Dude, the suckage is maximally present...kattwAugust 17 2004, 19:40:14 UTC
Identity theft is the suck. You will notice that I use the elite haxorz talk, if not the elite haxorz type, to help get my point across. While I have the good fortune to be a poor college student, and am thus immune to theft as I have only negative values to steal, you are a working person, and I feel sorry for you. As per Nicole's instructions, I shall spend an hour later performing dark rituals of evil and pain in order to send karmic goodness your way (that is, I'm going to send karmic blaspheme towards whoever obtains your wallet such that it will be more likely to find a home in Boston PD).
On the bright side, you're typically not responsible for things bought on a stolen credit card, bank cards are a pain to use in debit mode if you don't have the pin, and thus fall under rule 1, and if someone else uses your social security number, all it means is their chances of being drafted have doubled. That, and while 60 bucks is WAY more than I have just now, it's not THAT much money...
If I see it, I will eat it and thus prevent criminals from absconding with your identity. That way, I will save you from the heartache of having you face and fingerprints disappear. On second thought, no I won't, because then you will be the perfect pawn in my game, um, chess? Stolen chess! No fingerprints on the stolen chess pieces! So the bishop (as Mystery! has shown us time and time again, eccentric clergy are often part time--but very successful!--detectives) will never realize that it was in fact YOU who are the faceless pawn. I have lost any weak connection I have ever had with reality.
oh shit, that makes 3 unemployed roomies! Everyone knows you can't work without identity! From now on, I'll identify you as roommate #1. You'll always be #1 in my book. Of Daves. Who have lost their identity. And can't be called Dave any longer.
Comments 4
On the bright side, you're typically not responsible for things bought on a stolen credit card, bank cards are a pain to use in debit mode if you don't have the pin, and thus fall under rule 1, and if someone else uses your social security number, all it means is their chances of being drafted have doubled. That, and while 60 bucks is WAY more than I have just now, it's not THAT much money...
Hope things turn out ok, man.
Reply
Reply
I have lost any weak connection I have ever had with reality.
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment