CRACK FIC AT ITS FINEST
the prompt was: what's the best crack fic we can think of, RIGHT NOW? written with applesnapple412. our brains are highly, highly intelligent.
and we wanted to write this in all capslock but all capslock tends to hurt people's eyes so we lapslocked and we were sad :< capslock is our natural state of being, okay.
So one day Kyuhyun was walking down the street when some handsome guy walked up to him and was all like “Hey my name’s Siwon I can shoot unicorns out of my eyebrows, wanna see?” and Kyuhyun was all like “...No thanks.”
Siwon the guy-who-can-shoot-unicorns-out-of-his-eyebrows was not pleased and got offended. “Why, do you not like unicorns? OMFG, you racist.”
And Kyuhyun was all like “what the fuck?”. And then Sungmin came along randomly and added, “NOT LIKING UNICORNS IS NOT RACIST YOU FOO!”
Kyuhyun stared at Sungmin and was like, “Sungmin, what the fuck are you doing in qmi fic. Just gtfo. Right now.”
Sungmin was mortally wounded by Kyuhyun’s mean words and ran away, promptly walking off a cliff and falling to his death in the mighty ocean below. And then he got placed into unicorn heaven because Shisus was nice to him and let him enter unicorn heaven, and Sungmin lived there happily ever after. Except not so happily, because he was still intruding on qmi fic, so that was that. He ended up in Heaven, except with Lucifer, so maybe it was hell? Either way, it was fucking loverholic robotronic her whisper is my lucifer.
“Well, that was easy,” Kyuhyun remarked. Siwon the guy-who-can-shoot-unicorns-out-of-his-eyebrows even helpfully produced a “that was easy” button for Kyuhyun to hit after he said that. So cliche.
Zhou Mi then finally decided to waltz into the fic and Kyuhyun was like “Zhou Mi, what the fuck are you doing getting here so late. You should’ve been here in the beginning. You should’ve been next to me walking down the street and then we could’ve decided we were totally horny and we could’ve had sex in the street. Voyeurism is totally in right now.”
Zhou Mi is mildly amused. “We could have sex right now,” he says, and Kyuhyun is like “OMG no, there’s some granny staring at us!!!” Zhou Mi turns to look and laughs. “Kyuhyun, that’s LEETEUK what granny are you talking about”
Leeteuk waves his intimidating pink umbrella at them menacingly from where he’s sitting on a park bench gazing at the clouds and feeding the birds like a stereotypical grandma.
Kangin ninjas in and wonders why the authors changed tense in the middle, but Leeteuk doesn’t care and hits him with his pink umbrella and Kangin gets a booboo on his ass.
Donghae wanders in, in his Single Ladies outfit, and decides that the authors are fucking super cool and can change tense WHEREVER THEY FUCKING WANT, and starts doing hip thrusts in the middle of the street. Yes, in his Single Ladies outfit. And then Eunhyuk randomly comes over and shoots love arrows at him except he accidentally shoots one at Donghae’s heart and Donghae’s all like “wtf” and then Henry ninja’s in and uses his awesome violining superpowers to heal him.
And this is not so much qmi fic anymore, so back to Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi. And Siwon-he-who-can-shoot-unicorns-out-of-his-eyebrows, evidently.
Heechul runs in and has a fantastic elastic ring ding dong idea. “GUYS LET’S PLAY TRUTH OR DARE,” he announces. Hankyung trudges in after Heechul, a bowl of perfect Beijing fried rice balanced on his head.
Kyuhyun stares at Heechul. “Dude fantastic elastic ring ding dong? What are you, a condom seller?”
Heechul nods at him excitedly. “WHY YES I AM HERE HAVE A FRIED RICE FLAVORED CONDOM.” (Hankyung whistles and looks innocently at the sky at this point)
Kyuhyun reaches into his pocket and snaps his fingers in THE Z FORMATION. “Bitch please, CHECK OUT THIS KOALA SHAPED CONDOM.”
Heechul snerks at him. “DOES IT EVEN FIT?”
Zhou Mi flails his arms wildly and holds out a kangaroo shaped condom. “LOOK THIS ONE IS NICE TOO. Except there’s a kangaroo baby on it too so I kind of am reluctant to use it.”
Kyuhyun stares at Zhou Mi before grabbing the condom. “OMG let’s use it.” Zhou Mi goes all ‘wtf’ at him and whines at him for being corrupt. Kyuhyun then produces a banana shaped and FLAVORED condom and Zhou Mi does not even want to know where Kyuhyun got it from, except Kyuhyun announces “AND I GOT THIS ONE FROM CHANSUNG.”
Donghae perks up in interest. “Wow, I didn’t know Chansung loved bananas THAT much.”
Zhou Mi hurriedly redirects the conversation back to Super Junior members. 2PM members are all horny and fucking in their dorm anyways, moving on.
Heechul is unamused. “CAN WE JUST PLAY TRUTH OR DARE ALREADY, BITCHES.”
“NO,” Sungmin shouts from heaven and Eunhyuk goes all wtf and shoots an arrow at him. Sungmin faints from love!attack. LOVERHOLIC ROBOTRONIC BAM SUNGMIN IS DEAD. Again.
Ryeowook ninjas in and flails. “Heechul, I have better condom flavors than you do!! I have a gongbao chicken one now!!”
Hankyung stares at him. “You were supposed to be the innocent one, and aren’t you supposed to be a cook?”
Ryeowook shrugs. “Cooking got boring, and I think people would like gongbao chicken flavored condoms. Hey, your fried rice condoms were famous!!”
Heechul bitch slaps Ryeowook. “GO BACK TO CHINA AND MAKE YOUR CHINESE FOOD, STOP STEALING MY UNIQUE FLAVORED CONDOMS.”
Henry sobs and sticks his violin bow up Heechul’s ass. “YOU ARE SO MEAN T_T” he says.
Heechul pulls said violin bow out of his ass and FALCON PUNCHES Henry to infinity and beyond. Bye Henry. Ryeowook goes all ‘;_;’ and goes back to Canada and starts making maple syrup flavored condoms in Henry’s name, because Henry is Canadian and deserves to have some condoms named after him.
Yesung creeps in with some turtles, like the fucking creeper he is and Ryeowook flies back to Korea! Thus halting production of the maple syrup condoms, but they weren’t really popular anyways. Sorry, Henry’s legacy.
Yesung starts flying around and touching everyone’s philtrums, except when he gets to Kangin the other man kicks him in the balls and Yesung goes all “T_T I CAN’T MAKE BABIES FUCK YOU”. Kyuhyun crows and laughs at him because he can still make babies. Yesung tells Kyuhyun to fuck himself and just because he has child bearing hips and child raising moobs doesn’t mean he’s superior.
“Uh, yes he is,” Zhou Mi says. “And he doesn’t need to fuck himself because I will gladly fuck him.” He smiles all :^D and the world is perfect again. Except Shindong comes in with dumplings and Ryeowook’s all like ‘WTF WHY DID YOU ORDER TAKE OUT I MADE FOOD ALREADY’ and Yesung goes all ‘...’ and Eunhyuk’s all like ‘haha dumplings’ and Donghae is like ‘omfg dumplings’. Hankyung’s all like ‘my mama’s dumplings are superior to yours’ and Heechul’s like ‘no1curr about your mom’.
“HAHA YOUR MOM,” Kyuhyun cries like the immature magnae he is, but since he’s so immature, no1curr.
Sungmin sadly looks down from unicorn heaven at the rest of Super Junior eating dumplings, but no one invites him back, so he’s stuck there.
Kangin wonders if these dumplings have a special seasoning in them, they’re so good and Heechul shrieks “SEASONING!!!!” which startles Zhou Mi so much that he tries to respond and ends up face planting into the soy sauce instead. Heechul cackles evilly and Yesung helpfully throws napkins in Zhou Mi’s general direction.
Zhou Mi then tells Kyuhyun to bend over at some point because he’s horny, and Ryeowook is all like “BUT HENRY IS YOUNG HIS EYES” and Kyuhyun’s all like “lmao it’s like watching porn from heaven” and Siwon is all like “THIS IS AGAINST MY RELIGION” and Heechul’s all like “no1curr about your religion.”
Siwon falcon punches Heechul into unicorn heaven along with Sungmin and Henry.
Heechul stares at the proceedings from unicorn heaven and remarks that it’s quite nice up here, but he didn’t know that Siwon’s eyebrows were capable of producing unicorns AND falcon punching.
Kyuhyun sighs. “This really wasn’t qmi fic.”
Zhou Mi flails wildly and hits a tree. “LET’S MAKE IT QMI FIC OMG.”
“...How.”
“GIVE ME A CHILD.”
“...........”
Siwon looks at them curiously, and a baby flies out of his eyebrows.
Kyuhyun goes all “OMGWTFBBQLOL?” and Zhou Mi stares. Along with the rest of Super Junior.
Henry sobs because he didn’t get any porn to watch from unicorn heaven.
Zhou Mi immediately starts cooing over the baby, whom they name Taemin. Yeah the rest of Super Junior don’t care and they live happily ever after except now they have a random baby in their lives now.
Leeteuk is all like “omfg no” because he and Kangin don’t want anymore children. Donghae is like “haha” and tries to teach the baby soccer but ends up almost killing Taemin. Eunhyuk is all like “CAN I SHOOT ARROWS AT HIM” and qmi goes all “wtf no” and falcon punches him into unicorn heaven.
Siwon decides at this point he’s done producing things out of his eyebrows and goes off to jesus school to become closer to God. Along the way, he is intercepted by a sketchy looking man wearing nothing but see through plastic pants who oddly resembles JYP. Plastic pants man falcon punches Siwon, and Siwon ends up in unicorn heaven too.
“Nice seeing you here,” Heechul remarks over Henry singing “O CANADAAAAA” in the corner while watching a hockey game on the magical TV that exists in unicorn heaven.
“What the fucking hell, how did I end up here,” Siwon bitches. Heechul cackles “YOU USED ‘HELL’ OH YOU’RE GONNA GO TO HELL NOW” and next thing Siwon knows, he’s down in Hell with SHINee and the rest of the illuminati.
“HEY I HAVE A COOL VIOLA JOKE,” Henry says, to fill the sudden silence since the hockey game’s on break anyways. “How do you make a viola player play tremolo?”
“...?”
“You take their music and write ‘solo’ on it.”
“You fucking music nerd, get out,” Heechul bitches at him. “Go back to Ryeowook and have him feed you I don’t care AND NO1CURR.”
Henry cries more. “YOU ARE SO MEANNNN.”
Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi pull the attention of the authors from the interesting proceedings going on in unicorn heaven back down to earth on the very same street this fic started on except there are now dumplings, fried rice, and various shaped condoms (the next big fad - shaped condoms. I mean, if there are shaped RUBBER BANDS then why can’t there be silly condomz jfc) littering the area around where the members are standing.
“STOP LITTERING JFC,” Donghae shrieks. “YOU’RE GOING TO KILL THE FISH.”
“.....We’re on land right now, okay.”
“WELL THE OCEAN’S LIKE, 500 MILES AWAY OKAY, THEY CAN FLY YOU KNOW.”
“...”
“BECAUSE OF THE (COLORS OF THE) WINDDDD.”
Zhou Mi starts singing “Colors of the Wind” now, because he has a penchant for badly singing Disney songs. Kyuhyun groans and distracts Zhou Mi with a baby fox, because they’re cute, and Zhou Mi loves anything cute.
Yesung sips a bubble tea and then sneezes. “WOW THAT WAS WEIRD,” he says thoughtfully. “Let me go post a cryptic English message on my twitter! I BET THAT MEANT SOMETHING.”
“NO1CURR ABOUT YOUR GOOGLED ENGLISH,” Henry shouts from heaven. Eunhyuk shoots a love!arrow at him and Henry faints from love!attack. Sobs.
Siwon is quite offended, because he tweets googled English all the time! But no1curr about siwon because he’s in unicorn heaven too -- oh wait, no, he ended up in Hell with Lucifer and the illuminati. sry siwon.
Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi collect the various condoms littering the sidewalk and go home to try them out. Donghae cheers and goes \o/ because no one’s littering anymore. Ryeowook sighs and continues making condoms except this time they’re pearl milk tea flavored. kekekeke.
Hankyung is all like “sigh” because Heechul isn’t there so he makes fried rice condoms because that’s what Heechul would have wanted. Except sales go down cause Hankyung isn’t into it anymore and Hankyung quits and goes back to his mama’s place. With his bowl of fried rice balanced precariously on his head, as usual.
Kangin and Leeteuk like, leave. Because children are too hard to take care of. They go and continue having wondrous sex on their own private island in the middle of the Pacific.
Donghae goes out to the sea and swims and rolls around on the beach. Eunhyuk follows him and loses his love arrows in the process so they just roll around on the beach all day.
Oh wait we forgot Kibum in his story. But he was reading a newspaper in unicorn heaven (he was the first inhabitant, okay). And all he does is read newspapers all day. Except Heechul bitches out at him and now he fans Heechul with said newspapers for five seconds before going back to his reading, because really ‘no1curr’. Sometimes he spies on Donghae and gets all jealous that he’s stuck in unicorn heaven with the hbic Heechul because he would really love to roll around on a beach with Donghae too. He would also love to roll around on a nice big fluffy bed with Donghae, preferably naked, but that’s another story for another time.
Yeah Shindong’s hanging out around places eating his dumplings. Yeah dumplings are good. no1curr about Shindong’s dumplings so moving on.
Okay no1curr about this story. The most important part is, Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi put those kangaroo and koala shaped condoms to good use and they ride off into the sunset with rainbows and sparkles.
THE END.
I...don't even. COMMENT. IF YOU WANT. ANNE AND I ACCEPT ALL COMMENTS \o/
and we wanted to write this in all capslock but all capslock tends to hurt people's eyes so we lapslocked and we were sad :< capslock is our natural state of being, okay.
So one day Kyuhyun was walking down the street when some handsome guy walked up to him and was all like “Hey my name’s Siwon I can shoot unicorns out of my eyebrows, wanna see?” and Kyuhyun was all like “...No thanks.”
Siwon the guy-who-can-shoot-unicorns-out-of-his-eyebrows was not pleased and got offended. “Why, do you not like unicorns? OMFG, you racist.”
And Kyuhyun was all like “what the fuck?”. And then Sungmin came along randomly and added, “NOT LIKING UNICORNS IS NOT RACIST YOU FOO!”
Kyuhyun stared at Sungmin and was like, “Sungmin, what the fuck are you doing in qmi fic. Just gtfo. Right now.”
Sungmin was mortally wounded by Kyuhyun’s mean words and ran away, promptly walking off a cliff and falling to his death in the mighty ocean below. And then he got placed into unicorn heaven because Shisus was nice to him and let him enter unicorn heaven, and Sungmin lived there happily ever after. Except not so happily, because he was still intruding on qmi fic, so that was that. He ended up in Heaven, except with Lucifer, so maybe it was hell? Either way, it was fucking loverholic robotronic her whisper is my lucifer.
“Well, that was easy,” Kyuhyun remarked. Siwon the guy-who-can-shoot-unicorns-out-of-his-eyebrows even helpfully produced a “that was easy” button for Kyuhyun to hit after he said that. So cliche.
Zhou Mi then finally decided to waltz into the fic and Kyuhyun was like “Zhou Mi, what the fuck are you doing getting here so late. You should’ve been here in the beginning. You should’ve been next to me walking down the street and then we could’ve decided we were totally horny and we could’ve had sex in the street. Voyeurism is totally in right now.”
Zhou Mi is mildly amused. “We could have sex right now,” he says, and Kyuhyun is like “OMG no, there’s some granny staring at us!!!” Zhou Mi turns to look and laughs. “Kyuhyun, that’s LEETEUK what granny are you talking about”
Leeteuk waves his intimidating pink umbrella at them menacingly from where he’s sitting on a park bench gazing at the clouds and feeding the birds like a stereotypical grandma.
Kangin ninjas in and wonders why the authors changed tense in the middle, but Leeteuk doesn’t care and hits him with his pink umbrella and Kangin gets a booboo on his ass.
Donghae wanders in, in his Single Ladies outfit, and decides that the authors are fucking super cool and can change tense WHEREVER THEY FUCKING WANT, and starts doing hip thrusts in the middle of the street. Yes, in his Single Ladies outfit. And then Eunhyuk randomly comes over and shoots love arrows at him except he accidentally shoots one at Donghae’s heart and Donghae’s all like “wtf” and then Henry ninja’s in and uses his awesome violining superpowers to heal him.
And this is not so much qmi fic anymore, so back to Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi. And Siwon-he-who-can-shoot-unicorns-out-of-his-eyebrows, evidently.
Heechul runs in and has a fantastic elastic ring ding dong idea. “GUYS LET’S PLAY TRUTH OR DARE,” he announces. Hankyung trudges in after Heechul, a bowl of perfect Beijing fried rice balanced on his head.
Kyuhyun stares at Heechul. “Dude fantastic elastic ring ding dong? What are you, a condom seller?”
Heechul nods at him excitedly. “WHY YES I AM HERE HAVE A FRIED RICE FLAVORED CONDOM.” (Hankyung whistles and looks innocently at the sky at this point)
Kyuhyun reaches into his pocket and snaps his fingers in THE Z FORMATION. “Bitch please, CHECK OUT THIS KOALA SHAPED CONDOM.”
Heechul snerks at him. “DOES IT EVEN FIT?”
Zhou Mi flails his arms wildly and holds out a kangaroo shaped condom. “LOOK THIS ONE IS NICE TOO. Except there’s a kangaroo baby on it too so I kind of am reluctant to use it.”
Kyuhyun stares at Zhou Mi before grabbing the condom. “OMG let’s use it.” Zhou Mi goes all ‘wtf’ at him and whines at him for being corrupt. Kyuhyun then produces a banana shaped and FLAVORED condom and Zhou Mi does not even want to know where Kyuhyun got it from, except Kyuhyun announces “AND I GOT THIS ONE FROM CHANSUNG.”
Donghae perks up in interest. “Wow, I didn’t know Chansung loved bananas THAT much.”
Zhou Mi hurriedly redirects the conversation back to Super Junior members. 2PM members are all horny and fucking in their dorm anyways, moving on.
Heechul is unamused. “CAN WE JUST PLAY TRUTH OR DARE ALREADY, BITCHES.”
“NO,” Sungmin shouts from heaven and Eunhyuk goes all wtf and shoots an arrow at him. Sungmin faints from love!attack. LOVERHOLIC ROBOTRONIC BAM SUNGMIN IS DEAD. Again.
Ryeowook ninjas in and flails. “Heechul, I have better condom flavors than you do!! I have a gongbao chicken one now!!”
Hankyung stares at him. “You were supposed to be the innocent one, and aren’t you supposed to be a cook?”
Ryeowook shrugs. “Cooking got boring, and I think people would like gongbao chicken flavored condoms. Hey, your fried rice condoms were famous!!”
Heechul bitch slaps Ryeowook. “GO BACK TO CHINA AND MAKE YOUR CHINESE FOOD, STOP STEALING MY UNIQUE FLAVORED CONDOMS.”
Henry sobs and sticks his violin bow up Heechul’s ass. “YOU ARE SO MEAN T_T” he says.
Heechul pulls said violin bow out of his ass and FALCON PUNCHES Henry to infinity and beyond. Bye Henry. Ryeowook goes all ‘;_;’ and goes back to Canada and starts making maple syrup flavored condoms in Henry’s name, because Henry is Canadian and deserves to have some condoms named after him.
Yesung creeps in with some turtles, like the fucking creeper he is and Ryeowook flies back to Korea! Thus halting production of the maple syrup condoms, but they weren’t really popular anyways. Sorry, Henry’s legacy.
Yesung starts flying around and touching everyone’s philtrums, except when he gets to Kangin the other man kicks him in the balls and Yesung goes all “T_T I CAN’T MAKE BABIES FUCK YOU”. Kyuhyun crows and laughs at him because he can still make babies. Yesung tells Kyuhyun to fuck himself and just because he has child bearing hips and child raising moobs doesn’t mean he’s superior.
“Uh, yes he is,” Zhou Mi says. “And he doesn’t need to fuck himself because I will gladly fuck him.” He smiles all :^D and the world is perfect again. Except Shindong comes in with dumplings and Ryeowook’s all like ‘WTF WHY DID YOU ORDER TAKE OUT I MADE FOOD ALREADY’ and Yesung goes all ‘...’ and Eunhyuk’s all like ‘haha dumplings’ and Donghae is like ‘omfg dumplings’. Hankyung’s all like ‘my mama’s dumplings are superior to yours’ and Heechul’s like ‘no1curr about your mom’.
“HAHA YOUR MOM,” Kyuhyun cries like the immature magnae he is, but since he’s so immature, no1curr.
Sungmin sadly looks down from unicorn heaven at the rest of Super Junior eating dumplings, but no one invites him back, so he’s stuck there.
Kangin wonders if these dumplings have a special seasoning in them, they’re so good and Heechul shrieks “SEASONING!!!!” which startles Zhou Mi so much that he tries to respond and ends up face planting into the soy sauce instead. Heechul cackles evilly and Yesung helpfully throws napkins in Zhou Mi’s general direction.
Zhou Mi then tells Kyuhyun to bend over at some point because he’s horny, and Ryeowook is all like “BUT HENRY IS YOUNG HIS EYES” and Kyuhyun’s all like “lmao it’s like watching porn from heaven” and Siwon is all like “THIS IS AGAINST MY RELIGION” and Heechul’s all like “no1curr about your religion.”
Siwon falcon punches Heechul into unicorn heaven along with Sungmin and Henry.
Heechul stares at the proceedings from unicorn heaven and remarks that it’s quite nice up here, but he didn’t know that Siwon’s eyebrows were capable of producing unicorns AND falcon punching.
Kyuhyun sighs. “This really wasn’t qmi fic.”
Zhou Mi flails wildly and hits a tree. “LET’S MAKE IT QMI FIC OMG.”
“...How.”
“GIVE ME A CHILD.”
“...........”
Siwon looks at them curiously, and a baby flies out of his eyebrows.
Kyuhyun goes all “OMGWTFBBQLOL?” and Zhou Mi stares. Along with the rest of Super Junior.
Henry sobs because he didn’t get any porn to watch from unicorn heaven.
Zhou Mi immediately starts cooing over the baby, whom they name Taemin. Yeah the rest of Super Junior don’t care and they live happily ever after except now they have a random baby in their lives now.
Leeteuk is all like “omfg no” because he and Kangin don’t want anymore children. Donghae is like “haha” and tries to teach the baby soccer but ends up almost killing Taemin. Eunhyuk is all like “CAN I SHOOT ARROWS AT HIM” and qmi goes all “wtf no” and falcon punches him into unicorn heaven.
Siwon decides at this point he’s done producing things out of his eyebrows and goes off to jesus school to become closer to God. Along the way, he is intercepted by a sketchy looking man wearing nothing but see through plastic pants who oddly resembles JYP. Plastic pants man falcon punches Siwon, and Siwon ends up in unicorn heaven too.
“Nice seeing you here,” Heechul remarks over Henry singing “O CANADAAAAA” in the corner while watching a hockey game on the magical TV that exists in unicorn heaven.
“What the fucking hell, how did I end up here,” Siwon bitches. Heechul cackles “YOU USED ‘HELL’ OH YOU’RE GONNA GO TO HELL NOW” and next thing Siwon knows, he’s down in Hell with SHINee and the rest of the illuminati.
“HEY I HAVE A COOL VIOLA JOKE,” Henry says, to fill the sudden silence since the hockey game’s on break anyways. “How do you make a viola player play tremolo?”
“...?”
“You take their music and write ‘solo’ on it.”
“You fucking music nerd, get out,” Heechul bitches at him. “Go back to Ryeowook and have him feed you I don’t care AND NO1CURR.”
Henry cries more. “YOU ARE SO MEANNNN.”
Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi pull the attention of the authors from the interesting proceedings going on in unicorn heaven back down to earth on the very same street this fic started on except there are now dumplings, fried rice, and various shaped condoms (the next big fad - shaped condoms. I mean, if there are shaped RUBBER BANDS then why can’t there be silly condomz jfc) littering the area around where the members are standing.
“STOP LITTERING JFC,” Donghae shrieks. “YOU’RE GOING TO KILL THE FISH.”
“.....We’re on land right now, okay.”
“WELL THE OCEAN’S LIKE, 500 MILES AWAY OKAY, THEY CAN FLY YOU KNOW.”
“...”
“BECAUSE OF THE (COLORS OF THE) WINDDDD.”
Zhou Mi starts singing “Colors of the Wind” now, because he has a penchant for badly singing Disney songs. Kyuhyun groans and distracts Zhou Mi with a baby fox, because they’re cute, and Zhou Mi loves anything cute.
Yesung sips a bubble tea and then sneezes. “WOW THAT WAS WEIRD,” he says thoughtfully. “Let me go post a cryptic English message on my twitter! I BET THAT MEANT SOMETHING.”
“NO1CURR ABOUT YOUR GOOGLED ENGLISH,” Henry shouts from heaven. Eunhyuk shoots a love!arrow at him and Henry faints from love!attack. Sobs.
Siwon is quite offended, because he tweets googled English all the time! But no1curr about siwon because he’s in unicorn heaven too -- oh wait, no, he ended up in Hell with Lucifer and the illuminati. sry siwon.
Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi collect the various condoms littering the sidewalk and go home to try them out. Donghae cheers and goes \o/ because no one’s littering anymore. Ryeowook sighs and continues making condoms except this time they’re pearl milk tea flavored. kekekeke.
Hankyung is all like “sigh” because Heechul isn’t there so he makes fried rice condoms because that’s what Heechul would have wanted. Except sales go down cause Hankyung isn’t into it anymore and Hankyung quits and goes back to his mama’s place. With his bowl of fried rice balanced precariously on his head, as usual.
Kangin and Leeteuk like, leave. Because children are too hard to take care of. They go and continue having wondrous sex on their own private island in the middle of the Pacific.
Donghae goes out to the sea and swims and rolls around on the beach. Eunhyuk follows him and loses his love arrows in the process so they just roll around on the beach all day.
Oh wait we forgot Kibum in his story. But he was reading a newspaper in unicorn heaven (he was the first inhabitant, okay). And all he does is read newspapers all day. Except Heechul bitches out at him and now he fans Heechul with said newspapers for five seconds before going back to his reading, because really ‘no1curr’. Sometimes he spies on Donghae and gets all jealous that he’s stuck in unicorn heaven with the hbic Heechul because he would really love to roll around on a beach with Donghae too. He would also love to roll around on a nice big fluffy bed with Donghae, preferably naked, but that’s another story for another time.
Yeah Shindong’s hanging out around places eating his dumplings. Yeah dumplings are good. no1curr about Shindong’s dumplings so moving on.
Okay no1curr about this story. The most important part is, Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi put those kangaroo and koala shaped condoms to good use and they ride off into the sunset with rainbows and sparkles.
THE END.
I...don't even. COMMENT. IF YOU WANT. ANNE AND I ACCEPT ALL COMMENTS \o/