I hate you for who you are
Titel: I hate you for who you are [3/3]
Pairing: Jaeseop & Hoonmin
Rating: PG- 15
Genre: mentions of sex, Drama, slight!Angst, Romance
Summary: Some people have to lose almost everything at first, before they realize that what they want is already right infront of them...
"SERIOUSLY... ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? STUPID ASS!" furious, Soohyun burst into AJ's room and glared at him. "How can you just leave Hoon?!"
AJ on the other hand, lay on his bed and stared blankly at the ceiling.
"Believe me, hyung. It is better." he said softly and glanced at Soohyun. "I don't want him hurt unnecessarily..."
"Hurt him unnecessarily? UNNECESSARILY?! IT CAN HARDLY BE MORE WORSE THAN WHAT YOU ALREADY DID TO HIM!" Soohyun clenched hands angrily into fists, forced himself to stay calm, even if he had the nagging urge to strangle the other.
"He will get over it..."
"Are you really that stupid, or are you just pretending, AJ?" the U-Kiss Leader snarled dark and stopped beside the bed, looked down at the younger. "Hoon loves you, damn it! We all know it! Only you are acting like as if you wouldn't notice anything and bathe rather in self-pity and anger, when he is playing and enjoying his free time with the others, because he can't handle it anymore to be, again and again, rejected by you!"
Surprised, AJ looked at Soohyun, but turned over on his side and away from him. "How do you know?"
"For god's sake... Kim Jaeseop!" close to despair, Soohyun ran his fingers through his hair. "You are really that stupid. He told me, or rather us! Months ago! Don't tell me you haven't noticed that he, in the recent months, sought more and more for your attention and always wanted to be with you. And seriously... do you really think that Hoon is that cheap and would just for fun sleep with you?"
Even if he had heard him, Jaeseop didn't responded to Soohyun's words and stared instead simply at the wall. He sighed and closed his eyes.
"He deserves someone better..." the younger said softly, tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. "Not an asshole like me..."
Now it was Soohyun who sighed and dropped his shoulders. "Yeah... asshole fits in fact... but it is probably just exactly this why he loves you so much..." He stopped. "I thought you love him, too? Why don't you just tell him?"
"BECAUSE IT IS NOT THAT EASY! OKAY!?" Jaeseop sat angrily up and stared with wet and teary eyes at Soohyun.
"But why not?" the latter asked quietly. The fact that AJ apparently wasn't that cold hearted calmed Soohyun somehow; even if it sounded a little bit macabre. "You two love each other! So you just have to jump over your shadow and tell it! I mean, what do you want more? You fits perfectly together, can be together whenever you want, okay not in public but that should be logical, but the moment we reach the dorm, we're free to do what ever we want!"
"Hyung... that's the point..." Jaeseop hung his head. "Now everybody says that we shall come together... but what if we fight? I don't want the group to suffer under it and I just want to take any chances. Precisely because we live together, there will inevitably be disagreements arise, quarreling and... and I just don't want to risk the group and his love and... and any related complications or problems."
Soohyun's facial features relaxed and he slumped down on the bed next to AJ. "You're really an idiot!" he sighed, leaned his head back and stretched out his legs. "Of course there will be one or another argument and of course, there will be times when you don't talk to each other and you would love to strangle each other... but that's normal in a relationship." He smiled encouragingly.
"Do you really think Kiseop and I would never fight? Or Eli and Kevin? Only a few days ago, Kiseop and I had a huge fight, because I have kicked him out of bed again... thanks to this damn sleeping habit of mine."
AJ huffed and still hung his head. "Maybe... but I just want to take any chances... and I'm sure Hoon will understand it."
Again, Soohyun sighed and pushed himself off of the mattress. "Believe me, Hoon wants you and only you, and he is willing to risk everything for you."
But Jaeseop kept silent, stared with watery eyes at his hands. If he was acting according to his heart, he would immediately jump up, go back with Soohyun and would say Hoon how much he loved him and that he wanted only him. But his head forbade him. What mattered was primarily what was the best for the group... and he would do nothing to jeopardize that prosperity even if he had to give up the one, the love of his life.
"I'll tell Hoon that you need some time." Soohyun said quietly as he stood at the door. "Just listen to what your heart says, Jaeseop. No one will blame you if you fall in love... Just don't let Hoon wait too long... otherwise it may eventually be too late."
With these words Soohyun left AJ's room and also his parents' house, apologized at them parents for the late disorder.
Back at the dorm, Soohyun wasn't surprised that apparently no one was awake anymore. He carefully looked into Kevin's and AJ's shared room and he was also not surprised to see Hoon asleep between Eli and Kevin. But what was really surprising was the fact that Kiseop was still awake and had waited for him.
The U-Kiss leader changed wordlessly into his pajamas and lay down next to him, pulled him in his arms and stroked over his back.
"What did Jaeseop say?" Kiseop asked softly and buried his face at Soohyun's chest. The latter sighed and began to tell him what AJ had told him before.
"How is Hoon?" Soohyun wanted to know and yawned wearily. "Bad..." Kiseop sighed and thought of the moment when Hoon woke up and instantly burst into tears again. "He blames himself that he had done something wrong, and all this shit."
Soohyun sighed and closed his eyes. "I will talk to him tomorrow!" he mumbled sleepily. "If it's not helping, then I will ask manager-hyung for a few days off."
The next morning, however, the world was more or less back to normal. Hoon was already awake and left the dorm before the others would wake up to jog some rounds. He needed a clear mind and a little distraction, because he still had the urge to cry his heart out, but didn't give himself the shame to act like a little schoolgirl which was sitting at home and crying because it had been rejected.
So he had thought at least. After the first mile, he let himself fall on the meadows on the shore of Hangang and stared, slightly panting, blankly into the high blue sky. Without really noticing it, silent tears were again running down his cheeks as he inevitably thought about AJ and their night together, and also the latters disappearance in the night before.
"Damn..." Hoon laughed bitterly, wiping his eyes with the back of the hand and could simply not prevent them to came back again and again. "I'm like a little rejected schoolgirl!"
When Hoon returned back in the dorm two hours later, the others were already awake and just finished breakfast, even Dongho had come back an hour ago.
"Good morning Honnie." Kiseop chirped and smiled broadly when he came to meet him in the hallway, held a cup with steaming tea in his hand. "Breakfast?" "Thanks, but no..." Hoon waved off, smiling, and shook his head. "I've already eaten."
"Okay..." nodding, Kiseop disappeared into the kitchen, watched Hoon from the corner of his eye as the younger disappeared in the bathroom.
"And?" asked Kevin quiet, not sure if he really wanted to hear the answer.
Kiseop sighed and slumped onto the bench next to Soohyun. "Actually, if one disregards the red tear-stained eyes, I would say he is fine, but..." He paused and sighed again, leaned his head on Soohyun's shoulder.
"I uh... I'm driving to NH Media." Hoon's voice came from the hallway and made everyone look up in surprise.
"Already?" with a questioning look, Soohyun ran into the hallway where Hoon was already picking up his shoes and jacket, covered most his face with a cap. "Yes... I want to exercise a bit." the younger said without looking up, avoided the piercing gaze of the elder.
Soohyun was even more surprised, when suddenly someone opened the main door and AJ appeared in the doorway. Hoon gasped almost inaudible and swallowed hard, because even without looking up he knew who was standing there infront of him.
"I uh... Good morning." Jaeseop muttered sheepishly when he saw Soohyun and Hoon. "Morning." Soohyun smiled and looked expectantly at Hoon, who seemed to be frozen in its movement.
It was an awkward silence between the three of them and it was Hoon who finally broke it as he straightened up. "I'm gone." he said and straightened his cap briefly, but avoided to look at Jaeseop, wasn't sure if he could handle it to see the man right now.
"Hoon, I-" the latter started, but was cut mid-sentence. "See you later." Hoon said with shaking legs and rushed past AJ and out of the dorm.
Sighing, AJ's shoulders slumped. "Well... what have I expected." he said softly, a sad smile and shuffled to his room, where he let himself sink wearily on the bed and buried his face in the pillows.
AJ had hoped that Hoon was may hurted and angry with him - and he had every right to be - but not that he was ignoring him now. Because if Jaeseop was honest, it hurted him more than he actually was ready to admit. And it turned out, that Hoon was completely avoiding him for the rest of the day, shunned all contact with him and made sure to not meet him randomly in the hallway.
But it was easier to say than to really do it, since they were in one group and were practicing together; not to mention that both of them had to interact a lot during their dances. It was particularly bad during one of their breaks during the dance practice.
Jaeseop was completely lost in thoughts, when he was on his way back from the bathroom and walked accidentally into the wrong hall where he suddenly heard Hoon's and Kevin's voices at the far end.
"I-I can't..." AJ was like petrified right in the middle of the aisle, as he heared Hoon sobbing. "I- I would- would like, I just want to go home..."
"Then just go!" Kevin smiled sympathetically and wrapped his arms around the weeping mess in front of him, stroked him reassuringly over the back. "I will talk with our manager and tell him that you doesn't feel well, and I don't think that it will be such a big problem."
Sighing, AJ leaned his head back and hid behind a large potted plant, which was a little further ahead in the hallway. It hurted him to no end to see Hoon so dissolved, fragile and helpless and all he wanted to do was to walk over to them, to pull him into his arms and never let him go again. But no!
He would only make Hoon false hopes and had he not yet told Soohyun the night before, that he doesn't wanted a relationship with Hoon? In order to protect the group? But whom exactly he wanted to lie to? As much as Jaeseop wanted to lie to himself that he felt nothing except perhaps a deeper friendship for Hoon, his heart had already taken a different decision and was more than ever before longing for his bandmate.
"Oh damn!" grumbling under his breath, he pushed himself off of the wall and turned, angry cursing over himself, around and walked back to their practice room and joined Soohyun and Eli in their practice, walked through their choreography with them again and again, did everything to rid off the image of a crying Hoon.
Hoon didn't return back to the practice room that day and when Dongho, Soohyun, Kiseop, Eli, Kevin and AJ returned back to the dorm in the early evening, Hoon was already fast asleep.
"Where are you going?" Kiseop asked puzzled, as he caught Jaeseop in the hall way, along a suitcase while he was slipping into his shoes.
The latter stopped in his motion and avoided Kiseop's eyes. "I've asked Eli if I can stay in his apartment for a while." he answered sheepishly, reaching for his car keys. "Believe me, it is better... especially for Hoon! Because so we just have to be together during our practice and vocal lessons... and I don't have to see him cry again..."
"Soohyun was right..." Kiseop shook his head in disapproval, sighing. "You really are an idiot!"
"I know!" AJ smiled painfully and grabbed his suitcase, paused and looked over his shoulder at Kiseop. "But I think you know very well what I mean when I say: From time to time, Love doesn't make only blind but also dumb!"
"Yeah... but in your case very stupid!" annoyed, Kiseop rolled his eyes, as the door closed behind Jaeseop and left him alone in the hallway. "ARG! HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE?!"
The days went by and it seemed that purely external Hoon was feeling better with every one, but the apparent calm side which Hoon was showing and wearing outwardly during the days was a mere facade.
Night by night he cried himself to sleep, was muttering Jaeseop's name over and over again, but avoided the man most of the time and did everything to not to be alone with him, always returned late back to the dorm. This, however, led only to the fact that he largely left out every meal and only ate when he was with the others; and they more or less forced him to eat.
Days turned into weeks and the weeks into over one and a half month.
"How long will you two ignore each other yet?" Soohyun asked one evening when he sat down next to Hoon on his bed, trying not to sound too annoyed. But Hoon gave him no answer, was just lying sprawled out on the bed and stared tired at the ceiling.
Soohyun ran his fingers through his hair, sighing. He could understand Hoon and also AJ, but the oldest was wondering if the two had something like a plan which they were following; that it wasn't the best, was more than obvious.
"As long until he finally speaks to me." Hoon said finally, rolled over on his side and couldn't prevent the tears to roll down his cheeks. "What seems to be... never."
Soohyun sighed. "Seriously... you two are so damn stupid and annoying!" he muttered with gritted teeth and ruffled Hoon through the hair. "Anyway... you can thank me later!"
"What?" Hoon looked questioningly, when Soohyun suddenly stood up and left the room and he could suddenly hear AJ's voice from the living room a moment later.
"Wha-hey! Soohyun? What are you do-? Hey, let me go!" AJ was at first too shocked to realize what Soohyun wanted from him all of a sudden, but when he saw the direction in which he drew him, he tried to free himself from his leader's grip. "No! Soohyun stop that! Please, I-I won't!"
Hoon was even more surprised, when the other's voice was getting louder and his eyes widened in shock when Soohyun suddenly ripped his bedroom door open and pushed AJ through it, who stumbled in the middle of the room.
AJ straightened back up again and looked, startled, at Soohyun who was still at the door. "I'll let you just out here again, when you have spoken to each other and you can tell me that you're together!" With these words, their leader slammed the door shut and Hoon and Jaeseop could hear how they got locked.
It was an awkward silence and neither Hoon nor Jaeseop dared to say anything, let alone move.
Sighing, AJ sat down at the foot of the bed and ran his hand over his face, glanced helpless around the room. He could feel how Hoon dropped back onto the matress and AJ's eyes remained at its reflection in the monitor of Kiseop's laptop, which the latter had placed on his bed.
Hoon was pale, had dark circles under his eyes and had noticeably lost a lot of weight. Immediately, AJ was plagued by a worse conscience than it already did, since he had left Hoon that evening.
"You've... lost some weight." he said carefully and without looking away from Hoon's reflection. It was perhaps not the best way of starting a conversation, but AJ had found any better start.
Hoon sighed and closed his eyes. "Yeah... a little." he said softly, trying to blink the emerging tears away. Even if he doesn't want to admit it, but he had longed for AJ and had missed him more than anything else and yet it was strange to be sitting here and talking with him.
"Why are you so mad at me?" Hoon asked suddenly, out of nowhere, so AJ looked completely perplexed at him and was immediately captured by his look.
Now it was him to sigh and he forced himself to look away from Hoon. "I'm... not mad. Okay, I am, but not at you." he said and stared at the wooden floor.
"At whom then?"
"At... at me..." AJ said sheepishly and looked out the window, didn't know how he should explain himself to Hoon.
There was, once again, an uncomfortable silence between them and both were deep in thoughts. AJ didn't know when, but Hoon had eventually turned away from him so that he couldn't see his face anymore, but he knew that Hoon was crying again because he could feel how he quietly winced again and again, while he tried to suppress his sobs.
Jaeseop carefully looked sideways, glanced at Hoon's huddled figure and how he had his arms wrapped around him, could feel a huge lump form in his stomach and throat. Why couldn't he do at least any thing right? Why was he hurting the only person he loved so much- even if he still wasn't completely sure, if he really wanted to admit his feelings for the other male.
Clueless, the rapper sat next Hoon and looked at him. Perhaps, Soohyun and the others were right and he should just take the risk of a possible disappointment if the relationship between Hoon and him wouldn't work. But how could that even be possible, after he had been so offensive to him?
"Oh damn it!" Jaeseop cursed silently, slipped a bit forward and closer to Hoon, a hand on that of the other and snuggled with his cheek on his upper arm, felt Hoon instantly froze before he began to tremble.
Hoon was breathing, panting, as AJ soothingly stroked his arm. "Please..." the latter whispered and took Hoon's hand in his, squeezed it. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you and... and... please don't cry."
This was too much for Hoon. The whole time he had been able to restrain himself with difficulty, but the way AJ was holding his hand and clung to him, were just too much and within a few moments he sobbed and wept uncontrollably next to the older.
It hurted him deep in his soul to see Hoon crying so heartbreaking, but maybe... it was a small step in the right direction.
Uncertain, Jaeseop sat up and looked at Hoon, who still clung to his hand and without a second thought, he grabbed the younger under the arms, lifted him up and pulled him into his arms.
Without resistance, Hoon let himself being embrace and in the moment when he felt that AJ wrapped his arms tightly around him, he clung to his shirt and buried his face in AJ's chest, cried and sobbed even more.
"Sssh... it's okay." Jaeseop whispered, stroking Hoon continually over the arm and rocked him gently in his arms, tried to soothe him and leaned his head against Hoon's. "It's okay. Please don't weep..."
"P- Please don't- don't leav- leave me." Hoon sobbed muffled at AJ's chest and still clung to him. "Don't let-let me alone..."
AJ raised his head and looked briefly around the room, tried to suppress his own tears and increased the pressure of his embrace, before he leaned his cheek against Hoon's head again. "I'm staying here..." he whispered softly, gave Hoon a tender kiss on his temple. "I won't let you alone anymore! Promise!"
Both of them had eventually lost all sense of time and after Hoon had finally calmed down, it was completely dark outside and in their bedroom. The latter carefully pulled away from AJ, but didn't dare to look at him and was just holding his hands.
Since there was no light in the room, it was a bit difficult to spot Jaeseop in the darkness, but Hoon knew very well that the rapper was looking at him. Unsure he chewed on his lower lip and didn't know what he should do now, when he felt, however, that AJ wanted to get up and let got his hands, he quickly grabbed his. "Please stay..." he mumbled, staring through the darkness at their hands.
"I'll only turn on the lamps." even though he couldn't see it, Hoon could clearly see the gentle smile on AJ's lips.
He nodded slowly and let go AJ's hand, could see how he walked through the dark room and squeezed his eyes painfully shut the next moment as AJ turned on the lamp in the corner, bathing the room in a warm light.
Without a word, Jaeseop returned to the bed, sat down opposite of Hoon and carefully took his hands and held them.
"Do you love me?" he finally asked the question which tormented him since weeks now, or better months.
Hoon hesitanted for a moment and just stared at their hands, not knowing what to do or even say. But without a second thought, he suddenly grabbed AJ's wrists, closed his eyes and pulled him into a brief but passionate kiss, tried to put all his feelings for the other into this one kiss.
The taller was at first completely taken by surprise and took a moment before he realized that he was actually kissing Hoon, but right in the moment when their lips met it was like an explosion of the senses for Jaeseop and it just felt absolutely right to sit here and kiss Hoon.
After AJ had recovered from the shock, he did the only thing what seemed to be right at that moment and after which he had longed in recent months. He closed his eyes and responded the kiss, got the message that Hoon tried to tell him.
Even though it was a passionate kiss and Hoon and also AJ put all their feelings in this one kiss, they kissed each other tenderly and cautiously.
It was the older who finally broke the kiss due to the lack of oxygen, and was panting quietly and looked at Hoon's hands that were still holding his wrists.
"Since... since when?" Jaeseop asked dully and without lifting his eyes. He couldn't and wouldn't meet the gaze of the other, out of fear that he might lost himself forever in those brown orbs he loved so much.
Hoon dropped his shoulders, sighing and slowly undid his hold of Jaeseop's wrists. "I don't know since when exactly..." the younger said meekly and fought back the urge to throw himself back into AJ's arms and to never let him go again. "I've really noticed it, when Kevin and Soohyun-hyung had asked me directly, more than half a year ago."
"Why didn't you say anything?" AJ asked and now took his turn and took Hoon's hands and held them, noticed completely amazed how well their hands looked together.
"At first I didn't dare... I didn't know what you would say and how the others would react; although Soohyun-hyung and Kiseop were already been together and Eli with Kevin could hardly be more obvious."
Hoon sighed and closed his eyes, tried not to cry again. This whole situation seemed so hopeless and he didn't know how long he would endure the whole thing.
"And always when I had gathered enough courage and wanted to talk to you was either something in between, or it was just not the appropriate moment and the last time I tried it, we-" He stopped and bit down his lip and AJ knew what Hoon wanted to say.
He chewed on his lip and was literally eaten up by guilt. He sighed. "I... I'm afraid I can't offer you what you want me to do..." he began quietly, felt Hoon squeezing his hand. "What if we find out that it doesn't work and can't get along in the end? I don't want the group to suffer if we quarrel, separate, or god knows what. I don't want us all to break up because of it."
"Besides... I'm afraid that you might recognize that I am not the right person and that you may leaving me again..."
Surprised, Hoon looked at AJ and didn't know what to say. He carefully put Jaeseop's arms around his waist and slide slowly but surely towards him, wrapped as a last his arms around Jaeseop and snuggled against him.
He sighed and closed his eyes, enjoying, felt AJ's racing heartbeat right at his ear. "I love you and all I want is you." he whispered softly, but Hoon was sure that AJ had heard him, because he could feel how his heart was racing unhealthy.
Sobbing, AJ wrapped his arms around Hoon and hugged him like there was no tomorrow, buried his face in the crook of his neck. "I can't... I just can't anymore..." he sobbed and clutching the younger with every further word.
Hoon buried his face at Jaeseop's chest, inhaled the so familiar scent after he had longed for so long.
Nevertheless, he shifted away in the next moment and leaned his forehead against Jaeseop's. "Then let's try it..." Hoon whispered, stroking his cheek. But AJ just shook his head. "Why not?"
"I can't..." he said hoarse. "I'm afraid... what... what if it doesn't work?"
"It will work!" Hoon sniffed smiling and placed a tender kiss on his forehead.
But he sobbed and cried even harder. "Where- how do you know that it will work?"
"I don't know..." the younger admitted, chuckling, and ran his fingers over the sides of Jaeseop's head, tried his best to calm him a bit. "But where from? We just have to try it, otherwise we'll never know."
"I'm just afraid of losing you again..." AJ whispered almost inaudible, unconsciously clinging to Hoon's hand which continually stroked his cheek.
A warm and loving smile spread across Hoon's face, as he moved the head to AJ's shoulder and leaned against him. "You won't! Promise!" Hoon whispered softly. "No matter what may happen!"
If he had thought that he couldn't cry even more, AJ had properly mistaken. From the moment, he had understood Hoon's words he felt like his heart exposed for a moment, only to skip a beat and then racing again. An unknown warmth spread through his whole body and he pulled Hoon as tight as even possible into his arms, buried his face back in the crook of Hoon's neck, wept and sobbed even harder than before.
"I love you..." AJ whispered, his voice cracking again and again. "I love you! I love you, I love love love love you!"
He was a little bit taken aback at first, but eventually Hoon snuggled overjoyed up at Jaeseop, laughed and cried at the same time.
"I'm sorry. Really!" the older sobbed and clung to Hoon.
"Why do you apologize?" the latter asked and stroked him reassuringly on the back, was just probably the happiest person on earth right now. "For everything!" he got a vague answer. "For- for everything I- I said to you and-and that I'm just took off... f- for ignoring and shunning y-you... just everything!"
Hoon gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. "It's okay." he said softly and with a smile, let AJ press him down on the mattress where they both remained and the latter gradually calmed while Hoon still patted him on the back.
Without realizing it both of them fell asleep and AJ was the first who woke up the next morning, found himself to his surprise in a familiar room but needed a moment to remember what happened the night before. But when he recognized Kiseop's and Hoon's shared room and also something warm right next to him, he couldn't help but to grin like a madman.
Carefully, Jaeseop turned his head and looked beside him, was grinning even wider when he saw a peacefully sleeping Hoon directly at his side. So it wasn't a dream. They had finally talked to each other and... were finally together.
AJ bit his lip and stared at Hoon. He had to admit, the others and also their fans were right when they were comparing Hoon with a bunny. "My cute little bunny..." he whispered and stroked him tenderly stroked over the cheek, smiled apologetically as the latter slowly stirred. "Hey Baby, I'm sorry... I didn't want to wake you."
Hoon smiled sleepily, but shook his head. "It's okay." he muttered wearily and smiled gratefully, as AJ pulled the blanket over both of them and pulled him into his arms.
"What do you mean, what Soohyun-hyung and the others are thinking?" Hoon asked with a grin and lay his head on AJ's chest, enjoyed the feeling of Jaeseop's fingers as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"They will imagine all sorts of things." AJ smirked broadly. "What do you think about breakfast?" The younger male thought for a moment before he nodded. "I'm a little bit hungry." he admitted with a faint blush on his cheeks.
"Alright, I'll be right back." Jaeseop had already left the bed, before he gave Hoon a quick peck on the lips and walked towards door. "Provided that Soohyun-hyung has-aaah!"
With a relieved sigh that the door was open, because he had expected that Soohyun would keep his promise to lock them up until the next morning. "Don't run away." AJ said to the still in bed lying Hoon and left the room, went with quiet steps into the kitchen.
"Woah... you're still here." AJ looked up surprised, when he suddenly heard Kiseop's voice beside him, ignored the derisive tone in his voice. "We had almost bet if you're still there in the morning or not."
"Well, I would have indulged you, if you had lost." the rapper grinned cheekily and turned back to the tray on which he was preparing the breakfast for Hoon and himself.
"So you're finally together?" Kiseop asked curiously when he saw the breakfast. "And dare you to say No now! Then I'll kick your ass!"
"Yes, we're finally a couple!" annoyed, AJ rolled his eyes but was grinning at the same time. "Satisfied?"
"More than satisfied!" Kiseop nodded eagerly and with a wide grin, he turned on his heels and walked back into the living room. "Soohyun! THE MONEY IS MINE!!"
"What the..." bewildered, Jaeseop looked at the spot where Kiseop had stood seconds before and sighed, shook his head. Why exactly was he still in this group?
Silently humming and with a satisfied smile, he hastened with the rest of the breakfast and was about to leave the kitchen as he suddenly met Kevin in the door frame.
"Seems like it worked." Kevin smiled while he passed him and began his turn to potter about in the kitchen. "Yeah..." AJ nodded with a sheepish smile before he hurried to get back to Hoon.
Hoon, meanwhile, had made himself comfortable in the bed and looked up questioningly, when he suddenly heard someone at the door and a happy smile appeared on his face when he saw AJ with the tablet.
"Hey." he said with a smile and slid to the side that AJ could sit next to him. "Why yelled Kiseop after Soohyun?"
"Irrelevant." AJ waved off and placed the tray at the bedside table, pulled Hoon into his arms and kissed him tenderly. "Breakfast?"
Hoon bit grinning his lip and nodded in their kiss, leaned back between AJ's legs, after he had settled down behind him and against the wall. The latter placed the tray next to them and enjoyed the comfortable warmth of Hoon.
They sat in silence and were both munching their breakfast AJ had prepared for them, when Hoon all of a sudden dropped his tea cup and sighed deeply.
"You okay?" AJ looked questioningly at his boyfriend and just smiled at the thought that he and Hoon were finally together. Nonetheless, he didn't liked it that Hoon looked so sad all of a sudden. "Is everything okay?" He asked again and hugged him softly.
"Are- are we really together now?" Hoon asked sheepishly and AJ could feel how his heart literally pounded up to his neck. "Don't get me wrong... but I'm scared, that.. that you feel obliged to this after last night." He stopped and clutched nervously at the cup in his lap, avoided the gaze of the older.
Jaeseop was taken aback, but then a warm smile spread across his face. He carefully took Hoon's cup and put them together with the tray next to the bed, before he wrapped his arms back around Hoon and pressed him firmly to him.
"Yes, we are together!" he said in a firm voice and turned Hoon in his arms so that he could see him straight in the eye. "And I don't feel compelled to do it! I'm freely and voluntarily together with you and want to stay here with you too! Because it has lasted long enough until I can finally call you my own and believe me, now that I have you, I will never let you go again!"
"You mean so incredibly much to me and alone the thought that I would have almost lost you forever gives me such a fright that I do prefer to not even want to let you go just a centimeter." Tenderly, AJ stroked over Hoon's cheek, failed to prevent the smile to appear on his lips when he saw that Hoon weeping clung to his hand. "Believe me, I love you with all my heart and I WILL be with you... if you want forever!"
"You- you're so greasy and che- cheesy!" Hoon sobbed nodding, but with a happy huge smile and hugged the taller, snuggled deep into his embrace and enjoyed the feeling of safety and security.
Jaeseop buried a beaming grin at the younger's neck and stroked him reassuringly on the back and waited until he had calmed down. Couldn't believe his own luck that Hoon was still loving him after all what he had done to him.
"Well again?" he asked with a smile, as he looked up and took Hoon's face between his hands, rubbed his thumb again and again over his cheek and wiped the tear tracks away, gave him a peck on the lips.
Completely blubbery, but with a big grin Hoon nodded and could almost feel how a mountain fell off of his heart while nestled in the hands of the older one.
"Hoon?" AJ looked quizzically at his boyfriend, eyed him carefully, when Hoon blinked also quizzically back at him. He hesitated for a moment, before he leaned over and sealed their lips in a gentle kiss, tried to put all his emotions into it.
It took only the fraction of a moment before Hoon respond to the tender but yet passionate kiss, could feel what AJ tried to show him and did the only thing which seemed right to him. He answered the kiss with the same tenderness and passion, wanted to show him how much he loved him.
"What?" asked Hoon shy, when they parted again.
"Nothing serious..." AJ grinned broadly. "I just realized how much I love you."
previous
~END~
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Note: So... believe it or not, but yes! I hate you for who you are is complete and I somehow can't believe it... it took me so long to translate this last part that it feels like ages since I wrote it...
nevertheless, I hope you guys liked it (even if the ending really sucked), and I just wanted to say Thank you for all your lovely comments and to all my Subscribers!! I really love you all! ♥
Pairing: Jaeseop & Hoonmin
Rating: PG- 15
Genre: mentions of sex, Drama, slight!Angst, Romance
Summary: Some people have to lose almost everything at first, before they realize that what they want is already right infront of them...
"SERIOUSLY... ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? STUPID ASS!" furious, Soohyun burst into AJ's room and glared at him. "How can you just leave Hoon?!"
AJ on the other hand, lay on his bed and stared blankly at the ceiling.
"Believe me, hyung. It is better." he said softly and glanced at Soohyun. "I don't want him hurt unnecessarily..."
"Hurt him unnecessarily? UNNECESSARILY?! IT CAN HARDLY BE MORE WORSE THAN WHAT YOU ALREADY DID TO HIM!" Soohyun clenched hands angrily into fists, forced himself to stay calm, even if he had the nagging urge to strangle the other.
"He will get over it..."
"Are you really that stupid, or are you just pretending, AJ?" the U-Kiss Leader snarled dark and stopped beside the bed, looked down at the younger. "Hoon loves you, damn it! We all know it! Only you are acting like as if you wouldn't notice anything and bathe rather in self-pity and anger, when he is playing and enjoying his free time with the others, because he can't handle it anymore to be, again and again, rejected by you!"
Surprised, AJ looked at Soohyun, but turned over on his side and away from him. "How do you know?"
"For god's sake... Kim Jaeseop!" close to despair, Soohyun ran his fingers through his hair. "You are really that stupid. He told me, or rather us! Months ago! Don't tell me you haven't noticed that he, in the recent months, sought more and more for your attention and always wanted to be with you. And seriously... do you really think that Hoon is that cheap and would just for fun sleep with you?"
Even if he had heard him, Jaeseop didn't responded to Soohyun's words and stared instead simply at the wall. He sighed and closed his eyes.
"He deserves someone better..." the younger said softly, tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. "Not an asshole like me..."
Now it was Soohyun who sighed and dropped his shoulders. "Yeah... asshole fits in fact... but it is probably just exactly this why he loves you so much..." He stopped. "I thought you love him, too? Why don't you just tell him?"
"BECAUSE IT IS NOT THAT EASY! OKAY!?" Jaeseop sat angrily up and stared with wet and teary eyes at Soohyun.
"But why not?" the latter asked quietly. The fact that AJ apparently wasn't that cold hearted calmed Soohyun somehow; even if it sounded a little bit macabre. "You two love each other! So you just have to jump over your shadow and tell it! I mean, what do you want more? You fits perfectly together, can be together whenever you want, okay not in public but that should be logical, but the moment we reach the dorm, we're free to do what ever we want!"
"Hyung... that's the point..." Jaeseop hung his head. "Now everybody says that we shall come together... but what if we fight? I don't want the group to suffer under it and I just want to take any chances. Precisely because we live together, there will inevitably be disagreements arise, quarreling and... and I just don't want to risk the group and his love and... and any related complications or problems."
Soohyun's facial features relaxed and he slumped down on the bed next to AJ. "You're really an idiot!" he sighed, leaned his head back and stretched out his legs. "Of course there will be one or another argument and of course, there will be times when you don't talk to each other and you would love to strangle each other... but that's normal in a relationship." He smiled encouragingly.
"Do you really think Kiseop and I would never fight? Or Eli and Kevin? Only a few days ago, Kiseop and I had a huge fight, because I have kicked him out of bed again... thanks to this damn sleeping habit of mine."
AJ huffed and still hung his head. "Maybe... but I just want to take any chances... and I'm sure Hoon will understand it."
Again, Soohyun sighed and pushed himself off of the mattress. "Believe me, Hoon wants you and only you, and he is willing to risk everything for you."
But Jaeseop kept silent, stared with watery eyes at his hands. If he was acting according to his heart, he would immediately jump up, go back with Soohyun and would say Hoon how much he loved him and that he wanted only him. But his head forbade him. What mattered was primarily what was the best for the group... and he would do nothing to jeopardize that prosperity even if he had to give up the one, the love of his life.
"I'll tell Hoon that you need some time." Soohyun said quietly as he stood at the door. "Just listen to what your heart says, Jaeseop. No one will blame you if you fall in love... Just don't let Hoon wait too long... otherwise it may eventually be too late."
With these words Soohyun left AJ's room and also his parents' house, apologized at them parents for the late disorder.
Back at the dorm, Soohyun wasn't surprised that apparently no one was awake anymore. He carefully looked into Kevin's and AJ's shared room and he was also not surprised to see Hoon asleep between Eli and Kevin. But what was really surprising was the fact that Kiseop was still awake and had waited for him.
The U-Kiss leader changed wordlessly into his pajamas and lay down next to him, pulled him in his arms and stroked over his back.
"What did Jaeseop say?" Kiseop asked softly and buried his face at Soohyun's chest. The latter sighed and began to tell him what AJ had told him before.
"How is Hoon?" Soohyun wanted to know and yawned wearily. "Bad..." Kiseop sighed and thought of the moment when Hoon woke up and instantly burst into tears again. "He blames himself that he had done something wrong, and all this shit."
Soohyun sighed and closed his eyes. "I will talk to him tomorrow!" he mumbled sleepily. "If it's not helping, then I will ask manager-hyung for a few days off."
The next morning, however, the world was more or less back to normal. Hoon was already awake and left the dorm before the others would wake up to jog some rounds. He needed a clear mind and a little distraction, because he still had the urge to cry his heart out, but didn't give himself the shame to act like a little schoolgirl which was sitting at home and crying because it had been rejected.
So he had thought at least. After the first mile, he let himself fall on the meadows on the shore of Hangang and stared, slightly panting, blankly into the high blue sky. Without really noticing it, silent tears were again running down his cheeks as he inevitably thought about AJ and their night together, and also the latters disappearance in the night before.
"Damn..." Hoon laughed bitterly, wiping his eyes with the back of the hand and could simply not prevent them to came back again and again. "I'm like a little rejected schoolgirl!"
When Hoon returned back in the dorm two hours later, the others were already awake and just finished breakfast, even Dongho had come back an hour ago.
"Good morning Honnie." Kiseop chirped and smiled broadly when he came to meet him in the hallway, held a cup with steaming tea in his hand. "Breakfast?" "Thanks, but no..." Hoon waved off, smiling, and shook his head. "I've already eaten."
"Okay..." nodding, Kiseop disappeared into the kitchen, watched Hoon from the corner of his eye as the younger disappeared in the bathroom.
"And?" asked Kevin quiet, not sure if he really wanted to hear the answer.
Kiseop sighed and slumped onto the bench next to Soohyun. "Actually, if one disregards the red tear-stained eyes, I would say he is fine, but..." He paused and sighed again, leaned his head on Soohyun's shoulder.
"I uh... I'm driving to NH Media." Hoon's voice came from the hallway and made everyone look up in surprise.
"Already?" with a questioning look, Soohyun ran into the hallway where Hoon was already picking up his shoes and jacket, covered most his face with a cap. "Yes... I want to exercise a bit." the younger said without looking up, avoided the piercing gaze of the elder.
Soohyun was even more surprised, when suddenly someone opened the main door and AJ appeared in the doorway. Hoon gasped almost inaudible and swallowed hard, because even without looking up he knew who was standing there infront of him.
"I uh... Good morning." Jaeseop muttered sheepishly when he saw Soohyun and Hoon. "Morning." Soohyun smiled and looked expectantly at Hoon, who seemed to be frozen in its movement.
It was an awkward silence between the three of them and it was Hoon who finally broke it as he straightened up. "I'm gone." he said and straightened his cap briefly, but avoided to look at Jaeseop, wasn't sure if he could handle it to see the man right now.
"Hoon, I-" the latter started, but was cut mid-sentence. "See you later." Hoon said with shaking legs and rushed past AJ and out of the dorm.
Sighing, AJ's shoulders slumped. "Well... what have I expected." he said softly, a sad smile and shuffled to his room, where he let himself sink wearily on the bed and buried his face in the pillows.
AJ had hoped that Hoon was may hurted and angry with him - and he had every right to be - but not that he was ignoring him now. Because if Jaeseop was honest, it hurted him more than he actually was ready to admit. And it turned out, that Hoon was completely avoiding him for the rest of the day, shunned all contact with him and made sure to not meet him randomly in the hallway.
But it was easier to say than to really do it, since they were in one group and were practicing together; not to mention that both of them had to interact a lot during their dances. It was particularly bad during one of their breaks during the dance practice.
Jaeseop was completely lost in thoughts, when he was on his way back from the bathroom and walked accidentally into the wrong hall where he suddenly heard Hoon's and Kevin's voices at the far end.
"I-I can't..." AJ was like petrified right in the middle of the aisle, as he heared Hoon sobbing. "I- I would- would like, I just want to go home..."
"Then just go!" Kevin smiled sympathetically and wrapped his arms around the weeping mess in front of him, stroked him reassuringly over the back. "I will talk with our manager and tell him that you doesn't feel well, and I don't think that it will be such a big problem."
Sighing, AJ leaned his head back and hid behind a large potted plant, which was a little further ahead in the hallway. It hurted him to no end to see Hoon so dissolved, fragile and helpless and all he wanted to do was to walk over to them, to pull him into his arms and never let him go again. But no!
He would only make Hoon false hopes and had he not yet told Soohyun the night before, that he doesn't wanted a relationship with Hoon? In order to protect the group? But whom exactly he wanted to lie to? As much as Jaeseop wanted to lie to himself that he felt nothing except perhaps a deeper friendship for Hoon, his heart had already taken a different decision and was more than ever before longing for his bandmate.
"Oh damn!" grumbling under his breath, he pushed himself off of the wall and turned, angry cursing over himself, around and walked back to their practice room and joined Soohyun and Eli in their practice, walked through their choreography with them again and again, did everything to rid off the image of a crying Hoon.
Hoon didn't return back to the practice room that day and when Dongho, Soohyun, Kiseop, Eli, Kevin and AJ returned back to the dorm in the early evening, Hoon was already fast asleep.
"Where are you going?" Kiseop asked puzzled, as he caught Jaeseop in the hall way, along a suitcase while he was slipping into his shoes.
The latter stopped in his motion and avoided Kiseop's eyes. "I've asked Eli if I can stay in his apartment for a while." he answered sheepishly, reaching for his car keys. "Believe me, it is better... especially for Hoon! Because so we just have to be together during our practice and vocal lessons... and I don't have to see him cry again..."
"Soohyun was right..." Kiseop shook his head in disapproval, sighing. "You really are an idiot!"
"I know!" AJ smiled painfully and grabbed his suitcase, paused and looked over his shoulder at Kiseop. "But I think you know very well what I mean when I say: From time to time, Love doesn't make only blind but also dumb!"
"Yeah... but in your case very stupid!" annoyed, Kiseop rolled his eyes, as the door closed behind Jaeseop and left him alone in the hallway. "ARG! HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE?!"
The days went by and it seemed that purely external Hoon was feeling better with every one, but the apparent calm side which Hoon was showing and wearing outwardly during the days was a mere facade.
Night by night he cried himself to sleep, was muttering Jaeseop's name over and over again, but avoided the man most of the time and did everything to not to be alone with him, always returned late back to the dorm. This, however, led only to the fact that he largely left out every meal and only ate when he was with the others; and they more or less forced him to eat.
Days turned into weeks and the weeks into over one and a half month.
"How long will you two ignore each other yet?" Soohyun asked one evening when he sat down next to Hoon on his bed, trying not to sound too annoyed. But Hoon gave him no answer, was just lying sprawled out on the bed and stared tired at the ceiling.
Soohyun ran his fingers through his hair, sighing. He could understand Hoon and also AJ, but the oldest was wondering if the two had something like a plan which they were following; that it wasn't the best, was more than obvious.
"As long until he finally speaks to me." Hoon said finally, rolled over on his side and couldn't prevent the tears to roll down his cheeks. "What seems to be... never."
Soohyun sighed. "Seriously... you two are so damn stupid and annoying!" he muttered with gritted teeth and ruffled Hoon through the hair. "Anyway... you can thank me later!"
"What?" Hoon looked questioningly, when Soohyun suddenly stood up and left the room and he could suddenly hear AJ's voice from the living room a moment later.
"Wha-hey! Soohyun? What are you do-? Hey, let me go!" AJ was at first too shocked to realize what Soohyun wanted from him all of a sudden, but when he saw the direction in which he drew him, he tried to free himself from his leader's grip. "No! Soohyun stop that! Please, I-I won't!"
Hoon was even more surprised, when the other's voice was getting louder and his eyes widened in shock when Soohyun suddenly ripped his bedroom door open and pushed AJ through it, who stumbled in the middle of the room.
AJ straightened back up again and looked, startled, at Soohyun who was still at the door. "I'll let you just out here again, when you have spoken to each other and you can tell me that you're together!" With these words, their leader slammed the door shut and Hoon and Jaeseop could hear how they got locked.
It was an awkward silence and neither Hoon nor Jaeseop dared to say anything, let alone move.
Sighing, AJ sat down at the foot of the bed and ran his hand over his face, glanced helpless around the room. He could feel how Hoon dropped back onto the matress and AJ's eyes remained at its reflection in the monitor of Kiseop's laptop, which the latter had placed on his bed.
Hoon was pale, had dark circles under his eyes and had noticeably lost a lot of weight. Immediately, AJ was plagued by a worse conscience than it already did, since he had left Hoon that evening.
"You've... lost some weight." he said carefully and without looking away from Hoon's reflection. It was perhaps not the best way of starting a conversation, but AJ had found any better start.
Hoon sighed and closed his eyes. "Yeah... a little." he said softly, trying to blink the emerging tears away. Even if he doesn't want to admit it, but he had longed for AJ and had missed him more than anything else and yet it was strange to be sitting here and talking with him.
"Why are you so mad at me?" Hoon asked suddenly, out of nowhere, so AJ looked completely perplexed at him and was immediately captured by his look.
Now it was him to sigh and he forced himself to look away from Hoon. "I'm... not mad. Okay, I am, but not at you." he said and stared at the wooden floor.
"At whom then?"
"At... at me..." AJ said sheepishly and looked out the window, didn't know how he should explain himself to Hoon.
There was, once again, an uncomfortable silence between them and both were deep in thoughts. AJ didn't know when, but Hoon had eventually turned away from him so that he couldn't see his face anymore, but he knew that Hoon was crying again because he could feel how he quietly winced again and again, while he tried to suppress his sobs.
Jaeseop carefully looked sideways, glanced at Hoon's huddled figure and how he had his arms wrapped around him, could feel a huge lump form in his stomach and throat. Why couldn't he do at least any thing right? Why was he hurting the only person he loved so much- even if he still wasn't completely sure, if he really wanted to admit his feelings for the other male.
Clueless, the rapper sat next Hoon and looked at him. Perhaps, Soohyun and the others were right and he should just take the risk of a possible disappointment if the relationship between Hoon and him wouldn't work. But how could that even be possible, after he had been so offensive to him?
"Oh damn it!" Jaeseop cursed silently, slipped a bit forward and closer to Hoon, a hand on that of the other and snuggled with his cheek on his upper arm, felt Hoon instantly froze before he began to tremble.
Hoon was breathing, panting, as AJ soothingly stroked his arm. "Please..." the latter whispered and took Hoon's hand in his, squeezed it. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you and... and... please don't cry."
This was too much for Hoon. The whole time he had been able to restrain himself with difficulty, but the way AJ was holding his hand and clung to him, were just too much and within a few moments he sobbed and wept uncontrollably next to the older.
It hurted him deep in his soul to see Hoon crying so heartbreaking, but maybe... it was a small step in the right direction.
Uncertain, Jaeseop sat up and looked at Hoon, who still clung to his hand and without a second thought, he grabbed the younger under the arms, lifted him up and pulled him into his arms.
Without resistance, Hoon let himself being embrace and in the moment when he felt that AJ wrapped his arms tightly around him, he clung to his shirt and buried his face in AJ's chest, cried and sobbed even more.
"Sssh... it's okay." Jaeseop whispered, stroking Hoon continually over the arm and rocked him gently in his arms, tried to soothe him and leaned his head against Hoon's. "It's okay. Please don't weep..."
"P- Please don't- don't leav- leave me." Hoon sobbed muffled at AJ's chest and still clung to him. "Don't let-let me alone..."
AJ raised his head and looked briefly around the room, tried to suppress his own tears and increased the pressure of his embrace, before he leaned his cheek against Hoon's head again. "I'm staying here..." he whispered softly, gave Hoon a tender kiss on his temple. "I won't let you alone anymore! Promise!"
Both of them had eventually lost all sense of time and after Hoon had finally calmed down, it was completely dark outside and in their bedroom. The latter carefully pulled away from AJ, but didn't dare to look at him and was just holding his hands.
Since there was no light in the room, it was a bit difficult to spot Jaeseop in the darkness, but Hoon knew very well that the rapper was looking at him. Unsure he chewed on his lower lip and didn't know what he should do now, when he felt, however, that AJ wanted to get up and let got his hands, he quickly grabbed his. "Please stay..." he mumbled, staring through the darkness at their hands.
"I'll only turn on the lamps." even though he couldn't see it, Hoon could clearly see the gentle smile on AJ's lips.
He nodded slowly and let go AJ's hand, could see how he walked through the dark room and squeezed his eyes painfully shut the next moment as AJ turned on the lamp in the corner, bathing the room in a warm light.
Without a word, Jaeseop returned to the bed, sat down opposite of Hoon and carefully took his hands and held them.
"Do you love me?" he finally asked the question which tormented him since weeks now, or better months.
Hoon hesitanted for a moment and just stared at their hands, not knowing what to do or even say. But without a second thought, he suddenly grabbed AJ's wrists, closed his eyes and pulled him into a brief but passionate kiss, tried to put all his feelings for the other into this one kiss.
The taller was at first completely taken by surprise and took a moment before he realized that he was actually kissing Hoon, but right in the moment when their lips met it was like an explosion of the senses for Jaeseop and it just felt absolutely right to sit here and kiss Hoon.
After AJ had recovered from the shock, he did the only thing what seemed to be right at that moment and after which he had longed in recent months. He closed his eyes and responded the kiss, got the message that Hoon tried to tell him.
Even though it was a passionate kiss and Hoon and also AJ put all their feelings in this one kiss, they kissed each other tenderly and cautiously.
It was the older who finally broke the kiss due to the lack of oxygen, and was panting quietly and looked at Hoon's hands that were still holding his wrists.
"Since... since when?" Jaeseop asked dully and without lifting his eyes. He couldn't and wouldn't meet the gaze of the other, out of fear that he might lost himself forever in those brown orbs he loved so much.
Hoon dropped his shoulders, sighing and slowly undid his hold of Jaeseop's wrists. "I don't know since when exactly..." the younger said meekly and fought back the urge to throw himself back into AJ's arms and to never let him go again. "I've really noticed it, when Kevin and Soohyun-hyung had asked me directly, more than half a year ago."
"Why didn't you say anything?" AJ asked and now took his turn and took Hoon's hands and held them, noticed completely amazed how well their hands looked together.
"At first I didn't dare... I didn't know what you would say and how the others would react; although Soohyun-hyung and Kiseop were already been together and Eli with Kevin could hardly be more obvious."
Hoon sighed and closed his eyes, tried not to cry again. This whole situation seemed so hopeless and he didn't know how long he would endure the whole thing.
"And always when I had gathered enough courage and wanted to talk to you was either something in between, or it was just not the appropriate moment and the last time I tried it, we-" He stopped and bit down his lip and AJ knew what Hoon wanted to say.
He chewed on his lip and was literally eaten up by guilt. He sighed. "I... I'm afraid I can't offer you what you want me to do..." he began quietly, felt Hoon squeezing his hand. "What if we find out that it doesn't work and can't get along in the end? I don't want the group to suffer if we quarrel, separate, or god knows what. I don't want us all to break up because of it."
"Besides... I'm afraid that you might recognize that I am not the right person and that you may leaving me again..."
Surprised, Hoon looked at AJ and didn't know what to say. He carefully put Jaeseop's arms around his waist and slide slowly but surely towards him, wrapped as a last his arms around Jaeseop and snuggled against him.
He sighed and closed his eyes, enjoying, felt AJ's racing heartbeat right at his ear. "I love you and all I want is you." he whispered softly, but Hoon was sure that AJ had heard him, because he could feel how his heart was racing unhealthy.
Sobbing, AJ wrapped his arms around Hoon and hugged him like there was no tomorrow, buried his face in the crook of his neck. "I can't... I just can't anymore..." he sobbed and clutching the younger with every further word.
Hoon buried his face at Jaeseop's chest, inhaled the so familiar scent after he had longed for so long.
Nevertheless, he shifted away in the next moment and leaned his forehead against Jaeseop's. "Then let's try it..." Hoon whispered, stroking his cheek. But AJ just shook his head. "Why not?"
"I can't..." he said hoarse. "I'm afraid... what... what if it doesn't work?"
"It will work!" Hoon sniffed smiling and placed a tender kiss on his forehead.
But he sobbed and cried even harder. "Where- how do you know that it will work?"
"I don't know..." the younger admitted, chuckling, and ran his fingers over the sides of Jaeseop's head, tried his best to calm him a bit. "But where from? We just have to try it, otherwise we'll never know."
"I'm just afraid of losing you again..." AJ whispered almost inaudible, unconsciously clinging to Hoon's hand which continually stroked his cheek.
A warm and loving smile spread across Hoon's face, as he moved the head to AJ's shoulder and leaned against him. "You won't! Promise!" Hoon whispered softly. "No matter what may happen!"
If he had thought that he couldn't cry even more, AJ had properly mistaken. From the moment, he had understood Hoon's words he felt like his heart exposed for a moment, only to skip a beat and then racing again. An unknown warmth spread through his whole body and he pulled Hoon as tight as even possible into his arms, buried his face back in the crook of Hoon's neck, wept and sobbed even harder than before.
"I love you..." AJ whispered, his voice cracking again and again. "I love you! I love you, I love love love love you!"
He was a little bit taken aback at first, but eventually Hoon snuggled overjoyed up at Jaeseop, laughed and cried at the same time.
"I'm sorry. Really!" the older sobbed and clung to Hoon.
"Why do you apologize?" the latter asked and stroked him reassuringly on the back, was just probably the happiest person on earth right now. "For everything!" he got a vague answer. "For- for everything I- I said to you and-and that I'm just took off... f- for ignoring and shunning y-you... just everything!"
Hoon gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. "It's okay." he said softly and with a smile, let AJ press him down on the mattress where they both remained and the latter gradually calmed while Hoon still patted him on the back.
Without realizing it both of them fell asleep and AJ was the first who woke up the next morning, found himself to his surprise in a familiar room but needed a moment to remember what happened the night before. But when he recognized Kiseop's and Hoon's shared room and also something warm right next to him, he couldn't help but to grin like a madman.
Carefully, Jaeseop turned his head and looked beside him, was grinning even wider when he saw a peacefully sleeping Hoon directly at his side. So it wasn't a dream. They had finally talked to each other and... were finally together.
AJ bit his lip and stared at Hoon. He had to admit, the others and also their fans were right when they were comparing Hoon with a bunny. "My cute little bunny..." he whispered and stroked him tenderly stroked over the cheek, smiled apologetically as the latter slowly stirred. "Hey Baby, I'm sorry... I didn't want to wake you."
Hoon smiled sleepily, but shook his head. "It's okay." he muttered wearily and smiled gratefully, as AJ pulled the blanket over both of them and pulled him into his arms.
"What do you mean, what Soohyun-hyung and the others are thinking?" Hoon asked with a grin and lay his head on AJ's chest, enjoyed the feeling of Jaeseop's fingers as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"They will imagine all sorts of things." AJ smirked broadly. "What do you think about breakfast?" The younger male thought for a moment before he nodded. "I'm a little bit hungry." he admitted with a faint blush on his cheeks.
"Alright, I'll be right back." Jaeseop had already left the bed, before he gave Hoon a quick peck on the lips and walked towards door. "Provided that Soohyun-hyung has-aaah!"
With a relieved sigh that the door was open, because he had expected that Soohyun would keep his promise to lock them up until the next morning. "Don't run away." AJ said to the still in bed lying Hoon and left the room, went with quiet steps into the kitchen.
"Woah... you're still here." AJ looked up surprised, when he suddenly heard Kiseop's voice beside him, ignored the derisive tone in his voice. "We had almost bet if you're still there in the morning or not."
"Well, I would have indulged you, if you had lost." the rapper grinned cheekily and turned back to the tray on which he was preparing the breakfast for Hoon and himself.
"So you're finally together?" Kiseop asked curiously when he saw the breakfast. "And dare you to say No now! Then I'll kick your ass!"
"Yes, we're finally a couple!" annoyed, AJ rolled his eyes but was grinning at the same time. "Satisfied?"
"More than satisfied!" Kiseop nodded eagerly and with a wide grin, he turned on his heels and walked back into the living room. "Soohyun! THE MONEY IS MINE!!"
"What the..." bewildered, Jaeseop looked at the spot where Kiseop had stood seconds before and sighed, shook his head. Why exactly was he still in this group?
Silently humming and with a satisfied smile, he hastened with the rest of the breakfast and was about to leave the kitchen as he suddenly met Kevin in the door frame.
"Seems like it worked." Kevin smiled while he passed him and began his turn to potter about in the kitchen. "Yeah..." AJ nodded with a sheepish smile before he hurried to get back to Hoon.
Hoon, meanwhile, had made himself comfortable in the bed and looked up questioningly, when he suddenly heard someone at the door and a happy smile appeared on his face when he saw AJ with the tablet.
"Hey." he said with a smile and slid to the side that AJ could sit next to him. "Why yelled Kiseop after Soohyun?"
"Irrelevant." AJ waved off and placed the tray at the bedside table, pulled Hoon into his arms and kissed him tenderly. "Breakfast?"
Hoon bit grinning his lip and nodded in their kiss, leaned back between AJ's legs, after he had settled down behind him and against the wall. The latter placed the tray next to them and enjoyed the comfortable warmth of Hoon.
They sat in silence and were both munching their breakfast AJ had prepared for them, when Hoon all of a sudden dropped his tea cup and sighed deeply.
"You okay?" AJ looked questioningly at his boyfriend and just smiled at the thought that he and Hoon were finally together. Nonetheless, he didn't liked it that Hoon looked so sad all of a sudden. "Is everything okay?" He asked again and hugged him softly.
"Are- are we really together now?" Hoon asked sheepishly and AJ could feel how his heart literally pounded up to his neck. "Don't get me wrong... but I'm scared, that.. that you feel obliged to this after last night." He stopped and clutched nervously at the cup in his lap, avoided the gaze of the older.
Jaeseop was taken aback, but then a warm smile spread across his face. He carefully took Hoon's cup and put them together with the tray next to the bed, before he wrapped his arms back around Hoon and pressed him firmly to him.
"Yes, we are together!" he said in a firm voice and turned Hoon in his arms so that he could see him straight in the eye. "And I don't feel compelled to do it! I'm freely and voluntarily together with you and want to stay here with you too! Because it has lasted long enough until I can finally call you my own and believe me, now that I have you, I will never let you go again!"
"You mean so incredibly much to me and alone the thought that I would have almost lost you forever gives me such a fright that I do prefer to not even want to let you go just a centimeter." Tenderly, AJ stroked over Hoon's cheek, failed to prevent the smile to appear on his lips when he saw that Hoon weeping clung to his hand. "Believe me, I love you with all my heart and I WILL be with you... if you want forever!"
"You- you're so greasy and che- cheesy!" Hoon sobbed nodding, but with a happy huge smile and hugged the taller, snuggled deep into his embrace and enjoyed the feeling of safety and security.
Jaeseop buried a beaming grin at the younger's neck and stroked him reassuringly on the back and waited until he had calmed down. Couldn't believe his own luck that Hoon was still loving him after all what he had done to him.
"Well again?" he asked with a smile, as he looked up and took Hoon's face between his hands, rubbed his thumb again and again over his cheek and wiped the tear tracks away, gave him a peck on the lips.
Completely blubbery, but with a big grin Hoon nodded and could almost feel how a mountain fell off of his heart while nestled in the hands of the older one.
"Hoon?" AJ looked quizzically at his boyfriend, eyed him carefully, when Hoon blinked also quizzically back at him. He hesitated for a moment, before he leaned over and sealed their lips in a gentle kiss, tried to put all his emotions into it.
It took only the fraction of a moment before Hoon respond to the tender but yet passionate kiss, could feel what AJ tried to show him and did the only thing which seemed right to him. He answered the kiss with the same tenderness and passion, wanted to show him how much he loved him.
"What?" asked Hoon shy, when they parted again.
"Nothing serious..." AJ grinned broadly. "I just realized how much I love you."
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~END~
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Note: So... believe it or not, but yes! I hate you for who you are is complete and I somehow can't believe it... it took me so long to translate this last part that it feels like ages since I wrote it...
nevertheless, I hope you guys liked it (even if the ending really sucked), and I just wanted to say Thank you for all your lovely comments and to all my Subscribers!! I really love you all! ♥