Only Mine
Title: Only Mine
Rating: PG - 13
Pairing: Ryo / Shige
Summary: Shige’s the most important thing to Ryo. Shige is his life.
Warnings: A little bit of mind-fuckery and character death.
Notes: Written for yey_yey for this year's je_squickfic . Thank you beltenebra for beta-ing it for me :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RYO!
It was dark outside. It wasn’t raining yet but dark ominous clouds hung in the sky, reflecting Ryo’s exact feelings in his heart. He sat on the couch impassively; his bloodshot eyes following Shige’s every movements.
Shige didn’t look into Ryo’s eyes as packed his bag. He knew his resolve would be broken if he did. So he ignored the man that was on the couch, focusing on the task at hand instead. After checking he had everything in his backpack, he zipped it up. The sound of the zipper seemed louder than normal in the uncomfortable silent room. It was only then did Shige have the courage to finally turn around and look at Ryo. But he couldn’t look at the other man’s eyes as he said,
“I’ll be going now.”
*****
Ryo didn’t really know how it happened. One minute he was looking at the man in disdain and the next, BAM! Those incomprehensible feelings he’d thought he wouldn’t ever feel engulfed his chest, making it difficult for him to breath every time he was near him. He found himself wanting - needing - to be near him all the time. He’d thought it was a prank at first. Maybe Yoko had put something in his drink - a love potion or something akin to that because never in a million years had he thought he would see Shige in this way. Shige, of all people!
“Nishikido-kun? Nishikido-kun?”
Ryo jumped from his seat. He looked up to see the man he was thinking about standing in front of him, looking down at him worriedly.
“The practice will start again in five minutes, Yamashita-kun wanted me to tell you that.”
Ryo nodded as he stood. But he didn’t get very far when Shige grabbed his hand, pulling him back slightly. It might be just a normal, simple gesture but Ryo could feel the jolt of electricity running through his veins as Shige touched his wrist. Flustered, Ryo pulls his hand away.
“I..I’ll be right back,” he stuttered before running to the bathroom.
****
There wasn’t any response from Ryo. The man was staring past him with bloodshot eyes. His hands were hanging loosely by his sides, palms fisted. Shige sighed. He didn’t know what else to do. He grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulders and picked up the stack of boxes. Ryo was still silent. Shige wanted to walk over to him and hug him. To comfort him like he usually did because there’s a small part of him that still loved Ryo. But Shige couldn’t do that. He didn’t want that vicious cycle to start all over again.
“Don’t go,” Ryo croaked.
Shige was almost out the door but he turned his head when he heard Ryo’s voice, eyes pleading.
“Don’t make this any more difficult for me Ryo.”
“Don’t go.”
Ryo staggered towards Shige, grappling on anything near him for support as he did so. That blank expression on his was gone. Ryo’s face was one of a desperate man.
“Ryo…”
“Don’t go.”
Those two words were the only things he managed to say. He gripped on Shige’s shirt, forcing him to lose his grip on the boxes. They fell to the floor with a dull thud.
“Don’t go.”
He pulled Shige closer to him, not planning on letting go at all because Shige was the only thing that he had. Shige was his life. He didn’t notice the myriad of emotions that passed through Shige’s face.
Love. Reluctance. Pity.
Shige tried to push him away but he grabbed his shirt tighter. It was like a tug-of war between two temperamental men. But Shige was taller, much heavier than Ryo was - or ever will be. It wasn’t long before Ryo fell back, his butt landing on the hard concrete, his head smacking on the back of an armchair.
Shige picked up the fallen boxes and for one last time, he looked into Ryo’s eyes.
“I’m sorry. Goodbye, Ryo.”
He walked out and closed the door behind him. He didn’t hear Ryo’s raspy voice screaming out his name.
***
Weeks later, Ryo finds himself in the same situation - staring intently at his reflection in the mirror, face and hair wet. He lets the water run, doesn’t care if it will cause the washroom to flood.
And then Shige walks in.
He gripped the tap tighter as he watched Shige walked up to the sink next to him. He was surprised that he hadn’t noticed how elegant Shige’s hand was right until that moment when Shige twisted the faucet.
“Are you okay? Your face seems flushed,” Shige asked, looking at Ryo through the mirror.
He nodded, not shifting from his position. It was when Shige was pulling the door open that he finally had build up enough courage to speak up.
“Shige.”
He didn’t even wait for Shige to respond before he blurted out, “Uhm.. Lunch. Today. Me?”
“Huh?”
Ryo fiddled with his shirt button and looked down. He suddenly found the tile patterns quite interesting.
“What I meant was… erm… would you like to… erm… have lunch with me? Today?”
“Sure.”
Ryo immediately looked up grinned broadly.
***
Ryo didn’t know how long he’d been lying on the floor. When he slowly opened his eyes, it was no longer dark. A ray of sunlight was shining through the window, casting the house into a warm glow. It was so ironic that Ryo found himself smiling. A little chuckle escaped from his lips and soon, the room was filled with his eerie laughter. He couldn’t believe that the even the weather was celebrating after Shige had walked out on him.
The laughter gradually died down and turned into wheezing sobs. He leaned his head back and stared out the window. If he strained his ears hard enough he could hear the birds chirping outside. A sense of emptiness filled his heart.
But that was when it struck him. He sat up abruptly. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought of this before. With determined steps, he walked towards his bedroom and opened the drawer under the dressing table. He rummaged through it for a while before pulling out a black box, putting it on top of the dressing table.
He traced the velvety surface lightly before opening the latch. Nobody knew about this secret of his. Not Shige. Not even his mum. He stared at the thing inside for a while, fascinated at the hidden power held within that small little thing. He picked the gun up and held it close to his temple. He looked up at his reflection in the mirror. The man that he saw wasn’t him at all. The man’s eyes were red and puffy. There was a trail of dried tears down his cheeks. Ryo pitied the man. There’s a small voice inside his head telling him to pull the trigger so he could help put the man out of his misery. But the man in the mirror shook his head.
“Not yet”, the man said.
Ryo stared at the man, confused.
“Don’t you want to be with Shige?”
And that was when it dawned on him.
***
The lights were out when Shige entered the apartment. He expected that Ryo was already asleep. He wasn’t prepared when Ryo seemingly appeared out of nowhere and pinned him against the wall.
“Where have you been, Shige?” Ryo asked in that eerie soft voice.
“I had work,” Shige replied in an even tone.
“And you couldn’t answer my calls?”
“I was filming!”
Ryo pressed his body closer to Shige. There’s no room for him to move at all.
“Why are you lying?”
“Ryo, what’s wrong with you?”
Shige was becoming more annoyed by the whole ridiculous situation. He tried to push him away but the smaller man was unexpectedly strong.
“Ryo, stop it, all right. You’re scaring me.”
“You’re mine Shige. You know that, right.”
“Yes, I do. Now could you let me go please?”
Ryo stepped back and released his grip on Shige’s shirt. He gave Shige a broad smile before heading off towards the kitchen.
“You want something to eat?” Ryo asked, his voice back to normal.
Shige doesn’t know how to react at Ryo’s sudden mood change so he just mumbled a yes before
following Ryo into the kitchen with hesitant steps.
***
Shige walked towards his apartment with heavy steps. Rehearsals had been really hard that day, especially since the dance instructor was pissed off since Ryo wasn’t there and no one seemed to be able to contact him.
When Shige opened the door, he saw Ryo sitting on his couch, looking directly at him. He wasn’t surprised at all to see Ryo there. It wasn’t as if this was a rare occurrence.
“What are you doing here, Ryo?”
“I wanted to see you.”
Shige sighed. He was too tired to deal with this crap right now.
“Go home, Ryo,” he said as he walked towards the kitchen.
It was a quiet for a few moments. The only things he could hear were his footsteps and his own breathing.
Ryo walked towards him, gun in hand, finger on the trigger.
Shige didn’t realize until he felt cold metal at the back his head. He turned around and found himself staring down at the barrel of the gun.
“Ryo, put the prop down,” Shige said evenly.
“It’s not a prop, Shige. It’s real.”
Ryo pointed the gun over to Shige’s right leg and pulled the trigger.
“FUCK!”
Shige gripped his calf as he felt a searing pain went up his leg. He grabbed the sink, trying to steady himself but he fell down in the end.
“What the fuck, Ryo?” he shouted, forehead scrunched up in pain.
“I just wanted to prove to you that it’s real,” Ryo replied softly.
Ryo cocked his head to the side as he walked over to Shige. He was curious as to why Shige was so mad.
Shige’s face paled when Ryo knelt in front of him, the gun aimed at his forehead.
“The man in the mirror,” Ryo started to say in a soft steady voice, “he told me how we could be together forever.”
“R..Ryo…”
“I’ll see you again, Shige.”
And he pulled the trigger.
Ryo stared at Shige’s unmoving for a while. He brushed Shige’s hair away from his eyes just like a mother would do to her newborn child.
“You are so beautiful.”
I am, aren’t I?
Ryo turned around to the direction of the sound. Shige was standing there, an ethereal glow around him.
“Shige?”
Ryo looked back and forth between the Shige who was standing and the Shige who was lying on the
floor.
Don’t be scared Ryo. It’s your turn now. You want us to be together forever, don’t you?
Ryo nodded his head. With steady hands, he aimed the gun at his temple. He stared straight into Shige’s eyes as he pulled the trigger.
We’ll be together forever.