(no subject)
Little mini-log between Mikaela and Sal. Happened sometime in the past couple weeks. Mikaela pink, Sal blue.
I'm still a li'l in love with you an' I don' like how we sorta gave up. How I gave up.
...You are?
'Course I am. But I couldn' stand runnin' in circles with ya... I'm sorry.
I...know. I'm sorry, too.
I got scared.
I know y'did. An' I hate that I couldn' make y'not scared, I din' try hard 'nough. I shouldn'ta given up, I coulda helped ya, an' I din'.
It...it's not your fault, Sal. Not at all. It's mine.
I'm still scared.
I left y'tha' way. I got selfish an' gave up on' tryin' t'help ya 'cause I 'parrently din' have th'time fer someone I care 'bout. M'still pissed I did tha' an' now I can't turn back. I hate how I left ya, takin' th'fear all 'lone. I shoulda helped ya, I coulda.
[Dammit she's going to cry.]
I didn't help, I...I pushed you away, I avoided you, what we had, and I ran. I've...just had so many people go I couldn't stand for it to happen again, and I ran.
I miss you.
[Fffff don't cry Mikaela. Or if you do, Sal will hold you, dating or not.]
...I miss ya, too. I don' blame ya fer runnin'. I guess we both kinda gave up. I wish I could fix this...
[She can't help it, one little tear sneaks its way out.]
Yeah, I uh, I guess we kinda did, huh?
[And Sal can't help catching that tear with his thumb as soon as it starts down her cheek.]
I was... selfish. M'sorry. Guess I can' say that 'nough. I coulda protected you. ...I still can, I s'pose, but... with Riley, I can'--it won't be th'same.
[She doesn't try to stop the rest.]
Maybe we both were, in a way. And you're right - it won't be the same, not anymore. I screwed up big time with you Sal, and I'll probably always regret it.
No, hey, don' think like that. [He puts his arms around her, holding her head to his chest.]
Y'ran, I shoulda chased, I got lazy. Don' blame yerself it din' work out. We can still... be friends. [He's never tried being friends with someone he likes like this, it'll be... weird.]
[Her arms snake around him, eyes clenching shut.]
Friends. Sure. We can...give that a whirl.
[He bows his head to rest his lips against her hair for a moment.]
...yeah. A whirl. [Pause as he just holds her.] I still care 'bout ya. An' I'm here fer ya, no matter what y'need. But m'gonna try'n make this work with Riley... I think I really can do it with her. [He's not going to lie about this part.]
[She takes a deep breath.]
I know, and I get it. I want it to work for you, because you deserve someone really awesome. [Another breath.] I have someone I want to make it work with, too. [But she has a feeling Sal will have better luck than her. It's opposite this time. Joe runs from HER.]
I'm still a li'l in love with you an' I don' like how we sorta gave up. How I gave up.
...You are?
'Course I am. But I couldn' stand runnin' in circles with ya... I'm sorry.
I...know. I'm sorry, too.
I got scared.
I know y'did. An' I hate that I couldn' make y'not scared, I din' try hard 'nough. I shouldn'ta given up, I coulda helped ya, an' I din'.
It...it's not your fault, Sal. Not at all. It's mine.
I'm still scared.
I left y'tha' way. I got selfish an' gave up on' tryin' t'help ya 'cause I 'parrently din' have th'time fer someone I care 'bout. M'still pissed I did tha' an' now I can't turn back. I hate how I left ya, takin' th'fear all 'lone. I shoulda helped ya, I coulda.
[Dammit she's going to cry.]
I didn't help, I...I pushed you away, I avoided you, what we had, and I ran. I've...just had so many people go I couldn't stand for it to happen again, and I ran.
I miss you.
[Fffff don't cry Mikaela. Or if you do, Sal will hold you, dating or not.]
...I miss ya, too. I don' blame ya fer runnin'. I guess we both kinda gave up. I wish I could fix this...
[She can't help it, one little tear sneaks its way out.]
Yeah, I uh, I guess we kinda did, huh?
[And Sal can't help catching that tear with his thumb as soon as it starts down her cheek.]
I was... selfish. M'sorry. Guess I can' say that 'nough. I coulda protected you. ...I still can, I s'pose, but... with Riley, I can'--it won't be th'same.
[She doesn't try to stop the rest.]
Maybe we both were, in a way. And you're right - it won't be the same, not anymore. I screwed up big time with you Sal, and I'll probably always regret it.
No, hey, don' think like that. [He puts his arms around her, holding her head to his chest.]
Y'ran, I shoulda chased, I got lazy. Don' blame yerself it din' work out. We can still... be friends. [He's never tried being friends with someone he likes like this, it'll be... weird.]
[Her arms snake around him, eyes clenching shut.]
Friends. Sure. We can...give that a whirl.
[He bows his head to rest his lips against her hair for a moment.]
...yeah. A whirl. [Pause as he just holds her.] I still care 'bout ya. An' I'm here fer ya, no matter what y'need. But m'gonna try'n make this work with Riley... I think I really can do it with her. [He's not going to lie about this part.]
[She takes a deep breath.]
I know, and I get it. I want it to work for you, because you deserve someone really awesome. [Another breath.] I have someone I want to make it work with, too. [But she has a feeling Sal will have better luck than her. It's opposite this time. Joe runs from HER.]