I have found my salvation in a ball of yarn.

[chooseausername]

I don't know what I have to say to make you read this. "Please"? "Do it or I'll kill you

Comments

[physics_thinker]

That was awesome. It was so real.

There was a problem with tenses about a third or a fourth of the way through.

Did you say you did this for a class? If so, what does your teacher think?

[morningangel360]

That was very interesting. It pulls the reader in from the start. I was putting off reading it b/c I knew that once I started I wouldn't be able to stop until I finished. I applaud you, it was really cool. I don't usually read stuff like that, but it was really amazing. Bravo. I agree with everyone else, you really should publish your work. see ya l8r!

[anonymous]

I came here to leave a comment, but I forgot why.

Umm...

Oh that's right. I was supposed to write something so you wouldn't forget it. But seeing as how I have forgotten why or what, this is impossible. And what have I concluded from this? I am not an elephant.

Ok, I remember now: The whole time thing... with the guy stalking little billy-bob... and how stalkerman was out there for hours and hours waiting... That could use a little clarification. A mention of something happening outside/around him that could give a clue to a more exact passage of time (sunrising, etc. -- im sure you can come up with something creative for that) would be helpful.

You know what I'm talking about.

Miss ya.

[anonymous]

Andrew.. This story is Amazing.. I read it from beginning to end and I didn't stop.. It truly had me in a daze.. Unbelievable source of description and very good use of conversation. The story telling is great and the way the plot twists to a sudden holt as the boy finds his sister killer, is excellant... Keep up the great work!
Mike (Mj)