Breaking the habit of emotions
How does one break a lifetime habit of holding on to resentments? This applies specifically to situtions that have seemed unfair or undeserved, where discussion is forbidden or one-sided, so that no *mutual* resolution is ever possible?
There is the 'Christian' concept of 'forgiveness' of course, which in my understanding has always amounted to 'act like it never happened, for the sake of peace with person or group, and eventually it will go away'. But I have never found that to accomplish anything more than to brush resentments under the surface until the next similar event triggers a resurfacing. Then I have all the anger/frustration from the new event, plus festered unresolved leftovers from before.
Someone made a snide crack at me once about my problem with 'authority'. They weren't entirely wrong. My father was extremely controlling & tolerated no disagreement. So when I encounter a situation where I hear 'this is the way it is', including how I ought to perceive a situation, and that I am wrong for feeling what I feel, my reaction is...not useful. However, I am certainly old enough now to know you can't change how people act. So it falls to me to figure out how to change my own reaction, or at least my perceptions. But I don't know how.
Suggestions?
There is the 'Christian' concept of 'forgiveness' of course, which in my understanding has always amounted to 'act like it never happened, for the sake of peace with person or group, and eventually it will go away'. But I have never found that to accomplish anything more than to brush resentments under the surface until the next similar event triggers a resurfacing. Then I have all the anger/frustration from the new event, plus festered unresolved leftovers from before.
Someone made a snide crack at me once about my problem with 'authority'. They weren't entirely wrong. My father was extremely controlling & tolerated no disagreement. So when I encounter a situation where I hear 'this is the way it is', including how I ought to perceive a situation, and that I am wrong for feeling what I feel, my reaction is...not useful. However, I am certainly old enough now to know you can't change how people act. So it falls to me to figure out how to change my own reaction, or at least my perceptions. But I don't know how.
Suggestions?