Funnies!
The Kara Chapter
The Admiral was having a bad day. Scratch that, make it a horrible day. His alarm went off early, he burnt his tongue on the coffee, got in an argument with Lee, had to scold Saul for his drinking again all on top of commanding a fraking battlestar. All he wanted to do was go back to his quarters, take a long hot shower, and have a nightcap. Reports could wait until after he got a good night’s rest.
Maybe he would call the President, he could really use her lovely voice assuring him over the comm. He could just picture her at her desk right now bent over some paperwork, her hair cascading over her shoulders, glasses slightly askew. Or maybe even convince her to come over to join me for a nightcap?
No, she wouldn’t take the risk of being caught. This was all so new to them. He had known he loved her for a long time, and was sure the feeling was mutual, but it hadn’t been confirmed until recently and the Admiral was very pleased with how their relationship had progressed. Everything was kept under close wraps, and no one knew except for Tory. The only reason she knew was so they could plan late night meetings as an excuse for her staying on Galactica overnight.
Yeah… A late night meeting with Laura sounded pretty good right about now.
He finally reached his quarters and stepped through the hatch letting out an exhausted sigh.
“Sounds like you had a bad day,” said a sultry voice coming from his desk.
There must be gods, because his prayers were answered. There sat Laura on his desk looking as angelic as ever. She was planted firmly in the middle, leaning back on her arms, legs crossed at the knee exposing enough of her exquisite thigh to still be decent but disarming. Her glasses were nowhere in sight and her shirt was unbuttoned one further than normal. She looks at him appraisingly and he can feel his uniform starting to become restricting.
“It seems that things are beginning to look up” was his reply as he started to unbutton his jacket, making his way across the room.
She chuckled at the innuendo and tilted her head to the side while giving him a mischievous look.
“What?”
Her only answer was to slowly uncross her legs and spread them wide allowing him to stand right in between them.
He put his hands on the hem of her skirt and dipped his head in for a brief kiss. But she wouldn’t allow it. Her hands slid around his neck and held him in place while her legs crept up behind him pressing her heels into his ass.
He moved from her lips to placing light kisses down her neck.
“Oh Bill…” It was then through her half closed eyes that she noticed something moving across the room and gasped.
“What the!”
“Frak!”
“What?!”
Bill turned around from his endeavors to see a very embarrassed and disturbed Starbuck. She recovered quickly enough to start talking with a huge grin on her face.
“Ah-hem. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your obviously satisfying desk sex, I’ll just leave the reports on the coffee table since the one I normally put them on is being put to use right now…”
“Starbuck…”started the Admiral but he was interrupted quickly.
“No worries, no one wants to hear about old people sex, I won’t say anything.”
“Thank you, I think.”
“By the way, you might want to close the hatch next time…” and with that she was out the door, making sure it was shut behind her.
“Do you think she’ll say anything” asked Laura, looking a bit embarrassed but not dismissing the hilarity of the situation.
“No, we’ll be fine, now where were we?” He asked as he placed his hands on her legs yet again.
“I think, we were about to have some very satisfying desk sex…”
The Tigh Chapter
Crap. She was running late for her meeting with the Admiral and Colonel Tigh. She had wanted to get Bill’s quarters early to discuss some issues on her mind. Well maybe “discuss” wasn’t the right word for it because there wouldn’t be much discussion going on. Make out on the couch like horny teenagers would be more like it.
She sped up her pace hoping to still make it before the Colonel arrived. Stepping through the hatch she surveyed the room. Damn. He was already there sitting next to Bill at the table discussing who knows what.
“Good afternoon gentlemen” she said as she entered the room and shook their hands. She took her place across the table from Bill. “Alright, let’s get started…”
10 minutes later…
He just keeps talking and talking. I want to shut him up by lunging across the table and shoving my tongue down his throat. But I didn’t want to give the Colonel a heart attack. Let’s try another approach.
She silently uncrossed her legs and shifted slightly in her seat letting the tingly feeling between her legs get stronger. She slid her right foot out of her heel and moved it under the table to brush the hem of Bill’s pant leg.
He keeps talking.
She moves her foot under the hem to scratch his skin with her toes.
He doesn’t even stumble over the words.
Okay, now she’s a little frustrated. Is he really that immune to her? Maybe she’s not working hard enough. Now focus on the task at hand. New mission objective. Get Bill to practically jump out of his seat.
She moves her foot up to massage his calf with her toes.
Ellen Tigh was right. He’s a fraking totem pole, he didn’t even blink.
The President was so focused on her objective that she didn’t notice the Colonel squirming in his seat next to the Admiral with an odd look on his face.
“All right that’s enough” said Tigh a little too loudly, drawing Bill and Laura’s gaze to him. “Madam President, not that I’m not thoroughly enjoying what you’re doing, but I don’t think that my wife would appreciate you playing footsie with me under the table.”
Silence.
Frak. That wasn’t Bill’s leg. Frak, frak, frak!
Her face grew increasingly red by the moment and she lowered her head into her hand, unable to make eye contact with either of them.
Bill couldn’t help grinning like an idiot. Laura was trying to flirt with him under the radar and she got caught. How is she going to talk her way out of this one? He quickly stifled his grin before either of them could notice. Oh this could be fun. He just had to say something.
“Madam President, I can’t believe that you would try and proposition one of my officers right under my nose. And one who is happily married at that. I am appalled!” he had to work extremely hard at keeping a straight face as Tigh and Laura turned to look at him.
Oh Lords thought Laura. Shaking her head. I can feel a huge migraine coming on. She looked back up at Bill pleadingly. Wait a second…she caught his eyes, and she couldn’t miss the bright sparkle. He knew. He is toying with me. Well two can play at that game.
“I’m sorry Colonel, I just didn’t know how to go about bringing up the subject and thought maybe if I flirted a little you would make a move. I’ve been attracted to you for a long time.”
Colonel Tigh’s eyes went huge. He stared at her, not even knowing what to say, and she just smiled back and batted her eyes.
Tigh finally came to his senses and said “You have got to be fraking kidding me! You’re the President, a fraking hot one at that but there is no way in hell that I would be interested.”
The President couldn’t help but push just a little more “Oh Saul you don’t have to pretend in front of the Admiral anymore…” Saul Tigh’s face looked like it was about to explode.
“Laura, that’s enough. I think the Colonel is just about to pass out” said Bill. At first it was funny, now she’s just trying to get under his skin.
“Fine, fine” said Laura “I must apologize Colonel, I wasn’t accounting for your long legs when I was trying to foot fondle the Admiral.” She was now trying to hold back her laughter as she took in the look on Tigh’s face.
Bill couldn’t hold back any longer, his full fledged laughter filled the room and Laura joined him soon after. Bill had to hold his gut he was laughing so hard and Laura was wiping the tears from her eyes. Tigh was standing in place, hands behind his back with a blank look on his face. “I’m glad you two find this so funny.”
Then he finally got it. “Wait a minute…” His eyes widened even more realizing the implications of what just happened. “You two have been playing footsie during all of our meetings while everyone else is suffering through the droning! No wonder you’ve been volunteering for the staff meetings more often. Does this mean that you two are…” He just drifted off with the question while the other two were grinning broadly and eye fraking each other.
“I guess that answers my question, I’m going to leave you two alone, you can finish up without me.” He turned around to leave.
“Saul” called out the President. He stopped but didn’t turn around “We’d like to keep this quiet, so if you wouldn’t share what you’ve learned with anyone else we’d appreciate it.’’
He looked back at her over his shoulder and replied “As long as you never freak me out again by flirting with me. I didn’t want to have to tell my best friend his woman was hitting one me.” As he walked out the hatch he heard her reply “His Best Friend’s Woman! Since when have I been Adama’s Woman!”
Tigh just chuckled and kept on walking. That’s what Bill gets for not telling him.