[SME] Dear Post Secret, PG, various implied pairings
Scribbling out so much (short) fic because I am procrastinating like a fiend; stress about studying apparently always leads to writing, because my life just works like that. Plus, hiatus upcoming in July so - here, words. Have a few.
Dear Post Secret
SME, various implied + gen, PG, 785 words
Fifteen secrets kept in SM Town. The things they can't - or don't know how - to say.
(01) Han Geng misses Heechul more than he is willing to admit. He keeps quiet because doesn't think he has the right, not when China is so good to him and his fans so supportive, not when Heechul is the one with the unbearable, barely-concealed wound in his eyes. After all, Han Geng is, and he can never let himself forget, the one who chose to leave.
(02) Jessica has fallen in love more times than anyone knows, but she seals her lips together when people pry. When the curious inquirers have left and she's alone, she looks in the mirror at her body, fingers pressing into her shoulders, her ribs, her hips, and then sighs and looks away. She can't imagine the day it will be someone else's hands on her skin.
(03) Zhou Mi thinks Henry can do better, but he looks so happy, finally, circled by people who dote on him and joke with him, and surrounded at last by cheers of his name. So Zhou Mi smiles and keeps his opinion to himself.
(04) Victoria doesn't want to go home. She loves her family and she misses them but she's happy here - she fits in and she's liked; she has a chance to shine here and she doesn't want to leave. When she thinks about Han Geng and the bitter exhaustion when they spoke, the faraway look in his eyes, dreaming of something other than here and now, she finds that she feels sorry for him.
(05) Jungmo hates Heechul's cats. They seem to return the sentiment, but maybe they're only being cats, bad-tempered and infinitely hard to please. Just, he thinks with a grin, like their master.
(06) Minho doesn't like Kibum. He's only met him twice - once at the company and once at the after-party for Super Show II - and he's polite, because Minho is brought up right, but the dislike is instantaneous. Anyone who can make Donghae light up like that and still turn around and walk away is, in Minho's opinion, either blind or heartless.
(07) Henry knows Zhou Mi can do better. He thinks he knows, too, the reason Zhou Mi lingers, drawn against his will like a moth to the flame. Henry just hopes he doesn't get burned too badly.
(08) Taeyeon, given a choice, will pick Sunny over any ideal man. No man she can imagine would be able to understand her the way Sunny does, or refuse to put up with her crap or let her get lost in her doubts. Who else will be able to see underneath her pretty pretense and make her comfortable - happy - to be herself?
(09) Over the years, Sungmin has reconciled himself to never being best, whether at singing or dancing or playing instruments. Little things like that don't matter so much as long as he still comes first in people's hearts - it's why he always reaches out to the newcomers first. Mine first. In a way that will never change, no matter who comes after.
(10) Taemin just wants to dance.
(11) Amber has a feeling she and Henry wouldn't have been friends back home, or under any circumstances but these, but necessity makes for strange bedfellows and - he's all right. Pretty cool, even. Except his taste in music, she thinks sourly, really blows.
(12) Changmin thinks Victoria is the most beautiful girl he's ever met, inside and out. It makes him lonely, at times, to see her joke with Kyuhyun and laugh with SHINee, or talk to Zhou Mi, intimate, in a language he'll never understand. He hates watching her flirt with Nichkhun, wishing he had the courage to say, Song Qian, could you look at me? Could you look at me that way?
(13) Kangin misses them. He can say that. What he can't say is that he is terrified of going back, because he doesn't think he's the same person anymore.
(14) Tiffany is jealous of people to whom charm comes so easily, an effortless friendly energy. She doesn't know which rules she's allowed to break and as a consequence she feels bound by all of them. She has to fight with her own self-consciousness more than anyone guesses, when they expect her to be bold and outspoken, the Westerner who jokes and laughs like she's not terrified of the faux pas that will one day break her.
(15) Siwon says, "Yes," when Han Geng says, "Should I?" and then everything changes. Siwon looks at the smile on Han Geng's face and - even though it's from a distance now, through a screen instead of scant inches from his own - can't find it himself to regret his answer. Yes. Break my heart. Be happy. Walk away.
(Not a secret) Heechul misses him, every day.
--
Started/Finished: 2011.06.24
Dear Post Secret
SME, various implied + gen, PG, 785 words
Fifteen secrets kept in SM Town. The things they can't - or don't know how - to say.
(01) Han Geng misses Heechul more than he is willing to admit. He keeps quiet because doesn't think he has the right, not when China is so good to him and his fans so supportive, not when Heechul is the one with the unbearable, barely-concealed wound in his eyes. After all, Han Geng is, and he can never let himself forget, the one who chose to leave.
(02) Jessica has fallen in love more times than anyone knows, but she seals her lips together when people pry. When the curious inquirers have left and she's alone, she looks in the mirror at her body, fingers pressing into her shoulders, her ribs, her hips, and then sighs and looks away. She can't imagine the day it will be someone else's hands on her skin.
(03) Zhou Mi thinks Henry can do better, but he looks so happy, finally, circled by people who dote on him and joke with him, and surrounded at last by cheers of his name. So Zhou Mi smiles and keeps his opinion to himself.
(04) Victoria doesn't want to go home. She loves her family and she misses them but she's happy here - she fits in and she's liked; she has a chance to shine here and she doesn't want to leave. When she thinks about Han Geng and the bitter exhaustion when they spoke, the faraway look in his eyes, dreaming of something other than here and now, she finds that she feels sorry for him.
(05) Jungmo hates Heechul's cats. They seem to return the sentiment, but maybe they're only being cats, bad-tempered and infinitely hard to please. Just, he thinks with a grin, like their master.
(06) Minho doesn't like Kibum. He's only met him twice - once at the company and once at the after-party for Super Show II - and he's polite, because Minho is brought up right, but the dislike is instantaneous. Anyone who can make Donghae light up like that and still turn around and walk away is, in Minho's opinion, either blind or heartless.
(07) Henry knows Zhou Mi can do better. He thinks he knows, too, the reason Zhou Mi lingers, drawn against his will like a moth to the flame. Henry just hopes he doesn't get burned too badly.
(08) Taeyeon, given a choice, will pick Sunny over any ideal man. No man she can imagine would be able to understand her the way Sunny does, or refuse to put up with her crap or let her get lost in her doubts. Who else will be able to see underneath her pretty pretense and make her comfortable - happy - to be herself?
(09) Over the years, Sungmin has reconciled himself to never being best, whether at singing or dancing or playing instruments. Little things like that don't matter so much as long as he still comes first in people's hearts - it's why he always reaches out to the newcomers first. Mine first. In a way that will never change, no matter who comes after.
(10) Taemin just wants to dance.
(11) Amber has a feeling she and Henry wouldn't have been friends back home, or under any circumstances but these, but necessity makes for strange bedfellows and - he's all right. Pretty cool, even. Except his taste in music, she thinks sourly, really blows.
(12) Changmin thinks Victoria is the most beautiful girl he's ever met, inside and out. It makes him lonely, at times, to see her joke with Kyuhyun and laugh with SHINee, or talk to Zhou Mi, intimate, in a language he'll never understand. He hates watching her flirt with Nichkhun, wishing he had the courage to say, Song Qian, could you look at me? Could you look at me that way?
(13) Kangin misses them. He can say that. What he can't say is that he is terrified of going back, because he doesn't think he's the same person anymore.
(14) Tiffany is jealous of people to whom charm comes so easily, an effortless friendly energy. She doesn't know which rules she's allowed to break and as a consequence she feels bound by all of them. She has to fight with her own self-consciousness more than anyone guesses, when they expect her to be bold and outspoken, the Westerner who jokes and laughs like she's not terrified of the faux pas that will one day break her.
(15) Siwon says, "Yes," when Han Geng says, "Should I?" and then everything changes. Siwon looks at the smile on Han Geng's face and - even though it's from a distance now, through a screen instead of scant inches from his own - can't find it himself to regret his answer. Yes. Break my heart. Be happy. Walk away.
(Not a secret) Heechul misses him, every day.
--
Started/Finished: 2011.06.24