Fragmented for aoi_aka
For: aoi_aka
Title: Fragmented
Pairing: Fuji/Tezuka
Rating: NC-17
Summary: It sometimes crumbles by fragments until it falls back together again.
Warnings: make-up smex, angst, seme-like Fuji, mentioning canon.
Disclaimer: Tezuka and Fuji belong to each other.
A/N: Thanks to galadriel_lll for the beta.
---
It is violent, it is rough and it is oh so right. Fuji pushes him against the wall forcefully, hands curled against the sides of Tezuka's shirt. Tezuka feels the air leave him for a moment and he parts his lips to take a hurried breath. Fuji is there, pressing his lips against Tezuka's, the kiss more forceful than any they've shared before and Tezuka parts his lips, lets himself be kissed.
* * *
"It's not about passion."
But it was. Fuji knew it and waited patiently, his smile in place, for Tezuka to continue.
"It's about focus."
"Focus," Fuji repeated, tasting the word. It felt sour.
"Fuji…"
* * *
His eyes have fallen shut and in the darkness he can feel Fuji's breath against his neck, warm and soft. Their chests are touching, Fuji's weight resting completely on him and he feels trapped, surrounded. There isn't anywhere Tezuka would rather be.
* * *
Fuji watched the match silently. Tezuka was sweating, eyes fixed on the yellow ball. The thumps of the rackets and the breathing of the players were the only sounds.
Fuji followed the ball with his eyes, back and forth, back and forth...
Sometimes he really hated tennis.
* * *
A sound escapes Tezuka's lips. It isn't a moan or a gasp but something in between and he opens his eyes in time to see the shimmer in Fuji's blue ones and his breath catches again. The glasses slip down his nose and Tezuka makes a move to straighten them when Fuji's fingers softly do it for him. Fuji smiles and Tezuka smiles back.
* * *
"Yes?" Fuji asked neutrally, even though the name on the phone screen had frozen him.
"Fuji."
He shivered. "Tezuka. It's late."
"You're playing Rikkaidai tomorrow."
Fuji barely suppressed a sigh of disappointment. "We are."
"Don't be careless."
Fuji didn't reply. Moments later the call was ended.
* * *
Fuji isn't gentle with the buttons of Tezuka's shirt and two of them snap. The night is cool and Tezuka feels the breeze against his chest and he pulls closer to the warmth that is Fuji. Then he shivers when Fuji's lips touch his neck and start trailing a path of kisses down his chest. He takes one of Fuji's hands in his own and squeezes.
* * *
"Was that focus?"
The flinch wasn't obvious but Fuji could see it. He was able to see Tezuka very well.
When Tezuka remained silent Fuji explained. "Your arm. Was that focus?"
Tezuka didn't speak for a while and by the time he did Fuji was sure he didn't want to hear the answer.
"It was a choice."
Fuji's eyes dropped.
* * *
Tezuka's nipples have always been sensitive. Fuji knows it and he usually brushes them gently with his fingertips. Tonight he bites. He takes Tezuka's nipples between his lips, sucks until they are tender and then bites softly. When he tries to pull away Tezuka places his free hand on the back of Fuji's head and whispers a strained plea for more.
* * *
It would have been better if Tezuka hadn't kissed him. Fuji felt cheated in the worst possible way. It would have been better if Tezuka had someone else instead of simply not having Fuji anymore. The taste of the kiss was still on his lips and though it was Tezuka in every physical way it wasn't him in any of the ways that mattered. Tezuka hadn't really been there. The kiss had been empty and it was a sharper slap than any actual blow could be.
Tezuka was drifting away and the empty taste on his lips was a bitter reminder that he didn't know how to pull him back.
* * *
Fuji is only too happy to comply and this time Tezuka gasps and winces and his grip on Fuji's hand tightens. The air is cold but Fuji's mouth is warm and he lets himself get lost in the sensations, in the experience of something new. His eyes close and his breathing quickens. Fuji knows. He doesn't need to ask for more.
* * *
"Where are you?"
Tezuka frowned. "I'm right here, Fuji."
Fuji's smile quivered at the distracted tone. "You are not."
Using his finger Tezuka marked the place in the book and looked up at Fuji. "I'm reading."
"I know," Fuji answered.
Tezuka looked at him for a long moment, his expression a bit lost. Finally when Fuji didn’t speak again Tezuka's eyes lowered to the book again.
* * *
Carefully, Fuji disentangles his hand from Tezuka's and Tezuka opens his eyes, an unspoken question on his lips. Fuji kisses him again and Tezuka barely registers his pants being unbuttoned and Fuji impatiently tugging them down. And then Fuji's palm is pressed firmly against Tezuka's erection, over the material of his underwear, and Tezuka moans and he presses himself against Fuji's hand.
* * *
"You are not speaking, Fuji."
Fuji tilted his head to the side. "I speak all the time."
"You are not speaking to me," Tezuka clarified.
Fuji couldn't admit that he didn't really know how to. It hurt him to discover that he had forgotten and somewhere along the way that invisible line that has always linked him to Tezuka had begun to fade and he was having trouble finding it again. "Maybe you should speak to me then…"
But Tezuka didn't. That had never been his role.
* * *
Tezuka feels Fuji touching him and he can't resist touching himself too. His hand bumps against Fuji's until they can find a rhythm and Tezuka enjoys the brushes of his fingers against Fuji's as much as he enjoys the sensation of their two hands on his cock. Tezuka doesn't swear but this time he does and Fuji laughs, low chuckles that make Tezuka want to swear again.
* * *
They hadn't spoken in a while. They had exchanged words but all meaning was lost and Fuji felt the loss like a hot nail inside his chest, constant and throbbing and too deep to even attempt to sooth.
He couldn't see Tezuka as well, not anymore, but even through his blurred vision he could see Tezuka felt it too.
* * *
Fuji is kneeling down and he lets his fingers tangle with Tezuka's one more time before he pulls away. He tugs Tezuka's underwear down and Tezuka's fingers linger long enough to feel Fuji's lips brush them before he takes Tezuka's erection in his mouth. Tezuka shudders and his arms hang limply by his side. He leans hard on the wall, not trusting his legs to hold him upright.
* * *
Fuji was scared. He could feel day by day, little by little, a bit of the pain receding. A traitorous part of him was letting go or trying to and it scared him more than anything. The pain was all he had left, was the only weak and thin connection he had left to Tezuka, to the way they used to be, and Fuji knew that if it ever went away then Tezuka would be gone, truly be gone forever. And that, that would be worst than any pain.
* * *
Tezuka doesn't care where Fuji got the lube from. He just cares about Fuji's warm mouth on his cock and the cool gel covered fingers teasing his entrance. The fingers probe gently and when the first slips in, Tezuka bites his lip to stop himself form swearing because he knows that if Fuji laughs now it'll be too much and he wants this to last longer. He wants Fuji inside him before he lets go. When the second finger joins the first and then a third Tezuka whispers Fuji's name, roughly and demanding.
* * *
Yumiko had left a single card on his desk. Fuji looked at it thoughtfully. It was laid parallel to the desk so it would be his choice to see it upright or reversed. He looked at the lone figure on the card, hand upraised and a wand on his hand. The magician. Fuji remembered the meaning quite well. Upright, an ability to recognize one's potential, creative actions and the power to initiate. Reversed, giving up easily, hesitation and poor self image.
He took the card in his hand and flipped it a few times. Upright or reverse… back and forth.
* * *
Fuji knows, because he knows him better than anyone, and they don't even need to look at each other, they just are and they know. So he stands up, kisses Tezuka in the mouth once more before gently guiding him to turn around. Tezuka pushes his hands against the wall and feels Fuji's arm around him, the gentle kisses on his shoulder, and waits, practically holding his breath.
* * *
Fuji went to him. He was done hesitating and hurting. He had been blind, horribly blind to Tezuka and he had been for longer than Tezuka had stopped talking. He should have known better because it had always been his job to understand what Tezuka didn't say and even more when Tezuka had actually said it.
Passion.
They had lost it somehow but now Fuji could see, now Fuji could bring it back.
* * *
He can feel Fuji's chest pressing against his back. Tezuka pants, sweat dripping down his neck, eyes tightly shut and his fingers again entangled with Fuji's around his own cock. He can feel Fuji inside him, Fuji touching him, Fuji whispering anything and everything in his ear as he pushes in again and again, harder and harder.
Tezuka yells, the words lost to him in the moment and he slumps forward against the wall. Vaguely he feels a strong arm around his waist and the whispered words keep coming without a stop.
* * *
"You know what you said?" asked Fuji, eyes fixed on Tezuka's.
Tezuka returned the look and shook his head slightly. "But you do."
Fuji smile brightened. "I always do."
And for both of them, the words were once again true.
- The End -
Title: Fragmented
Pairing: Fuji/Tezuka
Rating: NC-17
Summary: It sometimes crumbles by fragments until it falls back together again.
Warnings: make-up smex, angst, seme-like Fuji, mentioning canon.
Disclaimer: Tezuka and Fuji belong to each other.
A/N: Thanks to galadriel_lll for the beta.
---
It is violent, it is rough and it is oh so right. Fuji pushes him against the wall forcefully, hands curled against the sides of Tezuka's shirt. Tezuka feels the air leave him for a moment and he parts his lips to take a hurried breath. Fuji is there, pressing his lips against Tezuka's, the kiss more forceful than any they've shared before and Tezuka parts his lips, lets himself be kissed.
* * *
"It's not about passion."
But it was. Fuji knew it and waited patiently, his smile in place, for Tezuka to continue.
"It's about focus."
"Focus," Fuji repeated, tasting the word. It felt sour.
"Fuji…"
* * *
His eyes have fallen shut and in the darkness he can feel Fuji's breath against his neck, warm and soft. Their chests are touching, Fuji's weight resting completely on him and he feels trapped, surrounded. There isn't anywhere Tezuka would rather be.
* * *
Fuji watched the match silently. Tezuka was sweating, eyes fixed on the yellow ball. The thumps of the rackets and the breathing of the players were the only sounds.
Fuji followed the ball with his eyes, back and forth, back and forth...
Sometimes he really hated tennis.
* * *
A sound escapes Tezuka's lips. It isn't a moan or a gasp but something in between and he opens his eyes in time to see the shimmer in Fuji's blue ones and his breath catches again. The glasses slip down his nose and Tezuka makes a move to straighten them when Fuji's fingers softly do it for him. Fuji smiles and Tezuka smiles back.
* * *
"Yes?" Fuji asked neutrally, even though the name on the phone screen had frozen him.
"Fuji."
He shivered. "Tezuka. It's late."
"You're playing Rikkaidai tomorrow."
Fuji barely suppressed a sigh of disappointment. "We are."
"Don't be careless."
Fuji didn't reply. Moments later the call was ended.
* * *
Fuji isn't gentle with the buttons of Tezuka's shirt and two of them snap. The night is cool and Tezuka feels the breeze against his chest and he pulls closer to the warmth that is Fuji. Then he shivers when Fuji's lips touch his neck and start trailing a path of kisses down his chest. He takes one of Fuji's hands in his own and squeezes.
* * *
"Was that focus?"
The flinch wasn't obvious but Fuji could see it. He was able to see Tezuka very well.
When Tezuka remained silent Fuji explained. "Your arm. Was that focus?"
Tezuka didn't speak for a while and by the time he did Fuji was sure he didn't want to hear the answer.
"It was a choice."
Fuji's eyes dropped.
* * *
Tezuka's nipples have always been sensitive. Fuji knows it and he usually brushes them gently with his fingertips. Tonight he bites. He takes Tezuka's nipples between his lips, sucks until they are tender and then bites softly. When he tries to pull away Tezuka places his free hand on the back of Fuji's head and whispers a strained plea for more.
* * *
It would have been better if Tezuka hadn't kissed him. Fuji felt cheated in the worst possible way. It would have been better if Tezuka had someone else instead of simply not having Fuji anymore. The taste of the kiss was still on his lips and though it was Tezuka in every physical way it wasn't him in any of the ways that mattered. Tezuka hadn't really been there. The kiss had been empty and it was a sharper slap than any actual blow could be.
Tezuka was drifting away and the empty taste on his lips was a bitter reminder that he didn't know how to pull him back.
* * *
Fuji is only too happy to comply and this time Tezuka gasps and winces and his grip on Fuji's hand tightens. The air is cold but Fuji's mouth is warm and he lets himself get lost in the sensations, in the experience of something new. His eyes close and his breathing quickens. Fuji knows. He doesn't need to ask for more.
* * *
"Where are you?"
Tezuka frowned. "I'm right here, Fuji."
Fuji's smile quivered at the distracted tone. "You are not."
Using his finger Tezuka marked the place in the book and looked up at Fuji. "I'm reading."
"I know," Fuji answered.
Tezuka looked at him for a long moment, his expression a bit lost. Finally when Fuji didn’t speak again Tezuka's eyes lowered to the book again.
* * *
Carefully, Fuji disentangles his hand from Tezuka's and Tezuka opens his eyes, an unspoken question on his lips. Fuji kisses him again and Tezuka barely registers his pants being unbuttoned and Fuji impatiently tugging them down. And then Fuji's palm is pressed firmly against Tezuka's erection, over the material of his underwear, and Tezuka moans and he presses himself against Fuji's hand.
* * *
"You are not speaking, Fuji."
Fuji tilted his head to the side. "I speak all the time."
"You are not speaking to me," Tezuka clarified.
Fuji couldn't admit that he didn't really know how to. It hurt him to discover that he had forgotten and somewhere along the way that invisible line that has always linked him to Tezuka had begun to fade and he was having trouble finding it again. "Maybe you should speak to me then…"
But Tezuka didn't. That had never been his role.
* * *
Tezuka feels Fuji touching him and he can't resist touching himself too. His hand bumps against Fuji's until they can find a rhythm and Tezuka enjoys the brushes of his fingers against Fuji's as much as he enjoys the sensation of their two hands on his cock. Tezuka doesn't swear but this time he does and Fuji laughs, low chuckles that make Tezuka want to swear again.
* * *
They hadn't spoken in a while. They had exchanged words but all meaning was lost and Fuji felt the loss like a hot nail inside his chest, constant and throbbing and too deep to even attempt to sooth.
He couldn't see Tezuka as well, not anymore, but even through his blurred vision he could see Tezuka felt it too.
* * *
Fuji is kneeling down and he lets his fingers tangle with Tezuka's one more time before he pulls away. He tugs Tezuka's underwear down and Tezuka's fingers linger long enough to feel Fuji's lips brush them before he takes Tezuka's erection in his mouth. Tezuka shudders and his arms hang limply by his side. He leans hard on the wall, not trusting his legs to hold him upright.
* * *
Fuji was scared. He could feel day by day, little by little, a bit of the pain receding. A traitorous part of him was letting go or trying to and it scared him more than anything. The pain was all he had left, was the only weak and thin connection he had left to Tezuka, to the way they used to be, and Fuji knew that if it ever went away then Tezuka would be gone, truly be gone forever. And that, that would be worst than any pain.
* * *
Tezuka doesn't care where Fuji got the lube from. He just cares about Fuji's warm mouth on his cock and the cool gel covered fingers teasing his entrance. The fingers probe gently and when the first slips in, Tezuka bites his lip to stop himself form swearing because he knows that if Fuji laughs now it'll be too much and he wants this to last longer. He wants Fuji inside him before he lets go. When the second finger joins the first and then a third Tezuka whispers Fuji's name, roughly and demanding.
* * *
Yumiko had left a single card on his desk. Fuji looked at it thoughtfully. It was laid parallel to the desk so it would be his choice to see it upright or reversed. He looked at the lone figure on the card, hand upraised and a wand on his hand. The magician. Fuji remembered the meaning quite well. Upright, an ability to recognize one's potential, creative actions and the power to initiate. Reversed, giving up easily, hesitation and poor self image.
He took the card in his hand and flipped it a few times. Upright or reverse… back and forth.
* * *
Fuji knows, because he knows him better than anyone, and they don't even need to look at each other, they just are and they know. So he stands up, kisses Tezuka in the mouth once more before gently guiding him to turn around. Tezuka pushes his hands against the wall and feels Fuji's arm around him, the gentle kisses on his shoulder, and waits, practically holding his breath.
* * *
Fuji went to him. He was done hesitating and hurting. He had been blind, horribly blind to Tezuka and he had been for longer than Tezuka had stopped talking. He should have known better because it had always been his job to understand what Tezuka didn't say and even more when Tezuka had actually said it.
Passion.
They had lost it somehow but now Fuji could see, now Fuji could bring it back.
* * *
He can feel Fuji's chest pressing against his back. Tezuka pants, sweat dripping down his neck, eyes tightly shut and his fingers again entangled with Fuji's around his own cock. He can feel Fuji inside him, Fuji touching him, Fuji whispering anything and everything in his ear as he pushes in again and again, harder and harder.
Tezuka yells, the words lost to him in the moment and he slumps forward against the wall. Vaguely he feels a strong arm around his waist and the whispered words keep coming without a stop.
* * *
"You know what you said?" asked Fuji, eyes fixed on Tezuka's.
Tezuka returned the look and shook his head slightly. "But you do."
Fuji smile brightened. "I always do."
And for both of them, the words were once again true.
- The End -