(no subject)
I kind feel like the motions I have been going through lately are a complete waste of existence. what am I doing for myself, for anyone else? I would probably have a higher IQ if I took most of my learning out of government funded institutions and into my own hands, took it from books and people whose incomes don't rely on my grade. I want to be able to sleep when I am tired without feeling unnecessary guilt.
I hate when I am dissatisfied with my life because I have no reason for it that is tangible to anyone other than myself. then again, I am saying this with a perspective that too many teenagers don't have because they're too fucking self-absorbed. too concerned with their own middle class, high school problems that will be insignificant in six months (except for the girls who have a child growing in their uterus before they finish their senior year in high school because they don't see the logic in getting on easily accessible birth control), are too blind to realize that the world is heliocentric and that they are just egocentric; the world revolves around the sun, not them. I do realize that my standard of living is enviable to the majority population of several nations, and it fucking pisses me off when circumstances cause me to momentarily forget that I have no legitimate reason to be so irked. I do not enjoy being a whiny, ungrateful bitch (and I don't need anyone to tell me that that's what I am because I'll acknowledge it before a word can come out of your goddamn mouth). but I also do not enjoy accepting disappointment pretty much every fucking day. I'm actually mainly talking about emotional disappointment, which kind of makes me gag and want to cry at the same time. everyone is shoving their apathy down my throat and I am choking on it.
inherently I am a compassionate person but the environment that I'm in 5 days a week is turning me into a misanthropist, and fast. lately, of all the people that I am reasonably close to, I can only stand being around two or three.
thanks.