I have finally figured out why my MUSH isn't working for me.
It feels like a startup dot.com gone "big corporate".
Once upon a time, before my kids were born, I worked for a startup called The Cobalt Group. They're still out there, by the way - they provide web hosting for nearly every car dealership in the United States. But when I started, there were about 17 people, and each of us did, pretty much...everything that needed doing that wasn't really sophisticated (like CEO or Programmer). I did a little bit of everything, I had a variety of stuff and my input was valued and valuable. I felt vibrantly involved and my creativity and imagination were desired and utilized.
Then it grew. It grew and hired salespeople and the departments grew and became single-task. By the time I quit, I wasn't having fun anymore. My interesting, demanding, variety-charged, mentally-challenging job had become a drudgery of endless data entry and I was not permitted to do anything else. I quit because I had a toddler at home and was pregnant with twins, but I would have quit eventually anyway. I told the CEO when I left, why I was leaving: It's not fun anymore. And he said, "Yes it is!" But he must have been talking about his job, because mine had become mind-numbing.
I have pretty much given up on my MUSH. It feels like that workplace felt. There is no room now for creativity. See, in the beginning, we had just come away from a MUSH that was dying, and we were all a bit giddy in our freedom from the design there. We were a bit silly, too, not taking ourselves too seriously. It was the best RP I'd had in years, probably. We built and imagined and created together. It was giddy and gleeful.
Then the wikis were set in stone. World X? You can't do anything but what's in the wiki. If you do, and you post a log about it, you'll get in trouble OOC. World Y? You can't do anything but what's in the wiki. That's not the way we do things. And if you do it, and it gains traction, one of these weeks you'll log in and find that the wiki has been edited to make sure you know your ideas are unacceptable, would never happen, and your interpretation and input is not wanted. World Z? The playgroup is dead and currently consists of the propco/IC powerholder.
I think I quit having fun the day my first main character was destroyed, and I was forbidden to discuss it except with staff, and of course staff had carried out their side of the process without a single word with me, so I didn't feel very inclined to going hat in hand. I'm certain incidentally that I had some part in that mess. I'm morally certain my part was only 50%, but I was required to bear the entire burden.
It got harder when, despite every best effort on my part which included asking people to make sure I wasn't offending people, I apparently offended a LOT of people with one plot. But instead of talking to me (or just leaving the scene), they bitched to the propco. The fallout was ugly.
It got harder when, having cleared a character concept and having permission (in a log) from propco, I got in trouble for using my character concept exactly as intended.
Lately, I have felt obliged to ask permission in advance for roughly 50% of the play I've had, for fear of getting in trouble OOC for playing wrong. It feels like there is no room for creativity anymore, no room for invention, no room for contribution or mutual worldbuilding. If you're not a propco, you might as well not have an idea, because the wikis have already been written and your ideas are not wanted.
It's like sitting down and doing data entry all day. It didn't start out like this, but this is the way it has gone. Clearly, some people are still enjoying it, and I wish them all the very best. We're on the game to have fun. But fun for me means that storybuilding is cooperative, not tightly constrained. Maybe somewhere there's a MUSH that will suit my needs. Maybe I'll decide to just grow up now. I'm 42. Shouldn't I be writing a book or something, and not playing a game so much?
The worst of it is, if I leave, I lose everybody. I've played with, or anyway played around/near/in the same circles as, some of these folks for 10-15 years. If I leave, it's gone. I acknowledge that it's really an illusion, this idea of having something resembling a social group when it's all online. But there has been continuity now for a long time and it *feels* like a community. I'll be sorry to lose that.
Maybe, if I could find a game where I feel free to be creative again, it might just make up for it.
Once upon a time, before my kids were born, I worked for a startup called The Cobalt Group. They're still out there, by the way - they provide web hosting for nearly every car dealership in the United States. But when I started, there were about 17 people, and each of us did, pretty much...everything that needed doing that wasn't really sophisticated (like CEO or Programmer). I did a little bit of everything, I had a variety of stuff and my input was valued and valuable. I felt vibrantly involved and my creativity and imagination were desired and utilized.
Then it grew. It grew and hired salespeople and the departments grew and became single-task. By the time I quit, I wasn't having fun anymore. My interesting, demanding, variety-charged, mentally-challenging job had become a drudgery of endless data entry and I was not permitted to do anything else. I quit because I had a toddler at home and was pregnant with twins, but I would have quit eventually anyway. I told the CEO when I left, why I was leaving: It's not fun anymore. And he said, "Yes it is!" But he must have been talking about his job, because mine had become mind-numbing.
I have pretty much given up on my MUSH. It feels like that workplace felt. There is no room now for creativity. See, in the beginning, we had just come away from a MUSH that was dying, and we were all a bit giddy in our freedom from the design there. We were a bit silly, too, not taking ourselves too seriously. It was the best RP I'd had in years, probably. We built and imagined and created together. It was giddy and gleeful.
Then the wikis were set in stone. World X? You can't do anything but what's in the wiki. If you do, and you post a log about it, you'll get in trouble OOC. World Y? You can't do anything but what's in the wiki. That's not the way we do things. And if you do it, and it gains traction, one of these weeks you'll log in and find that the wiki has been edited to make sure you know your ideas are unacceptable, would never happen, and your interpretation and input is not wanted. World Z? The playgroup is dead and currently consists of the propco/IC powerholder.
I think I quit having fun the day my first main character was destroyed, and I was forbidden to discuss it except with staff, and of course staff had carried out their side of the process without a single word with me, so I didn't feel very inclined to going hat in hand. I'm certain incidentally that I had some part in that mess. I'm morally certain my part was only 50%, but I was required to bear the entire burden.
It got harder when, despite every best effort on my part which included asking people to make sure I wasn't offending people, I apparently offended a LOT of people with one plot. But instead of talking to me (or just leaving the scene), they bitched to the propco. The fallout was ugly.
It got harder when, having cleared a character concept and having permission (in a log) from propco, I got in trouble for using my character concept exactly as intended.
Lately, I have felt obliged to ask permission in advance for roughly 50% of the play I've had, for fear of getting in trouble OOC for playing wrong. It feels like there is no room for creativity anymore, no room for invention, no room for contribution or mutual worldbuilding. If you're not a propco, you might as well not have an idea, because the wikis have already been written and your ideas are not wanted.
It's like sitting down and doing data entry all day. It didn't start out like this, but this is the way it has gone. Clearly, some people are still enjoying it, and I wish them all the very best. We're on the game to have fun. But fun for me means that storybuilding is cooperative, not tightly constrained. Maybe somewhere there's a MUSH that will suit my needs. Maybe I'll decide to just grow up now. I'm 42. Shouldn't I be writing a book or something, and not playing a game so much?
The worst of it is, if I leave, I lose everybody. I've played with, or anyway played around/near/in the same circles as, some of these folks for 10-15 years. If I leave, it's gone. I acknowledge that it's really an illusion, this idea of having something resembling a social group when it's all online. But there has been continuity now for a long time and it *feels* like a community. I'll be sorry to lose that.
Maybe, if I could find a game where I feel free to be creative again, it might just make up for it.