(no subject)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Favorite Quotes:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You only live once, but if you do it right once is enough." -- unknown
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking." - Elayne Boosler
"If only we'd stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time" - Edith Wharton
"To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others" - Francois Mauriac
"We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance" - Japanese proverb
"Life is a mystery to be explored, not a problem to be solved" - anonymous
"If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it" - Erma Bombeck
"I am tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?" - Jean Kerr
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Remember, we all stumble, everyone of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand." - Emily Kimbrough
And my all-time favorites:
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened" - unknown
"All joyful women are tennyo* when the men who bring joy are with them." - Ceres vol. 9, Watase Yu
"True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." - Jason Jordan
* tennyo is Japanese for "heavenly maiden" (like a goddess)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dumb Laws:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Texas:
- When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. I think it's safe to say that both trains will be there for a while...
- A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. Well, see, I think that's actually rather smart. Victims often ask the commiters of the crime WHY they're doing what they're doing, and now they won't have to go through the trouble of asking.
Minnesota:
- All bathtubs must have feet. Are socks and shoes required too?
- A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head. But what if the duck has no other way of getting into the state? Are they going to be denied entry just because of this paltry reason? Ducks have rights too! They are citizens of the United States, damnit!
Virginia, Minnesota:
- You're not allowed to park your elephant on Main Street. Well then, I guess I'm going to have to park my elephant on SOUTH Main Street.
New York:
- The penalty for jumping off a building is death. Literally.
Rhode Island:
- No one may bite off another’s leg. *sigh* I guess I'm just going to have to bite off another's leg in another state... Perhaps in Texas, while I'm waiting for those 2 trains to let each other proceed?
Washington:
- A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town." I'd say that is a very brilliant tactic. Oh yes. Brilliant.
- It is illegal to attach a vending machine to a utility pole without prior consent from the utility company. Furthermore, if permission is granted, the vending machine may not be less than twelve feet from the ground. No less than 12 feet, eh? Well that certainly makes sense...
- X-rays may not be used to fit shoes. But what if your feet are busy at the time? Then what?
Maine:
- Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack. Hey, it's better to be safe than sorry, right?
- You may not step out of a plane in flight. What they forgot to mention was that the penalty is death.
- After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up. I guess the holiday season ends on January 13 every year.
Detroit, Michigan:
- It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday. Husbands: better plan ahead and get all of your scowling done ahead of time.
Harper Woods, Michigan:
- It is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets. It may be illegal, but it certainly is fun entertainment.
Rochester, Michigan:
- All bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police. What a bunch of pervs.
Wayland, Michigan:
- Anyone can keep their cow on Main Street downtown at a cost of 3 cents per day. I wonder if they can extend this law to include my elephant...
Montana:
- It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone. This makes sense... I think.
Nebraska:
- It is Illegal to go whale fishing. Oh, because there are soooo many whales in NEBRASKA.
- If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested. Geez, talk about overkill.
Elko, Nevada:
- Everyone walking the streets is required to wear a mask. What, is it because they're too ugly to show their real face in public? Because if that's the case, those people are not allowed to walk down the streets of San Francisco. (To those of you who forgot, there is actually a law that states that any persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.)
New Hampshire:
- On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up. So just look down or straight ahead and you won't have to worry.
Alabama
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
You must have windshield wipers on your car.
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
Masks may not be worn in public.
Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men. haha to you men =P
No billiard hall may operate a trap-door to a place where persons gather for "immoral purposes".
Arizona
Hunting camels is prohibited.
Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony.
There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. well it's a good thing they told me...
A class 2 misdemeanor occurs if one places a mark upon a flag which is "likely to provoke physical retaliation".
It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine.
When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.
It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
California
Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. well thats awfully considerate of them
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. oh, like they actually KNOW what a tavern, school, or place of worship looks like to even CARE
Bathhouses are against the law.
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
Women may not drive in a house coat.
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
Hahahaha oh, this is great. DUMB LAWS IN SAN FRANCISCO
Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash.
It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear.
Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.
It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.
Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
It is illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent.
It is illegal to cry on the witness stand.
Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.
Colorado
It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.
Connecticut
In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
You may not educate dogs. well that's sad
Delaware
It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.
Florida
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
who would even WANT to have a sexual relationship with one?!
When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.
It is considered an offense to shower naked. well how ELSE would someone shower then??
You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
Oral sex is illegal.
---
Paul: thts a dull town lol
oh, Paul...
---
Georgia
It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.
Signs are required to be written in English.
Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
One man may not be on another man's back.
It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road. LMAO!!!
Illinois
You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation.
Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
It is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with one's dog. ewwwww!
Indiana
A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.
It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
Liquor stores may not sell milk.
No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.
Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.
You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table; the waiter or waitress has to do it.
Drinks on the house are illegal.
It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public.
Within four hours of eating garlic, a person may not enter a movie house, theater, or ride a public streetcar.
It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid's ears.
Iowa
Kisses may last for no more than five minutes. well that... sucks.
One-armed piano players must perform for free.
A man with a mustache may never kiss a woman in public.
Massachusetts
It's illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits.
It's illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color.
No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.
Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.
Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.
It is illegal to frighten a pigeon.
Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.
Pennsylvania
You may not sing in the bathtub.
You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth.
Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish.
Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, but a hunting license is required to hunt on your own land.
All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires. well HOW do you figure THAT?
No one is allowed to sleep on a refrigerator. damnit. that just ruined ALL of my plans! =P
Vermont
Whistling underwater is illegal
At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
West Virginia
It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs.
Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present.
Road Kill may be taken home for supper.
Whistling underwater is prohibited.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Random Facts:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Boston University Bridge, Boston, U.S.A is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane
A ball made of glass will bounce higher than a ball made of rubber
If you multiply 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 the answer is 12,345,678,987,654,321
Being unmarried can shorten a man's life by ten years.
An ostrich's eye is bigger that it's brain.
The most common name in the world is 'Mohammed'.
The average human burns more calories sleeping than watching T.V.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
All the Krispy Kreme donut stores collectively could make a doughnut stack as high as the Empire State Building in only 2 minutes.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming one tenth of a calorie.
---
Me: stamps have calories!
Shoopie: STAMPS ARE MAKING ME FAT =|
---
In Alaska, it is illegal to look at a moose from the window of an airplane or any other flying vehicle.
In Canada, if a debt is higher than 25 cents, it is illegal to pay it with pennies.
Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. state capital without a McDonalds.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Every citizen of Kentucky, U.S.A, is required by law to take a bath once a year.
Favorite Quotes:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You only live once, but if you do it right once is enough." -- unknown
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking." - Elayne Boosler
"If only we'd stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time" - Edith Wharton
"To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others" - Francois Mauriac
"We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance" - Japanese proverb
"Life is a mystery to be explored, not a problem to be solved" - anonymous
"If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it" - Erma Bombeck
"I am tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?" - Jean Kerr
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Remember, we all stumble, everyone of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand." - Emily Kimbrough
And my all-time favorites:
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened" - unknown
"All joyful women are tennyo* when the men who bring joy are with them." - Ceres vol. 9, Watase Yu
"True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." - Jason Jordan
* tennyo is Japanese for "heavenly maiden" (like a goddess)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dumb Laws:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Texas:
- When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. I think it's safe to say that both trains will be there for a while...
- A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. Well, see, I think that's actually rather smart. Victims often ask the commiters of the crime WHY they're doing what they're doing, and now they won't have to go through the trouble of asking.
Minnesota:
- All bathtubs must have feet. Are socks and shoes required too?
- A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head. But what if the duck has no other way of getting into the state? Are they going to be denied entry just because of this paltry reason? Ducks have rights too! They are citizens of the United States, damnit!
Virginia, Minnesota:
- You're not allowed to park your elephant on Main Street. Well then, I guess I'm going to have to park my elephant on SOUTH Main Street.
New York:
- The penalty for jumping off a building is death. Literally.
Rhode Island:
- No one may bite off another’s leg. *sigh* I guess I'm just going to have to bite off another's leg in another state... Perhaps in Texas, while I'm waiting for those 2 trains to let each other proceed?
Washington:
- A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town." I'd say that is a very brilliant tactic. Oh yes. Brilliant.
- It is illegal to attach a vending machine to a utility pole without prior consent from the utility company. Furthermore, if permission is granted, the vending machine may not be less than twelve feet from the ground. No less than 12 feet, eh? Well that certainly makes sense...
- X-rays may not be used to fit shoes. But what if your feet are busy at the time? Then what?
Maine:
- Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack. Hey, it's better to be safe than sorry, right?
- You may not step out of a plane in flight. What they forgot to mention was that the penalty is death.
- After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up. I guess the holiday season ends on January 13 every year.
Detroit, Michigan:
- It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday. Husbands: better plan ahead and get all of your scowling done ahead of time.
Harper Woods, Michigan:
- It is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets. It may be illegal, but it certainly is fun entertainment.
Rochester, Michigan:
- All bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police. What a bunch of pervs.
Wayland, Michigan:
- Anyone can keep their cow on Main Street downtown at a cost of 3 cents per day. I wonder if they can extend this law to include my elephant...
Montana:
- It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone. This makes sense... I think.
Nebraska:
- It is Illegal to go whale fishing. Oh, because there are soooo many whales in NEBRASKA.
- If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested. Geez, talk about overkill.
Elko, Nevada:
- Everyone walking the streets is required to wear a mask. What, is it because they're too ugly to show their real face in public? Because if that's the case, those people are not allowed to walk down the streets of San Francisco. (To those of you who forgot, there is actually a law that states that any persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.)
New Hampshire:
- On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up. So just look down or straight ahead and you won't have to worry.
Alabama
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
You must have windshield wipers on your car.
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
Masks may not be worn in public.
Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men. haha to you men =P
No billiard hall may operate a trap-door to a place where persons gather for "immoral purposes".
Arizona
Hunting camels is prohibited.
Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony.
There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. well it's a good thing they told me...
A class 2 misdemeanor occurs if one places a mark upon a flag which is "likely to provoke physical retaliation".
It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine.
When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.
It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
California
Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. well thats awfully considerate of them
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. oh, like they actually KNOW what a tavern, school, or place of worship looks like to even CARE
Bathhouses are against the law.
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
Women may not drive in a house coat.
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
Hahahaha oh, this is great. DUMB LAWS IN SAN FRANCISCO
Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash.
It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear.
Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.
It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.
Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
It is illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent.
It is illegal to cry on the witness stand.
Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.
Colorado
It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.
Connecticut
In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
You may not educate dogs. well that's sad
Delaware
It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.
Florida
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
who would even WANT to have a sexual relationship with one?!
When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.
It is considered an offense to shower naked. well how ELSE would someone shower then??
You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
Oral sex is illegal.
---
Paul: thts a dull town lol
oh, Paul...
---
Georgia
It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.
Signs are required to be written in English.
Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
One man may not be on another man's back.
It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road. LMAO!!!
Illinois
You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation.
Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
It is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with one's dog. ewwwww!
Indiana
A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.
It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
Liquor stores may not sell milk.
No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.
Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.
You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table; the waiter or waitress has to do it.
Drinks on the house are illegal.
It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public.
Within four hours of eating garlic, a person may not enter a movie house, theater, or ride a public streetcar.
It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid's ears.
Iowa
Kisses may last for no more than five minutes. well that... sucks.
One-armed piano players must perform for free.
A man with a mustache may never kiss a woman in public.
Massachusetts
It's illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits.
It's illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color.
No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.
Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.
Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.
It is illegal to frighten a pigeon.
Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.
Pennsylvania
You may not sing in the bathtub.
You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth.
Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish.
Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, but a hunting license is required to hunt on your own land.
All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires. well HOW do you figure THAT?
No one is allowed to sleep on a refrigerator. damnit. that just ruined ALL of my plans! =P
Vermont
Whistling underwater is illegal
At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
West Virginia
It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs.
Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present.
Road Kill may be taken home for supper.
Whistling underwater is prohibited.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Random Facts:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Boston University Bridge, Boston, U.S.A is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane
A ball made of glass will bounce higher than a ball made of rubber
If you multiply 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 the answer is 12,345,678,987,654,321
Being unmarried can shorten a man's life by ten years.
An ostrich's eye is bigger that it's brain.
The most common name in the world is 'Mohammed'.
The average human burns more calories sleeping than watching T.V.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
All the Krispy Kreme donut stores collectively could make a doughnut stack as high as the Empire State Building in only 2 minutes.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming one tenth of a calorie.
---
Me: stamps have calories!
Shoopie: STAMPS ARE MAKING ME FAT =|
---
In Alaska, it is illegal to look at a moose from the window of an airplane or any other flying vehicle.
In Canada, if a debt is higher than 25 cents, it is illegal to pay it with pennies.
Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. state capital without a McDonalds.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Every citizen of Kentucky, U.S.A, is required by law to take a bath once a year.