Comments | chipped_diamond: Lie Back and Think of Heaven 3/12

chipped_diamond

Lie Back and Think of Heaven 3/12

Jan 28, 2010 18:18

Lie Back and Think of Heaven 3/12
Title: Lie Back and Think of Heaven, 3/12
Rating: R
Warnings: language, sex, sex without Castiel
Spoilers: none, slightly AU
Disclaimer: I have no control over Eric Kripke, else SPN would resemble a deliciously gay soap opera. Oh wait.
Summary: John dies in Dean's senior year, and Dean's left to raise Sammy on his own. ( Read more... )

fic, spn, dean/castiel, lie back and think of heaven

Comments 26

ravensilverwing January 29 2010, 06:51:52 UTC

Ouch! Poor boys.

Nicely done. I've been keeping an eye out for more of this cause it's so different from the other Dean/Cas fics I've read recently.

chipped_diamond January 29 2010, 07:04:46 UTC

Thank you! Actually, the reason why I finally posted was because of that; I wanted my version of Sam, Dean and Cas and overall Supernatural story out existing somewhere. I'm a lurker by nature, and just hoping to God I'm doing alright. xD

cherryshadowz January 29 2010, 07:32:11 UTC

CAS WILL SAVE YOU! That douche totally ruined Sammy's birthday and Cassidy creeps me out. Plus Mitch...:shifty eyes:

chipped_diamond January 29 2010, 16:01:06 UTC

I'm glad someone likes my OCs - or at least, finds them interesting. I know OCs are not well-received, so I was a little apprehensive writing them. Thank you!

juanitatequila January 29 2010, 08:28:03 UTC

Will the ~man-from-last-Thursday~ come to the rescue this time?!

Can't wait for the next chapter!! :D

chipped_diamond January 29 2010, 15:57:08 UTC

Thank you!:D

citizencandy January 29 2010, 10:27:16 UTC

This is why i'm so happy France's health system is almost practically free !
Then again that explains the high taxes.
My sister broke her foot and i think it only cost her a hundred bucks to fix it.

aw, do we have to wait another two weeks for the nxt chappie ? awww

chipped_diamond January 29 2010, 15:56:37 UTC

I think this update only took a week, but I'm stupidly happy that its good enough to feel that long. And no, I don't think it'll take that long - comments like yours inspire me to work harder, so thank you!

art_savage January 29 2010, 14:30:21 UTC

This is a pretty interesting premise you've got here - but I think you need to watch some of the details. For instance, the boys both have cell phones, but Dean's buying a typewriter for Sam, not a computer? This is what, 1997? By then you could barely find replacement ribbons for a typewriter - but most people I knew didn't have cell phones until at least a couple years later.

Little things like that - and the fact that insurance wouldn't cover other people's injuries, which I see someone's already pointed out, or that the Impala's bench seat wouldn't recline - can really jar the reader out of the story. I don't want to sound like I'm completely trashing your fic - I'm pretty well hooked, at least enough to want to know what happens! But details do matter. Maybe a beta would help?

Anyway, feel free to take this with a grain of salt. After all, it is just my opinion, and it is your story. ;)

chipped_diamond January 29 2010, 15:53:48 UTC

Dean has a cellphone in "After School Special," and I figured he took his dad's and gave it to Sam. I was actually going to mention that, but at that point I thought I was overdoing the angst, so I decided to leave it out. Also, in 1997 my household had its own electronic typewriter, and it was a lot more practical than those humongous desktops. But I did make boo-boos with the Impala and especially health care, so thank you for that.

I'm actually really happy, this is the first time I've received concrete criticism. And you're right about a beta, but unfortunately I know no one who'd do it for me (good God, the things they'd do to me if they knew I write this) and I'm painfully uninformed about the courtesies of requesting an online beta, so I just... swim along. xD

But thank you, again, for your comment. I'm glad you cared enough to point out my mistakes!

art_savage January 29 2010, 16:42:38 UTC

Yeah, I remembered the big-ass cell phone in the ep - I was really pleased they got that aspect right. So many people forget just how bulky the damn things were back then! I guess I should have clarified: what seemed implausible to me was that the boys would be technologically advanced in one respect (owning cell phones before a lot of people did) but not in another (buying the typewriter). In my own experience, by about 1995, it seemed like you *had* to have a computer, or at least access to one, particularly if you were in college or planning to go. I remember trying to type a paper my senior year in high school ('95) and desperately trying to track down a new correction ribbon, which were becoming a bitch to find. When I started college that fall, anybody who didn't have a computer at home had to fight for time in an overcrowded computer lab, and it was a huge pain in the ass ( ... )

chipped_diamond January 29 2010, 17:31:46 UTC

No, no! You come off as very reasonable, and you make good points. Besides, if I can't take this moderate level of criticism, I'll be hiding under the bed for the rest of my life. xD And thank you for that advice on the betas, I'm off to check out the comm myself. :D