Kaner: Team Mommy
So this morning, I read this, then immediately emailed liketheroad in glee.
And then this happened:
(Cleaned-up, unbetaed commentfic, handwavey with dates and deets, and I apologize if voices don't ring true or w/e. Can be read as pre-slash or gen. :D :D)
Tazer hears about it from Sharpy. "Guess what I got asked at this morning's presser," Sharpy says at lunch.
"What?" Tazer asks. He bets its another question about Sharpy's kid. Sharpy fucking loves his kid.
"How do you feel about Patrick Kane's new leadership role in the locker room?" Sharpy says, making airquotes with his fingers.
"What?" Tazer says, his head jerking up from his chicken and steamed vegetables.
"Apparently the rookies have been going on and on about how awesome Kaner is," Sharpy says. He glances over at a table in the corner, where Kaner is sitting with a bunch of rookies, and making them all laugh. They're not even laughing in a way that Sharpy and Duncs do, where they're humoring him. They actually think he's funny.
Tazer's mouth drops open.
"So yeah," Sharpy says. He wipes an imaginary tear from the corner of his eye. "I'm kind of proud, really. Little Peeks is growing up."
"Leadership role," Tazer says blankly. "What does that even mean?"
Sharpy shrugs. "I dunno. He probably brings them to all his favorite clubs and shows them his game."
"But Kaner doesn't have any game," Tazer says.
"Which means all the rookies probably score, which only increases their admiration for him," Sharpy points out.
"Huh," Tazer says.
///
Tazer mentions it to Kaner that afternoon, when they're leaving for practice. Meaning he corners Kaner as he's leaving and says, "You can't take them out to clubs ALL the time and get them drunk, Kaner."
Kaner just snorts and gives him a look like "who, me?", and okay, Tazer has to give him credit, because he's reined it in considerably since those weird pictures came out.
"Give me a little credit, asshole," Kaner says, and shoves past Tazer. He looks over his shoulder at Tazer. "Oh yeah, I can't make it tonight." Before Tazer can even ask why, Kaner says "I have a thing. You know."
"I don't," Tazer says, but Kaner's already gone.
///
Tazer finds out about game night at Kaner's through Seabs, when he'd been subtly asking around about what Kaner's making the rookies do.
"Nah, they don't go wild or anything," Seabs says. "Mostly he just invites the rookies over to his place and they all play Xbox. He's only taken the rookies out once, and they got kicked out of the club because Olsen upset a whole tableful of drinks when he laughed too hard at one of Kaner's jokes."
"Really," Tazer says skeptically.
"Kaner may have thrown in a little Kaner shuffle," Duncs says. He and Seabs crack up.
"Thanks guys," Tazer says, and beats his retreat, because it looks like Duncs and Seabs are about to disappear into their own little world or whatever, which almost always happens when they lock eyes.
He decides to drop in at Kaner's that night. It's probably game night-- the rookies had been whispering in a little group in the locker room. He can totally drop in on Kaner out of the blue, because 1) they're best friends and 2) this is probably why Kaner's been flaking out on all their plans lately.
When he knocks on the door, Hayes answers, and it isn't that his smile slips off his face or anything, but it gets noticeably dimmer.
"Hey," Tazer says.
"Hi?" Hayes asks.
"Is it Johnny?" Kaner calls.
"Uh," Hayes answers, just as Kaner comes into the hall.
"It's me," Tazer says.
Kaner rolls his eyes. "I can see that. I thought you were Johnny O."
"Johnny O," Tazer says. "He's not a rookie."
Kaner looks at him like he's crazy. "Uh, I know. But he just got here less that two weeks ago? Buff texted me and told me to look out for him , plus he has some great stories on Ladder."
"So he's invited to game night?" Tazer asks. He was aiming for a neutral tone, but it comes out kind of shouty. Shaw and Olsen poke their heads out to see what's going on. Kaner glares at Tazer.
"Not in front of the children," he hisses, and drags Tazer into his spare bedroom. "What the fuck is going on with you?" Kaner says, squeezing Tazer's arm.
"Nothing," Tazer says. "I'm here for game night."
"Huh," Kaner says. He's not meeting Tazer's eyes.
"...are you deliberately leaving me out of game night?" Tazer hisses.
Kaner runs a hand through his hair. "Noooo," he replies, deliberately casual.
"Oh my god," Tazer says, shoving Kaner a little. "Why are you leaving me out of game night?"
"I'm not leaving you out!" Kaner protests. Tazer crosses his arms, and Kaner sighs. "Okay, the rookies may have heard about that time you attacked and insulted Seabs over Mario Kart."
"That was one time!" Tazer says. "And everybody's heard about that!"
"Somebody also may have told them about that time you wouldn't talk to Steeger because he beat your high score," Kaner says. "And that you almost boarded Bolly because he ran you off that race course that one time."
"Somebody meaning you?" Tazer says.
Kaner grins up at him. "Maybe?"
"You're the worst," Tazer says. "And I don't do that shit anymore."
Kaner squinted at him. "That Bolly thing was just last week."
"Fine," Tazer says. "But I'll be cool tonight. What are you guys playing? Halo? Mario Kart?"
"Um," Kaner says.
"Come on, Kaner." Tazer jostles him with an elbow and smiles at him.
"You look like a creep," Kaner says, and Tazer elbows him again. "Fine. We're going to laser tag."
"I fucking love laser tag," Tazer says automatically.
"I had a feeling you were gonna say that," Kaner says.
///
At the laser tag place, they divide up into two teams-- it's kind of insulting how all three rookies stick to Kaner. Johnny O just grins and shakes his head. Kaner looks like he's trying not to laugh, and Tazer's cheeks almost hurt with how wide he's fake-smiling. It feels more like a grimace at this point.
"I'll stick with you," Johnny O says to Tazer.
"Uh, thanks," Tazer says.
Johnny O is kind of ridiculously good-looking. It's probably the water in Sweden.
Hayes gives Olsen a shove and Olsen shuffles over to where they're standing. "I'm on your team," he says sulkily. It's obvious he drew the short straw or whatever.
"Don't knock yourself out or anything," Tazer says. He doesn't want anyone on his team who doesn't want to be there.
"What?" Olsen asks, confused.
"Don't worry, kid," Johnny O says, clapping Olsen on the shoulder. "Tazer's a ruthless and methodical leader. We're gonna kick their butts."
Olsen looks marginally comforted, but it's Tazer's turn to say, "What?"
Johnny O shrugs. "Laddy said that. I've seen you at practice, but he says you're like that even off the ice."
Olsen looks slightly terrified.
"Are we gonna play or what?" Kaner shouts. He, Hayes, and Shaw are strapping on their vests.
Tazer can be cool about this. He can be totally cool. His team straps on their vests and grab their guns. Tazer can hear Kaner giving his team a pep talk or whatever, but he just nods to Oduya and Olsen, who nod back.
Twenty minutes later, Tazer emerges from the pillar he was using as a shield and grins at Kaner.
"I want a rematch," Kaner declares. "You totally cheated."
"If by cheated, you mean outstrategized and outmaneuvered you using my wits," Tazer says. "Then yeah, okay."
Kaner growls in frustration and punches Tazer in the arm. Tazer winces. "Not in front of the children," he says in an undertone, and Kaner snorts.
"Laddy warned me they'd be like this," Johnny O says to the rookies.
"Oh yeah?" Shaw asks. "What's he like? He always seems like a really cool guy in interviews."
(Shaw's the weak link. Tazer should have suspected.)
"He is," Johnny O agrees.
"I watched you when you were with the Devils," Olsen says. "What was it like playing with Marty Brodeur?" He breathes out Brodeur's name like it's holy or something.
"Ah, Marty," Johnny O says, shaking his head. "His way with the puck is just remarkable. He's a world-class goaltender. He reminds me of someone I played with when I was in Sweden."
"Yeah, didn't you play in the same league as Lundqvist and his brother?" Hayes says.
"I played on the same team as Joel for a season," Johnny O says. "Went up against both of them for the playoffs before I got traded to Frolunda."
"Wow," Hayes says. "Swedish twins, eh?"
Kaner and Tazer just watch as the rookies cluster around Johnny O. Kaner's mouth drops open and he elbows Tazer.
"Tazer," he says urgently. "Johnny O stole my rookies! Make him give them back!"
Also today at morning skate, Kaner told Tazer "You look good", (hashtag: #bromance). Toews replied, "Thanks buddy." It was RTed by the official Blackhawks twitter. SHIP THEM HARDER, WHY DON'T YOU.
Happy Friday! \o/
And then this happened:
(Cleaned-up, unbetaed commentfic, handwavey with dates and deets, and I apologize if voices don't ring true or w/e. Can be read as pre-slash or gen. :D :D)
Tazer hears about it from Sharpy. "Guess what I got asked at this morning's presser," Sharpy says at lunch.
"What?" Tazer asks. He bets its another question about Sharpy's kid. Sharpy fucking loves his kid.
"How do you feel about Patrick Kane's new leadership role in the locker room?" Sharpy says, making airquotes with his fingers.
"What?" Tazer says, his head jerking up from his chicken and steamed vegetables.
"Apparently the rookies have been going on and on about how awesome Kaner is," Sharpy says. He glances over at a table in the corner, where Kaner is sitting with a bunch of rookies, and making them all laugh. They're not even laughing in a way that Sharpy and Duncs do, where they're humoring him. They actually think he's funny.
Tazer's mouth drops open.
"So yeah," Sharpy says. He wipes an imaginary tear from the corner of his eye. "I'm kind of proud, really. Little Peeks is growing up."
"Leadership role," Tazer says blankly. "What does that even mean?"
Sharpy shrugs. "I dunno. He probably brings them to all his favorite clubs and shows them his game."
"But Kaner doesn't have any game," Tazer says.
"Which means all the rookies probably score, which only increases their admiration for him," Sharpy points out.
"Huh," Tazer says.
///
Tazer mentions it to Kaner that afternoon, when they're leaving for practice. Meaning he corners Kaner as he's leaving and says, "You can't take them out to clubs ALL the time and get them drunk, Kaner."
Kaner just snorts and gives him a look like "who, me?", and okay, Tazer has to give him credit, because he's reined it in considerably since those weird pictures came out.
"Give me a little credit, asshole," Kaner says, and shoves past Tazer. He looks over his shoulder at Tazer. "Oh yeah, I can't make it tonight." Before Tazer can even ask why, Kaner says "I have a thing. You know."
"I don't," Tazer says, but Kaner's already gone.
///
Tazer finds out about game night at Kaner's through Seabs, when he'd been subtly asking around about what Kaner's making the rookies do.
"Nah, they don't go wild or anything," Seabs says. "Mostly he just invites the rookies over to his place and they all play Xbox. He's only taken the rookies out once, and they got kicked out of the club because Olsen upset a whole tableful of drinks when he laughed too hard at one of Kaner's jokes."
"Really," Tazer says skeptically.
"Kaner may have thrown in a little Kaner shuffle," Duncs says. He and Seabs crack up.
"Thanks guys," Tazer says, and beats his retreat, because it looks like Duncs and Seabs are about to disappear into their own little world or whatever, which almost always happens when they lock eyes.
He decides to drop in at Kaner's that night. It's probably game night-- the rookies had been whispering in a little group in the locker room. He can totally drop in on Kaner out of the blue, because 1) they're best friends and 2) this is probably why Kaner's been flaking out on all their plans lately.
When he knocks on the door, Hayes answers, and it isn't that his smile slips off his face or anything, but it gets noticeably dimmer.
"Hey," Tazer says.
"Hi?" Hayes asks.
"Is it Johnny?" Kaner calls.
"Uh," Hayes answers, just as Kaner comes into the hall.
"It's me," Tazer says.
Kaner rolls his eyes. "I can see that. I thought you were Johnny O."
"Johnny O," Tazer says. "He's not a rookie."
Kaner looks at him like he's crazy. "Uh, I know. But he just got here less that two weeks ago? Buff texted me and told me to look out for him , plus he has some great stories on Ladder."
"So he's invited to game night?" Tazer asks. He was aiming for a neutral tone, but it comes out kind of shouty. Shaw and Olsen poke their heads out to see what's going on. Kaner glares at Tazer.
"Not in front of the children," he hisses, and drags Tazer into his spare bedroom. "What the fuck is going on with you?" Kaner says, squeezing Tazer's arm.
"Nothing," Tazer says. "I'm here for game night."
"Huh," Kaner says. He's not meeting Tazer's eyes.
"...are you deliberately leaving me out of game night?" Tazer hisses.
Kaner runs a hand through his hair. "Noooo," he replies, deliberately casual.
"Oh my god," Tazer says, shoving Kaner a little. "Why are you leaving me out of game night?"
"I'm not leaving you out!" Kaner protests. Tazer crosses his arms, and Kaner sighs. "Okay, the rookies may have heard about that time you attacked and insulted Seabs over Mario Kart."
"That was one time!" Tazer says. "And everybody's heard about that!"
"Somebody also may have told them about that time you wouldn't talk to Steeger because he beat your high score," Kaner says. "And that you almost boarded Bolly because he ran you off that race course that one time."
"Somebody meaning you?" Tazer says.
Kaner grins up at him. "Maybe?"
"You're the worst," Tazer says. "And I don't do that shit anymore."
Kaner squinted at him. "That Bolly thing was just last week."
"Fine," Tazer says. "But I'll be cool tonight. What are you guys playing? Halo? Mario Kart?"
"Um," Kaner says.
"Come on, Kaner." Tazer jostles him with an elbow and smiles at him.
"You look like a creep," Kaner says, and Tazer elbows him again. "Fine. We're going to laser tag."
"I fucking love laser tag," Tazer says automatically.
"I had a feeling you were gonna say that," Kaner says.
///
At the laser tag place, they divide up into two teams-- it's kind of insulting how all three rookies stick to Kaner. Johnny O just grins and shakes his head. Kaner looks like he's trying not to laugh, and Tazer's cheeks almost hurt with how wide he's fake-smiling. It feels more like a grimace at this point.
"I'll stick with you," Johnny O says to Tazer.
"Uh, thanks," Tazer says.
Johnny O is kind of ridiculously good-looking. It's probably the water in Sweden.
Hayes gives Olsen a shove and Olsen shuffles over to where they're standing. "I'm on your team," he says sulkily. It's obvious he drew the short straw or whatever.
"Don't knock yourself out or anything," Tazer says. He doesn't want anyone on his team who doesn't want to be there.
"What?" Olsen asks, confused.
"Don't worry, kid," Johnny O says, clapping Olsen on the shoulder. "Tazer's a ruthless and methodical leader. We're gonna kick their butts."
Olsen looks marginally comforted, but it's Tazer's turn to say, "What?"
Johnny O shrugs. "Laddy said that. I've seen you at practice, but he says you're like that even off the ice."
Olsen looks slightly terrified.
"Are we gonna play or what?" Kaner shouts. He, Hayes, and Shaw are strapping on their vests.
Tazer can be cool about this. He can be totally cool. His team straps on their vests and grab their guns. Tazer can hear Kaner giving his team a pep talk or whatever, but he just nods to Oduya and Olsen, who nod back.
Twenty minutes later, Tazer emerges from the pillar he was using as a shield and grins at Kaner.
"I want a rematch," Kaner declares. "You totally cheated."
"If by cheated, you mean outstrategized and outmaneuvered you using my wits," Tazer says. "Then yeah, okay."
Kaner growls in frustration and punches Tazer in the arm. Tazer winces. "Not in front of the children," he says in an undertone, and Kaner snorts.
"Laddy warned me they'd be like this," Johnny O says to the rookies.
"Oh yeah?" Shaw asks. "What's he like? He always seems like a really cool guy in interviews."
(Shaw's the weak link. Tazer should have suspected.)
"He is," Johnny O agrees.
"I watched you when you were with the Devils," Olsen says. "What was it like playing with Marty Brodeur?" He breathes out Brodeur's name like it's holy or something.
"Ah, Marty," Johnny O says, shaking his head. "His way with the puck is just remarkable. He's a world-class goaltender. He reminds me of someone I played with when I was in Sweden."
"Yeah, didn't you play in the same league as Lundqvist and his brother?" Hayes says.
"I played on the same team as Joel for a season," Johnny O says. "Went up against both of them for the playoffs before I got traded to Frolunda."
"Wow," Hayes says. "Swedish twins, eh?"
Kaner and Tazer just watch as the rookies cluster around Johnny O. Kaner's mouth drops open and he elbows Tazer.
"Tazer," he says urgently. "Johnny O stole my rookies! Make him give them back!"
Also today at morning skate, Kaner told Tazer "You look good", (hashtag: #bromance). Toews replied, "Thanks buddy." It was RTed by the official Blackhawks twitter. SHIP THEM HARDER, WHY DON'T YOU.
Happy Friday! \o/