HP Fic- Miles to go before I sleep
Title: Miles to go before I sleep
Fandom: Harry Potter
Word Count: 464
Rating: PG
Characters: Draco Malfoy
Summary: Draco ponders his mission.
Warnings: Spoilers up till the sixth book.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And
Miles to go before I sleep.
How does it feel like to kill?
He isn't quite sure that it is the surge of power and feverish delight that Bellatrix (Aunt Bella, he reminds himself, which makes her sound like some doting frump like Weasley's mom, but he promised his mother he would call her that) always talks about. He has heard her cry out in her dream, begging forgiveness, shrieking, hysterical, and its no wonder her husband never sleeps with her. She's a loon and he hates having her in his house, but mostly he is scared of becoming her.
Yet if not for glee, why do people murder? A means to an end, his father had said once. Very Malfoy, it had made sense to him when he was told. Sacrifices had to be made for the cause, of course, it was the only way. But hadn't his father, (tall, strong, accomplished) whimpered when taken to Azkaban (broken, pathetic, shameful)? Told the officials that he had never killed anyone, that it was a despicable crime? And Aunt Bella laughed when they came home, calling his father an idiot and a coward. It was the only the only time he ever saw his mother slap anyone, but he almost agreed with Bella. His father is nothing now.
Then is it because of hatred or fear? Or are the two interchangeable? He knows what it is like to fear, and he thinks he knows what it is like to hate. But who does he hate? Not Dumbledore though he tries to make himself despise him, but it is hard when you know so little and care so little about a person. He isn't scared of him either, not really, because the man is a fool, blinded by trust and compassion and whatever other babble he goes on about.
No, if he is being honest with himself (which he never is, except sometimes in front of a mirror in a bathroom nobody uses) he would much rather kill his Master. There is no winning for him in this war now, and he would do anything to stop this paranoia of death. It haunts him in his sleep (sometimes he doesn't now who is doing the screaming, him or Bella) and in the mirrors where he looks like a corpse (he is becoming Bella, he is, he is) because they'll kill him, he knows. His own side. But what a relief it would be for the Dark Lord to die…
But he never will do such a thing. It would break his mother's heart for him to be so traitorous.
(Or maybe he doesn't know how).
Originally posted: August 17, 2009