GB: Vogons
The Vogons
Vogons are one of the most unpleasant races in the Galaxy - not actually evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters. These creatures are unimaginative, unable to adapt and came from the planet Vogsphere. They don’t evolve (not more than they already have) and it’s said that even their own planet and nature gave up on them. Despite everything they are told to be intelligent.
Vogons are employed by the Captains of the S.S. Thor to keep the incoming and outgoing refugees coming and going as smoothly as possible; they are also the ones who will hand out the Babel Fish to any new arrivals, as long they fill the proper forms. They are thick-skinned, thick-headed, and are about as sexually appealing as a road accident. The only thing Vogons respect is money, and the only thing that will move them to do what you want is paperwork - correctly filled out, signed, dated, and in triplicate where applicable (and it's always applicable.) If you've missed a line or filled out the wrong form, you will be corrected with something resembling bored contempt and sent after the correct form and sent to the back of the queue. If you're used to getting your way through intimidation, you'd have a better chance of intimidating a rock, so it's recommended you save your energy and efforts for someone who cares.
If you have any questions, I advise you try other means before the Vogons, such as using the network or just asking someone in the street. Still, if you insist and wish to speak with a Vogon directly, go to the Information Desk, and bring with you forms 72, 72a, 72b, and 72b (supplemental). Other advice is for you to learn all the possible colors in the galaxy; because “goldenrod” is very different from “yellow”.
The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick your finger down his throat, and the best way to irritate him is to feed his grandmother to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. The Best Way to Rescue someone from a Vogon prison: don’t. Here is what to do if you want to get a lift from a Vogon: forget it.
The Vogons' battle-cry, and counter-argument to dissent, is "resistance is useless!"
On no account allow a Vogon to read poetry at you. Vogon poetry is the third worst in the universe and they actually use it as a method of torture.
They are also known to throw Hitchhikers out in space (without any oxygen or whatever gas it needs).