HP Fic- my heart fell dead before
Title: my heart fell dead before
Fandom: Harry Potter
Word Count: 359
Rating: PG
Characters: Nymphadora Tonks/Remus Lupin
Summary: He is going to run away, she knows this, has seen the same routine gone through before. For the e.e.cummings challenge on the HPFC.
Warnings: Spoilers up till the last book.
He kisses her, really, truly, passionately, so she knows he is going to leave. He stops abruptly, his face guilty and scared, mumbles an apology (though she doesn't want one) and goes to fix a cup of tea. He is going to run away, she knows this, has seen the same routine gone through before and yet she can't bring herself to stop him.
Because he kissed her; kissed her, kissed her, kissed her, and he meant it. She is a fool.
She hears him go; slowly crawling out of bed, writing a quick note, dropping it beside her, and popping away. He kisses her before he goes, tenderly, unsurely, sweetly, and she doesn't move at all. She stays on her side of the bed, faking sleep and convincing herself that she is not crying.
But the teardrops fall upon her cheeks and burn her skin; she hopes it burns his as well. She is a fool.
She fixes herself a cup of coffee, caressing her stomach as she does. Act like nothing has happened, go through the day like normal, ignore your mousy brown hair, ignore, ignore, ignore. She is dead inside, but he doesn't need to know that, she will not let him know that. Prove for once and for all that she can function without him, that she can hurt him as much as he hurts her.
She can't, though, because he will smile and her heart will melt into nothing but him. She is a fool.
He comes back two days later, looking lost on the doormat, drenched in the rain (for all reunions must happen in the rain), and smiling that small, sad, smile of his. She should raise a hand, hit him, throw him out, scream curses, and not love him. So she kisses him instead, and he kisses her back (really, tenderly, truly) asking forgiveness, while not saying a word. He kisses her stomach, and promises her things they both know he can't keep.
It's the thought that counts, and she's tasted loss before. It won't hurt so much the next time, she reasons. She is a fool.
But so is he.
Originally posted: September 3, 2009