Kareem will comment
anonymous
April 16 2004, 23:00:01 UTC
hi! Got some good stuff here Natalie, it's not easy to post personal stuff like this. Believe me, I know. I think you're really tapping into your feelings and that's how good poetry is written. But I think to be fair I should try and give you advice. I feel kinda bad for doing this but I have had a lot of advice on my own stuff so I figure I should try and spread the love. Rhyming is not a bad thing, it gives poetry a more lyrical feel but it can be difficult. First I suggest you come up with a rhyming plan, like a a b a. Which means the first, second and last line all rhyme while the third one is different. I can't really find a rhyme plan for these pieces. And another thought is that the use of the same word as a rhyme is kind of an easy way out. But I can see what you were doin with your poems, sort of going for more of a story feel to it, especially the last one. One other thing, and this one's a biggy, I recently found out about this one and I'm still getting the hang of it and I think it's really improving my work. Abstract
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