Let Go
Characters: Yesung, Siwon, Jung Hana (OC)
pairing: YeWon (for sure)
warning: I'm bad at English and writing. And i bet it's kinda boring. About 6k words.. hahahaha
Songs credit: Kelly Clarkson-Already Gone and Avril Lavigne-Let Me Go
Inspired by a friend's story
...welcome back Yesung!!!
You came back to find I was gone
And that place is empty,
Like the hole that was left in me
Like we were nothing at all
It's not what you meant to me
Thought we were meant to be
It’s 10 in the morning and the breeze of early spring touches Siwon's face softly as the said man walks out of his car. Siwon parks his car in front of a 23-floor-apartment. He looks at the view around him. A faint smile is carved on his face when the memories invade his thought piece by piece. Siwon takes a deep breath, inhaling the very sweet scent of spring. Cherry blossom is going to bloom soon and the parking area will turn into such a colorful place. Siwon still remembers that though it has been at least a year since the last time he saw those cherry blossom.
It's spring. Siwon loves spring. And in the very lovely season, Siwon decides it is the best time to reminisce his past before finally saying goodbye.
Siwon walks into the apartment, going straight to the fourth floor, room 402.
Love that once hung on the wall
Used to mean something, but now it means nothing
The echoes are gone in the hall
But I still remember, the pain of December
The tall and muscular man types in the password on the panel right above the knob. A soft sound of 'beep' is heard right after Siwon presses the last digit and the door is slightly open, showing a dim room inside.
A small lamp will automatically be turned one if the door is opened, providing a light for few seconds after the door is closed.
Siwon takes of his shoes and puts them neatly on a low shoe shelves. He looks at the slippers on the shoe shelves. There are six pairs - all of them are blue except one red pair belong to a very certain person.
Siwon sways his legs, heading to the living room. The apartment is dark and smells pretty ugly. There is dust on the floor and in every furniture Siwon passed by.
The said man opens the large windows in the living room, providing light and fresh air for the long abandoned room.
Siwon looks around the apartment. From his position by the window, he can see the dining table and the kitchen, as well as the white stairs heading to the second floor.
Siwon walks to the green couch and then sits. He smiles. The couch actually doesn't match the color of their apartment but a certain person insisted on buying the couch and Siwon couldn't just say no to that person.
Siwon stands up and without cleaning his clothes from all the dust, he calmly brings his steps toward the stair.
Step by step, Siwon walks on the stairs. No rush. And as the walks bring him to the second floor, Siwon's thought has been flooded with hundred or maybe thousand memories.
There are two rooms on the second floor. A master bedroom and also a working room where Siwon usually worked some stuffs while the other occupant of the apartment read some books.
Siwon heads to the bedroom. The room looks emptier than he remembers. Perhaps because there is almost no personal belonging left in that room. The closet is empty. The drawer is empty - almost empty.
The dust visibly floats around Siwon as the said man sits at the edge of the bed. He pulls his legs then leans half of his body on the bed's headboard.
From his position, Siwon can see a medium size frame hangs on the wall right across the bed. It's his wedding picture - their wedding picture.
Siwon moves his left arm, opening the drawer next to the bed. Nothing can be found inside of it, except two couple rings.
The rings used to bind his and his wife's vows. His wife was the first to leave the ring in their drawer. It took quite some time for Siwon to do the very same.
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop
It was Sunday morning. The apartment was pretty quiet. Siwon was laying on the couch, reading a book. The sound of steps coming down from the second floor could be heard.
Few seconds later Siwon heard the steps stopped on the single-sofa right across the couch. Siwon didn't say any word nor take a glance, waiting for the said person to speak first.
But minutes passed without any sound. Siwon finally put down the book he was reading and looked at the person in front of him. Her long hair looked messy and her usual bright face wasn't there. She looked troubled. Her eyes were glued to the floor as if she was scrutinizing the patterns of the tile. The woman bit her nail.
"What's going on?" asked Siwon eventually.
She sighed loudly before finally looking at Siwon. "I....," she hesitated for few seconds.
"I want a divorce," she managed to finish her sentence.
Siwon opened his mouth but after few seconds, he couldn’t pronounce any word..
"It's just a joke, right?" Siwon finally spoke after few minutes silence. Siwon clapped his hands and then reached his phone on the table.
"Is it April Mop today? Is it?" Siwon checked his calendar.
"No, Siwon. It's not April Mop today. And it's not a joke." The woman spoke softly, guilt was all over her face. “I’m being serious.”
"No.. no..." Siwon shook his head furiously and suddenly stood up. He walked back and forth for few minutes. Quietly he really hoped his wife was going to shout ,"surprise!" and then laughed. But when few minutes had passed, Siwon started thinking that his wife meant it.
"Why?" Siwon finally asked.
"I..." The wife took a deep breath. "I just do not love you anymore."
"You're seeing someone!" accused Siwon spontaneously.
"No.. it has nothing to do with someone else. I did not see anyone and am currently not seeing anyone."
"But you cannot just stop loving me!" Siwon looked extremely frustrated. He tried to comprehend his wife answer but failed.
"You can’t just stop loving." He continued weakly.
"I'm sorry.... I know it doesn't make any sense-"
"Not at all!" cut Siwon.
"I know... but I can't explain myself how this happened. I... I just not loving you anymore."
"Since when?"
"I don't know. Maybe before we got married."
"What?!" Siwon shouted in disbelief. "If you didn’t love anymore back then, why did you still agree to marry me? You should just say no!"
“Because at that time we had already arranged everything! I thought I was just having a cold feet and things would be okay once we got married. But now, even after one year I still cannot love you like I used to.”
“Is it because we have been very busy? Should we have another honeymoon? You know, getting back the old sparks.”
The wife shook her head.
“There should be something we can do to fix this!” Siwon insisted. “Did I make a mistake? Did I miss some important dates?”
Siwon still could not understand what happened at the moment, what happened at their marriage. He always thought their marriage was fine. Yes, there were some fights once in a while, but it’s just like any other couple who argued about some small stupid things. Nothing serious.
At least that’s what Siwon believed so far.
Stream of tears was now running down the wife’s cheeks as she tried to hold her sob. “I’m really sorry. I have tried to love you like before… but I just can’t.”
“You know… none of this is make any sense. Not your request.. your reason for the divorce… and now I start wondering if you still married me back then because you didn’t want me to look pathetic on the wedding day. You did it out of pity. Am I correct?” Siwon sentences sounded harsh.
“I didn’t Siwon. I … I sincerely hoped the feeling would come back once we got married. I will love you again… But I can’t… no matter how many times I tell myself.”
“You can say whatever you want about me. You can call me names or curse me. Anything. I won’t argue back. But this… the divorce. That’s the thing that I will not take back. I have think about it thoroughly and I have decided. I’m sorry. You have been such a caring and loving husband and I feel that I do you wrong if I continue our marriage, if I just keep on pretending I’m okay. You deserve someone that loves you as much as you loves the person. And it certainly not me.”
“But I still love you,” replied Siwon weakly almost pleading.
“I’m sorry.” For the umpteenth time come the same words.
.
Siwon closes the drawer and return his sight to the wedding picture - to the once happy couple, at least for Siwon they were. A faint smile is placed between his dimples. “Jung Hana,” said Siwon softly as if he is calling the real person.
.
.
Choi Siwon and Jung Hana met for the first time when they were still in universities. Siwon was a student of Modern Art in Hanguk University while Hana was a student of Architect in Kyung Hee University. Both of them met in a blind date set by Siwon and Hana’s friends
Both Siwon and Hana did know what or how but they could feel there was something between them on their first meeting. Maybe that was what people usually called as chemistry. Maybe the very gentle gaze of Siwon. Or maybe the very sweet tone of Hana’s laugh. Maybe there were other reasons on why they were attracted to each other. Or perhaps because both of them were still young and innocent that they believed such a faint tingling feeling on their stomach meant love.
Their second date followed not long after their first date - blind date. It was in an art exhibition which then continued by a dinner in a fast food restaurant. Their conversations just flew smoothly in a very pleasant way. There were silences but there were more smile and laugh.
Siwon believed he liked Hana right after he took Hana to her dorm where she stayed with her classmates. And Ana knew she fell in love with Siwon right after the said man gave a very handsome smile and then hug her shortly before she got in her dorm.
After their third date, they officially announced to their friends that they were an item. Things run pretty well for both of them. They finished their study at the same year and then got jobs shortly after. Hana worked in her university as a lecturer while Siwon worked as curator in an art gallery.
“C’mon.. why don’t you just got married. You’ve got good jobs. It’s just the right time for both of you to build your own family. Have a child,” said their parents, especially the mothers, almost every day.
When Siwon was 26 and Hana was 24 when they finally said their vows. They bought an apartment in Yeoido and started their new life as a small family.
Siwon extremely believed things were just fine. Hana’s schedule was indeed getting tighter and more demanding. She was really busy with her master degree and also research. There were also times when she had to attend some seminars out of Seoul or even overseas. But Siwon, as a supportive husband he is, never complained. They always made time to talk every day, to catch up with each other activities. They made calls or texted when they were away.
.
Siwon gets up and then walks back to the first floor. His steps bring the tall man to the kitchen. The kitchen is not very large. There is a black dining table with four chairs surrounding it. Siwon pulls one of the chair and sits. The said man looks around the kitchen and just like before, a piece of memory fills his mind.
It was seven days after Hana announced that she wanted a divorce and it was six days after Hana left their apartment. She said she would stay in her parents’ house and gave time for Siwon to accept her request. Siwon let Hana leave and as Hana requested, Siwon spent these last six days by thinking about the divorce. Trying to comprehend his wife’s reasoning. Yet, he still could not understand anything. No matter how long he thought about it, he couldn’t find any big problem in their marriage.
Siwon stirred the steaming soup in front of him. Hana might have left the apartment but she still sent some food for Siwon every morning through a delivery man. Siwon put the spoon on the table and then leaned his body back. He definitely had no appetite right now. Siwon sighed loudly.
“I.. I don’t love you anymore, oppa.” His mind viciously and mercilessly play the very same sentence of Hana over and over again.
How could someone just stop loving? Was there any on and off switch somewhere that Siwon didn’t know of? Or maybe she had never love Siwon since the very beginning. She just liked Siwon. She found him as a nice, gentle and caring person. A kind of guy that made you feel comfortable and safe. Probaly she mistook this feeling as love.
Or maybe someone could indeed just stop loving. Like a sand castle that would be gone with no trace as the waves brushed it.
Siwon ruffled his hair out of frustration. Siwon still loved his wife, ah, but maybe now the feeling had turned into hatred. Siwon finally stood up then poured out the untouched food into the sink.
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
Hana sticked to her decision. No one could persuade her to reconsider the divorce, not even her parents. No third person. No financial problems. It’s just Hana who did not love Siwon anymore.
A month after Hana left, Siwon received the official request of divorce. Reluctantly, Siwon signed the letters because he really knew how stubborn his wife - his ex-wife - could be. Siwon never met Hana after the divorce. Once in a while, Hana’s parents - particularly Mrs. Jung, called Siwon just to know his condition or visited the ex-son-in-law to give freshly made kimchi. Maybe that was because they felt sorry towards the guy. Siwon appreciated their efforts and he still respected them but that did not mean he was ready to forgive Hana. He still hated her. How could you forgive someone who left you without any reason - an understandable reason.
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go
A sound of ringing bell echoes in the room, stopping the train of thoughts in Siwon’s mind. The said guy stood up and then walks towards the door. A man who looks slightly older than Siwon is standing in front of the door.
“Mr. Choi,” greeted the man while handing out his hand.
“Mr. Park,” replied Siwon politely. Park Jung Soo is a real estate agent who will sell Siwon’s apartment to another person.
“Am I late?” asked Jung Soo afraid his client has waited for quite long time.
“No…no… don’t worry.” Siwon waves his hand and laughs softly. “It’s just me.. coming earlier. You know, just reminiscence some old memories.
“Ohh….” Jung Soo nods. “Can we take a look around the house now?”
“Ah, I hope you don’t mind checking the house by yourself. I will wait in the café right across this building. Just let me know if there’s any problem with the house and we can discuss it later.”
Jung Soo nods, “okay.”
.
Siwon steps into a café right in front of the apartment building. It is a new one, at least for Siwon. The café was not there when Siwon left the apartment. As far as he can remember, it used to be an old house. Siwon chooses a table near a large window through which he can see the building. Siwon pulls out his phone as it vibrates, resulting a soft buzz sound. A smile is instantly formed on his face when he sees the caller id. Siwon slides the green icon before putting the speaker on his ear.
“Hai,” said Siwon.
“………..”
“Yes. I’ve just met the real estate agent…. yes … I’m waiting for him…. No… not in the house. I’m waiting at a café near the building….. Yes.. I know that park. I’ll meet you there as soon as the agent returns.”
Siwon throws a glance to the apartment building, trying to guess where his room is. “Me? I’m fine… don’t worry. I’m okay.” He laughs softly. After exchanging few more words, Siwon finally ends the call and puts his phone back to his pocket. His mind suddenly flies to the very person who has just called him. A man working as a nurse.
.
.
Siwon met the nurse when he stayed in hospital about a year and half ago. He was involved in car accident and broke his right arm and left leg. Yesung, the nurse was the one in charge for him most of the time.
No. They were not that close at that time. The nurse would come as scheduled, asked Siwon his condition, gave the treatment needed, then left the room.
Well, sometimes Siwon would asked the nurse to take him to the hospital park so he could get some fresh air and refresh his bored mind.
They would have some boring small talks, like the weather. Well, sometimes Siwon talked about his job. The paintings and sculpture in the art gallery where he works at or about his annoying boss. From their short conversations, Siwon somehow managed to know that the nurse already had a child - a three-year-old son. The nurse would have this smiley and cheerful look whenever he talked about his child.
After being hospitalized for ten days, Siwon was finally discharged. His life went on like usual. He still stayed in his old apartment, the one that he used to share with his wife. Until one day, his mother visited his place and pissed off when she saw his pictures with the ex-wife were still everywhere in that house.
Yes, it had been a year yet he still hung their pictures. He looked pathetic, he knew it very well, but he did not care about that.
“You should just move out,” said Mrs Choi to her son. “It’s been a year, Siwon-ah, and you still have your pictures with her? This is so unhealthy for you. Just move somewhere. You need new environment.”
Siwon could only sigh. He was too lazy to rebut his mother. Or… perhaps he was just too lazy to argue his logical thought. He knew he should have forgotten Hana and continued his life.
But.. he didn’t understand why….
There’s something in that woman. Something in their past that held him very tight.
“You have to find a new place,” uttered Mrs. Choi again.
“I don’t want to move, mom.” Siwon finally replied his mother.
“No.. Siwon.. No… I don’t take ‘no’ as the answer. You have to move and you will move… soon. I will find a new place for you.”
“But mom… I’m not a child anymore,” begged Siwon.
“I have every right to take care of you. I’m your mother, if you still remember that. And I know I need to step in before you ruin your life more than this.”
“I’m just fine, mom.” At this point, Siwon did not know if he tried to convince his mother or himself.
No matter how many times Siwon rejected his mother’s idea of moving out, the man eventually pack his belongings and brought them to a new house. Mrs. Choi found a nice two-story house in a quiet neighborhood in Achasan. Siwon was literally surprised when he learned that his new neighbor was the same nurse who had taken care of him in the hospital.
However, their relationship was just like before. Their meetings were filled by simple greetings and less-than-five-minute small talks. Siwon, himself, tried to put some distance with other people around him. He seemed not that interested in having new relationship. Let’s say he was a bit traumatic and found it was hard to trust people.
From his window on the second floor, Siwon can see the backyard of Yesung’s house. He sometimes spent few minutes just to watch Yesung played with his son. The kid was a very active one. Though not very often, but Siwon would also see Yesung’s mother join her son and grandson in the backyard. But never did Siwon see Yesung’s partner - the kid’s father or mother. Siwon couldn’t recall whether Yesung was a straight, gay or bi. Sometimes Siwon can’t help but wondering who or where Yesung partner was.
I let it go and now I know
A brand new life is down this road
And when it's right, you always know
So this time I won't let go
Siwon stared at the dewy window boringly. The tall man sighed quiet loud. It’s rainy now and he stuck in a café alone. Siwon’s car was broken so he sent it to be fixed yesterday. When his working hours finished today, the man decided to have a cup of cold Americano since today was such a freaking hot day. Who would guess that it would rain this hard thirty minutes later. Siwon looked at his cold glass and another sigh was heard.
Just a moment before Siwon decided to leave the café and run to the nearest bus shelter he spotted, a man came to his table.
“Siwon-ssi.” The man had this husky voice. A voice that was pretty familiar to Siwon.
“Yesung-ssi?” Siwon looked pretty surprised. The man Siwon knew as a nurse was slightly smaller than Siwon. Petite, as Siwon thought whenever he saw Yesung.
“May I sit with you?” asked Yesung while throwing a glance at the empty seat.
“Yeah, sure…. sure…” Siwon signaled Yesung to sit. “You came right before I was thinking to run to a bus shelter.”
“Oh, you’re leaving? Maybe I should just get back to my seat.”
“No… No… don’t.” Siwon held Yesung’s hand. “You know.. it’s just boring sitting here alone. So, I was just.. you know…. I guess getting wet is a lot better than do nothing here.”
“Oh.. yeah… I get it.”
Both of their eyes fell to Siwon’s hand that was still holding Yesung’s wrist. Yesung cleared his throat and Siwon suddenly pulled his hand. Both of the men were engulfed by uncomfortable awkward feeling. They’re just glancing and looking at everything except the man across them.
“So….” Siwon finally opened his mouth. “I didn’t see you here before.”
“Oh, I was here before you came. I sit there.” Yesung pointed at a table in one corner of the café. “I thought you were coming with a friend so I didn’t come or greet you. But then, I saw you sitting here by yourself with that boring look.”
“Is it that clear?”
“Yeah.. pretty much clear.” Siwon laughed, showing his deep dimples and out of nowhere Yesung just felt shy so he casted his head down.
“Isn’t hospital in the opposite direction of this place?” Siwon asked curiously.
“I just met a friend. He left not long before you came.”
“O…kay…” Siwon nodded. Another handful of silence filled the air between Yesung and Siwon.
“Eumm…..” Siwon opened his mouth again. Yesung waited for Siwon to say something. He tilted his head a little bit to his left side and somehow a word ‘cute’ came across his head.
“I was just wondering… you know… remembering that we have been neighbor for almost six months so let’s say we see each other in regular basis.”
Yesung nodded his head. Still trying to figure out what Siwon was about to talk.
“I was being curious… but you don’t have to answer this if you feel uncomfortable. I mean.. I just wonder where is your son’s mother?”
Yesung’s eyes grew bigger in few seconds before a smile carved in his face. He fiddled with his small fingers and looked at the almost-empty-glass of his before looking back at Siwon.
“Donghae doesn’t have mother.” Came a calm reply.
“So… he was adopted?” confirmed Siwon carefully.
“No.” Yesung shook his head. Siwon frowned, showing that he couldn’t get what Yesung just said.
“Have you ever heard pregnant men?” asked Yesung.
“Well… yeah.. but I heard that’s such a rare case. I’ve never met one myself.”
“Now you meet one. It’s your neighbor.”
It took at least two minutes before Siwon finally comprehended everything. “So… that means… you were pregnant? And you delivered Donghae? You did? Wow.. I mean.. that’s amazing.”
Siwon’s rambled talk made Yesung laugh. “Yeah.. I did.”
Siwon stared at Yesung in disbelief as if he had just seen some famous person. “So… who is his father… I mean beside you….. Or does he call you mother? Sorry… I was just.. this thing is still new for me.” Siwon covered his mouth, trying to hold himself from rambling another stupid comments.
Yesung was quiet for a minute before he finally answered. “His other father has left us.” Siwon could catch a bitter tone in Yesung’s answer.
“So.. he passed away?” responded Siwon. “Oh.. my God. I sounded like ahjummas gossiping, right? Seriously.. you don’t have to answer my questions anymore. I know it’s a private matter.”
“Naah.. that’s fine. It’s nice to hear you talk this much. You’ve been such a quiet and serious person this whole time.” For the nth time Siwon found Yesung’s smile beautiful. Siwon scratched the back of his head awkwardly.
“Donghae’s father is still alive. But he’s not in South Korea. He’s in Taiwan. Doing his business.” Yesung shrugged. He diverted his eyes to the quiet street in front of the café. He looked at nothing particular. There were no words exchanged. Siwon let Yesung took his time. Even if the smaller man decided to not continue his story, Siwon had no right to complain.
“Are you okay listening to my boring story?” Yesung brought his attention back to Siwon.
“Only if you’re okay with me knowing your private matter.” Yesung smiled.
“Donghae’s father and I was in relationship. I was 25 when we started dating. We were together about one year when I finally found out that I was pregnant. I told him but not long after he was gone. No news at all. I called his friends but they only told me that he was moving out. Somewhere… no one knew. I lost his track as if he was vanished.
“He left you?”
“Yes.” Yesung took a deep breath. “I finally delivered Donghae and raised him with my mother’s help.”
“Did he come back after that? I mean.. did he meet you again?”
Yesung nodded. “Yes. About a year ago he showed up in front of my house and apologized.”
“… and you forgave him?”
Yesung shrugged. “Well.. it’s not easy. We had some serious talks but I eventually forgave him.”
Siwon opened his mouth but no comment came out of his tongue.
“You know that gay relationship is not that well accepted in this country. Some people are okay with that but some others are not. Plus at that time I was pregnant, more reason for people to see me as an alien. We were young at that time. I know he was as confused as me with the whole situation.”
Yesung casted his head down. “I know I had every rights to hate him. Despise him. But I think I’ve been through with all the hatred. It’s tiring, you know.. hating someone for this long. I think I forgave him not because I can accept his reasons or whatever the shit he said. I just want to go on with my life. I want to make my life easier. And I think when he came, I had cursed him enough, I think that was the clue for me to just let my past go.”
Yesung stared back at Siwon. “I sounded silly right?”
Siwon shook his head. “No… not at all. I just couldn’t believe you can forgive him after all the things he had done…. I guess.. I just.. I mean I…” Siwon couldn’t continue his words. Suddenly he remembered Hana who had left him and how he still hated the women until now.
“Someone has hurted you and you can’t forgive that person, right?” guessed Yesung correctly.
Siwon took his glass and sipped the cold drink. “I divorced. My wife said that she didn’t love me anymore. I couldn’t understand how someone could just stop loving. I…” Siwon couldn’t find the right words to describe all of his feelings. He finally just let out a loud sigh.
“Have you ever regretted all the things that have happened with you? Your relationship with that man?” asked Siwon a moment later.
Yesung shook his head. “I should admit it wasn’t easy. What I have to get through to raise Donghae but I love Donghae. He’s a miracle and for that miracle, I would never regret everything that had happened. I do regret that things had to ended badly. But other than that… I just keep that as a nice memory.”
The soft voice of Sara Bareilles filled the café, harmonized perfectly with the soft sound of rain. Both of the men were silent, drowned in their own thoughts. Yesung stole a glance at the man in front of him. It was the very first time they had a longer talk than just greetings. And they were talking about their pasts yet Yesung didn’t find it was uncomfortable. Maybe because both of them had experienced similar situation. When they hated the person they used to love.
“You know….” Yesung finally broke the silence. “Sometimes you keep on questioning where things go wrong. How this bad thing can happen. You keep on thinking while blaming someone. We need someone to be blamed for this situation. So, you and also me blamed our partners.”
“I just couldn’t understand what was wrong with our marriage. I don’t know why she stopped loving me.”
“.. then stop questioning,” continued Yesung. “Just accept everything as it is. Give time for yourself to accept everything. Isn’t our life is a puzzle? How could you see the whole picture when you keep on holding the same piece that doesn’t seem right? Maybe we could just let it go for a while, take other pieces and put them one by one. Sooner or later you’re going to see where the left piece should be placed. Isn’t it?”
Siwon just looked at the guy sitting in front of him intensely. For the very first time in six months, Siwon realized that his neighbor had very nice eyes, a calm and deep brown eyes. It was the first time Siwon noticed that the eyes will turn into crescent when Yesung smiles. And it was the first time Siwon found his heart thumped pretty hard right after Yesung offered such beautiful smile.
.
.
It didn’t take long before Siwon had to admit to himself that he fell in love with Yesung. However, it required more than just that to confess his feeling. Siwon needed more time to make peace with his past, to learn that the wound would be part of his life but should not tag along the future. It took almost five months for Siwon before he finally confessed to Yesung which gladly accepted by Yesung. Turned out, it only took three months for Siwon to proposed to the man he just dated.
He couldn’t explain how he can be so sure about Yesung and their marriage. He is just know this piece will fall into the right place. Maybe, it’s just like what Yesung once told him. Stop asking why because some matters are indeed beyond any words or explanation.
From the window, Siwon sees Jung Soo walks along the unique stone path heading to the main door of the café. Siwon waves his hand and Jung Soo goes straight to Siwon’s table. The agent smiles politely.
“So, how’s the room? Is everything alright? It’s been quite long since the last time it was occupied.”
“No… everything works properly. There are some stuffs left behind.”
“Just sell them and donate the money or you can use it to furnish the room.”
“Not only some cheap things.” Jung Soo paused for a moment. “There’re two rings. Quite expensive I suppose.”
Siwon waves his hand. “Yeah, you can sell that.”
“Are you serious? But, sir, it will be a quite sum of money.”
“Yeah, I’m fine with that.”
Jung Soo has nothing to say since the very owner of the rings has agreed to sell them. They spend the next thirty minutes discussing about some details related to the agreement.
Siwon gets into the car but he doesn’t turn on the engine yet. For couple minutes he just sits with an open window, letting the breeze touches his face. Siwon closes his eyes, enjoying the silence and his somewhat-relieve feeling. Moments later, the guy opens his eyes and takes out his phone. He spends around one minute to find the name he is intending to call.
Siwon can feel his own heart that is pounding a little bit faster than usual as he is waiting someone pick up his call.
“Yoboseyo.” The voice that he has never heard for quite long time now fills his ear.
“Hana-ya,” called Siwon with a low voice. Siwon can hear a gasp from the person on the other line.
“Oh, my god. Siwon! Is that you?” She sounded really surprised.
“Yes. How’re you?”
“Fine… fine.. what about you? Oh my God…. it has been ages since I heard from you.”
Siwon lets out a small laugh. “Sorry. It took pretty long for me.”
“No.. no.. that’s fine. I mean.. I can completely understand that.”
“Well….”
Both of them let the silence fills the distance between them. They know they need time to think about what they should say.
“Eummm… Oppa, are you married now?” asked Hana cautiously.
“I will. Next month. That’s why I call you… I want you to come.”
“Really? Is that okay with your wife?”
“Husband,” corrected Siwon. “He’s a man.. a nice one.”
“Oh…,” replied Hana a little bit awkward. “Is he okay with me coming? I mean.. we used to.”
“He’ll be okay.”
“Great. I will surely come. Not even an international seminar with a famous speaker can stop me from attending your wedding. Just let me know the date and venue.” Siwon can’t help but chuckled upon hearing Hana’s eager answer.
“Hana-ya,” called Siwon with a serious tone. “I have asked myself countless time about what’s wrong with our marriage. Why you asked for a divorce.”
“Oppa…”
“I’m not done yet.” Siwon takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. “I guess now I don’t want to give more question to me. What ever happened in the past, I want it stays in the past. Sometimes, there are things that happened with no need of explanation, right? I call you because I want you to know that I never regret our marriage. I never regret chose you as my spouse. It was a happy marriage for me. I just wish we could end it in a better way. You know, for me.
“Thank you, Siwon… thank you,” stated Hana wholeheartedly. Siwon looks up and pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to hold the tears that about to escape.
It’s time to end it. He knows it.
I'm breaking free from these memories
Gotta let it go, just let it go
I've said goodbye
Set it all on fire
Gotta let it go, just let it go
Siwon stops his car in front of a park. The said man gets out of his car then walks along the path to a playground around the corner of the park. A smile showing his handsome dimples can be seen clearly. Anyone seeing Siwon right now will instantly know that the man is in a very good mood. Siwon walks slowly, trying not to make any sound as he is approaching the person he’s looking for.
Yesung is sitting on a bench, totally focusing his sight to the small kid who plays sliding. It seems like he doesn’t realize Siwon’s presence right behind him. Donghae who noticed Siwon just shows his grin when Siwon puts his finger on the lip, signaling the kid to be quiet.
Cup~~
Siwon kisses Yesung’s chubby cheek, making the smaller man yelp in surprise. Donghae laughes loudly before continue playing the game while Siwon just grins and takes a seat next to Yesung.
“Can you stop doing that? We’re in public. Donghae can see us. Everyone will see us,” scolded Yesung with pouting lips.
“Donghae is fine with that. Besides, I want people see me kissing you so they know this cute guy is mine.” Siwon steals another kiss. This time, he lands his lips on Yesung’s plump lips.
“Oh, gosh. I can’t believe I agreed to marry such a pervert and possessive man.” Yesung complained.
“Because you love me a lot,” replied Siwon smugly. Yesung rolls his eyes in annoyance.
Siwon grabs Yesung’s small hand then laces their fingers. For few moments, he admires how they fingers fit perfectly.
“How’s your apartment? The real estate agent agrees to sell that?” Siwon gives his attention back to Yesung.
“Yeah. He finds it’s still in a very good condition and it likely can be sold with a good price.”
Yesung fixes Siwon’s ruffled hair with his free hand. “What about you? Are you okay?”
Siwon chuckles loudly. “Yes, Nurse Kim. I’m completely fine,” replied Siwon jokingly. He leans his head to Yesung’s ear before whispers softly.
“And I will certainly feel better if you can spend a night at my house. My bed kinda misses you.”
Yesung’s cheeks turn red instantly and Siwon just loves the sight.
Siwon turns his body slightly so he can face Yesung. He holds both of Yesung’s hand and stares at the man. “I called Hana just before.” Siwon waited anxiously for Yesung’s answer.
“Really? So?”
“I invited her to our wedding. If that’s okay with you. When I walked around the house, I suddenly have this urge to call her and talk to her. And I ended up inviting her.
There is a handful of silence as Yesung only stares at Siwon with such an unreadable expression.
“Yeah, that’s fine with me.” He finally replied.
“Are you sure?”
Yesung shrugs. “Yeah… I’m fine Choi Siwon.” Yesung pinches Siwon’s cheek. Siwon pulls Yesung into his embrace and kisses Yesung’s hair repeatedly.
“Thank you. I love you. A lot,” whispered Siwon carefully, making sure Yesung hears every single word and knows that Siwon meant the words he spelled.
“I know. I love you, too.”
Hana is a piece of puzzle for Siwon. A piece that has been hold for such a long time without knowing where it should be placed. Now, Siwon knows exactly where he should put Hana.
She’s a piece of story from his past. So, he should leave her there. It’s time to hold a new piece now. A piece that fits his present and future perfectly.
.
There's only one thing left here to say
Love's never too late
~Sometimes, we need to sit and talk with the past before we are able to move on to the future~