"Survivors"

[chuck_the_plant]

This story is the sequel to one I wrote for the topic ‘Thank you’ almost a year ago.  It was a story about an unnamed protagonist and a twelve-year-old girl he adopts during the zombie apocalypse.  It's not necessary reading to understand this story, but it can be found here: http://chuck ( Read more... )

Comments

[keppiehed]

Hello! I'm one of your editors this week

[openedlocket]

Hey, Mira here! So sorry for being late. Anyway, on to my edit:

I always love a good zombie story but this is was so wonderful in the way that it focused on human emotions and what they're going through. It kept me reading all the way through to the point that I read its prequel just to learn more about these compelling characters. It was brilliant.

My few minor suggestions:

We has celebrated her thirteenth birthday just weeks before.
I think 'has' here should be 'had'.

Her clothes seemed to be in tact
'in tact' should be one word here since you're describing something that isn't damaged

Worst, Jessica wouldn’t be thirteen forever.
I'm quite confused as to who Jessica is since were only introduced to Sasha here. Is Jessica the woman they found?

I offered more water to the critical woman.
'Critical' here appears to be describing the woman in a negative sense instead of describing her current condition. Maybe specifying that her condition is what's critical could help clarify the sentence.

around my middle No matterThere is