Comments | chronic_kilo: Well, here goes nothing ...

dick_grayson in chronic_kilo

Well, here goes nothing ...

Apr 20, 2003 13:44

I don't usually post, because what I write never looks as good on paper as it sounds in my head. However, I am a practicing procrastinator with two papers to write, so uber-drabbling it is. Anyway, this is sort of a missing scene following the bust that went bad in Morocco. Four drinks for the boys being way outside their jurisdiction. Also, this ( Read more... )

Comments 8

ruggerdavey April 20 2003, 17:28:58 UTC

Man, I wish that I got something like this done when I was procrastinating. Keep up the great work.

dick_grayson April 21 2003, 08:16:04 UTC

Ah, yes, procrastination can be a great muse. Thanks for the kind words!

Well Here Goes Nothing anonymous April 20 2003, 22:31:53 UTC

HI,
Whoa, this is something you didn't want to post because it doesn't sound as good on paper as in your head?! Wha...
This is excellent! Very enjoyable and readable. Only, well, Deaq is a little cold here to Van. I mean he doesn't even want Van to be Van! Van talks, yeah he's a great moaner and noisy without talking but he isn't his normal self having sex with Deaq. He lets Deaq dictate the action. Very hot and fantastic action yes. But..
OK, will there be more? I mean to me they have some issues to settle here. I did see the show. The was a massive fubar. Seems in this great story that they do have a somewhat patterned relationship but Deaq's going to blow it! Going to leave Van a hanging I think? Would love to read more.
May real life give you a break and your muse continue to sing in your ear! Looking forward to any and all of your slash stories!
Thank you,
Take care,
Connie Linck

Re: Well Here Goes Nothing dick_grayson April 21 2003, 08:18:14 UTC

You are too sweet -- thank you for the comments. And I totally agree, there could be a lot more to this. Once exams are over and all I have to worry about is dazzling my summer employer, perhaps there will be more time for soft-core porn writing!

turps33 April 21 2003, 13:46:36 UTC

This episode hasn't been shown here yet, but if your story's anything to go by it's an angsty one.

I enjoyed the love making scenes at the end, even though Deaq was very much in control.

Thanks for this, I really enjoyed reading it.

dick_grayson April 23 2003, 09:06:43 UTC

Thanks for reading and commenting -- I appreciate it! And, yes, very angsty. Deaq is all kinds of hurty as Dre's birthday approaches <== synopsis they *don't* give you in TV Guide.

zvi_likes_tv April 21 2003, 15:24:52 UTC

This is quite good. I like, especially, at the end, where Deaq does seem to care for Van, even if it's not quite the way Van would like. And I like how Van can give Deaq what Deaq wants, but it's not necessarily what Van would like to give.

The only thing I would work on (and it's a hazard of short fiction, you probably didn't have space here) is that you're telling things in order to show something else. And it would work a little better if you showed *all* of it. For instance: They come together like this more often than Van likes to admit, each finding something necessary in the physical intimacy they share.
is a chunk of exposition so that you can then show us how Van and Deaq relate in bed and have that mean something. Better to show us that Van and Deaq do this sort of thing a lot than tell us, if you can.

But this is a nicely evocative bit of not entirely unhappy angst, and I like how you include the setting in this scene, especially the cumin and the cardamom! Those are the details that make a story real.

dick_grayson April 23 2003, 09:10:04 UTC

Wow -- you give good feedback (I feel like a need a cigarette, or something). I understand exactly what you mean and will definitely have to keep an eye out for that. Sadly, I don't think it's a short fiction-only issue with me, but being able to recognize the problem is going to help a lot. I'm really hoping I can find the time (and the bunnies) to keep playing over the next few weeks. Thanks again for initiating this!