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[chrissie1964]

i am sad today. Well, lets be honest. i've been sad for months. i am trying to work myself out of it but i can't. i just can't any more. i can drink to forget and that works for a moment. i can let someone beat me until i have bruises the size of a baseball. i can ignore and procrastinate and pretend everything is OK and hide behind whatever farce

Comments

[ltlredhairedgrl]

Hi chrissie

I wish I knew something to say that would make you feel better, but (as I'm sure you know) I don't. All I can say is I understand that exhausted feeling. Faking it is exhausting. Lying and hiding is exhausting. It will sap all your energy. I hope you can find someone you can talk to and find a safe place to not hide and not fake. Are you talking to your therapist about all this?

And all I can advise is to take it easy on yourself. You've been through a lot and are going through a lot and you deserve to feel sad and angry and upset about it and you deserve to find a place you can rest and stop having to fake. You are deserving of love and care. Try to take care of yourself.

I know all this is easy for me to say because people have said it to me a hundred times. But try to take a little of it in, if you can.

Hope things are getting a little better by the time you read this.

[ex_sleeping72]

Chrissie i hope you're okay, doll. this entry word for word just felt like the jumbled thoughts i can never get out of my mind, only put so heartachingly perfect and understandable. i hate that you're hurting so much. i wish i could take the pain away, more than anything. you are in my thoughts and prayers and all the wishes i have in me.

<3

[buymeamonkey]

I hope you are ok. I have sat here at my computer and read your journal and tears falling down my face. Like I do not cry openly but in private.

[thekellycloset]

I want to let you know, thank you. I got your blog name from a self-injury site and I want to say thank you. You wrote a post a while ago giving the title of a book that you started reading before seeing your therapist. I have a close friend who suffered from extreme sexual abuse as a child, and I know that she's been hitting close to the edge lately. She looks like she suffers so much, and I would like to, as a last resort, give her the book you mentioned. Since you haven't posted since July, I have no idea if you'll get this. But either way, thank you. I hope you are doing better and I hope this works.