, rather than darkened with unspoken regrets.
He still spends time with Kyuhyun. In fact, he spends more time with Kyuhyun than before, because it doesn't hurt the way it used to, or so Siwon surmises. He watches them with hope in his heart, that Zhou Mi is learning again how to laugh around Kyuhyun, around Sungmin, without that sharp ache eating him up inside. Without the little lines around his eyes tightening every time Kyuhyun turns to smile at Sungmin and Sungmin meets his eyes, always already waiting.
Siwon drapes an arm around Zhou Mi's shoulder or nudges him with his hip, smiling or asking questions. It doesn't matter what he says; he just needs to be there. Sometimes a distraction, sometimes a reminder. Over time, Zhou Mi begins to look for him first, mouth turning up at the corners. That smile, always, undoing Siwon in unexpected ways from within.
Over time, things change.
"You've been spending a lot of time with Zhou Mi lately," Donghae comments once while they're alone. Siwon looks at him with some surprise.
"I like him," Siwon replies honestly. He shrugs. "I like spending time with him."
Donghae drifts sideways a bit, until he's a warm weight leaning into Siwon. "You seem happy," he says, and Siwon can't decipher if the "you" is inclusive of Zhou Mi as well. Donghae can be thoughtful and cryptic at the strangest times. Siwon takes his words as support though, fortifying the strength of his own feelings. He pets Donghae's hair absently and gets a hum in return.
If the others aside from Donghae notice, they say nothing. Siwon suspects Ryeowook knows, simply because he is Ryeowook. He remains unchanged though, as sweet and supportive of each member as he has always been. He feeds them and spoils them and never demands the subject be raised. He knows that the other members know he is willing and able to listen, should they choose to talk. Siwon knows it. For now, he remains quiet.
Neither he nor Zhou Mi have the right words, even between them. They talk about everything else under the sun, but on the relationship between them, they both remain silent. Siwon is not sure they need to talk about it, though. They both know where they came. They both know how this is changing. If they both held back words before, suffering wordlessly, now they are accepting the blessings of silence. They have other ways of communicating.
"You're nothing but a big bully. Whoever though Choi Siwon was a gentleman was clearly wrong!" Zhou Mi laughs when they are backstage and he is shaking water out of his hair. Siwon is grinning, no less drenched, his t-shirt soaked through and sticking to his skin. He plasters himself to Zhou Mi, who yelps as he gets even wetter.
"You're the gentleman," he jokes. "Gentleman Mimi." He laughs at the nickname and the scrunched up expression on Zhou Mi's face, arm tightening a bit around his waist.
"Get off me!" Zhou Mi pushes him futilely. He flails an arm at the passing Kyuhyun, who is rubbing a towel over his face. "Kyuhyun, help!"
Kyuhyun only laughs and continues walking. Zhou Mi pouts. But his eyes are still dancing and his mood is still light-hearted.
Siwon's heart swells almost helplessly, straining against the scars left there with a pleasant ache. It feels a bit like something is blooming in his chest, the tiny seed from so long ago, in its inauspicious origins. He shakes his head and plants a loud kiss on Zhou Mi's cheek, a playful act and a genuine expression of joy. Zhou Mi shakes with laughter in his arms as Siwon finally loosens his hold and backs off slowly.
Zhou Mi's eyes meet his, bright. If there are any words in his eyes, they are for Siwon alone.
So he pokes his tongue out at Zhou Mi, hooks an affectionate arm around his neck, and drags him, damp and complaining, into the changing room.
Inauspicious starts mean nothing to Siwon, who has twice over been blessed with a world of riches for the trouble.
--
Started/Finished: 2011.03.26 | Notes: Title and fic indirectly reference the Beatitudes from the Gospels, though don't refer to any of them in particular. The summary and the theme of the seeds comes from the Parable of the Sower.