KILL ME. PLEASE. PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE.
I hate my life.
And my brother.
Or maybe just my brother.
Or maybe my sex drive.
...no. I like my hormones.
So I hate my brother.
A lot.
...
I'm so, so, so, so sorry, Ino.
((warnings: PWP, nekkidness, and one ass of a brother played by the multitalented Temi-mun))
Chouji yawned hugely, flipping through Chouichi's CD collection. It'd been three weeks, and his brother had yet to realize he was the culprit. It was just as well---Chubby Choukins didn't do anything so bad as stealing, though he magnanimously labeled this as 'borrowing without intent to return anytime in the near future'.
Ino burst through the door, panting and slamming the door shut with her foot. She looked like she was deprived of something, and that something was... "SEX," Ino gasped, making grabby hands at Chouji.
Chouji spluttered, his eyes comically huge. With that kind of animalistic look on her face, he wasn't sure if he was better off being jumped or running and hiding, however laughable that was for someone his size.
Ino regarded his shocked expression and proceeded to make her way slowly towards him, pausing every now and then to peel off an item of clothing, leaving a little trail of clothes behind her.
"Sex?" Chouji repeated dubiously, blinking. "Is that code for something, babe, or should I take that face value....ahhhh, okay. No shirt. Your point has been made."
Laughing and licking her lips, Ino finally found herself in front of him, and she leaned down to kiss him hungrily on the lips while struggling to peel off her underwear.
Startled and overbalanced, Chouji fell on his back, drawing her down on top of him. Despite how Shikamaru teased him, he had a very healthy sex drive, and he was helping her unclasp her bra and slide down her panties before coherent thought surfaced long enough for him to mumble "H-hi, Ino...".
Panting, Ino smirked down at him and threw her bra in the general direction of her discarded clothes. "Hi. How're you doing?"
Chouji bit back a chuckle. "Pretty good, actually..." he said as he struggled with peeling off his sweatshirt. "...well, better since you walked in, but that's a given."
Letting out a small laugh, she reached down to help him, losing her balance and landing on his lap. "Well, that's what I'm here for. I'll make you feel much, much better," she assured him, running her fingers over his bare stomach.
He sweeped his usual bedroom floor fodder---cds, dirty laundry, and the occasional empty chip bag---away with one arm as he nipped lightly at the soft juncture between her neck and smooth shoulder. "Floor or bed?"
She moaned and wrapped her legs around his waist tighter. "It doesn't matter... Anywhere... I need. Sex. Now. I'm so freaking horny..."
Chouji rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath about being the slow one. He scooped her up in his arms and flopped down on his unmade bed with her, rolling over so that he was on top, for once.
Ino decided that she liked the change. "I don't know what's wrong with me," she said breathlessly, wrapping her legs around him once more.
"I'm not exactly a blameless party myself," he said, breathing heavily as he gave her hard, fast kisses. "Goes both ways, right...?"
"Uh huh." Ino moaned again appreciatively, leaning her head back to give him more room. The ache was getting to be too much, and she dug her nails into his back.
Chouji groaned lowly, one shaking hand going to his fly in order to unbutton and ditch his jeans. It took two tries to get them undone, and even then he couldn't pull them off entirely. Ino's thin fingers digging into his back gave him an urgency that made his pulse quicken and his palms sweat.
Ino looked down at him, unhooking her legs. Her eyes dark and hazy, she let out a small chuckle. "Want some help...?"
Chouji cleared his throat. "If you wouldn't mind, I'm a little busy making sure you get a hickey or three..."
"Go right ahead, then..."
"Bet I can give you an impressive hickey before you can get my pants off," he grinned, brushing long bangs out of his eyes.
"It's on," she said, her devious smile coming back on her lips. She positioned herself and shimmied herself down. "I bet I can do it with my feet."
"I'll bet you homemade dinners for a week that you can't," Chouji said, smirking in a way that was as close to devious as he ever got.
"Are you denying my skill?" Without further notice, Ino hooked her toes through his belt loops, giving it a good tug before sliding them down.
Chouji rolled with laughter, his belly shaking as he rested his cheek on her collarbone and tried not to be too loud. Chouichi was still haunting the house...somewhere.
Ino looked down curiously at him, laughing loudly. "What's wrong? I thought you were gonna cover my neck in hickeys?"
"The fact that you can pants me with toes alone is a little distracting," Chouji said quickly, biting his knuckles to keep from laughing too loudly.
"See? I knew I could do it..." She hooked her toes under the waistband of his boxers and giggled. "I can do a repeat..."
"Is that a threat, Ino-chan?" He grinned as he smoothed her long hair to the side so that he could get free purchase on her neck.
Ino's breath hitched and she pulled his boxers down slowly, sweat gathering on her brow. She had no idea why she was feeling so hot and bothered...
No matter the situation, Chouji was a constant. He was always hungry, and always a bit slow. This manifested in small bites on her neck and wet, soft tugs at her earlobe.
Feeling impatient, she panted and craned her neck back, giving him more room. Her toes curled and her hands gripped the sheets, and she barely managed to stutter out, "H-hurry..."
Not bothering to knock (because since when was Akimichi Chouichi ever polite?), Chouichi entered Chouji's room, voice already booming. "Yo, Chokins, I know you have my Did-woah!"
Chouji jumped like a singed cat, tumbling away from Ino and off the side of the bed. He resurfaced redder than the setting sun, covering the essentials. "Freaking A, 'Ichi, KNOCK, would you?"
Blinking, Ino leaned back to see Chouichi stand in the doorway, just staring at them. She squeaked and felt Chouji roll off of her, and she took the time to wrap the bed sheet around her. "KNOCK NEXT TIME, JESUS."
"Woah-ho-ho!" Chouichi laughed loudly, staring at them both. "How the hell am I s'posed to know little bro is getting frisky with the girl? You shoulda told me, man! Put a sock on the door!"
Feeling her face burning, she wrapped the bedsheet around her tighter and fought the urge to get up and pummel him.
"Put a what on the who?" Chouji demanded, his face burning with enough force to make him feel lightheaded. Fucking shit, Chouichi would tell their father, and then The Talk would come...
"Put a sock on the doorknob, man!" Chouichi continued laughing, forgetting for the moment what he'd come in for. This was so, so much better. "And just how long has this been going on, hm?"
"None of your business," he said stiffly, and then threw the closest object---Mr. Naked Sheepie-Sheepie at his brother. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!"
Ino let out a whimper and looked over at Chouji, who looked like he was going to have a dithering spaz and explode. She turned to face Chouichi, avoiding his eyes. "GET OUT."
Chouichi expertly dodged the stuffed toy, the smirk widening on his face. "Hey, hey, hey. I'm in charge when Dad's not around. Remember that, roly poly. Oh! And I almost forgot - this kind of seared my brain, actually - I want my CDs back, damn it! I know you have them."
"Tell Dad about this and I tell everyone we've ever met that you listen to Dido, Madonna, and Kelly Clarkson," Chouji ground out between clenched teeth, still feeling like eight kinds of fool.
Groaning, Ino flopped back on the bed and stuffed her face in the nearby pillow. This just had to be the most embarrassing moment of the week... She peeked over at Chouji and Chouichi and stuffed her face back into the pillow.
Chouichi rolled his eyes, holding out an expectant hand. "Yeah, yeah. Give me the goods and we'll discuss proper blackmailing payment later."
Groping around for something to cover himself with---his math textbook was unexpectedly handy---Chouji grabbed his CD case, threw it at his brother's head, and proceeded to seethe anger at him. He hoped he'd slink away and have his brotherly gloat somewhere else.
Chouichi grabbed the case like one would cradle a football, tucking it under his arm and turning on his heel. Laughing, he left the room, but not before leaving them with one lasting scar. "Hey, bro, just make sure you don't break her in two. She's pretty tiny," he called over his shoulder, slamming the door behind him. His laughter rang down the hallway.
Chouji looked over at Ino, berry-red and self-righteously flustered. 'I'm sorry my brother's an ass' clearly wouldn't cut it this time.
"...Is that idiot gone yet?" Ino asked, her voice muffled by the pillow. He really made her sick. "If he is, come and lift me up. I can't move."
Chouji dropped his textbook with a loud sigh, crawling back on the bed and poking her bare shoulder.
"The Grinch is gone. ...er...do you still want to...? I think I'm a little...wilted from dire mortification, in more ways than one..."
Ino rolled over with a sigh, gasping for breath. She threw the blanket off and fanned herself, placing the back of her hand on her cheek. "Is he going to barge in again? I can't handle any more embarrassment. Really."
"If he does, I'm going to put his sacking record to absolute shame," Chouji muttered under his breath, still flushed to the collarbone. "Two hundred pounds of flying Akimichi is nothing to scoff at."
She whimpered again and looked at the door. "Maybe we should put a sock on the door?"
Chouji covered his face with his hands, sighing deeply. This was definitely ranking on the Worst Day Ever list. "...let me find one and I will. Arrogant, stupid, fat---yes, I did say fat---jerk..."
Ino slid off the bed, crawling on the floor and hunting for a stray or forgotten sock under his bed. She was halfway under when she found one, cursing when she bumped her head on her way out. "What was he looking for, anyway?" She asked, standing up to examine the sock.
"His CD collection," Chouji said simply, trying to ignore the fact that naked girlfriend wriggling under his bed was making Mr. Mortification Wilt get back his perkiness. "I stole it when I was drinking, because all my emo rock reminded me too much of you and Shika."
"And you didn't plan on giving them back?" Ino made her way over discarded clothes and books, opening the door slowly to peek out. When she saw no one there, she slipped the sock on the doorknob.
“Well, after I realized that He Who Thinks Music Ceased to Exist After 1990 listens to feel-good chick music, I had to keep the CDs on principle. Blackmail, y'know," he said shrugging.
And my brother.
Or maybe just my brother.
Or maybe my sex drive.
...no. I like my hormones.
So I hate my brother.
A lot.
...
I'm so, so, so, so sorry, Ino.
((warnings: PWP, nekkidness, and one ass of a brother played by the multitalented Temi-mun))
Chouji yawned hugely, flipping through Chouichi's CD collection. It'd been three weeks, and his brother had yet to realize he was the culprit. It was just as well---Chubby Choukins didn't do anything so bad as stealing, though he magnanimously labeled this as 'borrowing without intent to return anytime in the near future'.
Ino burst through the door, panting and slamming the door shut with her foot. She looked like she was deprived of something, and that something was... "SEX," Ino gasped, making grabby hands at Chouji.
Chouji spluttered, his eyes comically huge. With that kind of animalistic look on her face, he wasn't sure if he was better off being jumped or running and hiding, however laughable that was for someone his size.
Ino regarded his shocked expression and proceeded to make her way slowly towards him, pausing every now and then to peel off an item of clothing, leaving a little trail of clothes behind her.
"Sex?" Chouji repeated dubiously, blinking. "Is that code for something, babe, or should I take that face value....ahhhh, okay. No shirt. Your point has been made."
Laughing and licking her lips, Ino finally found herself in front of him, and she leaned down to kiss him hungrily on the lips while struggling to peel off her underwear.
Startled and overbalanced, Chouji fell on his back, drawing her down on top of him. Despite how Shikamaru teased him, he had a very healthy sex drive, and he was helping her unclasp her bra and slide down her panties before coherent thought surfaced long enough for him to mumble "H-hi, Ino...".
Panting, Ino smirked down at him and threw her bra in the general direction of her discarded clothes. "Hi. How're you doing?"
Chouji bit back a chuckle. "Pretty good, actually..." he said as he struggled with peeling off his sweatshirt. "...well, better since you walked in, but that's a given."
Letting out a small laugh, she reached down to help him, losing her balance and landing on his lap. "Well, that's what I'm here for. I'll make you feel much, much better," she assured him, running her fingers over his bare stomach.
He sweeped his usual bedroom floor fodder---cds, dirty laundry, and the occasional empty chip bag---away with one arm as he nipped lightly at the soft juncture between her neck and smooth shoulder. "Floor or bed?"
She moaned and wrapped her legs around his waist tighter. "It doesn't matter... Anywhere... I need. Sex. Now. I'm so freaking horny..."
Chouji rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath about being the slow one. He scooped her up in his arms and flopped down on his unmade bed with her, rolling over so that he was on top, for once.
Ino decided that she liked the change. "I don't know what's wrong with me," she said breathlessly, wrapping her legs around him once more.
"I'm not exactly a blameless party myself," he said, breathing heavily as he gave her hard, fast kisses. "Goes both ways, right...?"
"Uh huh." Ino moaned again appreciatively, leaning her head back to give him more room. The ache was getting to be too much, and she dug her nails into his back.
Chouji groaned lowly, one shaking hand going to his fly in order to unbutton and ditch his jeans. It took two tries to get them undone, and even then he couldn't pull them off entirely. Ino's thin fingers digging into his back gave him an urgency that made his pulse quicken and his palms sweat.
Ino looked down at him, unhooking her legs. Her eyes dark and hazy, she let out a small chuckle. "Want some help...?"
Chouji cleared his throat. "If you wouldn't mind, I'm a little busy making sure you get a hickey or three..."
"Go right ahead, then..."
"Bet I can give you an impressive hickey before you can get my pants off," he grinned, brushing long bangs out of his eyes.
"It's on," she said, her devious smile coming back on her lips. She positioned herself and shimmied herself down. "I bet I can do it with my feet."
"I'll bet you homemade dinners for a week that you can't," Chouji said, smirking in a way that was as close to devious as he ever got.
"Are you denying my skill?" Without further notice, Ino hooked her toes through his belt loops, giving it a good tug before sliding them down.
Chouji rolled with laughter, his belly shaking as he rested his cheek on her collarbone and tried not to be too loud. Chouichi was still haunting the house...somewhere.
Ino looked down curiously at him, laughing loudly. "What's wrong? I thought you were gonna cover my neck in hickeys?"
"The fact that you can pants me with toes alone is a little distracting," Chouji said quickly, biting his knuckles to keep from laughing too loudly.
"See? I knew I could do it..." She hooked her toes under the waistband of his boxers and giggled. "I can do a repeat..."
"Is that a threat, Ino-chan?" He grinned as he smoothed her long hair to the side so that he could get free purchase on her neck.
Ino's breath hitched and she pulled his boxers down slowly, sweat gathering on her brow. She had no idea why she was feeling so hot and bothered...
No matter the situation, Chouji was a constant. He was always hungry, and always a bit slow. This manifested in small bites on her neck and wet, soft tugs at her earlobe.
Feeling impatient, she panted and craned her neck back, giving him more room. Her toes curled and her hands gripped the sheets, and she barely managed to stutter out, "H-hurry..."
Not bothering to knock (because since when was Akimichi Chouichi ever polite?), Chouichi entered Chouji's room, voice already booming. "Yo, Chokins, I know you have my Did-woah!"
Chouji jumped like a singed cat, tumbling away from Ino and off the side of the bed. He resurfaced redder than the setting sun, covering the essentials. "Freaking A, 'Ichi, KNOCK, would you?"
Blinking, Ino leaned back to see Chouichi stand in the doorway, just staring at them. She squeaked and felt Chouji roll off of her, and she took the time to wrap the bed sheet around her. "KNOCK NEXT TIME, JESUS."
"Woah-ho-ho!" Chouichi laughed loudly, staring at them both. "How the hell am I s'posed to know little bro is getting frisky with the girl? You shoulda told me, man! Put a sock on the door!"
Feeling her face burning, she wrapped the bedsheet around her tighter and fought the urge to get up and pummel him.
"Put a what on the who?" Chouji demanded, his face burning with enough force to make him feel lightheaded. Fucking shit, Chouichi would tell their father, and then The Talk would come...
"Put a sock on the doorknob, man!" Chouichi continued laughing, forgetting for the moment what he'd come in for. This was so, so much better. "And just how long has this been going on, hm?"
"None of your business," he said stiffly, and then threw the closest object---Mr. Naked Sheepie-Sheepie at his brother. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!"
Ino let out a whimper and looked over at Chouji, who looked like he was going to have a dithering spaz and explode. She turned to face Chouichi, avoiding his eyes. "GET OUT."
Chouichi expertly dodged the stuffed toy, the smirk widening on his face. "Hey, hey, hey. I'm in charge when Dad's not around. Remember that, roly poly. Oh! And I almost forgot - this kind of seared my brain, actually - I want my CDs back, damn it! I know you have them."
"Tell Dad about this and I tell everyone we've ever met that you listen to Dido, Madonna, and Kelly Clarkson," Chouji ground out between clenched teeth, still feeling like eight kinds of fool.
Groaning, Ino flopped back on the bed and stuffed her face in the nearby pillow. This just had to be the most embarrassing moment of the week... She peeked over at Chouji and Chouichi and stuffed her face back into the pillow.
Chouichi rolled his eyes, holding out an expectant hand. "Yeah, yeah. Give me the goods and we'll discuss proper blackmailing payment later."
Groping around for something to cover himself with---his math textbook was unexpectedly handy---Chouji grabbed his CD case, threw it at his brother's head, and proceeded to seethe anger at him. He hoped he'd slink away and have his brotherly gloat somewhere else.
Chouichi grabbed the case like one would cradle a football, tucking it under his arm and turning on his heel. Laughing, he left the room, but not before leaving them with one lasting scar. "Hey, bro, just make sure you don't break her in two. She's pretty tiny," he called over his shoulder, slamming the door behind him. His laughter rang down the hallway.
Chouji looked over at Ino, berry-red and self-righteously flustered. 'I'm sorry my brother's an ass' clearly wouldn't cut it this time.
"...Is that idiot gone yet?" Ino asked, her voice muffled by the pillow. He really made her sick. "If he is, come and lift me up. I can't move."
Chouji dropped his textbook with a loud sigh, crawling back on the bed and poking her bare shoulder.
"The Grinch is gone. ...er...do you still want to...? I think I'm a little...wilted from dire mortification, in more ways than one..."
Ino rolled over with a sigh, gasping for breath. She threw the blanket off and fanned herself, placing the back of her hand on her cheek. "Is he going to barge in again? I can't handle any more embarrassment. Really."
"If he does, I'm going to put his sacking record to absolute shame," Chouji muttered under his breath, still flushed to the collarbone. "Two hundred pounds of flying Akimichi is nothing to scoff at."
She whimpered again and looked at the door. "Maybe we should put a sock on the door?"
Chouji covered his face with his hands, sighing deeply. This was definitely ranking on the Worst Day Ever list. "...let me find one and I will. Arrogant, stupid, fat---yes, I did say fat---jerk..."
Ino slid off the bed, crawling on the floor and hunting for a stray or forgotten sock under his bed. She was halfway under when she found one, cursing when she bumped her head on her way out. "What was he looking for, anyway?" She asked, standing up to examine the sock.
"His CD collection," Chouji said simply, trying to ignore the fact that naked girlfriend wriggling under his bed was making Mr. Mortification Wilt get back his perkiness. "I stole it when I was drinking, because all my emo rock reminded me too much of you and Shika."
"And you didn't plan on giving them back?" Ino made her way over discarded clothes and books, opening the door slowly to peek out. When she saw no one there, she slipped the sock on the doorknob.
“Well, after I realized that He Who Thinks Music Ceased to Exist After 1990 listens to feel-good chick music, I had to keep the CDs on principle. Blackmail, y'know," he said shrugging.