I red our poem and I thought it was really nice. I'm sorry if you don't like critique but Im not doing it to be mean or anything. just want to say what i think and hopfully give you some good advice^-^
It was a sentence that seemed a bit off "ardent look, but no heat. Its not you really need" I dont know if it was a slip up or on purpose but shouldn't it be "its not *what* you really need". It's also a little wierd the way you go from rhyming to not rhyming. I think maybe you should either stick with rhyming or rite one that doesn't rhyme, thats just my opinion though... I did like the poem though, espeially "easy smile, but no fun. sweet music or no one" that was really good I think^-^
I'm trying to write some poems myself, just have one in my journal so ar though... Keep writing^-^
Re: By the waychris16dhJanuary 6 2008, 05:44:45 UTC
well, first of all, nice to meet you! about the poem, i should have written that it's not mien but haven't thought about it as it is pretty famous... the poem is a song by a Russian singer Dima Bilan and i really love the words so i put them out here...
i do write though..i write short story's and have a poem or two but i have no guts to put them here (most is not even on english)..
i LOVE my icon too! it has every thing a girl needs, hot guy's, sex and, WRITER written all over it!!
what do you ship in HPFF?
i'll go see your writing now, thanks for the comm, and you do the same, keep writing!
Comments 3
It was a sentence that seemed a bit off "ardent look, but no heat. Its not you really need" I dont know if it was a slip up or on purpose but shouldn't it be "its not *what* you really need". It's also a little wierd the way you go from rhyming to not rhyming. I think maybe you should either stick with rhyming or rite one that doesn't rhyme, thats just my opinion though... I did like the poem though, espeially "easy smile, but no fun. sweet music or no one" that was really good I think^-^
I'm trying to write some poems myself, just have one in my journal so ar though... Keep writing^-^
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Reply
about the poem, i should have written that it's not mien but haven't thought about it as it is pretty famous...
the poem is a song by a Russian singer Dima Bilan and i really love the words so i put them out here...
i do write though..i write short story's and have a poem or two but i have no guts to put them here (most is not even on english)..
i LOVE my icon too! it has every thing a girl needs, hot guy's, sex and, WRITER written all over it!!
what do you ship in HPFF?
i'll go see your writing now,
thanks for the comm, and you do the same, keep writing!
Reply
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