Comments | chuu: Needs feedback, plz

chuu

Needs feedback, plz

Jan 10, 2011 21:35

If you guys wouldn't mind, could you read over the script I wrote up for my animation project?

Any feedback/Suggestions would help. Or just let me know that you understand what's going on. Thanks!

http://www.box.net/shared/77ch8qriod

Comments 4

sparkism January 11 2011, 04:37:34 UTC

I don't know the first thing about scripting and I don't know if you're actually going to be animating this, but ( ... )

chuu January 11 2011, 04:54:13 UTC

I know it's not totally clear from the script, but the reason why the creatures come to be and are attacking her is because of the scarf itself. They don't want the one scarf to join back with the others and stop the rain/gloominess of the town. So when she's being chased by them she's a little panicked/confused at what the heck these things actually are and why they're coming after her. I didn't write about all of the expressions she'd be making at any given time, but she'll look more concerned at that moment when it's actually animated.

I just kind of threw that townspeople scene in there last minute. I don't actually know if I'll be keeping it. But I could change that line to some thing about the rain being around since she was born and even longer than that. I actually chose her name because it referred to Ra the Sun God so I could have her mention something about the reason why she was named that by her parents.

Thank you for taking the time to give me feedback! I really appreciate it :)

sparkism January 11 2011, 04:59:10 UTC

I figured as much, but it was hard to say if that'd come through in the animation since obviously I haven't seen it animated. xD Maybe show somehow that they're going for the scarf and not just her, or something?

I think the townspeople scene was a nice touch, it would add to the "holy shit the rain's gone this has never happened before" feeling. and ooh, I was kinda wondering about her name, if you could work that in somewhere that might be neat.

No problem! I'd love to see this if/when you finish it~

matt_cruea January 11 2011, 06:42:17 UTC

It seems pretty good. Tense. Reminds me of the movie "The Mist."

I would recommend planning out more in the script directions. For instance, describing camera angles, special effects. Be specific. Like "Lightning strikes the tree, QUICK CUT TO THE TREE. See the splinters." I dunno. One of the main difference with scriptwriting as compared to a normal narrative is that you can't leave such things up to the reader.