Title: Колыбельная
Author: justangel
Recipient: bluedreaming
Pairing/Focus: Kyungsoo-focused, Chanyeol/Kyungsoo
Rating: Suggested NC-17
Warnings: Minor characters’ death, and special guest appearance by WYF
Length: 11300+
Summary: [Ms Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children/Mama!AU] Kyungsoo went on a journey to answer the call, and came to find everything he had missed from life and so much more.
What I listened to when writing:
1.
Kyungsoo’s Theme 2.
Lovers of Lost Dimension (Chanyeol/Kyungsoo) Колыбельная
The dark, heavy cloud that hung low this morning turned into hard rain as soon as Kyungsoo disembarked from the ferry that brought him to the island. His raincoat was puny under the sharp droplets, and he felt chilled to the bones in no time. He sighed in relief as his mother called him toward a car that turned out to be his uncle's. After the compulsory greetings and bone-crushing hug, he happily tossed his backpack into the luggage compartment of the old Ford Ranger, and jumped into the passenger’s seat as he was instructed.
The trip to his grandfather’s house wasn’t long but it gave Kyungsoo enough narrative of what he missed during the years since the last time he visited the island. The pier was still bustling mostly with fishing boats, but the fishermen were older than he recalled. Houses were the same plain squares squeezed closely one another at the valley that was the only inhabited area of the island, but now they were painted in an assortments of colors. Apart from meager touch of life-improving technology here and there, the town was pretty much the same.
The knowledge somehow gave Kyungsoo a sense of assurance; that no matter how long he had been away, the island seemed to have waited for him. It was unfortunate that the reason of his first visit after almost a decade was his grandfather’s funeral. However, Kyungsoo was glad that he came; for him, it always felt more like home here in the remote island at the southernmost part of Korean peninsula than Seoul.
Later that night, when his mother checked on him after the preparations for his Grandfather’s funeral the next day, Kyungsoo casually asked her.
“Mom,” He called. “Didn’t we used to go here every summer when I was a kid? How come we never came again these years?”
His mother sighed, keeping her attention on the pile of clothes she unpacked from the luggage. “Didn’t you say this place bores you?”
“I did?” Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows. He couldn’t recall ever making such statement.
"You told your father you wanted the cool, exciting places like Jeju or Hong Kong because your friends would always go there."
“I really like this place, though?” Kyungsoo mused.
He still had some questions but he refrained himself from asking more. His mother had enough matters to worry about. Trying to divert his mind back to the book he was reading, Kyungsoo found it difficult to shake the nagging feeling that there was something significant about the place he had forgotten.
Kyungsoo was restless. Despite the intense physical activity during the funeral procession, he had no proper rest yet all because of a dream.
There were whispers...wordless voices that called him. There were also shadows, formless silhouettes of colorful smokes that inflicted so much pain, but at the same time felt as warm and intimate as home. In the morning, he woke up rested, although his eyes were wet from the nagging ache at the pit of his heart.
“How long are you going to loiter around? It’s about time you return…”
It was windy that morning, the sun seemed to shine brighter, and Kyungsoo was out stocking up firewood for the kitchen when the encounter happened. He raised his gaze from the stack of wood he was piling when he saw a boy around his age perched on the stone wall behind the barn. It was strange how he wasn't aware of the boy's presence before. Kyungsoo couldn’t have been so immersed with his thought to not hear the stranger coming.
“Umm…are you talking to me?” He asked.
The stranger rolled his eyes and jumped down from the wall with catlike grace, noiselessly landing on the ground. Kyungsoo noticed that the boy’s clothes were probably something from the sixties, too old even for the island’s standard. The boy, however, paid no heed to his scrutinizing eyes, his hands kept inside the pockets of his overall while he chewed on a grass stalk.
“Chanyeol’s been missing you. It’s annoying to have to deal with his brood on a daily basis.”
“Excuse me, but-” Kyungsoo asked, confused. “Do we know each other?”
Kyungsoo watched as the boy’s expression turned sour. “Honestly, I have all eternity to stay here and answer your questions. But it will be easier if you’ll just come.”
“Come…where?” he asked dumbfoundedly. Everything just got weirder by the seconds. Also, did the boy's eyes just glow?
“Where else?” The boy laughed, his face was but glimmering crescent and a set of white teeth. “To the forest, silly!”
The bizarre encounter with the strange boy left Kyungsoo’s curiosity agitated. Later that day, during a quiet lunch with his parents and uncle, he braced himself to raise the topic.
“Hey, Mom…” he called with his mouth still half full, earning a distaste look from his mother. “I used to be going out for a walk in the forest, right?”
Everyone fell noticeably silent and Kyungsoo looked around, recognizing the anxious faces of his parents and uncle.
“Did I say something wrong?”
His parents exchanged glances, not even trying to be stealthy. Their expression was of concern, but nothing came out of their mouths. Kyungsoo’s curiosity grew more but he dared not to say anything. In the end, it was his uncle who gave him an answer.
“Kyungsoo-yah, do you remember the last time you visited the island? How old were you that time?”
Kyungsoo thought about it for a second. “Around eleven or twelve, I guess?”
“That’s right.” His uncle nodded. “After that, you guys hadn’t come again, right? Have you ever wondered why?”
“Mom said I started to ask visiting more exciting places. I couldn’t recall ever saying such thing, though.” He shrugged apologetically. “Sorry, mom.”
“The thing is,” His father sighed, putting his eating utensils down in defeat. “During our last trip here, you were lost in the woods. You went missing for a couple of days, and when we found you, you weren’t in exactly prime condition. It took you a while to recover to your usual self. That was why we decided it would be better for you not to come to the island again and have Grandfather visit us in Seoul instead.”
Kyungsoo almost couldn’t believe what he heard. He absolutely had no recollection of being lost or sick. The only memories he could associate with his trips were pleasant ones which didn’t actually make sense if he took his father’s story into account. Feeling honestly confused, Kyungsoo resumed on his meal. His rice bowl was the only one that ended up empty, however, for the mood had changed since the talk about the forest brought up.
“You’ve always been a curious kid, you know,” His mother told him after breakfast the next morning.
They were visiting the wet market; Kyungsoo accompanied his mother to pick some fresh seafood for the hotpot she planned to cook for dinner. His father, whose tolerance for shopping was only as far as driving them around, was waiting at the nearby ttokpoki stall.
The sudden statement easily stole Kyungsoo’s curiosity from a basket of living clam in front of him. “What do you mean?”
HIs mother smiled at him, while her hands continued to carefully sort fresh crayfishes into a plastic bag. “What your father told you earlier last night…” She said, “the same incident actually happened almost every years. You suddenly disappeared into the forest, and went missing for a couple of days.”
His mother paused to pay the crayfish, and took him to the vegetable stall.
“We were really worried. We tried to stop you from going-using so many ways from paying the fisherman to take you sailing, or locking you up in the barn. But in the end, you always looked so sad if we stop you from going. Besides, whenever you returned, no matter how dirty you were, you always had the brightest smile. Maybe, it was jealousy...” His mother stared at a stack of persimmons, but Kyungsoo could tell that she wasn’t actually looking at them. “Because whatever you did in the forest seemed to make you happier than anything we could have done for you.”
“Mom,” Kyungsoo felt his guilt arose, “It’s not like that-”
His mother shushed him, “We know. You’ve always been so keen to make us happy and proud of you. Even as a child you have more conscience than that of our neighbor’s teenage daughter. We’ve never doubted you. But please understand that as parents, it’s our right to be irrational toward our beloved son. Especially when the last time you went into the forest, you practically returned as someone else. It took us years, remember, until we could go back to our normal life. Your dad even came as far as changing job so he could spend more time with you.”
Kyungsoo was torn. He wanted to understand his parents, to avoid doing something that might hurt them. But the force that pulled him so strong, Kyungsoo almost literally could feel the constant tug at the center of his stomach, the forest to be the center of his gravity. There was no way that Kyungsoo could dismiss it as something ordinary.
“Dad, Mom, I’m sorry, but...I think...I will take a walk into the woods tomorrow.” Kyungsoo said,
His eyes carefully observing any change in expression on the elders’ faces. Kyungsoo felt like talking only to his parents. That was why he brought up the topic when they stopped at the ttokpoki stall to pick up his father.
Having said everything before, his mother only released a long, heavy sigh. She absentmindedly ate pieces of rice cake, her gaze was on the crowd. His father on the other hand, recognizing the determination in his son's voice, only nodded and resignedly mumbled.
“Be careful, and return safely.”
Kyungsoo left the house resolutely the next morning despite the remaining apprehension from his parents. He overheard the muted conversation between his parents the night before, hushed words about how they shouldn’t have allowed him to leave. His mother cried a little when his father told her that it’s about time. Kyungsoo couldn’t even think of what his father meant by it. Again, going into the woods seemed to be the only thing that could probably shed some light into the matter.
The morning was cold, windy and slightly misty. Kyungsoo zipped his parka up to his chin as he walked into the denser part of the forest where the amount of sunshine penetrating the trees slowly receded. It was strange how despite not knowing the direction he should be heading toward he felt the lack of doubt on where to go. It seemed like his feet navigated themselves into taking the steps and turns. Though there is a need to regulate his breathing, Kyungsoo felt strangely lighter.
A couple miles into the wood he reached a shallow creek with ice-cold water. He carefully squatted and gulped the water greedily until he felt some splash on his cheek. Looking up, Kyungsoo was surprised to see the boy from the day before standing right across the creek.
“You’ll choke if you drink like that.” The boy smirked.
“What the-” Kyungsoo stood up, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment as if the boy caught him doing something bad. “How did you find me?”
The boy pouted. “You don’t exactly conceal yourself, you know. I knew you were coming as soon as you stepped into the forest. But that’s not important!” He said happily like a squeal. "Chanyeol will be very happy!”
It was the second time Kyungsoo heard the name. It irked him how this strange boy kept bringing up someone he hadn’t known before. “Ok, who’s Chanyeol? And who are you?”
The boy didn’t answer the question and said,. “Rather than explaining, why don’t let me show you?” he waved. “Come here.”
Kyungsoo debated whether or not he should listen to the boy. But then he looked around in hesitation, and for the first time noticed how the atmosphere at the other side of the creek seemed more alive. The tree branches swayed lazily with the nonexistent wind, and Kyungsoo saw how tame the tiny forest animals like squirrel and birds were. A brave waxwing even came as far as pecking on the boy’s ear playfully.
In the end, the curiosity got the better of him. Kyungsoo decided to take the boy’s invitation and jumped across. It wasn’t like he had a particular destination anyway. He stepped backward all set to jump, and although not without little difficulty, he managed to get across. Unfortunately, the spot where he landed was slippery from moss, and Kyungsoo wobbled. The boy managed to seize his hand, saving him from falling into the creek.
“That was close!” Kyungsoo laughed nervously, “Thanks, Baekhyun!”
Kyungsoo’s heart skipped. It was strange how the name rolled out of his mouth naturally like he had said it countless of times before. He didn’t know where the knowledge of the name came from but he didn’t have any doubt that the boy was indeed called Baekhyun.
Baekhyun smiled cheekily, unable to hide his own excitement.
“See? I told you!”
It turned out that ‘Chanyeol’ was a tall, hyperactive four year-old boy with bushy brown hair and wild eyes. As soon as he saw them, the boy ran toward them and pounced on Kyungsoo, his extremely oversized clothes flapping against his body.
“Kyungsooo!” He squealed. “What took you so long?!”
“This is Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo eyed Baekhyun questioningly. He didn’t recall having made friend with such a small boy before. Besides, if the last time he went to the forest was when he was around twelve, then the boy hadn’t supposed to be born back then.
Baekhyun rolled his eyes and hit Chanyeol’s head with the side of his hand. “Yah, who told you to appear like that?” he said. “You’re confusing him.”
“Oh?” Chanyeol looked down at his body, and smiled sheepishly. “Right, sorry…let me adjust.” He meekly went behind a tree trunk, stretched his body, and-Kyungsoo didn’t know how it happened-came back as a fully grown-up young man probably around his age.
“So...hi again, I guess.” the older Chanyeol grinned. The change on his body also affected the way he sounded. His obnoxiously high-pitched voice turned deep and low.
“How…” he gasped, pointing at Chanyeol. “Why…?”
“It doesn’t matter how.” Baekhyun said, half-impatiently took Kyungsoo’s wrist and dragged him toward a slightly descending path, “As for why, well…” Baekhyun shrugged. “It’s safer for us to remain small.”
“Safer how?” Kyungsoo questioned, while trying to catch Baekhyun’s surprisingly quick stride. “Logically, having bigger body will be an advantage if you want to...say, hunt, or survive against wild animal, perhaps?”
“The thing is,” Chanyeol said, “We don’t exactly need to hunt. As for survival, well...we have to survive against something else, and we don’t really need bigger body for that-”
“SHHH!” Baekhyun suddenly stopped, “Be quiet!”
He winked at them, particularly at Kyungsoo, who remained oblivious until Baekhyun pointed to a patch of bald land under a flock of tree. At least, it was bald before. Kyungsoo rubbed his eyes. He was pretty sure he saw tiny buds of grass and flower bulbs emerging from the ground. It felt like he was watching a timelapse video of a growing plant.
“That is...not possible. It can’t be happening, right?” Kyungsoo stepped backward, outside the path and onto the forest ground. He put down his backpack and took a moment to breath, recovering from the shock.
What happened was quite the opposite, however, because as soon as he looked down, Kyungsoo shrieked in horror. The soil around him moved; it wasn’t the kind of movement like that of an earthquake but more of a gentle wave that gave him the same sensation as standing on water bed. It didn’t stop at that yet-it was just the beginning-because the next second, loose grains of earth started to float, moving upward slowly and spinning around him like a hollow spire. He thought it was beautiful yet it was frightening and he was screaming hysterically. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were forced to swallow their laughter when Kyungsoo fell on his butt to the ground.
“What exactly is happening?” Kyungsoo looked like he wanted to cry. “What’s wrong with this forest?”
Chanyeol and Baekhyun exchanged glances in silence. They didn’t look bothered by the question but Kyungsoo couldn’t help but notice the fleeting sadness in their eyes. Chanyeol came and helped him to stand.
“It’s not the forest, Kyungsoo…” Chanyeol smiled, putting a hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “It’s you. The earth welcomes you back. They’ve missed you.” He paused, hesitating, but decided to just go with it, taking Kyungsoo into his arms.
"We missed you."
The night came in no time. They ate simple bread and cheese that Kyungsoo whipped out of his backpack and a sweet, tender, roasted young trunk from a species unknown to Kyungsoo. Baekhyun and Chanyeol wolfed down the bread and cheese like it was their first time eating them-which probably was true considering the nature of their lifestyle.
After dinner, they were lying down on what seemed like perfectly round, small clearing in the middle of dense trees. Baekhyun, who earlier asked for Kyungsoo’s assent to abandon his Mature form and return to his four-year-old body, was shining-literally-like a giant, silver firefly. It took Kyungsoo a while before getting used to Baekhyun’s light, joining them comfortably to immerse in the feeling of fragrant forest wind on their skin.
“I feel so tired…” Kyungsoo sighed. “So many new things to digest today.”
“It’s not actually new,” Baekhyun told him somewhat angrily. “You just don’t remember.”
Kyungsoo felt slightly ticked by Baekhyun’s mood swing. He didn’t know if he said something that could have offended his new friend but he decided to leave it be. When he asked him why they prefered to stay as children, and Baekhyun’s answer was absentminded. “How should I put it... Hmmm, it helps to ‘preserve’ us?” he said, tilting his head toward Kyungsoo. “The point is, staying in our Mature form takes a lot of energy. We can’t waste our Mana on this alone.”
Kyungsoo was dumbfounded. Just how many other things were there yet to discover? “Mana?”
“Mana,” Chanyeol rolled on his stomach and leaned closer, “is a kind of power from the elements of our world. Mana keeps everything in balance, like the hands of God themselves, something that ordinary human beings can never do. But sometimes, it gets a little inconsistent. Someone can be born with extra sensitivity toward a specific kind of Mana. They get the ability to interact with it, and channel it for as long as they live. When they die, their Mana will return to its origin and wait for another vessel to possess. What you did to the earth earlier, that was your Mana. In Baekhyun’s case, his is light.”
Kyungsoo was only half-listening to Chanyeol's explanation because something else was bothering him. His cheek grew hot since their face, for some reason, was so close-like only centimeters apart-and he could feel Chanyeol’s breath on him. He cursed himself inwardly when he found it somewhat pleasant.
“C-Chanyeol, you’re...being too close…” Kyungsoo faked an annoyance, and half-heartedly tried to push Chanyeol away. A tinge of pink shading his cheek, his embarrassment remained, especially when Chanyeol refused to both budge or and look away.
He felt a churn in his stomach, a familiar dance of the butterflies, which somehow told him that them being in such a close proximity, in an exactly similar position-wasn’t at all strange. The reaction he made when Chanyeol provoked him felt more like a routine rather than something entirely new.
"So," Kyungsoo cleared his throat, bringing his attention back to the topic and trying not to dwell much on the peculiarly familiar warmth from the pit of his stomach. When he finally pushed himself a little distant away from Chanyeol, he continued. "You're saying that I can control the earth? And Baekhyun can create light?” The idea seemed ridiculous to Kyungsoo but he felt like it was possible.
“More of like...manipulating?” Baekhyun chimed in. “I mean… I won’t be able to shine if there’s no source of light to begin with, no matter how hard I try. Chanyeol’s lucky because all he need is heat. You, too, because earth is literally everywhere for you to call. Well, it can be slightly easy for me since it’s extremely hard to isolate light but for Jongdae, everything is harder. That’s why he hates summer-or any damp days, or days without thunderstorm, to be more precise.”
“Jongdae’s Mana is...uh, lightning, right?” Kyungsoo was no longer surprised with the emergence of new knowledge in his head: the name ‘Jongdae’, and the vague recollection about a thin boy in mousy hair and his favorite pastime to draw the trees with burn marks from his lighting.
“Electricity, actually, but yeah,” Baekhyun laughs, partly from the fact that Kyungsoo was able to remember more things that he previously forgot. “Damp or sunny weather kills his mood. But if there’s electricity-no matter how faint-he can amplify it and make it do things.”
“Do things? Like what?”
Baekhyun yawned lazily, and nodded at Chanyeol instead. “Jongdae’s not here. Why don’t you try?” he said, “You’ve been looking forward to show off anyway.”
Chanyeol flung his leg over Kyungsoo’s body and kicked Baekhyun’s behind. Baekhyun retaliated with a grasp on Chanyeol’s ankle, and-with an unfathomable strength-sent Chanyeol’s body flying and crashing into a pool of ferns. Kyungsoo slack jawed in utter amazement. At the moment, Baekhyun was probably just a little over half his size (and it said a lot because Kyungsoo is small), while Chanyeol was big.
“Now, that is the difference of when you’re in Mature form and not.” Baekhyun said proudly. “Come on, Channie, let Kyungsoo see,” he shouted at Chanyeol who was standing limply while rubbing his back.
Chanyeol hesitates but in the end, he reluctantly scooted behind the fern tree, and peeled off his clothes until he was buck naked. The tree helped to keep with his lower body hidden, which earned another remark from Baekhyun. “Come on, you lame! Why bother to hide? It’s not like Kyungsoo hadn’t seen everything before!”
Kyungsoo was already torn between looking away, and keeping his eyes on Chanyeol because he didn’t want to miss a thing. But Baekhyun’s word made him blushed even more furiously if possible. Fortunately, Chanyeol soon transformed into his Mana Form. Seeing him as a kid, although naked, gave him slightly less embarrassment.
“Fuck you, Baek. Stop making it to sound like something else!” Chanyeol exclaimed and he was obviously red in the face. "Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “I can’t afford to ruin more clothes since I try not to steal anything from the village.” He quickly tore his gaze away from Kyungsoo.
Minutes later, after all the teasing had ended, Chanyeol managed to get back to concentration. His eyes grew darker. The air around him became gradually warmer, to the point where it rippled, creating a mirage around him. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun intuitively scooted further, and hid themselves behind a massive rock at the brink of the clearing. Kyungsoo couldn’t hide his amazement when Chanyeol’s body slowly glowed; at first it was an ember hue at the center of his stomach, then spreaded out, slowly losing its saturation, until a pair of wing-shaped flame emerged from Chanyeol’s hands.
Chanyeol’s demonstration ended with him throwing his fire to the sky in the form of a giant tongue of flame. He neither looked tired nor did he shed any sweat even though he had just been literally engulfed in fire. When Chanyeol came out in his Mature form, already clothed, Kyungsoo couldn’t hide his excitement; he jumped toward Chanyeol and tackled him down in a wild hug.
“Chanyeol, that was great!” He squealed. “What else you can do? Can you create other shapes with your form?”
“I...uh-” Chanyeol stuttered, fidgeting under Kyungsoo’s touch. “I can, I guess, with a little practice.”
“That is amazing! Imagine the things you can do.” Kyungsoo said excitedly. “Are there a lot of people like us?”
As soon as Kyungsoo asked the question, there was an apparent change in the atmosphere around them. Kyungsoo felt it, the sudden tension on Chanyeol’s body. He also saw how dim Baekhyun’s light became.
Baekhyun stood up, dusting his pants off, and transformed into his Mature form. The forest turned dark when Baekhyun’s light went out.
“There used to be a many of us.” he said curtly. “But not anymore.”
“Weird,” Kyungsoo mumbled to himself, “I’m trying to locate where we are but my compass just won’t work...”
It was the third morning since his arrival in The Zone-that was how his friends named the only area where Mana could work. They were spending the day lazing around the literal tree house he built many years ago, or at least that’s what Baekhyun said. Kyungsoo didn’t have any recollection of it, of course, but he couldn’t help but sense familiarity as soon as he stepped into the cool, airy hut, like the place was an extension of himself. Time went somewhat slow here, and pretty much nothing ever happened. But for the first time, Kyungsoo neither felt bored nor needed distraction. The only time when he touched his phone was when he was sending a message to his parents.
“I won’t be surprised.” Baekhyun said, with his mouth full of jellybeans he ransacked from Kyungsoo’s bag. “Jongdae’s Mana will fuck any nearby device that works with electricity.”
“But my watch is working normally,” Kyungsoo protested, “although the date hasn’t changed.”
‘It’s kinetic!’ Jongdae shouted from afar, not bothering to look up from the flashlight Kyungsoo gave him the night before right after they met. Jongdae was grateful and he told Kyungsoo that the flashlight would allow him to use his Mana anytime he wanted now. It was also Jongdae, who helped him solve the problem with contacting his parents, using his Mana to control the electromagnetic field that surrounded The Zone. Kyungsoo himself hadn’t known about the fact before. The watch used to be his late grandfather’s before given to him on his coming-of-age day.
“Look at him.” Baekhyun snorted, while nodding at Jongdae. “He’ll be so pleased now since he’ll be able to use his Mana whenever he wants. You’ve unleashed a demon, Kyungsoo.”
‘I heard that’, Jongdae shouted again, but that was pretty much the only response his friend received.
“Anyway,” Baekhyun called. “There’s nothing wrong with your watch. It’s just that...well,” he drew circles in the air with his fingers. “Time is played in an infinite loop of a day. It begins and ends at midnight.”
“What do you mean? Like the time stops or something?” Kyungsoo asked.
“No, not exactly like that. The morning still turns into night eventually, right? Umm...” Baekhyun thought hard. “Think of it like this. If you find a bird somewhere in The Zone, and you kill it, the same bird will be exactly there the next day at exactly the same time. Because once the day changes, everything will reset-including our physical bodies, which means any wound will be healed overnight as long as we’re still alive.”
“So...that’s why you guys remains as four-year-olds? Forever?”
“Except when we’re outside The Zone, yeah. That’s how you’re the only one among us who grew up. But it’s just our body. Inside, we grow old, our minds, our way of thinking. But we do spend some times outside The Zone where our bodies transform naturally to Mature Form.”
Kyungsoo didn’t know if what happened within The Zone was something good or bad. Of course, having the most severe wound gone overnight sounded like something he’d want, but what about growing up? And what about other kind of pains?
“I…” Kyungsoo hesitated, “I notice that you guys don’t forget me. Does it means that...the reset won’t work on memory?”
Baekhyun’s expression hardened. It was somehow heartbreaking, seeing Baekhyun in his Mana form, his face full of agony and pain no four-year-old should ever bear. Kyungsoo knew that he had asked the wrong question. He debated whether or not he should apologize for overstepping the boundary but decided that it would sound even weirder.
“It won’t,” Chanyeol suddenly appeared behind Kyungsoo, interrupting the silence between them, “Ever since the day the Loop happened, we lost our ability to forget.” He smiled. “Hey, none of us forget about you, right?”
“Oh…” Kyungsoo was surprised. He imagined how easy university entrance exam would be if such thing could happen to him. “Like...you don’t forget anything at all?”
"Nothing at all." Chanyeol shook his head. “Not even the pain in my balls when Baekhyun kicked me after I called him a girl when he grew his hair too long.”
Kyungsoo wanted to laugh if it wasn’t due to the sadness in Chanyeol’s face. It was strange how something so amusing was told so forlornly. He bit his lower lip and glanced at his friends in confusion. Even Jongdae, who had previously been shooting lightning at fallen leaves, looked away distantly. The weather felt colder, denser, and more suffocating.
“I know you probably think that it’s a good thing to never forget.” Baekhyun stood up and placed his small hand on Kyungsoo’s cheek. The heavy tone in his voice betrayed his child-like appearance. “But some things are just meant to be forgotten. If only I was allowed to choose, I prefer not to remember...”
Kyungsoo stared in amusement as his friends fought each other with their Mana. He initially freaked out, waking up to the sounds of explosions and the view of Baekhyun, Jongdae and Chanyeol throwing lightning, fireball or blinding light at each other. He panicked more when he saw some parts of the forest, including the house, were severely destroyed, then he remembered that everything would turn anew after The Reset. After all, his friends' faces were bright; they seemed to be enjoying it.
It was the first time since Chanyeol demonstrated his Mana that Kyungsoo saw him in his Nature Form. He asked Baekhyun and Jongdae earlier about why, unlike them, Chanyeol didn't like to be in Nature Form even if it restricted him so much from using his Mana. Baekhyun and Jongdae glanced at each other over the question, and then broke out into hysterical laughters.
"It's not that he hates his Nature Form or anything," Jongdae headlocked him, his mirth ringing into Kyungsoo's ears. "He just doesn't do it when you're around."
"Me?" Kyungsoo grew apprehensive. Although his friends' laughter was enough to tell him that it wasn't anything serious, he still couldn't shake his own nagging instinct, which told him that he had forgotten something extremely significant regarding Chanyeol. "But why?"
"Let's say..." Baekhyun trailed off with an annoying know-it-all smirk. "He always wants you to see him as a man."
Kyungsoo blushed for a reason he couldn't quite understand. He felt a wild pulse at the pit of his stomach, his mind suddenly recalling Chanyeol's naked Mature Form the other night.
“Eat that, loser!” Chanyeol shrieked in laughter when Jongdae failed to completely dodge his fireball, and ended up having half of his hair burnt.
“You prick!” Jongdae shouted, sending a bolt of lightning and successfully hitting Chanyeol right on the chest. "Are you trying to fucking kill me?"
It was rather disturbing, quite honestly, to see his friends speak in crude language and commit to such acts of violence in their childlike Natural Form. Kyungsoo felt like he was dealing with a bunch of badly educated children and had to remind himself that those boys were actually the same age as him.
The fight ended up a couple hours later, with both Chanyeol and Jongdae suffering from various degrees of burns. They were keeling over and in the end asked Kyungsoo to be brought to the creek where they could cool themselves. Baekhyun, on the other hand, despite the fact that his power was less deadly than the other two, had the least significant damage because he was good at using his light to ruin his opponents’ focus.
“Shit… it stings.” Jongdae hissed. He was immersed almost entirely in the creek, with only his mouth and nose above the water. “If only Yixing was here, he could have fixed us in an instant.”
The name reminded him of some memory he must have unintentionally abandoned. In that instant, scenes flashed before his eyes: soothing touches, shared laughter, a seemingly never-ending happiness. This must be what Baekhyun and Chanyeol was telling him-about remembering-and as it washed over him, he felt pain. He did not understand but it was as if blades were thrown straight into his chest. It wasn't gradual-everything was overwhelming and he was breaking down. His eyes hurt and the next thing he knew he was crying. He had both hands clamped on his hair, pulling them as he curled on the ground in loud whimpers.
"Hey, Kyungsoo!" he heard someone call him. Somebody held him on the shoulders but that was all what he could remember. His vision faded to black.
Then he remembered.
Kyungsoo remembered everything.
Suddenly, he knew who Yixing was; a gentle man who was slightly older than them, whose touch could heal any disease or pain but death. He remembered the countless times when Yixing fixed his scratches or wounds, when one of his friends had so unwittingly use too much Mana while they played. Kyungsoo also remembered that when he cried, someone-was it Junmyeon?-would pick him up and scold the other boys for making him cry. There were also fragments of memories; of laughters, peaceful days and darker days, tears, and farewell.
Kyungsoo remembered the gentle wind that blew the spring petals into a rainbow-colored whirlwind, that tiny castle of ice in the middle of summer, and the voiceless whispers inside his head that spoke only of beautiful things. He remembered freezing midair, suspended by the frozen time that defied gravity, that black mist from where someone would suddenly appear, or those shots of jet water they would get out of nowhere whenever they were lazy. He remembered somebody soaring into the sky and his chest felt heavier-
“KRIS-”
Kyungsoo opened his eyes and saw worried faces of his friends. All of them were in their Mature form. His heartbeat raced and he felt his clothes soaked in sweat. He was still sobbing when he opened his eyes. The first thing he did was to seize the collar of Baekhyun’s shirt, pulling him close.
"Tell me," he told Baekhyun imperatively, his mind was a whirlwind of images and emotion, his eyes were stung by emerging tears. The ground shook beneath them and they all knew it must be Kyungsoo's Mana awakening. It was somehow terrifying, seeing his raging emotions for the first time in years, losing a bit of control of his powers when it just suddenly came back on him.
“Kris left. I...I saw him boarding the boat...with that girl. Tell Junmyeon-” There was a gasp when Kyungsoo stopped. He idly reached out for something to hold on to because realizing everything at once is too much for him to handle. "B-but Junmyeon... he's dead?" Suddenly, he sounded so scared. He managed to grasp on Jongdae's forearm and the latter winced as Kyungsoo's hold on him became stronger, tighter.
"Minseok too...everyone-” Kyungsoo choked when he could no longer control his sobs. “Everyone died. It... can’t be real, right? Right? Please..."
He looked at everyone's eyes as if he was begging. "Tell me...”
Jongdae returned from Kyungsoo’s room dejectedly, carrying the same bowl of fruits and roasted mushroom in his hand, still untouched. Some of its contents spilled on the table when he smashed it harder than intended, and for a second, there was a fleeting regret in his eyes. He tried to clean the bowl back but Baekhyun waved him stop.
“Leave it. It’s not like we don’t have enough food here.” Like everything else, even their food storage wasn’t free of The Reset.
Jongdae sighed in slight disagreement but he didn’t do anything against Baekhyun’s wish. His light had been dimming ever since Kyungsoo began to shut himself in, his mood foul, and Jongdae didn’t really want to pour oil onto the burning fire.
“Can’t we do anything about Kyungsoo? It’s been days since he had anything but water. I mean…” Jongdae scratched his hand. “He’s not exactly in the loop, isn’t he? I saw him shave the other day. If he’s not resistant to hair growth, then he’s not impervious of sickness, isn’t he?"
Chanyeol sighed. He looked tired and worn out since he remained in his Mature Form for days. Kyungsoo always refused to even look at them in their Natural Form, and Chanyeol had always been the one who would volunteer to talk or bring stuff to him. He stood up, sticking his hands in his pocket.
“I’ll talk to him,” he said, his voice deep and somber. “This time, I will make sure he’ll listen.”
Kyungsoo was still curled up in his bed, the exact same position he had when Chanyeol left him earlier this morning. He lifted his gaze only slightly before closing his eyes once again, a small sob escaping but loud enough for Chanyeol to hear. He hadn’t stopped crying for days; his eyes were puffy and red, cheeks hollow from sleepless nights. He said nothing but he is obviously being haunted by the worst of his memory.
Chanyeol sat by his side, resting his hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, and his friend flinched at his touch. “Kyungsoo, I know this is a lot to hear, but please...you can’t stay like this.” He said gently, while stroking Kyungsoo’s arm in slow, steady rhythm that matched their breathing. “It’s painful, I know. But I have to ask you to think about us, too. You’re not the only one suffering. Can you imagine us living with the memory of the Reset day in our heads? Can you imagine Baekhyun’s feeling to lose Jongin? You remember Jongin, don’t you? Can you… can you at least understand as much?”
Kyungsoo shifted so that he’s lying on his back, Chanyeol’s hand on his chest. “How could I have lived without remembering any of this? How can you-” He choked.
Chanyeol offered him a smile, before lying down spooning Kyungsoo, as if gauging his friend’s reaction. “It’s not your fault, really,” Chanyeol said as he began carding his fingers through Kyungsoo’s hair. “Everything was catastrophic that day.”
Kyungsoo continued to cry for another while and Chanyeol allowed him some uninterrupted time to himself until he had calmed down. “Tell me…,” Kyungsoo began, mumbling his words in between subsiding sobs. “Tell me everything about that day. Please? I remember flashes, fragments...but that’s all to it. I need to know, too, about our life-before.”
Chanyeol sighed because recollecting the memory would be painful for him, too, but he couldn’t deny Kyungsoo’s right for the truth. He adjusted into a more comfortable position, propping his back on a pillow against the wall as he pulled Kyungsoo into a hug.
“There were twelve of us,” Chanyeol began. “We stayed together and traveled to so many place for the longest time, that none of us remembered how we met or where we came from. But it was Junmyeon who brought us together.”
“I remember Junmyeon," Kyungsoo said. "He was the one who scolded all of you for picking on me.”
“Yeah, that was him," Chanyeol laughed apologetically when Kyungsoo pointed it out. “You were the smallest ever since we were children.”
“We...we weren’t always children forever, were we?” Kyungsoo asked. “I remember Jongdae falling in love with a girl from the village and spending his days to stare at her from afar. I also remembered that you-” Kyungsoo blushed. Some of the most vivid memories that he managed to recall by himself was those that consist of him and Chanyeol only. That time, he could especially remember those parts where Chanyeol pinned him under the tree and bent down to kiss him. "That you... uh, you were k-kissing me. The first time you...kissed me. Under the tree," he mumbled shyly.
“Oh...that,” Chanyeol momentarily pulled his hand away in embarrassment. There was an awkward chuckle before Chanyeol sighed. “Yeah, that happened too.”
There were others fragments, actually, of him and Chanyeol together. But Kyungsoo couldn't bring himself talking about it, because they spoke of them in various degrees of intimacy and they make him feel awkward. They were images of Chanyeol's hair, long and swept over Kyungsoo's naked chest, his fingertips digging into his hips. He remembered Chanyeol lying on top of him, his hands around him. They were things that Kyungsoo had only heard and never done before (or at least during the time he had spent outside The Zone as a normal human being), things that he never dare to even think about.
There was an awkward pause when as they grew aware of the closeness of their bodies. Kyungsoo’s realization of what they once were had changed the dynamics of their friendship. They became more sensitive of each other’s bodies, their heat, their scents-freshly mown grass and damp earth that of Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol’s scent of burning hearth. They both shifted at the same time, awkwardly creating a small distance between their bodies.
“We were…you know, all over each other, weren’t we?” Kyungso asked bashfully. It felt weird to speak of it when he still had to catch up with the details of the episodes he shared with Chanyeol before. And it actually broke his heart how he talked about them as if it was a thing of the past.
“I still am…crazy about you, you know,” Chanyeol whispered. There was an underlying desperation, a silent plea, in his voice. “There wasn’t a day that I didn’t wish for your return. Imagine how I felt when we met again after so long, and you forgot everything.”
Kyungsoo felt his chest tighten. Throughout the years he had been living in the Outside, he always questioned himself why he couldn’t feel any attraction towards anybody. And if he ever felt like he was close to falling, he would always be hesitant. Now, lying next to Chanyeol, although he hadn’t fully understand, he finally knew why. He couldn’t have given his heart to someone else, when Chanyeol had been claiming it all along, could he?
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo said, his hand fisted around Chanyeol’s shirt. He pulled himself closer to Chanyeol, desperately seeking for comfort-and perhaps, forgiveness-in Chanyeol’s warmth. He felt guilty pressed against his chest, for not being with them through all that had happened and for his failure to remember it all, especially Chanyeol. “I shouldn’t have left, I’m sorry.”
“I told you it’s not your fault. All of us were so scared. We panicked at the creation of The Zone. You strayed further than you should, but remember-that time, we reverted to our childhood.”
It finally dawned on him, the reason why there were no family pictures of him and his parents in his house back in Seoul, or memories that he could associate with them before he was four. His parents always said that Kyungsoo was so sickly as a child, that all they cared about was his health. In reality, he was not their real child; that he was a stray they picked by the forest, and cared for him as their own. The truth about him being adopted would have been shocking. But the past days had been too overwhelming and enlightening, something that he deemed more important to care about.
“How did it happen though--The Zone?” he asked again. “How did you guys remain inside but me?”
Chanyeol swallowed and his eyes darkened. His hesitation was apparent, as if it was such a sore subject he’d want to avoid. But Kyungsoo looked at him intently; he was serious about getting the answer and Chanyeol couldn't say no. He sighed to himself before mumbling.
"Kris left." His voice was somber, heavier. Kyungsoo noticed. “Like Jongdae, he met a girl. But in Kris’ case, he was brave enough to actually come and talk to her. She was a visitor from the country across the sea. She showed him so many wonderful new things, and when she said she was leaving, Kris wanted to follow her. But things wasn’t… it wasn’t easy, you know, for us.”
Chanyeo’s voice was shaky before he stopped, his expression showed an apparent struggle. He was right; it wasn’t easy, and Kyungsoo felt sorry for putting Chanyeol through it. Kyungsoo found himself reaching to lace their hands together, and if this would help Chanyeol get through recalling the past, they could keep their hands together. It was an honest touch. When Chanyeol smiled appreciatively as he pressed their hands against his cheek, Kyungsoo knew he'd done it right.
“We’ve lived longer than any human ever lived. We didn’t really age much and that was only because the twelve of us stayed together. Our Mana, they were like an almighty machine that protects us from anything-diseases, pain...even age. But it didn’t protect us from emotions-and that was exactly what took Kris from us. When he left, the balance was broken...”
Kyungsoo felt his hands grew cold, but he forced himself to ask. “What happened?”
“We grew old-rapidly.” Chanyeol stared at his hands as if the feeling of aging still haunted him. “In order to fill the void created by Kris, we exerted too much of our Mana, and it took toll on most of us. You have to understand that some of us were stronger than the others. Sehun was the first to... leave,"
Chanyeol trailed off, drowning his voice. Kyungsoo was aware of that fact but it didn't stop him from giving him goosebumps. Kyungsoo wasn't sure if he should be grateful for Chanyeol's euphemism; they were easier to hear, but still tearing a wound inside his heart nonetheless. He was looking into Chanyeol's eyes, and somehow he just knew that Chanyeol must had even the tiniest of hope--hope that sometime, whenever it might be, they will come back. It hurt more because somehow Kyungsoo hoped, too.
They exchanged empty glances before Chanyeol continued. "He... left because his wind was the closest to Kris' power. Jongin was next. He used too much of his Mana to search for and persuade Kris. Baekhyun was broken when Jongin returned, because it was the last time...we saw him alive. They were together, if you remember.”
Kyungsoo nodded; how could he not? Baekhyun used to be so jealous of him for having Chanyeol around, until the day they met Jongin-the bright smiled vagabond who trespassed the boundaries of space with only a flick of his fingers. They were inseparable since then, as much as Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were.
“Luhan and Minseok followed him soon,” Chanyeol continued, “and after that, Junmyeon said we should do something.We were all weak and Yixing and Tao sacrificed themselves to save the four of us. They gave their powers to Junmyeon so he could create a seal to protect us. He planted it on the earth and we all helped him create The Zone. We used too much Mana that we were reverted to our Natural Form. In your case, since the seal was planted on earth, you used more Mana. You lost your memory, got thrown out of The Zone. ”
“Why…” Kyungsoo asked breathlessly with something squeezing in his chest. “Why didn’t you find me sooner.”
“We did,” Chanyeol smiled, “You just didn’t remember. You visited us once or twice a year...wandering like a lost boy at the edge of the forest, and we would come to you. We played together, but none of us brought the topic since you seemed to forget, and you were so small. We tried, though, to talk to you about it, when you were twelve, but maybe you weren’t ready, because you started to move the earth to swallow us down, accusing us for lying, and we had to knock you down.”
So that was what happened, Kyungsoo thought, finally having all the conundrums in his life answered. Everything made sense now, after all the pieces of the puzzle fell in its place, and the loose ends were tied. He felt suddenly exhausted; the days that he spent without food and proper rest had finally taken a toll on him.
“Chanyeol,” he shifted closer. Chanyeol’s body was always warm, and somehow Kyungsoo felt especially cold at the moment, “do you ever think of how your life would be if...you know, you weren’t trapped in The Loop?”
“I’ve thought about it so many times.” Chanyeol sighed, pressing his cheek against the crown of Kyungsoo’s head, “I imagine how it feels like to live normal too, you know, without my Mana or everything. It sure is tiring to live for so long, especially with so many memories that I wish I can forget. Sometimes, I felt so angry and sad that-” he paused, hesitating, “that I tried to-end it...in so many ways. I know that Baekhyun and Jongdae ever tried too. But at the end of the day, The Reset would restore me.”
“Chanyeol…” Kyungsoo pulled himself up that their face were level, “please don’t ever try it again…”
“I won’t, not anymore, Kyungsoo. Now that I’ve found you.” Chanyeol rolled, bringing Kyungsoo along with him that they were now in reversed position; Kyungsoo was on his back on the bed, and Chanyeol above him. “It doesn’t matter anymore. You’re here, and you’re remember. That’s all we need.”
Kyungsoo felt his heart grew warm when Chanyeol’s hands tightened around his. The pain of having back all the memories of the tragedy was still there, lurking in his mind, ready to jump out and haunt him whenever he would close his eyes. He knew it wasn’t going away anytime soon, but for the first time, he felt complete. He felt ironically happy of no longer having to live with questions he couldn’t answer, and miseries he couldn’t understand.
Chanyeol, too, might have to wait for another while, for Kyungsoo to absorb the new light in their relationship. Kyungsoo knew that it would call for hard work and effort, but it wasn’t something that he felt reluctant about. Because he was no longer alone. Because finally, he belonged somewhere-to someone-to Chanyeol.
It had been a rough time for all of them; Kyungsoo went out of his room, and judging from his look, Baekhyun and Jongdae knew that Chanyeol had told him everything. They spent some times huddling together, the four of them, and cried out the years of grief they had kept inside.
They brought Kyungsoo to visit their friends’ grave the next day. Kyungsoo felt like he had cried enough for a lifetime already, but he still couldn’t hold back his tears before the sight of seven graves, humbly marked with planks, each with their friends’ name burnt on it. For the first time, Kyungsoo tried to use his Mana; he summoned seven pieces of stone, and-with Jongdae’s help-craved them into seven identical headstones to replace the planks.
They walked home quietly, their expression somber, but for the first time ever since they entered The Loop, they no longer feel cursed or trapped inside the protection their deceased friend had put them in.
“I need to go back to the town.”
Kyungsoo broke the news on the breakfast table few days after. Three heads looked up from their bowl and choked on the food, and Kyungsoo avoid their gaze in guilt.
“I know I’m selfish.” he whispered, “We’ve just reunited after so long and all, but...I have a life outside-somehow. My parents must be worried because I left them for so long, although I’m still sending them text whenever I could. Their replies have been more and more urgent and demanding, and they said they would send a rescue team to the forest if I’m not coming home soon.”
Jongdae and Baekhyun exchanged nervous glances, but refrained themselves from saying anything, and silently allowed Chanyeol to make decisions for them. After all, Kyungsoo’s departure would affect him the most. Kyungsoo became aware of his friends’ stance, and focused on Chanyeol. He took his boyfriend’s hand, and squeezed it gently.
“Chanyeol, I promise I will return. I swear in the name of my Mana.”
Chanyeol nodded, although he still refused to meet Kyungsoo’s gaze. “I understand. It’s just that-I wish we could have stayed together longer.”
“We will…” Kyungsoo smiled, “but not now. You know I have to do this right? Besides…” Kyungsoo glanced at his friends nervously, “I...plan to find Kris.”
The statement managed to grab his friends’ attention. The activity around the table stopped at once, and all eyes were staring at Kyungsoo.
“What for?” Baekhyun said bitterly, “his return will not bring back our friends. Nor will it help us to forget.”
“I know that...what I’m going to propose might sound crazy to you. But I’ve been thinking…” Kyungsoo hesitated, “Chanyeol told me that...everything began when Kris left, right? What if we could end it with him as well?”
“You mean…” Baekhyun asked carefully, “we should kill him?”
Kyungsoo gaped, “No! God, of course not!” he laughed nervously, noticing the faint excitement in Baekhyun’s eyes, “It’s uhh...well, Chanyeol told me that Mana returns to the earth when its vessel dies, right? Then how about if I summon our friends’ Mana, and with Kris being here, that will make us twelve. Is it possible?”
“That’s…not entirely impossible.”Jongdae said carefully. “I mean, we can try it out.”
“But then it means that you will no longer be immortal.” Kyungsoo added quickly. “I mean, it can only works in The Zone, right? And with The Zone being gone-“
He didn’t manage to finish his words, because Baekhyun quickly cut him off. “Kyungsoo, after all the years, really…I’m grateful to our friends’ effort, but I-I just wish to continue my life as a normal person. I’m tired…we’re tired.” Baekhyun ended in whisper, followed by Chanyeol’s and Jongdae’s nodded. "My concern is that it probably will do you harm…I mean, summoning such amount of Mana-it can’t be an easy task.”
Kyungsoo shrugged. “I’m not worried,” he smiled, staring deeply into his lifetime friends’ eyes, “I have you guys with me."
The second time Kyungsoo visited his friends’ grave, there were five of them. It was one, bright, morning in the summer, almost a year after he left The Zone to return to his parents, and to find Kris.
For Kyungsoo, who had the ability to connect with the earth, locating Kris wasn’t exactly a hard feat. Somehow, he was the only one whose Mana could defy the restriction of The Zone. Perhaps, it was due to the fact that he had kept his Mana latent for so long, that its strength piled up, amplified his ability. All he needed to do was to voice out his request to the earth, allowing it to travel far, and waited until the earth responds.
Kris was now a man in his forties with a family of five, but that was all that changed in him. He was still the tall, handsome man with giant hands that easily wrapped Kyungsoo in an embrace upon recognition. It's been a while, he said. Kyungsoo-who flew all the way to Canada-honestly didn’t expect that he would be welcomed with open arms. Kris' eyes and voice were wet when he introduced him as ‘a boy from the island’, to the girl who was now his wife.
Kris was surprisingly compliant about the demand. It was probably due to his guilt, or how much he had yearned to return to the forest where he once lived. Kyungsoo himself thought that it was an equal part of both. They talked all night about what happened and Kris cried in the end. He was regretful. Amidst his tears, he told Kyungsoo that he wouldn’t have left if only he knew that everything would end up as it was. And somehow, Kyungsoo believed him. Kris was, after all, one of them. They flew back to Seoul together a week later, and soon, sailed to the island.
Baekhyun was the one who took Kris’ return the hardest; he refused to look at him, and made him stood as far away as he could.
“Your selfishness will taint their peaceful rest,” Baekhyun shot at him. Kris looked away and quietly wiped his tears, but he didn’t say anything. After all, he was the reason Baekhyun lost Jongin.
“Are you ready?” Kyungsoo called, there were murmurs of ‘yes’ behind him.
Kyungsoo closed his eyes, and concentrated his power to the earth beneath his naked feet. He felt a surge of energy flowing into him, filling him, and when it felt like each cell in his body was full of the spirit of the earth, he knelt down and forced his hands into the ground. The other four waited in full alert, ready when Kyungsoo would need them.
A moment later, the ground shook-Kyungsoo’s energy had created an earthquake on the small island. It was short, but the magnitude was strong enough to topple down a dozen of trees around the graveyard. And when the earth calmed down, they appeared; one by one, round, silvery spheres of Mana emerged from the ground, escaping the graves of their friends.
“Now!” Kyungsoo shouted as he fell on the ground, crouching, but not before he materialized his own Mana. The rest of them followed Kyungsoo’s example, and soon, there were twelve spheres that floated languidly in a spiral above them. They gravitated toward each other, drawing closer, and at a point they merged into a massive union of all the elements of the earth.
The process of releasing their Mana had taken too much of their powers. They had lived with Mana for so long, that when it was gone, they were left weak. In the end they fell down, one by one, but none of them touched the cracked ground. The last trace of the ancient earthly magic turned them instead, into crystalline dust. Gentle wind took them away from the place they used to call ‘home’, to a place where they would soon belong.
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PART 2