(no subject)
I am getting over a bad cold.
It started on Thursday with the slightly raw taste of a sore throat in the back of my mouth. We set up the humidifier in the bedroom, because the cold was making the house dry. This did not help. The cold progressed to a stuffy nose and a true sore throat by Friday. Starting Saturday night I had to sit up to sleep because I couldn’t breathe if I lay down, and the inside of my throat looked like one of those big red balls from elementary school. By Monday, I was coughing so hard that it triggered my gag reflex, and when I wasn't coughing, I was sneezing hard enough to shoot my chair backwards. I was light-headed and saw spots whenever I had to move my head. My supervisor told me not to come in on Tuesday. I woke up Tuesday morning remarkably better. I still sounded like hell, but I was lucid.
This would just be a normal rant about a cold except that I during the entire time I was getting sick, even as I took my vitamins, and drank my tea, and did all of the normal things one does to make a cold go away, I was thinking to myself, “If I am sick enough, I don’t have to go to work.”
This makes me wonder how much of getting better is mind over matter. I am also wondering how dangerous it is to constantly have a secret wish to be too sick to work.
Every year I think to myself, “This will be the year that I pay off our credit cards and the student loan,” and every year, I break. I need something else more than I need to pay off my debt load so that I can quit. So I stay in this job that is slowly turning me into someone I don’t recognize.
I’ve become so numb.
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you.
It started on Thursday with the slightly raw taste of a sore throat in the back of my mouth. We set up the humidifier in the bedroom, because the cold was making the house dry. This did not help. The cold progressed to a stuffy nose and a true sore throat by Friday. Starting Saturday night I had to sit up to sleep because I couldn’t breathe if I lay down, and the inside of my throat looked like one of those big red balls from elementary school. By Monday, I was coughing so hard that it triggered my gag reflex, and when I wasn't coughing, I was sneezing hard enough to shoot my chair backwards. I was light-headed and saw spots whenever I had to move my head. My supervisor told me not to come in on Tuesday. I woke up Tuesday morning remarkably better. I still sounded like hell, but I was lucid.
This would just be a normal rant about a cold except that I during the entire time I was getting sick, even as I took my vitamins, and drank my tea, and did all of the normal things one does to make a cold go away, I was thinking to myself, “If I am sick enough, I don’t have to go to work.”
This makes me wonder how much of getting better is mind over matter. I am also wondering how dangerous it is to constantly have a secret wish to be too sick to work.
Every year I think to myself, “This will be the year that I pay off our credit cards and the student loan,” and every year, I break. I need something else more than I need to pay off my debt load so that I can quit. So I stay in this job that is slowly turning me into someone I don’t recognize.
I’ve become so numb.
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you.