HEEEELP!!!

[christev]

Okay, all my wonderful friends, I need help. I'm editing my exchange fic and seem to stumble across someone glaring at someone else every other word.

HOW ELSE CAN I SAY THAT?!?
All this glaring and someone's eyes are going to stay that way. I'm not kidding.

Also, WHAT ON EARTH CAN I TITLE THIS THING?
I'm a big fan of the Steven Segal 3-word title, and

Comments

[stgulik]

My advice as a sometimes-beta: Don't go to your thesaurus to change the word "glare." Instead, take out most of the references to glaring. Your readers already assume angry characters' faces reflect their words. Your dialogue will do the work most of the time. Believe me, if you're noticing too much glaring, your readers will notice it too, and you run the risk of distracting them.

[christev]

This is a great way to think of it - and it will make me examine the dialogue too, to be sure the attitudes / emotions are clear. Thanks!

[mundungus42]

Option 1: synonyms for glaring! Scowling, frowning, glowering, etc.

Option 2: use a different part of the body to express displeasure. Lips pursed, eyebrows drew together, line between the brows deepened, arms crossed, back straightens, turns away in disgust, taps fingers impatiently on the table, etc.

Names: Oh lord. I hate naming stories. I say, decide on a gerund, then search the quotation databases at Bartleby.com. So if you chose "catching," you could name it "Catching the Passion" in honor of Shakespeare's "A Lover's Complaint." Or "Throwing the Pieces" because it was part of describing another quote.

Oddly, my exchange piece this round will be one of the rare ones whose title won't begin with "The."

[christev]

Fabulous! I am definitely using other body parts to express things like nervousness and concern, so that makes a lot of sense. Yay!

And now I'm clicking over to bartleby to see what I can see!

Thank you!

[kribu]

Oh, do I know that problem. I don't think I've had it with glaring, but shrugging, for example, is all that people in my fics ever seem to do (until I take most of the shrugs out, weeping about it, and then it's still okay, surprisingly).

I'd advise you to try both the methods suggested by stgulik and mundungus42. Too many synonyms isn't good, i.e. don't just replace every instance of glaring with some other similar thing, but depending on the length of the fic, a couple of them can probably be replaced pretty easily; same with replacing a couple of instances with different body parts. And the rest can probably be taken out completely - if he glares so much, the reader will probably have got the point by then!

Titles, yeah. Oh, how do I hate titles. I think 80% of my more recent stuff has been titled through the "look through Rolling Stones song titles, pick the one most appropriate" method. :-/

As for a suggestion, Punch the Wall. *nods* (Or perhaps Seduce the Sparrow.)

[christev]

It was a little embarrassing when I found so many 'glares' - ack! And I agree, that simply removing some altogether is great advice.

And I must say - I would certainly glare at someone if they came and punched my wall! :D

Thank you!!

[pyttan]

I'm a firm beliver in going all in at instances like this. Remove them all. Then reread the story. Put back if necesseray. You will see where they are needed. You'll fix this one way or the other! *points to good advice in posts above*
As far as the title goes, I'm totally useless.

[christev]

This is great advice - I would never have thought of just removing the reference to see if the meaning was still clear.

Regarding titles, sheesh, who knows what I'll end up with! But it's fun watching the suggestions roll in! :D

Thanks!

[karelia]

On the glaring bit, I agree with both stgulik and mundungus. I tend to leave a few days between writing and editing so that any overuse of words or phrases stand out.

As for titles...

Fighting the Urge

Submits to Love

Walk the Bridge

I'll stop boring you now. :P

[christev]

It's a little embarrassing to realize that I end up using some cliches and overused phrases of HP fandom... then I read a truly well-written fanfic, with completely fluid and original writing style, and practically weep with envy!

Btw, I really like Fighting the Urge - actually, your three titles sound like a trilogy, lol! Thank you, my friend!